A Time to Tell

by Maria Savva

  She noticed the weeds forming near the tombstone and a sadness descended. It looked like a grave belonging to someone who had been forgotten by his loved ones. ‘We should have brought some scissors to clear these weeds,’ she said, to no one in particular.

  ‘Mummy,’ said Amy, ‘I want to go to the toilet.’

  ‘Oh dear.’ Claire sighed. ‘We’ll have to go, I’m afraid.’

  Cara could feel the impatience in the air around her. She wanted to stay. The others were all just waiting to leave. She acknowledged defeat. ‘All right, dear, thank you for bringing me.’

  As they left the cemetery, Cara felt lonelier than she had done in years. The purpose of the trip to London had been to visit Billy’s grave, but they’d spent little more than a quarter of an hour in the graveyard.

  ‘That was nice,’ said Claire, as they walked along the street.

  ‘No it wasn’t,’ said Amy. ‘I found it spooky. Graveyards are where all the ghosts live.’

  ‘Don’t be silly, sweetheart. There’s no such thing as ghosts.’ Claire giggled.

  ‘Yes, there is,’ retorted Amy. ‘I read a story about one in school.’

  ‘That was only a story, Amy,’ said Mandy, laughing.

  They decided to go to a nearby park to eat their sandwiches.

  Claire laid out a picnic blanket and said, ‘We’ll go and see Madame Tussauds and the Tower of London when we’ve finished our lunch.’

  ‘Wow!’ said Rosetta.

  Cara wished she could go back home.

  At seven o’clock that evening, Claire decided that she, Mandy, and Amy would take the Tube to their house. ‘It’ll be cheaper than a taxi, and after spending so much on shopping, it would be wise.’ She held up the multitude of shopping bags they had somehow accumulated.

  Cara had presumed they would all take a taxi and drop Claire, Mandy, and Amy off at home, and she’d been looking forward to this as the day out drew to a close, curious to see where Benjamin lived. ‘But how will you manage on the train with all those bags?’ she asked.

  ‘There aren’t that many bags between Mandy and me. We’ll be okay,’ said Claire.

  ‘Yeah, it’s only a few clothes. Nothing heavy,’ added Mandy.

  ‘Do you have far to go?’ asked Cara.

  ‘No, just a few stops,’ said Claire.

  Cara was about to ask where they live when Claire spotted a taxi. ‘I’ll stop this taxi for you.’ She flagged down the cab. ‘Have a safe trip to Huddlesea,’ she said. ‘And make sure you come and see us, Rosie. You’ve got the address. You’re welcome too, anytime, Cara.’ She smiled and kissed Rosetta on the cheek. ‘Have a great time on your birthday, love.’

  ‘Thank you, Claire, and thanks for the present.’ Rosetta held up the sleek black carrier bag which contained her new pair of shoes.

  ‘You’re welcome, Rosie.’

  Rosetta helped Cara into the taxi. ‘Bye, Mandy,’ she said, getting into the cab.

  ‘Bye, Rosie. Phone me when you get home.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘Where do they live?’ asked Cara as the taxi drove away.

  ‘In Wembley.’

  Although not exactly local to Penelope’s house, it would have taken less than an hour for Benjamin to visit her. Why hadn’t he ever visited? A tear came to her eye.

  Leaning back in the taxi seat, she focussed on the view outside the window, wanting to be free of the melancholic thoughts that were hounding her. Daylight was fading and she felt her energy waning, certain she would fall asleep if she allowed herself to close her eyes.

  She tried to concentrate on the events of the day so that she wouldn’t linger on Benjamin’s indifference. Amy had been complaining and crying for most of the day. First, she didn’t want to go to Madame Tussauds or the Tower of London, and made such a fuss in the queues that they decided not to bother. Then she wanted to buy all the toys in the shops, and burst into tears whenever Claire refused.

  In the end, most of the day was spent shopping for a present for Rosetta’s birthday. They had been to at least a dozen shops before she finally chose a pair of shoes. Claire had practically picked up a whole new wardrobe of clothes for herself, Mandy, and Amy, along the way.

  Cara had endured a day of endless crowds of tourists and shoppers, and now all she wanted to do was sleep.

