Cactus of Mystery

by Ross Heaven

  After this part of the healing was completed I ventured out onto solid ground. While on the Earth the journey took another turn. As I lay on the Earth I felt a surge of emotions rising to my throat, but I could not identify what they were attached to.

  Without needing to “know” I allowed the emotions to come to the surface. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t as others were all around me and I was concerned about interrupting another’s journey, so I asked spirit if I could release whatever this was by blowing it out and off of me. I had been working on some issues surrounding me being able to speak my truth so it wasn’t too surprising that I did not want to let the scream out. So I began blowing the emotion outward. But I felt the energy lying over me and I asked the spirit of San Pedro to help me release this emotional toxin. Out of nowhere, a huge gust of wind came and blew over me for about ten to fifteen minutes. I was amazed and felt so appreciative of nature’s help.

  Then as I continued lying there I felt a sudden burst of joy coming from my heart. I lay there seeing the auras of the trees and plants, a kite bird flew over me as did two eagles. I saw a figure of a peacock within the wood of a tree in front of me. There seemed to be a lot of bird energy around me and it was beautiful.

  Then, from a sun shining day came rain. It poured onto my face and I didn’t flinch, wind blew over me and I felt cleansed. This was truly a day of working with the elements through the gift of San Pedro, and I healed many aspects of myself for which I am truly grateful. I am not the same as I was before I did this journey. I am healed on many levels and walk differently in the world today. And my daughters are shifting as a result.

  At the end of the day my friend came over to me and said that she needed me to do something with her. She took me over to where I was lying and doing my work during the day and asked me to scream into the Earth. Being that I had been working with finding my voice I immediately said no, no way, I can’t do it. But she held her ground (thank God) and told me that Mother Earth wanted me to find my voice again. She did not know that I had been working on speaking my truth for years and was still unable to “scream.” So with her help I screamed into the Earth. I am a changed woman since that day.

  She then gave me a song to sing to help me find my voice and to continue practicing using it. Little did I know then that I would be not only singing this song but leading others to sing it, as well. Five days later I left for Peru.

  Grace: “The state of being . . . sanctified. . . . An excellence or power granted by God.”

  THE NATURE OF GRACE

  The Catholic Church, which has had, historically, such an impact on Andean culture and San Pedro shamanism, defines Grace (gratia, Charis) as “a supernatural gift of God to intellectual creatures for their eternal salvation, whether the latter be furthered and attained through salutary acts or a state of holiness.”

  Actual grace derives its name, actual, from the Latin actualis (ad actum) for it is granted by God for the performance of salutary acts and is present and disappears with the action itself. Its opposite . . . [is] habitual grace, which causes a state of holiness, so that the mutual relations between these two kinds of grace are the relation between action and state.3

  Habitual Grace, also known as “sanctifying or justifying grace,” refers, therefore, to a new and enduring way of being. It is this, I believe, that San Pedro—the keeper of the keys to heaven—can give us.

  We saw, for example, in the section on healing (and in some of the accounts above), that unlike other entheogenic experiences (such as DMT—see Strassman4) there is something about San Pedro that lasts beyond the encounter itself.

  As I remarked in that section, a number of people who have drunk the plant with me and through it seen the truths of their lives have gone on to make significant, positive, and lasting—even life-defining—changes and new commitments. Some have ceased procrastination and put desire into action by fulfilling a long-held ambition to write a book, others have opened healing centers, recovered from addictions and stayed clean, some have left relationships or started new ones, and many have repaired the damage done to old or existing ones. Theirs is a new state of being, a new presence in the world, and this is the essence of habitual Grace.

  “Once you have drunk San Pedro it remains in you forever and it will always be there to guide you,” says La Gringa, and I have certainly found that to be true for myself. It is as if I have a new maturity now and a new moral scale within me: I know when I have done wrong and I am willing to make amends for it. It is a quality that I have somewhat lacked before. Wrapped up as I was (like most of us are, I suppose) in my own needs, fantasies, illusions, and the busyness I created for myself, I did not know before drinking San Pedro that I have hurt others often without meaning to, without even knowing I was. But San Pedro is a constant reminder now, and I try to choose my words and actions more carefully and to think about their consequences for myself and others before I use them. I try also to empathize more and to see other people’s points of view. I am far from perfect but that is something I am also aware of and I am trying to be better.

  At the same time, this new sense of what I have called “maturity” means that I try to set proper boundaries, owning my actions and taking responsibility for them, but not taking on those of others. In any conflict, for example, there are two sides and two combatants. Ideally there would be no conflict at all, but that is not the real world. Yet all disagreements have the potential to be resolved well so that something better may flow from them. Life presents us with these opportunities and when they arise now, rather than withdraw from them or try to control them, I own my part and I hope (without seeking to blame or judge) that the other side will own theirs.

