The Ruins Of Us (Mayhem Book 3)

by Catharina Maura

  “Morning,” he murmurs, and I sigh. He walks up to me and presses a kiss to my hair. My eyes drop to his chest and his abs, and I hate how good he looks. Carter smirks and bites down on his lip, as though he knows what he’s doing to me, and I look away.

  “Morning,” I say, my eyes dropping to my coffee cup. Carter takes it from me, and I glare at him.

  He smiles and cups my cheek, his thumb trailing over the bags underneath my eyes. “Couldn’t sleep?” he asks, and I shake my head.

  Carter drops his forehead to mine and sighs. “He’ll see reason sooner or later.”

  Carter leans in and kisses my cheek, and my eyes flutter closed. Even a simple kiss from him makes my heart soar.

  “Are you sure you want to spend Christmas with my family?” he asks, and for a second I hesitate. Carter told me he’s been hosting Christmas at his house for years now, and though he offered to cancel, I couldn’t bring myself to take him up on that offer. I don’t want to stand between him and his family.

  “Do you think it’ll be okay?” I ask carefully. I’m worried I’ll mess things up again. I’m worried my presence will be enough to cast a shadow over what would otherwise be a festive day.

  Carter nods and gently pushes my hair behind my ear. “Of course,” he says, a smile on his face. “Don’t worry so much, Minx. Everything will be great.”

  I’m still thinking about his words hours later, as the doorbell rings. I hope he’s right. The last thing I want to do is ruin Christmas for everyone.

  Helen smiles at me as she walks in, and I see the anxiety in her eyes. I’ve been so angry and so hurt, for so long, that I failed to see the remorse in her eyes. But it’s there. I see it clearly now.

  I smile back at her, genuinely this time. She might not be my favorite person, but she’s treated my dad very well over the years.

  Carter places his hand on my back and I smile up at him, easing the obvious concern in his eyes. He exhales in relief and wraps his arm around my shoulders, unaware of the way Helen and Kate are looking at us. My cheeks heat and I pull away from him, suddenly feeling self-conscious. Carter smiles knowingly and I shake my head. Even when we were younger, he was always touching me once we started dating, and it seems those habits haven’t changed.

  I follow Helen into the living room, my heart filling with nostalgia. Eight Christmases I’ve spent apart from Carter. There’s so much we missed out on, so many years we won’t ever get back.

  Carter smiles at me, his eyes filled with the same sadness, the same longing, as though he too is wondering about everything we’ve missed out on.

  William and Kate both smile up at me as I sit down, and for once, I’m not filled with hatred seeing Kate. In the few weeks since she’s been here, she hasn’t done a single thing that I can condemn her for, and I’m tired of the anger. I’m tired of doing this to myself, to Carter. She looks startled when I smile at her, and I look away in amusement. I wonder who she is now. I wonder who she’s grown into, and what her recovery was like. It seems like she’s stopped blaming me for everything that happened, and I wonder when she made that switch. My heart aches, thinking back to everything I’ve experienced with her. She and I grew up together. She was like a sister to me. I guess that’s why it hurt so much, why it still hurts.

  Helen grins and claps. “Let’s do presents,” she says excitedly, and I bite down on my lip. I only got presents for Dad and Carter, and I wonder if I should have gotten some for everyone else too. While I might not be ready to fully forgive them, I am ready to behave civilly on Carter and Dad’s account.

  Carter pulls me up and we all sit down by the tree, like we used to. “Me first,” he says, pulling a little box from underneath the tree. He hands it to me and I look up in surprise as I take it from him. I unpack it carefully, and he smiles as I lift the bracelet up to take a closer look. I stare at it in awe, and he pushes my hair behind my ear carefully.

  “It’s a handcrafted charm bracelet,” he tells me. “A little canoe, to represent the cabin by the lake. A replica of the treehouse, a little coffee cup… and a tiny little t-shirt.”

  I’m smiling so widely that it hurts and Carter chuckles. “If I get things my way, we’ll be adding many more charms throughout the years,” he whispers, and I look up at him. I wish I could just kiss him, right here, right now. No one has ever made me feel the way he does. No one has ever made me feel this seen, this cherished, this loved.