  Back at the house that evening, Gloria helped her into bed. ‘Did you enjoy yourself today, Cara?’

  ‘Yes, it was nice,’ she said, not wanting to sound ungrateful. ‘I would have liked to have spent more time at Billy’s grave, though.’

  ‘We can go to the grave together soon, if you’d like.’

  The suggestion took Cara by surprise, but it pleased her. ‘I’d like that if it’s not too much bother. Thank you.’

  ‘It would be a pleasure.’ Gloria was sitting on the edge of her bed. She did not usually stop to talk in the evenings. ‘Cara, I have to speak to you.’ She paused as if unsure whether to continue, then took a deep breath: ‘Perhaps I should have told you years ago, I don’t know,’ she said, looking at her hands.

  Cara’s thoughts turned to Benjamin.

  ‘It’s about Mandy’s uncle…’ Gloria hesitated. ‘Ever since you came to stay here, I’ve been worried he might come to Huddlesea. He’s often in town for work. The thing is, I didn’t want to have to tell you, but—’ She stopped.

  ‘What is it?’ asked Cara, even though she already knew what the response would be.

  Gloria pursed her lips.

  Unable to bear the suspense, Cara said, ‘I think I already know what you’re going to tell me.’

  ‘H-have you seen him? I-I thought you took a taxi in the end.’

  ‘Yes, yes, we did. I saw him in town the other day.’

  ‘So, you know…?’

  ‘What is it that I should know?’

  ‘You said you’ve seen him.’

  ‘He’s Ben, isn’t he?’

  Gloria nodded, eyes down.

  ‘I knew it!’ said Cara. ‘He had dark glasses on, and it’s been nearly sixteen years, but I knew it!’ Her words spilled out excitedly. Although more or less sure she’d seen Benjamin, there had been a sliver of doubt; now her suspicions were confirmed.

  Gloria stood up.

  ‘Wait. How long have you known?’ Cara trembled.

  ‘Well, from the start, I suppose.’

  ‘What do you mean “the start”?’

  ‘Paul… Um… Benjamin came here when he left home. He told me he needed somewhere to stay.’ She sat on the chair next to the bed and recounted the events of that night.

  A loud knock on the front door shook Gloria from her sleep. Switching on her bedside lamp and looking at the clock on the wall, she questioned, in her half-asleep state, whether it was really true that someone had knocked the door at this time of night or had she been awoken by a nightmare? It was just after three o’clock in the morning. Another knock followed, which sounded louder than the first; it answered her question.

  Who could be calling at this hour? A drunk? Someone of unsound mind? Living alone in the big house made her feel vulnerable. She switched off her lamp, conscious that whoever was outside might see the light. A voice shouted: ‘Gloria!’

  It was a man. Not a voice she recognised. Fearful, she decided that calling the police would be the best option. Then she heard the voice again: ‘Aunty Glor, let me in.’

  “Aunty”? It must be one of Cara’s sons—Benjamin or James. But what would they be doing in Huddlesea? They lived in London. And why come here in the middle of the night?

  Getting out of bed, she stepped into her slippers and pulled on her dressing gown. She hurried down the stairs and along the hallway towards the front door. Had something happened to Cara?

  Gloria put the security chain on the door and opened it cautiously. She caught her breath at the sight of Benjamin standing outside. There were dark circles around his eyes and his clothes were dirty, as if he’d walked all the way from London.

  ‘I
s Cara all right?’ she asked, concern wrinkling her brow.

  ‘I haven’t come here to play happy families,’ he said impatiently. ‘Let me in, it’s freezing out here.’

  ‘Wait,’ she said, closing the door to unhook the security chain. When she opened the door he charged his way through and into the living room.

  Gloria followed him, wary. She hadn’t seen him for many years, didn’t know him. What if he’d just escaped from prison?

  He appeared agitated, and she was sure she’d smelt alcohol when he’d rushed past her.

  ‘Benjamin, it’s late: why have you come here?’ she asked, trembling.

  He was unshaven, dishevelled.

  ‘You’ve got to help me. I’m in trouble. I need somewhere to hide. Don’t tell anyone I’m here.’ Practically collapsing onto the sofa, he began to shake, covering his face with his hands. After a minute or so, he raised his head and glared at her. ‘I think I’ve killed Maggie.’

