“Hello,” Kai said, breathless with excitement.
My own breath caught in my throat as I waited for Corvus to react. He didn't move, staring at Kai with a slight frown in his eyes. Suddenly he smiled and my heart ached to see it. It wasn't cynical or calculated, just a smile of recognition.
“Kai,” he said.
“Yes!” Kai exclaimed and grabbed hold of his hand before I could stop him. “You remember me?”
Corvus nodded. “You sang.”
Kai beamed, and I stamped on a surge of jealousy. It wasn't Kai's fault but it hurt that he would remember Kai's presence during his madness and not mine.
We were outside the door to his room and Cain moved forward to open it, gesturing for him to go in. It wasn't the room he'd had before, though I had badly wanted to see him there. But that would have conferred too great a status on him and might have given him pause for thought. It was a good-sized room however, furnished in a style I knew he would have approved, before at least. Lucas and I had taken a great deal of care to put his own things around, especially things that we hoped might stir his memories.
He hesitated on the threshold. “So I am to be held prisoner then?” he said, obviously aware of the power of the wards around the walls. The words were bitter and his eyes were cold, but I could feel the depth of his anxiety. He was afraid to be alone.
“No,” Kai said, shaking his head. “No prisoner. You were sick. We take care of you.”
Corvus snorted and looked at him. “You perhaps,” he muttered, and I had to swallow hard not to react to the flare of pain that bloomed in my heart.
“No,” Kai persisted. “You not understand. Jéhenne too. She came for you, she ...”
“Kai!” I interrupted, and he flushed as he realised he'd been about to say too much. He shrugged and squeezed Corvus' hand. “You safe here, not worry.” He let go of his hand and looked up at him, honesty shining from his eyes.
Corvus looked at him and then turned silently and walked into the room.
“The things here are yours, Corvus,” I said to him and his eyes were on me now, not the room. I felt the prickle of his anger and kept my face expressionless, holding his cool gaze with difficulty. “Perhaps if you spend some time looking around you will find something familiar.” I watched as his eyes slid from mine and drifted over the room. My heart bled to see him standing all alone with us watching from the doorway. For all his anger and snarling I knew he was desperately afraid - cut adrift. He could sense he was a part of this family I was sure, but I guessed some part of him knew this was not his role. He shouldn't be being told what to do by us. Something didn't ring true. He turned back to me and could see the defiance in his eyes. Unwillingly I shivered.
I opened my mouth to speak, to give him a warning to behave but before I could voice my thoughts Kai ducked under my arm and ran into the room before I could object.
“Look,” he said cheerfully. “This is television.” Kai had quickly become a big fan of television himself, and he grabbed the remote, turning on the big screen on the wall. Corvus leapt back in shock as music blared. Kai turned it down in a hurry. “Sorry,” he said with a grin, looking sheepish but Corvus was looking at the screen in amazement.
“Come on, Kai,” Cain said. “You can come back and see Corvus in a bit, when he's had time to settle in.” I was grateful to Cain for saying it. All I wanted to do was run back to my room and cry, but I was afraid to leave Kai alone with him.
“No,” Corvus said, and for a moment I felt a thrill of panic from him before it was ruthlessly cut off. He looked back at me, the cool expression firmly in place. “Kai can stay.”
“Yes.” Kai nodded. “I stay, Jéhenne.”
I looked at Cain who shook his head. There was pity in his eyes and for a moment I hated him for being right. He had warned me about Corvus' past, that I wouldn't like the man Corvus had once been. Corvus had warned me too. I'd thought I knew better. I thought I'd known exactly who he was. I was wrong. “We can't trust him, Jéhenne,” Cain said. “You know that.”
I nodded, though it pained me to leave him alone. “I'm sorry ...”
“Please,” Corvus said and somehow his words caught in my throat. I knew what it must have cost him to ask and imagined how lost and alone he must feel. I wanted to agree but I was afraid. Kai couldn't defend himself against Corvus. “He'll be safe, I swear. I won't harm him.”