  “Wow,” Kate murmurs. “That’s stunning,” she says. She grins as Carter helps me put it on, and I glance at her in surprise. I can’t believe just how much she’s changed. She seems to be genuinely happy for me, for us, and I can’t help but be wary.

  I glance at Carter and smile. “This makes my gift look like crap,” I say, my cheeks crimson.

  Dad laughs and nods. “It does,” Dad says, and I look at him through narrowed eyes.

  “Show me,” Carter says excitedly, and I hand him one of the two boxes I had in my hands.

  Carter grins and opens it, revealing the cufflinks I had custom made for him. They’re golden little insects that remind me of the fake cockroach prank I used to pull on him, one of our classics.

  He looks at them and then looks up at me, his eyes filled with humor and affection. “I love this,” he says. “Great minds, huh?” he says, winking at me.

  “My turn,” Dad says. I laugh and hand him his gift. He got cufflinks too, but his have his initials monogrammed on them. Dad takes the box from me, and just as he’s about to open it, his face drains of color. I place my hand on his shoulder, wanting to ask him if he’s okay, but before I have a chance to, he collapses.

  I jump up in shock and grab Dad, panic filling my lungs, obstructing my airways. My vision starts to blur as I shake Dad, willing him to wake up. I can hear Carter on the phone, calling for a chopper, but I can’t control the fear that grips me.

  “Baby, it’ll be okay,” Carter tells me. “We’ll be at the hospital in a matter of minutes.”

  I want to believe him, but the panic in his voice is identical to my own.

  Chapter 58

  Carter

  Emilia is in tears as John is taken away, and I wrap my arms around her. I clutch her tightly, needing her as much as she needs me. I’m just as scared as she is, but I don’t dare let it show. “What even happened?” she asks, trying her hardest to swallow back her tears.

  I shake my head. “I have no idea, Minx. This is the first time this has happened.”

  I see the fear in her eyes, and it breaks my heart. I wish I had answers for her, a solution. She wraps her arms around me tightly and I hold her closely, my phone to my ear. I need some damn answers, and someone better give them to me soon.

  It doesn’t take long for one of the directors of the hospital, Dr. Davis, to come find us to update us. Emilia straightens, and I wrap my arm around her waist.

  “Mr. Clarke,” he says reverently, as he damn well should. I’ve donated millions since John first started his treatment here. “I checked in with the doctors, and it seems Mr. Parker is being treated for cardiac arrest. They’re doing all they can to save him.”

  Emilia bursts into tears and I wrap her in my arms, my chin on her head. “They’d better save my father-in-law,” I tell him. “You don’t want to find out what the consequences will be if they don’t.”

  Emilia knows just as well as I do that renal failure combined with cardiac arrest means John’s chances are slim to none. Dr. Davis swallows hard and nods. “We’re doing all we can, Mr. Clarke,” he says, and I nod.

  I bury one hand in Emilia’s hair and rub her back with the other. I hate how helpless I feel. In the last couple of years there hasn’t been much that’s been out of reach for me. There hasn’t been much that I couldn’t acquire. But this? There’s nothing I can do to save John’s life, and it kills me.

  “How did this happen?” Emilia asks. “Did we not watch his diet close enough? Was he not exercising enough? Maybe the nurses didn’t treat him well enough.” />
  I bend down and lift her into my arms. I carry her to the private waiting room Dr. Davis prepared for us, and sit down on the sofa, Emilia in my lap. “There’s nothing we could have done to prevent this, baby,” I tell her. “I have the nurses work in varying dual shifts, to make sure they keep each other accountable, and so they don’t get lax. I have cameras almost everywhere to keep an eye on the staff when I can’t be there myself, and you and I get daily reports about your dad’s health. He seemed to be doing better than his doctors expected, so I don’t know what happened, my love.”

  Emilia trembles in my arms and I tighten my grip on her. I hate feeling like this. I hate that I can’t ease her worries.

  The door opens, and my parents and Kate walk in, their eyes filled with the same worries that I’m sure are reflected in mine. Kate drops down to the floor by Emilia and places her hand on Emilia’s shoulder. “Do we know anything yet?”