  Gloria shivered. He’d killed someone? Maggie? Who was Maggie? She took a couple of steps backwards. ‘Er… Wh-who is Ma-Mag—’

  ‘My wife!’ he snapped. ‘I think I’ve killed my wife.’ He looked at her with hollow eyes.

  She turned away, intimidated by his stare. He could be mad. If he’d killed his wife, her own life may be in danger. She crossed her arms defensively. Looking more closely at his clothing, she noticed a few dark stains: blood?

  ‘I need you to phone my mum.’

  ‘But it’s late.’

  ‘Not now… Tomorrow. You have to find out if Maggie’s dead.’ He walked towards her.

  She took a few more steps back, wrapping her dressing gown tighter around her.

  ‘No one can know I’m here, okay?’

  His eyes were glazed over, unfocussed, and she could now clearly smell the alcohol on his breath.

  Gloria spent a restless night, tossing and turning, fearful that Benjamin might enter her room. If he thought she knew too much, he would want to get rid of her. Her mind churned everything over, unable to quieten. Why did he come here? Was she an accessory to the murder if she kept him in the house? She felt too afraid to call the police.

  The next day, Gloria dialled Cara’s number on Benjamin’s instructions. She hadn’t spoken to her sister for years.

  Benjamin was watching her intently from across the kitchen table, waiting in nervous anticipation to find out if he was a killer.

  Earlier that morning, he’d explained how after he and Margaret had a row he’d thrown her down the stairs: ‘She wound me up!’ he said, as if justifying his actions. ‘Anyone would have done it. She nags. All the time. She nags and nags.’

  ‘Hello.’ Cara answered the phone.

  ‘Hello, it’s Gloria.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said Cara, ‘but I’m just on my way out.’

  Gloria wasn’t surprised by her sister’s icy reception. If it had been Cara calling her, she would have reacted in the same way. ‘I wouldn’t be calling if it wasn’t important.’

  ‘What do you want?’ Cara huffed.

  ‘I know we haven’t really spoken to each other in the past few years, but—’

  ‘Oh, Glor, I’m not in the mood. I have to go.’

  ‘You sound upset,’ said Gloria, trying to keep her on the line, worried what Benjamin would do if she didn’t get the information he wanted. ‘What’s happened?’

  ‘I’m on my way to see Maggie… Ben’s wife. She’s in hospital.’

  ‘W-what’s wrong with her?’

  ‘Oh… like you care! If you must know, she was taken there last night. She fell—fractured her neck.’

  ‘Will she be all right?’

  ‘Why the sudden concern? Have you even met her?’

  ‘You might find it hard to believe, but I do still care about you and your family,’ said Gloria.

  Benjamin was drumming his fingers on the wooden table, impatiently waiting for an answer.

  ‘I don’t understand why you’ve called today, out of the blue. It’s inconvenient.’

  ‘I hope Ben’s wife recovers soon.’

  ‘She’ll survive but might be paralysed,’ said Cara on a sigh. ‘Not that it’s any of your business. I really have to go.’ With that, Cara hung up the phone.

  When Gloria replaced the receiver, Benjamin leaned forward. ‘Well?’

  ‘Your wife is fine.’

  ‘Are you sure? You sounded concerned about her on the phone.’ He narrowed his eyes.

  ‘She’s in hospital with a fractured neck. She might be paralysed, but she’ll survive.’

  Benjamin leaned back in his chair, pale and listless.

  ‘You should go home, Benjamin. Your mother’s worried about you,’ she lied, hoping to convince him.

  ‘They all hate me. They’re better off without me. I’m not going back.’ He covered his face with his hands, elbows leaning on the table in front of him. After a few moments, he looked up at Gloria, wide-eyed. ‘I nearly killed Maggie. She might never walk again because of me. I can’t go back there. I have to start a new life.’

  Cara gaped in disbelief as Gloria relayed the story of how Benjamin had fled to Huddlesea.

