I walk into the kitchen, the first couple of rays of sunlight brightening the room, and I look around in awe. Like everything else in this house, the kitchen is amazing. I run my hands over the marble counter with a smile on my face. A small part of me wonders what it might have been like to decorate a house with Carter. I still remember how much he enjoyed the little changes I made to our bedroom in his small apartment, and it hasn’t escaped my notice that some of the candle holders and decorative pillows in my bedroom are identical to the ones we used to have. My traitorous heart can’t help but be a bit excited at the thought of Carter holding onto some of our things. It makes me feel like a small part of him might be holding onto me. I know I shouldn’t want that, I shouldn’t even be thinking it, but my heart is foolish.
I sigh and make myself a cup of coffee, the smell of fresh coffee waking me up just slightly. I’m startled when a door opens behind me, and I turn in surprise, my heart skipping a beat.
Carter is standing in the doorway wearing nothing but his swim shorts, his hair still wet, and my breath catches. He lifts a towel to his hair and I watch as a drop of water runs down his chest. “Carter,” I whisper.
He looks surprised to see me and his eyes run over my attire, his brows rising. I look down and stare at my clothes in confusion. I’m dressed appropriately in suit trousers and a blouse, my makeup done perfectly, yet Carter somehow looks disappointed.
“Emilia,” he murmurs, pausing in front of me. I look into his stunning hazel eyes, and my heart starts to race. Carter smiles at me and reaches past me to grab a coffee cup. His proximity makes my heart skip a beat, and for a second I’m tempted to reach out and touch him. Carter helps himself to a cup of coffee and I bite down on my lip.
“I, um, I didn’t realize you were up, or I’d have asked your permission before using your kitchen,” I murmur awkwardly.
Carter frowns and looks at me, and I hate that I can’t read his expression. He’s still Carter, but he’s far from the twenty-two-year-old I used to be in love with. The man standing before me is all hard lines and unreadable smiles. He’s so close, but he feels so far away.
“Since when do you ask for permission for anything? Besides, I told you that you’re welcome here. Just make yourself at home.”
I blink and then smile. He’s right. When it came to Carter I’ve never once asked for permission to barge into his room and wreak havoc, but we aren’t kids anymore. Besides, we haven’t seen each other in so long that I find it hard to read him. I can’t tell if he’s just being polite, or if he’s actually fine with me being here.
I glance around the room and lean back against the counter, trying my best to keep my eyes off his body. He looks amazing. He’s far leaner than he used to be in college, and his muscles are so clearly defined that I can’t help but wonder what they’ll feel like underneath my fingertips. He’s even more handsome than he’s always been in my dreams. Reality isn’t meant to be better than dreams are, but with Carter it always has been.
“So, this is your house, huh? It’s astonishing, Carter. I always knew you’d be successful one way or another, but this is beyond my wildest dreams.”
He leans back against the counter opposite me, and the way he looks at me makes me feel on edge. There’s something about that look in his eyes that makes me feel like I’m somehow letting him down.
Carter pushes away from the counter and puts his coffee cup down before walking towards me. My heart starts to hammer in my chest as he cages me in, his arms on either side of me. I can’t think clearly when he’s so close.
“W… what are you doing?”
He grits his teeth and takes a step closer, his body only inches from mine. I’m so tempted to close the distance, to pull him against me. I can’t help but wonder what he’ll feel like, pressed against me. A thousand feelings I thought I’d buried come rushing back the second he’s near me.
“For years I’ve wondered what it might be like if we were to run into each other, Emilia. Years.”
I gulp and look into his eyes, my heart pounding. Part of me wonders what he’d say if I admitted that I’ve always wondered the same thing.
“Yet here we are. Fucking strangers to each other. I always thought I’d one day see you again, and you’d still be mine. We’d still be us.”
Carter sighs and pulls away from me. He shakes his head and runs a hand through his wet hair. He turns his back to me, and my entire body is screaming for me to walk up to him, to run my hands over his body and pull him back. He still affects me like no one else ever has. He still has a hold over me.