  I shake my head and hold Emilia a little tighter. Kate sighs and drops her forehead to Emilia’s shoulder. She seems so hurt, so worried. It seems like all my worries about having her around Emilia were unwarranted, and I feel bad for not wanting her to return for the holidays at all.

  Dr. Davis walks in, and Emilia tenses. He smiles at us, as we all exhale in relief. “Your father-in-law will be fine, Mr. Clarke,” he says. He glances at Emilia and smiles. “Don’t you worry, Mrs. Clarke. Your father is in the best care he could possibly receive. I’ve been informed that your father was put in an induced coma. He’s being monitored very carefully, but the worst is behind us.”

  Mrs. Clarke… even in these circumstances, I like the sound of that. Emilia nods at Dr. Davis gratefully, but I know her worries won’t be eased until we get to see John.

  “Baby, we’ve been here for hours now, and we won’t get to see your dad until tomorrow. I’m going to take you home, and I’ll bring you back tomorrow, okay?”

  Emilia looks up at me, her eyes filling with panic all over again, and I shake my head. I need to make the call here, because Emilia will try to stay if I don’t stop her. I rise to my feet with her in my arms and carry her out.

  “Carter,” she says, her voice breaking. “We can’t leave Dad here,” she says, pleading, and I shake my head.

  “It’s hard enough to see your dad hurting, baby. I won’t watch you tear yourself apart too.”

  I carry her up to the chopper that I have waiting for us, and it isn’t until Kate lifts herself in that I realize she followed us at all. “I’m coming with you. I’m staying with you,” she says, looking stubborn as hell.

  Emilia looks away, as though she doesn’t really care, and I sigh as I strap both myself and Emilia in. I lift Emilia back into my arms when we land on my rooftop a few minutes later.

  Kate helps me open the doors, until I’ve got Emilia on my bed. I glance at her, somewhat surprised. I haven’t seen much of her in the last couple of years, and it seems she’s changed more than I gave her credit for.

  “I’m heading to the guest room,” she tells me, and I nod. “Let me know if you need something.”

  She shuts the door behind her, and I turn back to Emilia. Her eyes are red, and she’s staring into the distance absentmindedly. She’s been so strong since she got here, and even now she’s holding herself together reasonably well. This is the closest I’ve seen her come to falling apart.

  I drop down to my knees in front of her and cup her cheek. “Do you want me to draw you a bath?” I ask, unable to come up with anything else that might make her feel better.

  Emilia shakes her head and looks at me, her expression so lost that my heart twists painfully. She leans in and presses a chaste kiss to my lips. “I’m fine,” she says. “I’m just going to take a shower.”

  She rises, and my heart breaks as she walks away. I know my Minx, and I know she’s going to cry her heart out in the shower.

  Chapter 59

  Carter

  I walk up to my bathroom and sink down to the floor, my back to the door. I inhale deeply and close my eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

  It doesn’t take long before I hear sounds of Emilia choking on sobs, the sound muffled by the water. If I hadn’t been sitting right here, I wouldn’t have heard her.

  I don’t know what to do. I want to give her privacy, but I can’t stand the idea of her suffering by herself. Not when I’m right here.

  I bite down on my lip and rise to my feet, my hand on the doorknob. I hesitate before walking in quietly and closing the door behind me. The bathroom is all steamed up, and Emilia is on her knees in the shower. She’s so lost in her pain that she doesn’t even notice me.

  My heart fucking breaks seeing her like this. I don’t even bother undressing and walk into the shower, dropping to my knees in front of her. My clothes are soaking wet within seconds, but I couldn’t care less about that. Emilia looks up at me, her eyes filled with so much sorrow. She doesn’t say anything, she just wraps her arms around my neck, and I pull her close as she falls apart in my arms. “Carter,” she whispers, and I bury my hand in her hair, clutching her tightly.

  It’s like she’s been trying her best to keep from crying, and the second I threw my arms around her, she let it all go. Emilia sobs and I hold her as she falls apart. We sit there together, the water keeping us warm. I’m not even sure how much time has passed when Emilia pulls away to look at me. She sniffs and wipes her face, and my heart fills with tenderness.