Kai smiled at him and then at me. “See, Jéhenne. Not worry.”
“Jéhenne,” Cain said, pushing past me into the room so he was between us. “He's already said he's hungry, that he wants to hunt. If you're wrong you'll never forgive yourself.”
“I gave my word,” Corvus shouted at Cain, striding forward and looming over him with fury, his rage only too apparent as power prickled over my skin. Cain didn't react, not so much as the flicker of an eyelid and Corvus stilled and took a step back. “I can control myself,” he said, his voice even. His fists clenched, and I could tell he was angry with himself as he'd just illustrated the fact that he couldn't.
“You have no idea of what you can and can't do,” Cain replied. There was no judgement in his words, just a statement of the facts, but I felt Corvus react. That had hurt. I stepped past Cain into the room and walked up to Corvus, looking him in the eyes.
“I want to trust you,” I said, my voice soft. “But Kai is my friend. I have taken him into this family and now he's my responsibility. Cain is right; you don't know how you will react any more than we do. What if he makes you angry? Kai has no defence against you. You may not mean to hurt him, but that won't change anything if you do.”
His face was a blank and standing so close was pure agony. I had to clench my fists to stop myself from reaching out to him. The longing to touch him, to hold him, was an ache beneath my skin, and I felt bruised with the effort of standing still. The hot prickle of tears began behind my eyes and cleared my throat before I gave myself away completely. “I will come back in a little while. Kai can join us later too if you like. We'll talk, see if you can remember anything and ... try and make you feel more at home. OK?”
He didn't speak, but his eyes on me were hard and cold.
“Come on, Kai,” I said and held out my hand to him. Kai came over dragging his feet and pouting, and I pulled him from the room. I turned and forced a smile to my face. “We'll be back soon, don't worry.”
I walked out of the room and Cain closed the door behind me. Letting go of Kai's hand I pushed past them, keeping my expression blank. I walked past everyone without a word and kept walking, down the corridor, down the stairs and out of the front door. I picked up my pace as I crossed the lawn and then began to run. I ran across the ground and into the dark canopy of the woods, unheeding of branches and brambles that caught at my skin and hair. I felt the sting of cuts and grazes and didn't care as they slashed at my skin. I ran as fast as I could, jumping over branches and terrifying the night creatures as I crashed through the undergrowth. I ran and ran, out of control until my lungs burned and my heart thundered in my chest until I ran straight into Lucas. He appeared out of nowhere and caught me in his arms. I gasped and struggled against him, not wanting to stop running. If I stopped, I had to think about what I had to face, and I wasn't ready. I would never be ready. But Lucas' arms were strong and held me tight as he whispered to me, soft words as I tried to escape him until I accepted I couldn't run any more. Not from him, not from the truth and it crashed down upon me as my defences crumbled, and I sagged into his arms, sobbing into his chest.
“He doesn't know me,” I said, through sobs that racked my body. “He doesn't remember anything. He hates me!”
Lucas lifted me into his arms and went to sit down on the trunk of a fallen tree. He held me on his lap, his arms around me, pulling my head against him as he stroked my hair. “He doesn't hate you. He just doesn't know you, Jéhenne. He doesn't know himself. He's afraid.”
His voice was gentle, but there was something in it that I couldn't read, and I was t
oo miserable to figure it out.
“I thought ... I thought even if he didn't know me, he'd ... He'd see what it was he'd loved before. I thought he'd ... feel ... something.”
He sighed, and I was surprised to hear him sound so dreadfully unhappy too. “Everyone was trying hard to hold their emotions in check, Jéhenne. There was too much tension, too much stress and anger and fear to discern anything more. Give it time. He's back now, and you have time.” He paused and his arms tightened around me. “I don't doubt he'll love you all over again.” His voice sounded strained, and he leaned down and pressed a kiss against the top of my head. “He'd be a fool not to.”
Chapter 21
I looked up at him, startled by the tone of his voice. “Why are you being so kind, Lucas? You've hated me for so long.”
