Cross of Ivy

by Roxi Bahar Hewertson

  Emmy lowered her voice. “Abby, I don’t know if I should tell you, but I think I should. I saw Wills again the other day. When I told him you were here, well, he looked at me with such sad eyes. He said to tell you he hopes you’re happy, and that everyone deserves to be happy. But it was almost as though he meant something else, ya know.”

  “Don’t, Em. I do okay if I keep him away from my thoughts. I’ll never know if I made a mistake, and it’s too late to fix it now. I have three children and he...well, there’s no way to know how it might have turned out, is there? Maybe we’d have grown to really hate each other. No, it’s better this way. Not great, but then what is? Who do you know who has everything they want in their lives?”

  Emmy said, without missing a beat, “Your mother and Joshua, that’s who. I mean isn’t it just wonderful that they have each other? She once told my mother that the day you had ZJ is the day she decided she could marry Joshua. She worried about you and Zach, but once you were on your own and she knew you were going to stay with him, she felt free to go ahead and...”

  “Yeah, but look what she had to go through before she found a little slice of happiness. Zach’s got his faults, to be sure, but he is a good provider and the father of my children and, except for when he’s been drinking, he’s bearable to live with. I made my bed, Em, you know that. I didn’t mean for it to turn out this way, but it has and I’ll make it, that’s all.”

  “You’re a determined girl, always were. And I thought I was stubborn! I just want you to be happy, and besides...well, it’s just too bad, that’s all. I can still remember the look on your face the night Wills came to dinner that first time. You were so mad at me!”

  “Yeah, and I’m gonna be mad at you again if you keep this up.” Abby stared at her cousin’s deep grey eyes and wouldn’t let go until she got what she wanted.

  “Okay. Okay.” Emmy’s internal battle shown on her face. Her nose was all skewed, and her forehead wore worry wrinkles as she spoke. “God, Ab, I just want you to be happy, that’s all.”

  “I know, and I love you for it.” Abby patted her hand. She looked at the kitchen clock. “It’s time, Em. We have to get going.”

  Emmy nodded and hollered out the patio door.

  “All right you little crumb snatchers, it’s time to come in, get dry and give me a big, big hug goodbye. C’mon now. Get over here and plant some big juicy ones that I can remember on these cheeks!” Abby’s children came running. Emmy bent down to Zoe and Luke and presented them each with a cheek. They hugged her hard with their wet little arms. ZJ was clearly uncomfortable kissing anybody. He brushed her cheek as quickly as possible and headed for the bathroom, waving halfheartedly.

  Abby and Emmy escorted the children to the car and loaded their bags. They needed to make a final stop at Mary and Joshua’s to say goodbye and then return the rental car and catch their flight.

  “Come home as soon as you can, ya hear. And let’s make sure we call more often, okay?” She held both of Abby’s hands in hers.

  “You’re right. We need to talk more often. We’re just both so busy with the kids. But it’s so good to just hear your voice. And I know I should call Mama more, too. Good grief, it’s not going to break the bank, is it - especially if we keep it short!”

  “Give me one last hug. I’ll need it to keep body and soul together.” They embraced and Abby dabbed another tear to keep it from destroying her perfectly applied make-up. She turned to Emmy’s daughters whose shiny freckled faces looked up at her with innocent smiles.

  “Goodbye, sweet darlin’s. You be good for your Mama now, okay?”

  She kissed them both and looked at her cousin and best friend one last time. Emmy’s face was with her all the time, but she loved the real thing ever so much more. “Goodbye, Em. I have to go now, okay, before I lose it entirely.”

  “I’ll be thinkin’ of you every day. And remember to call me collect like we always do, and I’ll just refuse the call, so at least we’ll know y’all are safe back at home.”

  Abby nodded. “I will, I promise.”

  Emmy waved once more and then grabbed two outstretched little hands and marched into the house, never turning back.

  She said to her children, “You run and play now, Mama needs some time to get over missin’ ‘Aunt Abby’.”

  CHAPTER 27

  The phone rang in Abby’s kitchen. It was Stuart Leer. Again.

  “No, Stuart, he isn’t home yet, and I haven’t been able to reach him,” Abby said into the receiver.