  For years after Benjamin disappeared, whenever Cara saw homeless people or drunks on the street she would peer into their weather-worn faces praying not to see her son’s eyes looking back at her. She’d always stop on the street and give these people some change, hoping someone would do the same for Benjamin. Every passing car, every man on the street might have been him. She’d been stuck in a state of constant anticipation, waiting for any news.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me he was alive?’ she asked Gloria.

  ‘I-I.’

  ‘Do you know how I’ve worried all these years? Why didn’t you tell me he came here?’

  ‘I wanted to tell you back then, the day I phoned. I didn’t want him in my house. He frightened the life out of me. But I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I knew he’d be angry with me if I did. Anyway, I hoped that when he found out his wife was all right he’d go home.’

  ‘Yes, but he didn’t, did he? He stayed here with you and you still didn’t tell me. Why?’

  ‘He didn’t want me to, Cara. He withdrew into himself so much that I started to worry about his state of mind. He struck me as unstable at times. He did seem really sorry for what he’d done. I got the impression he needed time to come to terms with it and straighten himself out. I wanted to give him that chance.’ She appeared thoughtful, as if recalling a memory. ‘I used to hear him in his room crying. He kept telling me he wanted to start a new life.’

  ‘One phone call, that’s all it would’ve taken,’ moaned Cara. ‘You wouldn’t have had to tell him you’d called me. It would have put my mind at rest.’

  Gloria opened and closed her mouth then frowned as she said, ‘Y-you knew he ran away believing he’d killed his wife.’

  ‘Yes, we knew that, but we didn’t know what happened to him after he left.’

  ‘He kept saying he was sure you’d all had enough of him, that you’d be happier if he kept his distance.’

  ‘That wasn’t true.’

  ‘He told me he’d abused his wife for years and felt ashamed of himself. It took nearly killing her to bring him to his senses. He knew he couldn’t go on like that and said he needed to put it all behind him. That’s probably why he decided to change his name: he wanted a whole new identity.’

  ‘I want to meet with him,’ said Cara.

  ‘Are you sure that’s wise?’

  ‘He’s my son! He’s been missing for years and I thought he was dead. Gloria, you’ve had so many chances to tell me over the years. Why didn’t you ever tell me, for God’s sake?’ Cara struggled to hold back her tears.

  ‘I’m sorry, I thought it was for the best,’ mumbled Gloria, handing her a tissue.

  ‘You were so wrong. You have no idea how wrong you were.’ Cara sniffed and wiped her eyes.

  ‘I’m so sorry.’ Gloria looked down at her hands.
r />   ‘Please, I have to see him. Tell him I want to see him.’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘You owe it to me, Glor. You have no idea how I’ve cried myself to sleep over the years.’

  ‘I didn’t want to interfere,’ said Gloria.

  ‘So you just let me think he was dead.’

  ‘But… You knew he’d gone into hiding believing he’d killed his wife.’

  ‘Yes, but when he didn’t contact us for years, I started to worry that I might never see him again.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Cara. What more can I say?’

  Cara stared out of the window. ‘A few years ago, Cathy and I tried to find him,’ she said. ‘We contacted the police, but nothing came up in the usual searches. They were going to investigate further, but I called it off. I couldn’t bear it. I still wanted to have hope that he’d return one day.’ She covered her face with her hands.

  Gloria placed a hand on Cara’s arm. ‘Maybe I should have told you.’

  ‘There’s no maybe about it.’ Cara glared at her sister. Then, sighing, she said, ‘Oh, well, what’s done is done, but now I know he’s in Huddlesea, I must see him. All I’m asking is for you to tell him I need to see him. Please.’

  ‘All right.’ Gloria stood up. ‘Get some sleep. I’ll try to speak to him tomorrow.’

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Cara woke up the next morning with a renewed sense of hope. Her dream of all her family being reunited no longer seemed as unrealistic or distant.

  She was alone in the house for most of the morning. Gloria had gone out, to talk to Benjamin.

  Doubts surfaced in Cara’s mind as the minutes ticked by: would he agree to see her now he had a new life with Claire?

  She switched on the television to distract herself, but it didn’t work. There were too many questions floating around in her head. What would she say to him? What would it be like to talk to him again after so many years? What reason would he give for not keeping in touch? Did he still care about her?