“Make yourself at home here,” he says. “I imagine you’ll be here for a while.”
I nod and smile tightly. “Thank you. I’ll be here for a few months at least, but I’ll try my best to stay out of your way.”
Carter frowns. “A few months?” he asks. “So, you have every intention of returning to London if your father gets better?”
I look away and cross my arms. I have no idea how long I’ll be here, but I know I can’t stay. “I— yes, of course. My boss is aware that I’ll be away for a few months, but she’s expecting me back. My whole life is in London, after all.”
“Your whole life, huh?” Carter says. “I see.”
He shakes his head and turns to walk away, and somehow, I’m left feeling devastated.
Chapter 9
Emilia
I’m tense as I walk into the local clinic a few days later. Dad has been vehemently objecting to me donating one of my kidneys, and he won’t even discuss it with me. He wouldn’t even let me go in to get more information. I’ve had to pretend that I was running to the grocery store.
I’m anxious as I sit in the waiting room. I want to get these tests over with as soon as possible. It kills me to see Dad suffering every single day, especially since there’s a chance I might be able to help him, to save him.
I walk into the doctor’s office and much to my surprise, I recognize the doctor. “Layla?”
She looks up at me, shocked. “Emilia? What are you doing here? I thought you were in London?”
She and I were never close. I mostly remember her as Tony’s little sister, and Gabby’s friend. But still, I expected a slightly warmer welcome from someone I went to school with.
“I came back to spend some time with my father. That’s actually why I’m here. I wanted to discuss whether it’d be possible for me to donate a kidney.” She looks shocked as she sits back down and I smile at her. “So, you became a doctor, huh? That’s amazing.”
She nods, but it’s like she doesn’t even hear me, and I sit down awkwardly.
“I’m actually still in training. I mostly just get to do consultations like these,” she tells me, smiling tightly. I nod. I figured as much.
She seems shellshocked to see me, and I guess that shouldn’t be surprising. I haven’t been back here in eight years. Not even once.
“Where are you staying?” she asks, her voice soft.
I blink, surprised. “I’m staying with my dad,” I tell her, a polite smile on my face.
She swallows hard and looks away. “So, you’re staying with Carter.”
I forget that everyone knows everything in small towns. Everyone probably knows that my dad is staying with Carter, so it won’t take long before they realise that I am too.
Layla shakes her head and inhales deeply. “Right, so, you want to discuss kidney donation? For women the main risks relate to childbearing. If you ever want to have children, then that’s something to consider, and it’s something I have to mention, but the risks are low.”
I nod and take notes as she runs me through everything I need to know. I squirm just a little as she takes my blood, and before I know it I’m on my way again. In just a couple of days I’ll know for sure how compatible my dad and I would be. I can’t help but think about children as I drive back to Carter’s house. I have no idea whether I even want them, but I do think I’d like for it to be an option.
I think back to when Carter
and I were dating, my heart heavy. We’d told each other that we’d want children together one day. I remember wanting that with him, yet now I’m not sure I want any at all anymore. I certainly can’t imagine having children with Sam.
I walk into the house absentminded, my thoughts on children and what my future might look like. When I imagine what my kids look like, I still imagine them the way I used to, with dark hair and hazel eyes… Carter’s eyes. I sigh and walk into the kitchen, only to pause when I find the chef standing in the kitchen, in full uniform. He looks surprised to see me, and for a second, we both just stare at each other.
“Madam,” he says politely, and I smile at him.
“Hi, Enzo,” I say, greeting the chef. “Are you ever just going to call me Emilia?”
Enzo smiles and shakes his head. He’s so formal — all of Carter’s staff is. Enzo has done a great job taking care of Dad’s diet, but I’m feeling mostly useless here, and I want to spoil Dad myself for once. There’s so much staff taking care of his every need that there isn’t much left for me to help with. I’m going half-crazy doing nothing all day.
I smile at Enzo pleadingly. “Do you think you could let me cook today?” I ask. Enzo smiles at me and shakes his head.