  “Well, Abby, did you really try? I mean, did you leave him a message to call me right away like I asked you to?” Stuart bellowed at her.

  “Yes, Stuart, I left two messages at the stadium, ”Abby said, trying to stay calm.

  “I think he’s ignoring me, my dear, and I don’t like to be ignored,” Stuart said with ice in his voice.

  “No, no, Zach isn’t ignoring you, Stuart. I’m sure he isn’t, but honestly, I don’t keep his calendar, and I don’t even know…”

  Stuart cut Abby off, “ Fine. Fine. Can’t you just drive down and give him my message and tell him it’s urgent?

  “Drive down? Now? I’m sorry, but I can’t, I’m about to take the children to band practice.”

  “Well, Abby, do you think you could try to find him after you do that? I mean, it’s not asking too much, is it, if it’s on your way home?” Stuart’s patronizing tone grated on Abby, but she wanted to get off the phone.

  “All right, all right, I’ll try to get to him after that.” Abby relented.

  Rapidly changing subjects, Stuart asked, “So did you get the special delivery I had sent up to you?”

  “What? Oh, yes, I got the flowers, they were lovely, and I appreciate the thought,” Abby said, trying to mean it. “Really you shouldn’t have.”

  “Well, good. You never know with florists. And of course I should have. You’re important, and I want you to know that,” Stuart was calmer now.

  “Yes, I understand, Stuart, and I promise, I’ll try to find him as soon as I can.”

  “That’s a good girl! Ok, bye now.” And Stuart hung up.

  Abby stared at the dial tone coming from the phone. “Goodbye to you, too, you jerk!”

  Abby was sick of Stuart Leer. He would not let up. He had hand-picked Zach for the coaching job at his stuffy old Vermont Alma Mater, Cross University, and was relentless in his efforts to woo him. Abby was not remotely interested in moving to rural New England no matter how lovely the mountains were in pictures. Dallas was warm, and it had been their football home for over five years now, the longest stretch ever. They were only a short plane ride home to Louisiana where her heart was—with family, who thankfully could all come visit from time to time without too much trouble. Zach Jr. was close by at LSU. It was 1985, and the twins had little more than a year left of high school. How could they ask Luke to give up an almost certain baseball scholarship? And Zoe was in love. No, they wouldn’t go. To hell with Stuart Leer and the Ivy League and Vermont and all the rest. No.

  It was six o’clock. Luke, Zoe, and Abby piled into the Volvo, headed for band practice. Their mother dropped them off, promising to return in two hours. She watched them walk down the sidewalk and into the school.

  Abby didn’t mind getting up at five in the morning to drive Luke to early practice or staying up late to finish Zoe’s prom dress. They were the main reason she could ignore being ignored by her husband.

  All her attention, all the time she spent doing what needed to be done, had paid off. The children were good kids, smart kids, well-mannered and fun to be around. Zach had left it to her. The children were her job; he’d made it clear before ZJ was born that he still planned to come and go as he pleased. Zach was forever reminding his wife that she was the one who wanted babies. As far as he was concerned, she could take care of them. This Abby had done for twenty years, with all her heart.

  The years had been kind to Abby. Most people were shocked to learn she was the mother of a
twenty-year old. Her strawberry blond hair bounced lightly on her slender shoulders and gently framed her face, making her appear to be almost glowing when the sun was just right. Even Abby’s unhappy marriage couldn’t steal her beauty. The love for her family, especially her children, was what shone through her bright blue eyes, and it’s what made her smile.

  Abby pulled out of the parking lot and drove across town to the stadium. When Zach had been a player instead of a coach, she’d seen him more often than she did now. She rolled down her window and called out to one of Zach’s fellow coaches.

  “Hey, Vic. Have you seen my husband?” she asked. Vic Payne avoided her eyes.

  “Dunno, Ab,” he said. “Gee, he was here, but we’re all done, so maybe he’s headed back home. I dunno, could be anywhere.” He waved, “See ya, gotta go.”

