Mustang Player: A standalone, small town, rock star romance.

by Eva Haining

  “His poor babies.”

  “Everyone here has been rallying around him and the kids to help them through this tragedy, but he’s floundering. I’ve offered my services as a therapist, but he’s not ready to talk. If you hang with him tonight, use that Piper sparkle I know you possess and make him laugh. Friendship only.”

  “You don’t have to tell me twice, Ellie. I’ve worked for a few widowers over the years, and I know how hard it can be. Maybe I can give him some suggestions of resources to help kids deal with losing a parent.”

  “That’s so sweet of you. Maybe something to do another day. Tonight, let’s just enjoy ourselves with some good food and better friends.”

  She wraps her arm around my neck, pulling me close. “I envy the life you’re building for yourself, bestie. I’m so proud of you.”

  “Thanks, Pipes, that means a lot.”

  It’s not until everyone is fed and the party moves out into the yard behind the ranch house that I notice the bottles of beer in everyone’s hand. My hackles are up immediately, and I find Johnny to see how he’s holding up.

  “I had no idea. I’m so sorry. Do you want to go?” His questioning stare makes me think I just grew three heads.

  “What are you talking about, sweetheart?”

  “The alcohol. I can’t believe they’re being so insensitive.”

  “Slow your roll. I spoke to Jax about this recently. They all wanted to continue to keep our gatherings to zero tolerance, but I asked him not to. I have to dip my toe in the water at some point. I can’t live in an alcohol and drug-free environment forever. It’s not realistic, and I’d rather ease myself in with these guys than go back on the road and find myself blindsided by the temptation.”

  “I can’t fault your logic. I guess I’m just on edge about you leaving soon.”

  He cups my face in his hands and presses a chaste kiss to my lips. “And I love you for it. Now, relax and enjoy your evening with friends. I want you to make the most of your week with Piper. Something tells me she’ll be dragging you out on the town.”

  “I’m not going out drinking with her.”

  “Ellie, take a breath. I don’t expect you never to have a glass of wine or a cocktail with friends. Would I be happy about you downing three bottles of wine when it’s just you and me, not particularly, but if we’re going to make this work, we have to figure it out. Besides, I bet if you go out with Piper, you’ll come home a little tipsy and asking me for a midnight booty call.”

  “I don’t know, Johnny.” I see what he’s saying, but even if he’s ready for it, I’m not sure I am. If I did anything to jeopardize his recovery, I’d never forgive myself.

  “I do. You can’t live half a life, Ellie. I want you to have it all, and I plan on being a big part of that. So, please, stop worrying so much. I’m good, and we’re great.”

  I push myself up onto my tiptoes and kiss him with everything I have. “I love you.”

  “I’ve heard you say that like three thousand times tonight.” Piper appears at my side. “Seriously, I’m struggling to keep down my dinner.”

  Johnny grabs me, dipping me back with all the flair of a romance novel before crashing his lips down on mine, sending my stomach somersaulting up into my chest. By the time we come up for air, I’m speechless and so turned on I could come on command if he asked. “I’m going to go talk to the guys. I’ll leave you with Scrooge McRomance over here.”

  Piper is as dumbstruck as me as he strides off toward the guys, but he stops short, turning to face me. “And Ellie, I like the taste of your lip gloss tonight. You should wear it when we get home. I’m sure it would make a great lubricant when you’re on your knees and ready to take a mouthful of me.” With a wry smile and a sexy-as-hell wink, he leaves me in a quivering heap.

  “Marry him, Ellie. Marry him now. Holy shit, that was hot.”

  “Yeah.” It’s the only word that comes out. My breath is labored, the rapid rise and fall of my chest betraying my attempts at a cool exterior.

  The rest of our evening goes by with a lot of laughter and reminiscing with A.B. and Piper about some of the antics we used to get up to way back when. We’ve come a long way since then.

  “I’m the odd one out now. It’s wrong that I’m the only one left in New York.”