“Are you trying to steal Enzo’s job?”
I whirl around and come face to face with Carter.
My heart hammers in my chest just at the sight of him. I haven’t seen him in a few days now. Not since he walked into the kitchen, dripping wet. He’s still every bit as handsome. If anything, he looks even better now. There’s an edge to him that didn’t use to be there, almost as though life has made him jaded. It’s in his eyes, in the way he holds himself. He makes me nervous.
Even though it’s been eight years, to me it all still feels so recent. I’m worried I can’t be around him without acting awkward. I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable in his own home. I’ve been trying my best to stay out of his way, but it’s been so hard. I keep wanting to reach out to him, when I know I shouldn’t. I tried discussing me moving into our place with Dad, but just like Carter expected, he threatened to move back with me if I do so. He’d actually do it too; I have no doubt.
Carter looks at me, and the fact that I can’t read his expression breaks my heart. I don’t know the guy standing in front of me, yet I’m still clinging to who he used to be. I smile tightly and look away.
“Enzo, please give us a minute,” Carter says.
The chef nods at Carter and walks away, leaving the two of us standing here. I look up at him wide-eyed, and he smiles at me. “Were you planning on making dinner?”
“I…yes… I thought it might be nice to make Dad a home cooked meal. I hope you don’t mind.”
Carter frowns and walks up to me. He places his finger underneath my chin and lifts my face up. I look into his eyes, surprised. Just having him this close makes my heart race, and it’s got me feeling flustered.
“Emilia, do whatever the hell you want. You want to cook dinner? Do it. Honestly, just make yourself at home here. If I didn’t want you here, you wouldn’t be here.”
I nod and Carter smiles. I breathe a sigh of relief when he takes a step away. I can’t breathe when he’s this close to me. “Do you need any help?” he asks, and I shake my head. “All right. I’ll check in on your dad, and we’ll both join you for dinner soon, okay?”
I nod and collapse against the kitchen counter the second he walks out. I close my eyes and inhale deeply. This is ridiculous. It’s crazy that I still can’t be around him.
I’m absentminded as I cook, and it isn’t until I put the lasagna in the oven that I realize I made Carter’s favorite food. Or, well, what used to be his favorite food. I have no idea if it still is.
I’m nervous as I walk to the dining room. It’s still odd for me to see Dad and Carter laughing together. Dad never even mentioned Carter in all the years I was away. Not even once. I had no idea they were close enough for Dad to move in here, and I feel oddly left out. Carter seems to have become such a huge part of my dad’s life. How could I not have known?
I place the lasagna on the table and my eyes meet Carter’s. For just a second, I see the guy I used to know, the one I used to love. He looks up at me in excitement. It’s an intimate and adoring look, and my heart skips a beat. I blush and look away.
“It’s vegan,” I murmur. “Even the cheese is vegan. I only put in ingredients that are easy for your body to process, Daddy.”
Dad nods and smiles up at me. He digs in as soon as I’ve served him a slice, and Carter drops his cutlery to his plate loudly. He’s staring at Dad in disbelief and crosses his arms.
“What the fuck, John?”
Dad looks at him and shrugs.
“Months. For months I’ve been trying to get you to eat vegan cheese. You said you’d rather die than eat that crap, but the second Emilia puts it on your plate you eat it like it’s fucking bacon. What the fuck?”
Dad looks at him and shrugs again before smiling up at me. “Delicious, Princess.”
“Delicious? Delicious?” Carter repeats. “When I gave you the exact same thing you spit it out,” he says, his eyes narrowed.
I burst out laughing and walk up to Carter. I put a serving of lasagna on his plate and drop my hand to his shoulder.
“I can ask Enzo to make you something else if you want?”
He shakes his head and grins at me. His smile still makes my heart skip a beat. “Nah, it’s fine. Lasagna has always been my favorite.”
I nod and sit down next to Dad, opposite Carter. For a few moments, the three of us eat in silence, and it’s oddly nice. I haven’t had a family dinner in so long, and I’ve missed this. I’ve purposely been missing dinner under the guise of still being unable to get used to the time difference, or being tired. All in an effort to avoid Carter.