  Abby lifted the window button and listened to the high-pitched whirr until it closed. She turned on the air, lit a cigarette, inhaled deeply and sat still, letting the coolness and the nicotine calm her before she faced the traffic again. How many times had she heard that? No one ever knew where Zach was; no one ever looked her in the face. She’d stopped coming to the stadium three years ago to avoid the avoidance.

  The car seemed to drive itself to the Galleria Mall. There was a bottle of Chanel she needed to stock up on, a Bill Blass dress she would remember to try on some other time, and a bottle of Harvey’s Bristol Cream that would calm her nerves. Abby looked at her watch. It was time to pick up the children.

  Luke and Zoe jabbered at their mother. She nodded and made noises, but she couldn’t remember what they said. Abby’s ears filled up until a dull ache wrapped around her head. By the time they arrived at home, raised the garage door and went inside, Abby’s head was throbbing so hard she could barely see. She went to the kitchen, scribbled a note to Zach, “Call Stuart ASAP,” and went to bed with her Harvey’s, some ice and a valium.

  Abby was up with the children at six, fixing them pancakes, squeezing fresh orange juice and making coffee. Zach had come home in the night and crawled into bed. The phone rang.

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake! Who the devil is calling at this time of the morning?” she said.

  “Maybe you won the Publisher’s Clearing House, Mama, and I can get that cute little red convertible I saw yesterday,” Zoe said with a mouthful of pancakes.

  “Probably wrong number,” said Luke.

  She smiled at them. On the third ring she answered, “Hello.”

  “Stuart here. Where’s Zach?”

  Abby rolled her eyes and hesitated. “In bed, Stuart, it’s just after six here.” She made a scrunched up face at her children.

  “Good, I’ll wait while you get him,” Stuart Leer said flatly.

  “Fine, then hold on, it’s a long walk.” Abby put the phone on the counter, threw her hands up in the air and walked through the dining room, the long hallway, and up the sweeping stairs to the far end where Zach was sleeping in their bed.

  She shook his foot. Nothing. She shook his leg and he stirred.

  “Zach, your friend Stuart Leer is on the phone. He insists that he talk with you. He won’t take no for an answer.”

  Zach growled and rolled over.

  In a louder voice Abby tried to move him, “I said, it’s Stuart Leer. Pick up the phone!”

  “Stop yacking at me, will ya! I heard you the first time.” He fumbled for the phone, knocked the clock on the floor and swore at her again. “Gimme the damn phone!”

  Abby picked it up with two fingers like it was contaminated. He scowled at her through foggy eyes and took the receiver from her hand.

  In a gravely voice he said, “Hey Stu, what’s up?

  “Yeah, I know, but I was working up plays late.”

  “She did? Well, here I am anyhow, what’s up?”

  “How much?”

  “That’s a lot better than what it was.”

  “Yeah, I know you promised to make it up.”

  “When? Okay, sure I can make it. I’ll catch a flight tomorrow morning.”

  “New York? Why not Burlington?”

  “Drive up? Fine, that’ll give us a chance to talk.

  “Abby? Yeah, sure, she’ll be there. I’ll tell her.”

  “Okay, see ya, Stu. Bye.”

  Zach was wide awake now. He sat up and looked at his wife, who was sitting on the edge of the winged back chair across the room.

  “They’ve come up. Stu says he’ll add twenty thou a year and give me some shares in his firm as a signing bonus. He says we’ll have his condo in the Bahamas anytime we want it. He wants us both in New York tomorrow so we can drive up with him and Carol on Saturday, so I can see the campus and you can look at real estate.”

  “Why me?” Abby was stunned.

  “Cripes, how am I supposed to know? Something about the family and Ivy League and wanting the Chancellor to meet us both. All I know is Stuart wants us, so that’s what he’ll get.”

  “I see. Well, does this mean you actually think you’ll take this job?” Abby asked without blinking.

  “Why not? It’s different, sure, but I’m sick of the pros, no security. I mean, five years here is an all-time high, right? And shit, my Trude Oil stock isn’t a safe bet anymore, especially with Reese runnin’ the place. I mean, look at it. He isn’t half the business man Daddy was, Nathan couldn’t care less, Charles is a fruitcake, Louis’ bones are rotting in some goddam rice patty, and Luke’s just a good ol’ farm boy. It’s time we looked at greener pastures.”

