Devour

by Shelly Crane

  “That’s what I just said.”

  “No,” he refuted and shook his head.

  Then I felt terrified, my blood was hot out of nowhere. My heart beat painfully and my lip trembled. I looked around me, not able to just sit and not understand what was happening. Then it just stopped, like the flipping of a light switch.

  My heart didn’t even have to cascade to a slow, it just abruptly returned to normal beat. I jumped up, pushing him away and fell backwards until I felt the wall against my back. I slid down to the floor, my knees to my chest.

  “What did you do?”

  He got up and walked slowly to me, eyeing me like I was hurt animal. He pulled me to him cautiously and hugged me, his arms around me protectively as he knelt with me.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to do that, but I had to make you see it was for real.”

  I felt terrified for real this time. I heard his swift intake of breath and knew he registered it. I believed him. He got what he wanted; I was frightened but also drawn to him. What else could he do to me?

  “Don’t, Clara, please,” he begged roughly. “I don’t want to feed off you like this.”

  “Then don’t.”

  “I don’t have a choice!” He pulled back to look at me. “What you feel, I absorb. I can’t stop it, especially the bad stuff. It soaks into my skin, my tongue, and I hate it. I don’t want to feel that from you. I only want you to feel safe and happy and loved. Please, Clara, just breathe.” He tucked my hair behind me ear. “Keep calm. I’m not ever going to hurt you. Understand?”

  I pulled away and shifted down the wall a little to get away. I just needed to be away from him for a minute.

  “Eli, I... What am I supposed to say to this?”

  He looked so defeated, slumped on his knees with his hands in his lap.

  “I don’t know, Clara. I’ve never told anyone what I am before.”

  “Why not?”

  “This is a pretty good example of why, I think,” he said softly. “You’re afraid of me and I never wanted that.”

  “Then why’d you tell me? Why not just let me think you were a normal guy?”

  “Because you deserved to know the truth. And I didn’t want to spend any of my time with you living a lie. I wanted, for the first time, to be myself with someone.”

  I had a thought. Something he said made me think.

  “You’ve never been with anyone else?” I asked and was surprised at how tiny my voice sounded as I pushed my legs under me, making myself small.

  “No,” he answered and looked over at me, his purple eyes serious. “I can’t feel, Clara. I’ve never felt anything for anyone...until I met you.”

  “What do you feel with me?”

  “Everything. Happiness, eagerness, friendship, sweetness, caring...love. I’ve never felt those things before. It’s... amazing,” he said in awe and smiled a small pained smile.

  I felt a breath shudder through me. I’d never told anyone I loved them before except my parents. I’d never loved anyone before. Was he saying he loved me? I barely knew him and yet, I did feel something for him. I cared about him. So I told him.

  “I care about you, Eli, I do. I can feel something...between us. But what you’re telling me is just crazy. I mean you...you terrify people so you can survive.”

  “Terrified. Past tense.”

  “You live off negative emotion…without me. That’s what you’re telling me?” He nodded. “I don’t know, Eli. I don’t know if I can handle this,” I said, feeling the strain in my words as I ran my hands through my hair.

  “I don’t hurt people anymore. I can’t help what I am, Clara. I would if I could. If I could be human I’d do anything for it but, I can’t.”

  “I know you can’t help it, but it’s just... It’s a lot to process.”

  “I’ll give you all the time you need.”

  “And what if I can’t do this?” I asked in a whisper.

  He sighed and balled his fists on his knees.

  “Then I’d let you go and wouldn’t bother you again.”

  “You would?”

  “Of course. I’d do anything you asked of me, Clara. Even go away.”

  I thought about this and knew he was sincere. I needed time to think. I didn’t want him to go away but could I deal with what he was? His being next to me and my want to comfort him and wipe that rejected look off his face was confusing me. But first...

  I scooted down the wall towards him. When I stopped in front of him again, he looked up at me, hopeful and eagerly watching me. I touched his face, my palm to his cheek. He felt so normal and human and real as he closed his eyes, leaning into my touch. I then let my fingers travel to his lips, his neck, then through his hair.

  He huffed a breath, opening his eyes, and looked torn between agony and having everything he ever wanted. I couldn’t help myself. I leaned in and kissed him. He let me though he didn’t touch me back and I was grateful. I didn’t know if I could leave if he did and I was about to get up and ask him to give me some thinking space.

  He kept his hands on his legs but his lips were doing plenty all their own. I kissed him once more, gently, and looked up at him.

  “I need some time to think. Please.”

  He nodded and I heard him gulp painfully.

  “Anything you want. I’ll stay away.”

  “Eli...I’m not saying this is forever. Don’t leave. I just need to-”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he assured me firmly. “I’ll wait for you as long as I have to.”

  I hugged him and his arms around me were almost too much. I pulled away and walked swiftly out the door and didn’t look back.

