“Thanks,” he said, softly. “I’ll stay with her.”
Rylee nodded and patted his arm before she turned to leave. Declan waited until the door closed behind her and he was sure that he and Bree were alone before he walked over to the stretcher. He stood there for a moment just watching her sleep. His mind cruelly sent him flashes of memory from hours before. He could still see her lying nearly lifeless on the cement floor, the blood around her appearing almost black in the dim light. He shook his head and focused on the present. She was alive. She was here with him and she was okay. He thought of Zoe and felt guilt and regret wash over him like a wave. If he’d been faster, she might still be alive. If he were more skilled with his ability, he could have saved her. He thought of Ephraim, escaping unscathed. He wondered if he might have been able to end the war tonight if he’d gone after Ephraim instead of Rafe. It didn’t matter, he decided. If he’d done that, two people would have been lost instead of just one. He’d made the only choice possible for him. He knew it was selfish, but he also knew he’d do it again if given another chance. Now he had to live with the consequences of his decision.
Bree whimpered in her sleep and Declan reached out a hand to smooth her hair. She turned her face into his hand and he felt his heart clench. Kicking off his shoes, he carefully climbed onto the stretcher beside her, wrapping her in his arms. She didn’t wake but curled into him, resting her head on his chest. The stretcher was clearly not made for two. Declan’s feet were nearly hanging off the end and something hard was pressing into his lower back. Still, he knew there was nowhere else he’d rather be right now.
When Bree woke again, she felt the familiar strength of Declan’s arms around her. For a moment, she forgot where she was and why she was there and just focused on the feel of Declan holding her close, his heart beating strong under her ear. Then realization struck, and a wave of pain washed over her as she remembered that Zoe was gone. She closed her eyes tightly against the tears that threatened. She felt as though there was a giant hole in her chest that hadn’t been there yesterday. She didn’t recognize this strange new version of herself. How was she supposed to go on with a giant piece of herself missing? She felt Declan’s arms tighten around her and realized that he was awake.
“Hey,” he said softly. His hand gently stroked her back. She tried to focus on the feel of his arms around her and block out the pain that threatened to pull her under.
“I’m so sorry, Bree,” he whispered, and she could hear the pain in his voice. She pressed tighter against him but didn’t speak. She didn’t trust her voice. Her throat felt tight and she knew the tears were on the verge of winning. In her life, she’d never known true loss. She’d never had someone close to her die. This kind of all-consuming grief was a stranger to her and she hated it. She hated feeling as though she had no control over her emotions.
As though he could sense the direction of her thoughts, Declan whispered, “It’s okay. I’m here.”
She felt him kiss the top of her head and that was all it took. The dam broke and the tears came again. Declan held her until the crying stopped. He didn’t say anything or try to calm her. In a place where everything felt wrong and foreign, he was the one solid, real thing that she could hold onto.
Eventually, Bree’s sobs dissolved into sniffles and her tears stopped. She used the tissues Declan handed her to dry her face and blow her nose, uncaring of how she must look. Clearing her throat, she finally spoke.
“What was Rafe doing there?” She’d wondered about it earlier, but she’d been so stunned by everything else that she hadn’t been able to think of it until now.
“I don’t know, actually,” Declan said. “I didn’t ask, and he didn’t say. To be honest, I didn’t even care why he was there. I knew you were hurt and then I saw him. All I could think was that he could fix you.” He told her about his run-in with Ephraim and Rafe. How he’d stopped Ephraim from killing Rafe and then about the strange clash he’d had with Ephraim.
“When I realized that Rafe was leaving, I knew I had a choice,” he said. “I couldn’t let him leave. Not with you so badly hurt.” He sighed.
Declan hesitated before he continued. “There’s something else.”
Something in his voice made her instantly wary. “What is it?”
He sighed again. “They brought Rafe in,” he said. “Paul, too. When we got here, there was a crowd of guards in Medical. Not our guards. The council sent someone to look into Conrad’s leadership of this place.”
Bree sat up quickly, ignoring the jolt of pain that radiated from her shoulder. She’d nearly forgotten about the injury there. “What?” she asked, outraged.
Declan shook his head. “I know. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but something weird is going on. Conrad just stood there and let this guy Kline call the shots. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone else about it yet. I think we’re all just laying low until we know more.”
Bree still looked angry. “Rafe saved my life and my dad’s,” she said. “Doesn’t that mean anything to them?”
Declan gave a helpless shrug. “I don’t know,” he said. “I get the feeling things like that don’t mean much to Kline. And I don’t think anything we say is going to change his mind.”
Bree closed her eyes and was silent for a long moment. When she spoke again, it wasn’t what Declan was expecting to hear.
“You could have ended the war tonight by letting Rafe go and stopping Ephraim,” she said. It wasn’t a question but a statement. There was no accusation in her tone, but Declan felt it just the same. He knew that more people would likely die as a result of his actions, but he still couldn’t regret them. He’d done the only thing he could live with.