  “You know how to remedy that, Pipes? Move here.” A.B. raises a beer bottle to cheer her great idea.

  “Yeah, I love you guys, but I’m not a country girl. Not by any stretch of the imagination.”

  “You say that now, but I said the same thing.”

  “No offense, Ellie, but you had a clear vision of your career path. Kingsbury Falls was a byproduct of that. It seems to be working for you, but I don’t think my job security would fare well in such a small town.”

  That piques A.B.’s interest. “What are you doing these days, Pipes?”

  “I’m a nanny.”

  “She’s about to leave the family who employs her,” I chime in.

  “Why? Are the kids brats?”

  “No. The kids are wonderful, and I’m going to miss them, but their father is a lecherous toad.”

  “Do you have a new job set up?”

  “Not yet. I’m interviewing with a few families when I get home next week.”

  “I might have an idea. Let’s have lunch this week before you leave.” A.B. is up to something, it’s written all over her face.

  By the time we leave the party and head for home, all I want to do is crawl into bed next to Johnny, but he has this bee in his bonnet about being a third wheel. I don’t think Piper helped the situation when she told him she’d be fine hopping in bed with us—two’s company, three’s a sexual fantasy. Her words, not mine.

  I kiss him goodbye on my front porch and watch as he strolls off in the direction of his apartment. A small kernel of anguish begins to bloom deep in my core. In a few weeks, I’ll be saying goodbye for two months when he goes back to his real life. There are so many possibilities that plague my dreams, the worst of which would be seeing him flame out and relapse.

  Fourteen

  Johnny

  Knowing that Piper will be keeping Ellie busy this week, I decided it was time to work hard and play harder. Not in the old sense of the word. I’ve been playing my guitar nonstop. Jax and Mad were cool about me taking some time off, especially since I’m not a paid employee.

  I believe Jax’s exact words were, “You realize we’ve been making bank through your desperate need to become a real man. You’re a fully-fledged cowboy now. Fly free, songbird… but come back next week because I’ve got a floor to replace in one of the barns.” He’s the brother I never had.

  I’ve spent a little time in the recording studio attached to my apartment, but that was with Maisie. This week is the first I’ve let myself come in here and be truly alone with my music, and there are so many conflicting emotions tangled up in my passion for the melodies of life.

  Today is the perfect day to delve into the darker side of the songs I’ve written in the last year. It sounds counterintuitive, but the sky is clear blue for miles, the sun is shining, bathing K Falls in its golden hues. The air is crisp, which is a rarity in Texas, and it fills my lungs with the possibility of a fresh start.

  Ever since I came back here, I’ve been on a journey of self-discovery and the desire for a new beginning, but there’s always been something missing. It’s not the parties or the fangirls in every city—it’s the music. Belle thrives on stage in front of a live audience, and I love it, too, but if it all went away tomorrow, I’d still have the piece of the puzzle that matters most to me—writing music.

  It’s been a very long time since I could stand to be alone with my thoughts and the events of last year that have weighed so heavy on my shoulders. Therapy has been a major breakthrough for me, knowing I have someone who holds no judgment, and I can tell him anything without repercussion. It’s freeing in a way I would’ve mocked anyone for who suggested it to me a year ago. But today, I don’t need t
o talk or interact with another soul. It’s just me and my guitar and the four walls that surround me. It helps that the studio is slick as fuck with every toy a grown man could want. The only thing I’m missing is Ellie to spread out on the mixing desk and have my wicked way with.

  I’ve carried a music journal of some sort since I was thirteen. I write random lyrics, whole songs, a chord progression I love, or a few notes on makeshift staves jotted down in the middle of the night. I’ve lost count of how many I’ve been through over the years, but I have them all in a box which I assume is in the attic of my place here in K Falls.

  Belle and I bounced from one place to another for a decade, so we had a little storage unit we kept to stash the small number of personal possessions that have meant anything to us, and this is the first time we’ve put down roots long enough to warrant clearing out the unit. After Belle and Knox tied the knot, we had everything shipped down here, but I haven’t gone through any of my boxes. I’ve been too much of a chicken to face what I might read in those pages. My life—the good and the bad—my personality woven through the melodies, warts and all.