  ~ ~ ~

  That night, I lay in bed and dreaded closing my eyes for more than one reason. One, I didn’t want to see Eli and was afraid he’d be there waiting. Two, I did want to see Eli and was afraid he wouldn’t come.

  My white ceiling, with little plaster stars above my bed, was the only thing to focus on in the dark. I felt like a failure. How could I just walk out on him like that after he told me everything? He was so devastated by my reaction. But it was crazy right? A Devourer? It just sounded evil. It was evil but he was fighting it, he told me. He didn’t want to be that way. Could he really help what he was born to be? Could I blame a snake for being a snake when I really wanted a rabbit? No. And I couldn’t blame Eli either…but would I play with a snake even if it wasn’t his fault for being one?

  Sleep found me soon enough and to my relief and dismay, Eli respected my wishes and it was the second night in weeks that I hadn’t seen him behind my eyelids.

  ~ ~ ~

  I thought when I woke that morning, I’d feel better or more confident about a decision. I wasn’t even close. I trudged to homeroom just as the bell rang, on purpose. I didn’t want to see anybody or risk the chance of running into Eli that morning. Then I scooted off to first period and skipped my locker on the way to second. Tate was waiting there for me and I so was not ready to have that conversation.

  Then lunch came. Crap. As I debated going to the library instead of going in, I felt a hand on my wrist. Unexpectedly I turned excited thinking it was Eli, but it was Tate and my heart plummeted. At least I knew how I really felt about Eli. I still wanted him. It made me smile but Tate mistook my smile for himself and smiled back, encouraged.

  “I missed you. Can we talk, babe? Please.”

  “I have nothing to say.”

  He seemed confused but pressed on.

  “Clara, listen.” He looked around and saw a little corner off to the side where we’d be half hidden. He took me there and pressed me in it so he had to be my warden. “I know I screwed up-” he blanched and grimaced, “sorry, bad wording, but I’m serious. I know it was dumb, but I wanted you so much and you kept refusing me and it was so frustrating. One night after I came home from your house, Dee was waiting for me. She told me she’d been in love with me forever and you stole me or something. I knew it was bull crap but she was wearing
this little red dress that-”

  “Tate!” I protested. “Really? We’re gonna talk about this?”

  “No, listen. I was so frustrated and she seduced me. And I let her,” he said ashamed. “I’m sorry. It was only supposed to be that one time but she kept sending me texts and meeting me in places unexpectedly. It just became easy to use her and get some release that way. It meant nothing.” I scoffed, disgusted, but he grabbed my upper arms to keep me there. “I’m sorry. I know it was unforgiveable. I promise you it’s over; never again. I’m not even going to sit with her at lunch anymore. I need you, baby. Please,” he begged and tried to touch my face but I jerked away.

  “I love how guys say ‘it meant nothing’ like that’s supposed to make it all ok. You only stopped because you got caught. And Dee of all people? I can’t do this Tate.” I tried to leave but he stopped me by grabbing my arm. “Let go.”

  “Not until we talk this out.”

  “There’s nothing left to talk about. You blew it. I can’t just forget.”

  “Is this about Eli?” he asked angrily, his grip getting tighter and he must have seen the look on my face. “I’ll murder him.”

  “No, this is about you, Tate. You’re the one doing drugs and you’re the one who cheated on me, not Eli.”

  He pushed me to the wall with force, not enough to hurt me but enough to scare me. And I was scared. His eyes were wild and blazing.

  “Don’t you ever say his name to me,” he growled.

  “Tate, you’re hurting me.”

  He got right in my face, his breath on my cheek as he growled his words low.

  “Well then, join the club. You don’t think you’re hurting me with this act? I saw you with your lips all over him this morning.”

  “Tate, stop.” His fingers dug into my under arm.

  “You think he wants you? He just wants to use you and show me that he could take you from me. The new kid trying to make a name for himself by taking down the star of the school. That’s what guys like him do.”

  “Ow,” I groaned when I could no longer hold it in. “Stop!”

  “Let her go. Now,” I heard behind Tate and knew it was Eli.

  “I’d skip away if I were you, boy,” Tate said low without looking away from me. “This is none of your business-”

  “She is my business. Let. Her. Go.”

  Tate turned, keeping an arm on me, and looked at Eli over his shoulder. I finally saw him for the first time that day. He looked murderous; jaw clenched, fists balled at his sides, his hair was a mess, though cute that way, and he had his uniform button up shirt open over his white tee.

  “Get lost. You can have her when I’m through with her.”

  Eli grabbed Tate’s arm; the one holding me to the wall.

  “Don’t talk about her like that.” He pulled Tate’s arm away and I was shocked at his strength. Tate seemed to be too as he glared at Eli’s hand. “Come on, Clara.” He held his other hand out to me. I went gladly and got behind him. “Don’t ever touch her again.”