  “I’m sorry,” she says, and I shake my head.

  “Don’t be, baby,” I whisper.

  Emilia looks at me, her eyes lingering on my soaking wet clothes, and when she looks back up at me, my heart starts to race. She places her palms on my chest and shakes her head. “I can’t believe you walked in here fully dressed,” she murmurs.

  I glance down to find that my white shirt has become fully see-through, and I shrug. “They’re just clothes, Minx. It doesn’t matter.”

  Emilia drops her forehead to mine and inhales shakily. “What would I do without you?”

  I cup her cheek and look into her eyes. “You’ll always have me, no matter what.”

  Emilia sniffs, fresh tears filling her eyes. She throws her arms around me and I hold her tightly, my heart shattering.

  “What if he doesn’t make it? What if I’m left all alone in this world? Is this punishment for staying away as long as I did?”

  I pull away a little to look at her and shake my head. “He’ll make it, baby. Your dad is the toughest man I know. He’ll defy all odds. But even if you didn’t have your dad, you’ll always have me, Emilia. Always. No matter what life throws at you, at us, I’m going to be there. I’ll be there to pick up the parts of your broken heart. I’ll be there to put the pieces back together. I will always be there.”

  She looks into my eyes, raw vulnerability in them, and all I want to do is reassure her. I wish she could see how much I love her.

  I sigh and drop my forehead to hers. “Baby, you’re my world. I will never leave you, Minx. I’ll be your family, your rock, anything you need. I’ll be all that you are to me.”

  I lower my lips to hers and kiss her softly, my heart overflowing. Emilia inhales shakily and kisses me back, deepening our kiss. Her hands roam over my body frantically, as though she’s scared I might disappear if she lets go.

  I thread my fingers through her hair and tilt her head, kissing her right below her ear. “I love you,” I whisper, and she trembles against me. I kiss her neck, and a small whimper escapes her lips.

  Emilia’s fingers find the buttons on my shirt, and she undoes them slowly, her hands trembling. “You won’t ever leave me, will you?” she whispers.

  I shake my head and brush her hair out of her face gently. “Never, Minx. I’m yours for the rest of my days.”

  My shirt falls open and Emilia’s breath hitches. “Will you always love me?” she asks, and I nod.

  “For as long as my heart beats.”

  Emilia rises to her feet and pulls me up with her. She reaches up
and wraps her arms around my neck. The way she’s touching me, the desperation in her eyes… it’s got me feeling emotional in a way I never expected.

  Emilia rises to her tiptoes and kisses me, her movements rough. I kiss her back and lift her into my arms. She wraps her legs around me as I push her against the wall, the shower spraying down on us. The way she moves against me, the little moans that escape her lips. I need her, but this is more than physical.

  “Tell me you’ll always be mine,” she whispers, her voice breaking.

  I grab her chin and drop my forehead to hers. “I’m yours, Minx. I’ve been yours from the second I first laid eyes on you all those years ago. I will always be yours.”

  She’s breathing hard as she reaches for my suit trousers, the button flying off as she pulls on it. Her eyes fall closed as she wraps her hand around my dick, and I groan.

  “Will you always want me?” she whispers, aligning my dick perfectly. One thrust, and I’ll be inside her.

  “Always, Emilia. I’ll always want you. You’re always the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. You always will be.”

  Her lips find mine and she kisses me with the same desperation I’m feeling. I cup her neck, my thumb caressing her throat. There’s no way this woman wasn’t made for me. There’s no way she isn’t the one. She looks into my eyes, and I just know she’s feeling what I do. Even as the world falls apart around us, we’re each other’s rock, each other’s salvation.

  Her movements are frantic and there’s desperation in her eyes, as though she needs me to make her feel better when sorrow surrounds her. I grab her wrists and pin them against the wall above her head. “Tell me what you want, Emilia.”

  “You,” she says. “Just you, Carter.”

  She tightens her legs around me and wraps her arms around my neck. She moans when I push into her slightly.