My phone lights up on the table and I glance at it in surprise.
“Who’s Sam?” Carter asks, his eyes my phone. There’s an edge to his tone that makes me nervous, and I instinctively shake my head. My heart is racing and I’m panicking internally, but I can’t quite figure out why. I grab my phone and silence it. It’ll be much easier to call Sam back after dinner, in the privacy of my room. I haven’t found a way to explain what’s going on yet. Back when Sam and I were still friends, I told him all about Carter. There’s no way he’s going to be okay with me staying here.
“Sam’s her boyfriend,” Dad says, and Carter stiffens. “You said you two were moving in together, didn’t you, Princess?”
I bite down on my lip and look down, avoiding Carter’s burning gaze. “I’m not really sure when that’s going to happen. I’m not sure how long I’ll stay here. There’s a lot to think about.”
Carter crosses his arms over each other and stares me down. “That explains why you said your entire life is in London,” he says, his voice harsh.
Dad glances at Carter and raises his brow. “That reminds me, how is Layla?”
My stomach sinks and I look at Carter in disbelief. “You’re dating Layla?” I ask, my heart twisting painfully. So that’s why she seemed so unhappy to see me this morning. The idea of Carter being with someone else wrecks me.
Carter grits his teeth and sends Dad a warning look. Dad holds his hands up in surrender and Carter shakes his head. “I’m not dating her,” he says.
Dad bursts out laughing. “Right. You’re just shagging her, huh? Boy, after all this time you might as well make it official.”
I feel sick. I can literally feel the color drain from my face. My heart aches at the mere thought of Carter with Layla. I knew he would’ve moved on, I just never expected it to be with someone I know. The two of them must be the town’s golden couple. The successful entrepreneur and the doctor.
I rise to my feet and grab my phone. “Excuse me, I should really call Sam back.”
Why do I suddenly feel like crying? It shouldn’t matter to me that he’s dating. He shouldn’t matter to me at all. It’s Sam I should be fo
cusing on.
Chapter 10
Emilia
I lean back against my closed bedroom door and inhale deeply. What is wrong with me? Why am I this upset? I haven’t even seen Carter in eight years. How could he possibly still affect me this much? So what if he’s dating Layla? I shouldn’t care.
I sink down on my bed and try to calm myself. It’s just all these memories that are throwing me off, that’s all. Besides, it’s not uncommon to be curious about your ex. I clutch my phone tightly and scroll through my contacts until my finger hovers over Sam’s number. What am I supposed to tell him?
I inhale deeply and press dial. He picks up almost immediately, and I feel even worse for not picking up during dinner.
“Hey,” I whisper.
“Emilia, is everything okay? I tried calling you a few times, but I couldn’t get through.”
I bite down on my lip and nod, even though he can’t see me. “Yes, everything is fine. It’s just all been a lot. Dad seems okay, but he’s hooked up to a machine for four hours every single day. It’s really hard to see.”
Sam sighs. “I looked up your hometown, and it looks like the closest dialysis center isn’t even in your town. The commute must be exhausting for him too.”
I freeze and fall silent, my heart racing. I can’t not tell him, but I’m worried about letting him down. I feel like all I ever do lately is letting him down one way or another.
“There’s something I need to tell you, Sam,” I whisper. “But don’t overthink it, all right?”
It’s Sam’s turn to fall silent, and for a second neither one of knows what to say. “You’re worrying me, Emilia. What’s going on?”
I inhale deeply and close my eyes. “I didn’t quite realize, but while I’ve been away, my dad seems to have gotten quite close to the neighbors — to Carter. I’m not really sure if you remember him at all. I think I might have mentioned him once or twice, years ago. Either way, it seems like Carter offered to help with my father’s treatment, and he has this room in his house that he’s pretty much transformed into a private dialysis clinic.”
The Ruins Of Us (Mayhem Book 3) Page 4