  “You just made a huge mistake, foreigner.”

  “I don’t think I did.” He let go of Tate’s arm and put an arm around my back to guide me. “Come on.”

  “Oh, nuhuh. This ain’t even close to over!” Tate yelled and I heard his footsteps before seeing Tate grab Eli’s shirt back.

  Eli turned, with speed my eyes missed, and punched Tate’s jaw, swinging him around in a 180 before he fell to the concrete floor, hard and final.

  He groaned and rolled but didn’t get up.

  “Come on,” Eli repeated and once again put his arm behind my back as a small crowd stopped to gawk.

  “Is he ok?” I asked as we walked away.

  “He’s fine. He’ll just be embarrassed later that he was taken down by the new kid.”

  “Wow, Eli. They should recruit you for the wrestling team.”

  “Yeah,” he said wryly. “I’m sure Tate would love that.”

  “Is that...uh, one of your supernatural things? Strength and speed?”

  “Yeah,” he sighed and stopped at our Math class door. “Go ahead and sit. I’ll get your book.”

  “You don’t have to- wait. You know my combination?”

  “I have a keen eye and good memory.”

  “So you were spying,” I said and smiled to make sure he knew I was joking.

  “Yeah. Sort of.” He smirked and left towards my locker and I went to my seat. He came back within a minute. “Here you go.”

  “Aren’t you scared someone will see you moving that fast?”

  “I’m careful.” He sat facing me in the seat across the aisle. “Are you ok? Did he hurt you?”

  “No, I’m fine.” I rubbed my arm thinking about it and he took it in his hand, turning it over.

  His eyes went wide and his face turned red with strain. I looked down to see a few red and bruising spots where Tate had grabbed me too hard.

  “I’ll kill him,” he muttered and went to stand. I grabbed his hand to stop him and could’ve sworn the veins in his arm were standing out and almost blue but when I blinked again they were gone. “Clara, he can’t get away with that. He hurt you. I warned you that if he hurt you again I’d-”

  “Please. Please, don’t. Just stay with me.” I pulled him down to sit again and he looked closer at my arm.

  “Are you ok? Really?”

  “Yes. He just wanted to talk. Wanted me to forgive him.”

  “And did you?” he asked, running his finger over my bruise in angered fascination.

  “Even if I did...things have changed now.”

  “What things?” he asked and looked at my face closely.

  “Eli, you know what I’m talking about,” I said softly and covered his hand with mine on his arm.

  “Does that mean...” he said hopefully, gently squeezing my fingers.

  “It means that I’m not going back to Tate. I’m still... working everything else out. It’s crazy, Eli.”

  “I know,” he sighed and promised, “I planned to leave you alone, I did.”

  “How did you know I needed you?”

  “I felt someone was scared when I was walking into the cafeteria. I knew right off it was you.”

  That floored me. It was true, what he said last night about me being different for him. He saved me today and I didn’t want to think about what Tate might have done if Eli hadn’t shown up.

  “Thank you for saving me,” I said gently.

  I pulled him to me, him seeming surprised, and just as my lips touched his cheek the door banged open and a couple rowdy students poured in, joking about Tate getting knocked out. Lunch was over. Eli leaned back and chuckled in annoyance and amusement.

  “Mmmm,” he groaned. “I better get in my seat. Will I see you later tonight?” he asked hopefully.

  “I...I still need time to...” I said, unsure.

  “No pressure.”

  “I’ll see you in Art,” I said with a smirk to lighten the mood.

  He smiled and rubbed my cheek with his thumb before moving to his seat while the rest of the kids were coming in and being loud. The teacher came too, banging her pencil on the desktop to get everyone’s attention. Class crept by increasingly slow, like water in a watched pot not boiling. I was anxious to get to Art to see Eli. But to my dismay, there was a note on the door telling us to go to the gym for that period because the Art teacher had an emergency. I completely forgot to do the assignment anyway.

  So I went and dressed out with the girls to play volleyball. I loved volleyball and soon the class was over and I was changing and heading home.

  As I walked through the door I remembered that we’d told Patrick yesterday at lunch that we might go to that club with him tonight. I wondered if Eli was going. I thought about texting Eli about it but kept going back and forth as I nibbled my carrot sticks snuck from the fridge. I did want to go but I also needed to think. I didn’t want to string him along or give him the wrong idea. Though kissing his cheek today wa
s probably doing just that. Ugh. Boys.

  The babies were extremely colicky tonight. It was like God was sending me a message to get out of the house.

  So, by seven o’clock, enough was enough and I decided to give the club a shot and if Eli was there, he was there. I hadn’t told him I was coming so there would be no mixed signals, I hoped. And if he didn’t come, then I’d try to have fun and be my own person for a change. I’d always done everything with my little band of friends. I needed to learn to do things alone and make my own friends. Besides, Patrick would be there.