He snorted and began to laugh, though I didn't think it a very happy sound.
“What?”
He shook his head. “Oh, gods, not tonight, Jéhenne. I think you are far too tired for that conversation.” He reached out and put his hand to my cheek, wiping away my tears with his thumb, and I felt a rush of affection towards him at the contact. I wondered how much of it was our blood tie at work and how much I really felt. At this moment I didn't much care. I needed his support, needed to feel his strength to keep me sane. “Perhaps I will explain, one of these days,” he said, and his smile was full of warmth. “Do you want to go back now?”
I shook my head.
“Do you want to go for a walk?”
“No.”
I rested my head against his chest, and the two of us just sat together in silence, still enough that the forest settled around us. An owl swooped low overhead, sending tiny heartbeats into overdrive as they scurried at our feet. He nudged me to make me look up as a deer stepped out in front of us. Its ears flickered, listening for danger, completely unaware of the most dangerous predator it could ever encounter just inches away from it. I looked up at Lucas, and he smiled, and we watched as the deer moved away from us, its dainty feet stepping delicately over brambles and twigs.
I sighed as it disappeared into the darkness, knowing I had to move. I had to face Corvus again. “I should go,” I said, unable to keep the reluctance from my voice. I wanted to sleep, to find the man I had loved in my dreams and memories, anything but face the reality of what he had become.
“Yes,” Lucas said, though his arms were still firmly around me. He looked down at me. “Or we could stay here.”
I raised my eyebrows at him. “Forever?”
He nodded, his face serious, though there was amusement in his eyes. “Yes. We'll stay here and the world can go on without us. We'll leave them all to their problems while the moss and the ivy grow over us and the birds make nests in our hair. We'll watch their lives rush past us like ants under our feet as the forest swallows us up, and none of it will matter a damn any more.”
I laughed. “That does have a certain appeal right at this moment,” I said and heard a rumble of laughter through his chest in reply. “Though I do see a slight flaw in your plan.”
“Oh?” I looked up to see him frowning at me.
“Ivy and moss don't grow that fast, Lucas. You'll fry when the sun comes up.” I poked him in the chest. “Vampire, remember?”
He shrugged. “A minor obstacle.” He gave a dismissive wave of his hand. “I have every confidence that you will protect me,” he said with a grin and then his eyes grew serious. “You can do anything, Jéhenne.”
I felt a lump in my throat at the expression on his face. He meant it. I looked back at him and smiled. Perhaps he was right. I'd come this far after all. I couldn't give up now. I leaned over and kissed his cheek.
“Thank you,” I whispered and got up, making my way back to the Château.
***
I walked in to find Cain and Rodney waiting for me.
“You alright, luv?” Rodney asked, his face full of concern. I guessed Cain had filled him in. I fought down the desire to cry that his kindness brought rushing back and just nodded.
“Fine.”
Cain looked at me and said nothing.
“How's Cyd?” I asked.
Rodney grimaced, scratching the side of his head, the short hair rasping under his fingers. “Bout what you'd expect, luv,” he said. “Milly's wiv 'er and Lucas calmed her down before he went after you, but she's pretty cut up you wouldn't let 'er see him.”
“Well she'll have to put up with it won't she,” I muttered, stalking away from them. It wasn't that I didn't sympathise. I knew how badly she'd taken the loss of Corvus, but while she was weeping, I'd been making plans and fighting my way through Tartarus. I didn't have the energy to sympathise for anyone else any more. She could call me a bitch if she wanted to. It might make her feel better anyway.
I hurried back up the stairs, aware that Cain was still with me. I glanced back at him.
“What?”
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
I paused at the top of the stairs and watched as he halted beside me.
“I'll be outside the door, Jéhenne,” he said with a tone that brooked no argument.
I huffed, torn between annoyance that he didn't trust me and gratitude that he would always be at my back. There was a glimmer of amusement in his eyes as he obviously knew what I was thinking. “Better the devil you know,” he said, his voice quiet.