  “If you insist I go, then I’ll arrange with Sonny Mae to stay over with the kids, and we’ll see just how green things are in Vermont in the middle of January.”

  “Good. Get the tickets today, and call Stu back with the time,” Zach said.

  Abby stood up and looked sideways at her husband. “I stopped by the stadium last night. You were gone,” Abby said without breaking her stare.

  “I was there all right, in the filming room. Don’t be snooping around the stadium. I don’t like it, and you know it.”

  “I was delivering your very important message. He called at least ten times yesterday. Maybe you need to have a pager attached to your pants so you can get your calls.”

  “Quit naggin’, I hate that! I was workin’ and that’s that, which is why you live in this house and drive a new car and could paper the walls in credit cards. No more crap, ya hear?” Zach got up, walked by Abby and slammed the bathroom door behind him.

  She stared after him, wanting to believe him, wanting it to be true. There was no denying that at forty-two, he was still an impressive figure of a man, even with his slightly receding hairline and graying around his temples. He was one of those guys who really did look better as he got older. Sometimes, Abby would notice a slight limp in his left leg that became more pronounced when he was tired or drunk, but mostly, Zach still exuded confidence, power, and sexual energy. It did please her though that no one ever questioned that he had a twenty-year old son.

  She left him to his morning routine and walked down the stairs. Zoe met her before she reached the bottom.

  “Your Daddy and I have to go on a trip to Vermont tomorrow,” Abby said. “I’ll have Sonny Mae stay over and fix your dinner and drive you to school.”

  Zoe’s face was ashen. “We heard. On the other phone. You didn’t hang it up. I don’t want to go to Vermont or anywhere else. I won’t go!”

  “Zoe, nothing is settled, and I wouldn’t take you out of school just now anyway. Just relax, nothing’s settled, okay?” Abby stroked her daughter’s arm.

  She pulled away. “We better not. I won’t go; I mean it, Mama. Not now, not ever.”

  Zach slept most of the way on the plane, and Abby sipped her drink from her comfortable seat in first class. Zach had never flown coach in his life. “No way they’re gonna stuff me in some cubbyhole next to some wailin’ brat,” he’d always said.

  Stuart and his wife Carol met them at Kennedy Airport.

  “Been too long, Zach, ol’
boy!” Stuart said as he bent his head back to look up at Zach and shook his hand. “How was the trip?”

  “Fantastic, Stu. Great to see you. And, Carol, you’re looking as gorgeous as ever.” He brushed her sunken, makeup encrusted cheek.

  “Why, thank you, Zach,” Stuart’s anorexic wife replied in her squeaky little voice.

  She was taller than her husband, but then, nearly everyone was taller than Stu. He was the living embodiment of a middle-aged Alfred E. Newman with a sinister gapped-tooth grin and a big head resting precariously on top of his little body. His hair was wiry and black with silver at the temples and a little too long as it hung over his floppy ears. He walked like he was top heavy, waddling a little from side to side. If he hadn’t been richer than God, no one would have noticed him, and he knew it.

  Stuart graduated in three years from Cross because he had nothing else to do. He had gotten into his fraternity because it was his father’s and his uncle’s and his grandfather’s before him. His father donated the money to renovate and furnish a proper bedroom for him there. There was a heavy bronze nameplate on the door to commemorate the event, and that’s the room in which Stuart lived and tried, without much success, to lure coeds during the last two years he studied at Cross. After he left, a room-and-board scholarship fund was established for needy brothers. Stuart never failed to remind the recipients how fortunate they were to have the generosity of his father bestowed upon him.

  And his old room could be used for nothing else. It was his whenever he wanted it. This is the way Stuart was brought up, and this is the way he lived, buying and selling anything and anybody he chose.

  “Hello, Stuart,” Abby said.

  “Fine, thanks,” Stuart turned to Zach as they walked toward the baggage area.

  “So, what do you say we hop in my plane and take ‘er for a spin, Zach?”

  “Hey, great, Stu! I thought we were gonna drive up,” Zach said.

  “Did I say drive? Not for my head coach, no, sir, we go first class.”

  “Well now, hold on now, Stu, I haven’t said yes yet.”