  My current journal has been filling up quickly over the past few months with lyrics of love and passion rather than despair and loneliness. It’s Ellie. My love for her is written between the lines of parchment, tied up in a leatherbound gospel of worship to the woman she is and the man she’s inspiring me to become.

  The days are long and shorter than ever as minutes flow into hours, and the sun gives way to the star-filled night skies that are so beautiful here in K Falls. I’ve written, recorded, played, and sung for hours at a time, only breaking to eat and sustain myself for another stint in the soundproof booth that has become a sanctuary as I unburden my heart and let it fly on the wings of a hummingbird.

  Ellie has checked in on me here and there, worrying that I’m shutting myself away. It’s hard to explain to her that this is the first time in years I don’t feel that way. I’m not shutting myself away or dulling my senses with the next high.

  It took me a few days before I noticed the shift—so monumental—yet it came like a thief in the night, undetected and unexpected. I haven’t thought about using in days.

  I’ve been clean for eight months now, but the desire to score has been an ever-present temptation—the devil on my shoulder, whispering in my ear every single day. It truly is a battle when you’re fighting addiction.

  I know Ellie fought hard against us getting together before I hit a year of sobriety, worried that she’d derail my progress, but the truth is, it isn’t her burden to bear. Whether she’s with me or not, I have to want it for me. Flicking through the pages of lyrics I’ve written in the time we’ve known each other, I can look at it with some semblance of detachment and perspective.

  I was scared too.

  Sex can be all-consuming at times. The right chemistry and the opportunity to explore can make for a combustible experience. I’ve had that before. A hot weekend in Vegas, a week-long affair in Paris, learning what makes a woman scream, only to move on and forget it ever happened. What I have with Ellie is so much more.

  We’re still in that wonderful stage of getting to know each other, learning what makes us tick, and all the little details we have in common. We stay up late, wrapped in the sheets, exchanging stories of times, places, and people who have shaped the couple we are now—all the amazing events that conspired in the universe for us to end up in the right place at the right time to come crashing into each other’s lives.

  There are lyrics I read as if for the first time, almost like they were written by someone else and in the best possible way. I’ve gone over lyrics in the past I didn’t remember writing but knew it was my penmanship—the ramblings of a junkie, too awful to keep. I’d tear out entire sections and burn them.

  I’ve never talked about the lucid moments between the highs. Not with Belle. Not with anyone. Those dark hours of self-loathing and shame, unable to look at myself in the mirror without smashing it to pieces. I became the very thing I hated—my parents—the junkies who left me for dead.

  As I sit alone in the warm glow of studio lights, mixing the track I’ve been working on this week, the weight of my mistakes lifts from my shoulders. It’s the first time since I got clean that I see the future I want, laid out before me, ripe for the taking. The choice is mine—allow myself to be defined by the man I was or let myself off the hook, forgive myself, and move forward. I choose the latter.

  I can’t wait to let Ellie listen to this song. I have no plans to release it for public consumption, this one is for her ears only. Hopefully, when I’m back out with the band, she’ll play it and know how much I love her. I’m still working on letting her love me, without barriers, but I love her with every fiber of my being.

  This song is my Shakespeare sonnet for Ellie Sawyer.

  “He’s alive!” As I shuffle through the doorway of Ellie’s place, Piper is full of energy and backchat. “Do I smell or something? You’ve been the AWOL rock star boyfriend all week.”

  Ellie cups my face in her hands before pulling me down for a kiss. Even on her tiptoes, she can’t reach my lips. “Hey, baby. How are you? You look tired. Is everything okay?” I hate that she worries so much.

  “I’m good. Great, actually. Better now that I’m seeing you.” Wrapping my arms around her waist, I lift her off the ground, savoring the scent of her perfume and the way her curves mold to the shape of my body.

  “You’ve been cheating on me with your mistress, haven’t you?”