I snorted and turned away from him. “True enough,” I said as we walked to Corvus' door. The guards nodded respectfully as I approached and stood to one side, and I hesitated for a moment. I felt Cain's hand as he gave my shoulder a brief squeeze. I reached up and covered it for a moment before moving forwards and opening the door.
My heart clenched as I walked in and saw the familiar figure standing at the window, looking out into the darkness beyond. It was all too easy to fool myself into thinking nothing had changed. He didn't turn but reached out a finger and touched the glass. There was an explosion of yellow sparks and, though I knew it must have hurt him, he didn't flinch or react in any way.
“Your handiwork?” he asked, still facing away from me.
“Of course,” I replied, shutting the door behind me and moving into the room.
He turned suddenly, his nostrils flaring, and for the briefest moment I was stunned by a rush of emotion before it was forcefully cut off. I stopped, watching him, though his face was a careful blank, and it took me a moment before I understood what I'd felt. I had to work hard to keep the smile from my face.
I hadn't thought about the fact I was returning to his room with Lucas' scent all over me. No matter what Corvus was showing me openly, no matter if he resented me or disliked me - he wasn't indifferent to me.
Corvus had never had any trouble concealing his emotions - with anyone but me. He'd admitted to me before that I had the ability to shatter his control. It appeared that at least hadn't changed. He'd been unable to act quickly enough to completely disguise the wave of anger and jealousy that had hit when he'd realised I'd been with Lucas. Did he think we were lovers? Suddenly I didn't feel quite so helpless.
He looked me up and down, a considering appraisal that made me want to slap his face. “Feeling better?” he asked, deadpan.
I let him see just the flicker of a smile before I turned away, ignoring the little jibe. He was jealous, and he knew I knew it. I walked around the room looking at some of the things that I'd chosen. Things that had meant a lot to him. My hand smoothed over a worn little wooden box, my thumb rubbing the corners, worn by centuries of such caresses.
“Did you find anything familiar here,” I asked, looking up to find his eyes following me. For a moment I got caught in the blue, so familiar and yet so much colder than before.
“No.” He moved towards me, his eyes never leaving mine. “I suspect these things mean far more to you.”
I shrugged. “Now perhaps, but they were precious to you not so long ago.”
“Not anymore.” His voice was hard, and I knew he wasn't just talking about t
he things in the room.
“Oh, no, not now,” I said, sounding deadly serious. “That much is ... obvious.” The sarcasm in the last word was blatant, and I turned away, but not before I made sure he caught sight of my smirk of amusement. I saw his jaw tighten. I knew how to play this game now. Something I had Corin to thank for. I carried on moving around the room, feeling his eyes on me.
“Are you planning to starve me as well as keep me prisoner then?” he demanded, and I could hear the irritation in his voice.
“Oh I think you're good for at least a day or two yet,” I said, giving him a bright smile.
He glowered at me. “I want to hunt.”
“Oh, don't be boring for the love of God,” I snapped. “We've had this conversation. You'll find I really hate repeating myself.”
He stepped closer to me, his voice full of restrained violence. “And I really hate being kept a prisoner.”
“Oh dear,” I said softly as I walked closer to him. I reached out and trailed a finger down his chest, feeling like I was playing a part in some bizarre drama. “Pity then that I'm Master and you have to do as you're bid ... isn't it?” I pouted and batted my eyelashes at him in mockery and knew I was pushing him, knew it was likely foolish, but I wanted to know how he'd react, wanted to see just who this man was. His eyes followed the trail of my fingers, and he couldn't completely hide the heat that thrilled through his blood at my touch. Emboldened by his obvious desire, I looked up at him, tilting my head as though I was considering him ... and giving him a fine view of my neck. His eyes bled to black. I smiled at him and then dropped my hand, turning and walking away to the door.
“Where are you going?” he demanded.
I shrugged. “To feed. All this talk of hunting seems to have given me an appetite.”
The Fires of Tartarus Page 16