  Such qualities suggest what Castaneda from his own work with mescaline cactus (peyote) called “the Ally.”5 It is as if you have a new force within you, a discrete and new personality or power, an inner guide that you can refer to in times of uncertainty or need. To me, the Ally of San Pedro is Dignity: a strong, self-aware gentleman who is older and more experienced than me, fatherly and wise. It is to his judgment that I try to defer in situations where I am unclear or unsure.

  I don’t always need to drink San Pedro to do this; I simply breathe, tune in, and refer to the spirit I have inside me. Sometimes his advice is counterintuitive or seems detrimental to my own desires or agenda (which is how I know that it’s real), but I am growing up now and I realize (at least philosophically sometimes!) that there is a greater force in the universe than me and a greater need to be served, and so I listen to what San Pedro has to say. His vantage point is better than mine because he is not me. He is both within and outside me, and while my agenda is often caught up in personal needs and dramas, I know and trust that his is pure.

  LIVING WITH GRACE

  The church says of sanctifying or habitual Grace that

  since the end and aim of all efficacious grace is directed to the production of sanctifying grace where it does not already exist, or to retain and increase it where it is already present, its excellence, dignity and importance become immediately apparent; for holiness and the son-ship of God depend solely upon the possession of sanctifying grace.6

  According to the church the first step in receiving habitual Grace is to prepare for it.

  In the process . . . we must distinguish two periods: first, the preparatory acts or dispositions (faith, fear, hope, etc.); then the last decisive moment of the transformation of the sinner from the state of sin to that of justification or sanctifying grace, which may be called the active justification (actus justificationis). With this the real process comes to an end and the state of habitual holiness and sonship of God begins.

  We come to San Pedro in the same way. Perhaps we are fully aware of an issue in our lives that needs to be healed or an illness or dis-ease that we have, or perhaps we have only an inkling that something is not right in us, that things are not going well or could be better. Perhaps we cannot name it but there is something—some “faith, fear
, hope”—that draws us to the ceremony so we can explore and perfect ourselves. This, then, is our stage of preparation.

  If we are honest, open, and earnest in our prayers for change, experience suggests that San Pedro will hear us and provide us with the tools and insights to take the next step. La Gringa’s account is just one example of how this Grace may come to us: “I experienced the most intense love that one could imagine, like God was there as well, and I knew that they and me and God were all one. I cried profusely. To have all that love in one instant was totally overwhelming.”

  Having seen ourselves and received the gifts of San Pedro, the church tells us that to remain in a state of Grace we must then make it our habit to do so; in our case, we must refer to our Ally, our new inner guide, and take counsel about how we should live in order to be “the true human.”

  “Sanctifying grace may be philosophically termed a ‘permanent, supernatural quality of the soul,’” says the church, which becomes “a supernatural infused habit (habitus infusus).” For there can be no change in the world or in our lives without us making that change.

  And again we have seen from the accounts of those healed by San Pedro that the cactus does offer us this power to create new “habits” and new ways of life so we can live in “holiness” and make lasting changes that better serve us and our fellow beings. Samantha tells us of the guidance she continues to receive from San Pedro, months after the experience itself.

  San Pedro was telling me to keep communicating, listening attentively, learn from each misunderstanding and not go round in circles again and again. . . . Change something, realize the truth not what you perceive it to be. . . . Fill up the self with love so you can share your best energies with others, the most important things in life. Do not give your energies to things that simply don’t matter, don’t mean anything.

  She is acting on this advice, making it her “habit,” and finding that life is better for her as a consequence. “I am following this path with no resistance from the universe. . . . It is just flowing beautifully.”

  La Gringa says of San Pedro that it

  teaches us to live in balance and harmony, it teaches us compassion and understanding, and it shows us how to love, respect, and honor all things. It shows us too that we are children of light—precious and special—and to see that light within us. . . . Drinking San Pedro is a personal journey of discovery of the self and the universe . . . The day that you meet San Pedro is one you will never forget—a day filled with light and love, which can change your life forever . . . always for the better.

  I believe that is true, and through the Grace of San Pedro so do many others who have shared its wisdom and healing.

  APPENDIX

  San Pedro Testimonials

  These comments were recently received from others who have drunk San Pedro with La Gringa and I. Too short to be journey accounts in themselves, they are more like testimonials for the process. I include them here just as they were written with no editing or analysis of their contents as simply an overview of how San Pedro can heal.

  Our recent trip to the Andes in Cuzco took us to great spiritual heights and physical healing. Our journey was sometimes difficult but your strong support and loving care made it possible for us. We appreciate the dynamic program you put together that has definitely changed our bodies and lives forever. We may be sixty-six and seventy-two but we now feel and look like forty. San Pedro healed me in ways I never dreamed possible.

  PATRICIA AND JOY, RETIRED,

  IRELAND AND UNITED STATES

  This trip was exactly what I needed—and what I imagine many, many people need! In Cusco so much of my life, so much of everything I’ve ever known was given the space and brilliance to be brought together. The results were deep!