  “You know me so well.”

  “I’m a jealous woman, baby, even when my competition is a guitar.”

  “She’s not just a guitar. She is a Gibson Les Paul, and she loves you. Don’t be a hater.”

  “She loves me? What the heck have you been up to today?”

  “Just a little something for my girl. You’ll have to wait and see.”

  Piper starts making gagging noises in the background, and rather than annoying me, I find myself laughing. It’s something Belle would do. “It’s lucky I’m going home the day after tomorrow. If I stay any longer, I’m going to end up with diabetes from watching the two of you. I’m happy y’all are loved up, but seriously, I can’t take much more.”

  “She said it!” I accidentally shout in Ellie’s face.

  “What the hell?”

  “Sorry, sweetheart, but your city-dwelling friend just used the one word that heralds a new life in the boonies. Y’all.”

  “Have you lost your mind, rock star? You’re nothing like I imagined you.”

  “I’m going to take that as a compliment. Anyone who has an opinion of me as Johnny Reed, guitar god, is now sadly disappointed.”

  “Did you just call yourself a guitar god?”

  “Yep, because it’s true. But now, I get to add small-town cowboy, boyfriend, and generally healthy non-junkie to my list of accreditations.”

  Ellie beams at me with the sweetest smile while her best friend descends into uncontrollable laughter. “I actually love you, Johnny. You’re a colossal dork underneath all that rock and roll, sexy-as-hell exterior. Now I see what my girl, Ellie, sees in you. I’m not going to lie, I’d been wondering. She always picks the bad boy, and when she insisted you were different, I thought she needed to see a shrink… other than herself, of course. But I see it. You are different. Your image might be all rugged bad boy, but you’re a big teddy bear at heart.”

  “Just don’t tell anyone. I’d rather keep the Mick Jagger reputation over Teddy Ruxspin.”

  Her eyes go wide as saucers before a second wave of hilarity hits. “That’s your new nickname. When we’re all old and gray, I’ll still be calling you Ruxspin. Give yourself a round of applause for that one.”

  “Fuck.”

  “It’s kind of cute,” Ellie says, gazing up at me with that playful glint in her eyes.

  “Don’t even think about it. If you start calling me that, there’s no sex for you.”

  “As if you cou
ld go without. You’d be begging me within a week.”

  “A week? Why would it take me so long?” I jibe. “You’ve got me by the balls, woman. I’d still get you off if you put me in a dress and painted my nails.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind. You hungry? I just ordered Chinese food.”

  “I don’t want to eat your dinner. I’ll just grab something back at my place.”

  “I already ordered your favorite. Would I get Chinese without making sure my man’s feed?”

  “I swear, just when I think I can’t love you anymore, you hit me right in the feels. My stomach.”

  “I listened when my mom told me the way to a guy’s heart is through his stomach.”

  “Wise woman.”

  “Want me to go grab your order? When did they say it’d be ready?”

  “About twenty minutes. I’ll get it, you look tired. Go lie on the couch, and I’ll be back in the blink of an eye.”

  “What did I do to deserve you, Ellie?”

  “Something terrible.” Piper might be the male equivalent of Jax—all mouth and perfect timing for ruining a romantic moment.

  “Are you taking her with you?”

  “Nope. I’m staying here with you, Johnny boy! How lucky are you?”

  “Again, I’m questioning what I’ve done to deserve you in a very different way.”

  “You love me, don’t deny it.”

  Ellie kisses me goodbye and sends me off to the couch. Maybe I’ll just close my eyes for a few minutes. The studio takes it out of you, or maybe I’ve gone soft living here in K Falls.

  I close my eyes, enjoying the silence for all of two seconds before Piper starts in on me. “So, lover boy, what are your intentions when it comes to my best friend?”

  “What? You’re kidding, right?”

  “I’m serious as a heart attack.”

  “I love her.”

  “Yeah, you say that now, but you’re about to go back to your rock-star life, and I want to know where that leaves her.”