  KYLE, MUSICIAN,

  UNITED STATES

  The most powerful, profound experience of my life. I had intellectually understood about us coming from and one day returning to energy; I had even glimpsed this in the past but on this occasion I became energy. I completely dissolved—no room for ego! I breathed with the sky. I became the Breath of Life, Infinite and Eternal Love. I now dedicate my life to honor and integrity and to accepting life’s path rather than trying to dictate it. If everyone experienced this the world would be very different. It has become better for me already! I strongly recommend the experience!

  DONNA, TEACHER,

  UNITED KINGDOM

  San Pedro showed me just how beautiful life is. I had a sense of completion, like I had healed everything that was meant to be healed. I am so grateful to San Pedro for these insights and for the revelations it shared with me.

  SIMON, AUTHOR,

  UNITED KINGDOM

  I have been home a week and I still feel changed; not coming down from the high of our trip and its mind- and heart-opening experiences. It was a wonderful highlight to my life and the lessons are becoming ever-clearer as I share them with friends. I was stretched way beyond where I thought I could go—and enjoyed it!

  KATHRYN, DRUG AND ADDICTIONS COUNSELOR,

  NORFOLK ISLAND

  San Pedro was life changing. I felt such peace and acceptance. I had an overwhelming sense of belonging to the Earth and of the importance of every curve of the mountain range, every boulder, rock, stone, and blade of grass; all part of the same incredible tableau and all of equal importance. I could have a normal conversation and was in full control of my words and thoughts but I found that I was choosing words carefully, realizing their power—and that I didn’t have enough vocabulary to express how I felt anyway. Through the eyes of San Pedro the world is an exceptionally beautiful place. Every living thing has its place. I have come home with new eyes and can bring the beauty of the world to mind—and into reality—by just remembering the experience.

  TRACIE, COUNSELOR AND TEACHER,

  AUSTRALIA

  This experience will never leave me! San Pedro answers your questions clearly and without confusion or the need for interpretation. I got the healing I was after. I understood and let go.

  KANE, WRITER,

  UNITED STATES

  I became the sky, the clouds, the flowers and I saw the beauty in all things, including myself and my relationships. I realized at some deeper level than we are ever usually aware of that everything is exactly as it was meant to be. It changed something in me and within two weeks I had met the man who would become my husband. There’s no bigger way to say that it healed my relationship problems because that would not have been possible without it. San Pedro gave me my daughter.

  CARA, JOURNALIST,

  UNITED STATES

  I was overcome with tears of sheer joy and gratitude . . . for all my ancestors for bringing me into this world, for giving me this beautiful opportunity to be here under this sky with these birds and those gently swaying trees, for making my life so beautiful and for delivering me to this place where I arrived in full knowledge and love of myself.

  JAMIE, CAREGIVER,

  UNITED STATES

  The message of San Pedro was clear: I create the reality I want. I felt like a new person—so alive, so full of courage and energy, energized, aware, and calm. Over the next few weeks I was transformed. Anything seemed possible. I was ready to create what I most desired.

  MICHAEL, SPORTS COACH,

  CANADA

  I decided not to book a flight back to the States. I am staying on here in the mountains instead, loving life, for another month . . . or two . . . or three. The lessons keep coming and life gets better and better!

  ALEC, SKYDIVING INSTRUCTOR,

  UNITED STATES

  San Pedro was the best day of my life—it was so surprising and so hard to explain. I feel I have been waiting for this for so long. I just looked in the mirror and I did not recognize myself.

  JULIE, TEACHER,

  UNITED KINGDOM

  Thank you for this powerful introduction to a new world. May I be worthy of what I was given, may I benefit the world in some way! Ayahuasc
a and San Pedro are the shortcut: why waste time sitting in a circle for years being lost and feeling like you are not on the right road when a couple of weeks here will get you there! The Cusco trip was amazing. San Pedro definitely sorted me out to a place of clarity and clearness. I came with trepidation about taking healing and visionary plants having never taken any drugs, never believing I needed anything to journey, but that was my first block.

  As I watched myself empty I could not believe what I held inside—the scars, the pain, the memories I had long forgotten all screwing me up and blocking my progress. I am now cleared clean, I feel new and invigorated. I am firmly on my path with new confidence and a brighter light within. I just sent an e-mail to a person I know and all I did was describe how I feel and his reply was, “This is the best e-mail you have ever sent.” I am a changed person! My life has been transformed in many ways. I would recommend the San Pedro experience to one and all. It honestly has shown me another way to see my life and the world we live in. I can now identify with love, give it—and most importantly receive!

  LES, BUSINESS OWNER,

  UNITED KINGDOM

  I met San Pedro with trepidation but we quickly made friends which resulted in wonderful insights and understandings. The words that spring to mind when I think of San Pedro are gentle, kind, and empowering.

  ALEXIA, THERAPIST,

  UNITED KINGDOM

  It took me a year to process everything. I had no words for it. I guess you hang on to your defenses until you can’t hold on anymore but something inside you knows everything and the healing never leaves. Inside me now there is a happy two-year-old and I am going to find her and bring her home. I guess I will need to see San Pedro again! See you there!