“I know. But I couldn’t let you die,” he said simply. He pulled her to him. “Not if there was a chance to save you.”
Bree nodded against his chest. “I know.” And she did. She knew that if she’d been in his position, she would have made the same choice. She just wondered how many more people would suffer because of that choice.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The days passed in a blur for Bree. She tried desperately to immerse herself in the routine of daily life at the compound, but it seemed impossible. Everywhere she turned, she was faced with sympathetic smiles and hushed voices. It seemed that everyone was determined to treat her as though she might break. She grew sick of it rather quickly. She was also never alone. She wasn’t sure if her friends and family had made some sort of pact, but it seemed that one of them was always with her. She started to feel as though she were suffocating. Didn’t they realize that everything they were doing to help her only served as a reminder?
She was also angry that she wasn’t allowed to visit Rafe. The man had saved her life and she couldn’t even thank him properly. She’d stormed into Conrad’s office the day before, demanding to see Rafe and questioning what they planned to do with him. He’d been extremely tight-lipped about the man while also showing obvious pity for Bree. She also thought he looked more worried than she’d ever seen him. Kline and his guards were still lurking about the compound, conducting interviews and seeming to watch everyone. It was setting everyone on edge and Bree knew it was affecting Conrad as well. She’d left his office, angry and deflated.
She wanted to do something, to go back to training or to go on a mission. Anything to feel like she wasn’t just sitting still, wallowing in her grief. But Gwynn had removed their team from active duty for the time being. Bree wondered if Kline’s presence had something to do with that as well, but she couldn’t ask.
Declan had been wonderful. He was attentive and sweet and gentle. He said and did all the right things and Bree wanted to scream. She wanted to scream at all of them to just stop. Stop treating her differently. She needed things around her to go back to normal because she knew that she herself never would.
As the days passed, she gradually came out of the dark hole she’d been in since the night Zoe had died. After a couple of weeks, she fo
und that she no longer needed to cry every day. She even managed to laugh a few times, usually at something Rowan said. He’d been the only one to not treat her as though she were different. She was grateful to him for that. She thought maybe it was because he’d had his own share of being treated differently and he knew how awful it was. The others took a bit longer, but they eventually came around. Over time, she found that she could tolerate their company more, especially once they stopped hovering quite so much. She went about the business of living and gradually she felt less as though she were pretending to be okay and more like she was.
Three weeks after Zoe’s death, Bree was walking with Sawyer. They’d just finished a sparring session in the arena and were heading back to their quarters to get cleaned up. She’d spent more and more time with Sawyer recently. Sawyer was quiet and didn’t seem to expect Bree to fill the silence which she appreciated. She’d been teaching Bree some more advanced sparring techniques and she was happy for the physical distraction. The bumps and bruises and sore muscles were a more tolerable pain than the absence of Zoe and she preferred it. When she was in the arena with Sawyer, she didn’t have time to focus on anything but not getting her ass kicked. It was a welcome distraction, especially since Gwynn still had them all benched. Now, after a particularly grueling session, the two of them were exhausted, their clothes sweat-stained. Pax was walking in their direction, a look of intensity on his face. He slowed as he approached them.
“Hey,” he said, looking at each woman in turn. “Did you hear?”
Sawyer and Bree shared a confused look and they both shook their heads.
“Hear what?” Sawyer asked.
Pax looked around as though making sure there was no one nearby. “Miller just showed up with Sam, wanting to talk to Conrad. Totally out of the blue.” He raised his brows and lifted one shoulder in a shrug. Bree found it curious that the leader of Upsilon would arrive unannounced to speak to Conrad, especially now. Judging by the reactions of Sawyer and Pax, it was clearly not the norm. Sawyer’s brows had drawn low over her green eyes and she seemed to be lost in thought. She gave Pax a distracted nod.
“Thanks,” she said. “Let me know if you hear anything else.”
Pax nodded. “Will do.”
Bree followed Sawyer as she continued down the hallway. When they reached the elevator, Sawyer surprised Bree by pressing the button for Level 1 rather than 7. She gave her a curious look but said nothing during the short elevator ride. The doors opened in seconds and she followed Sawyer wordlessly toward Rowan’s office. He stood with his back to the door, but he turned around when Sawyer called his name. He didn’t look surprised to see her, but as though he’d expected her.
“That was fast,” he said.
Sawyer didn’t waste time. “What’s Sam doing here?” She barged into the office, leaving Bree standing near the open doorway.
Rowan sighed and shook his head. “He’s begging for our agents,” he said bluntly. “They’ve lost too many in the last few months and Upsilon is struggling. Sam came to see if Conrad would loan him some people temporarily. Apparently, he’s got the full support of the council, unlike Conrad.” He gave her a pointed look. “Sam’s in the conference room, making his pitch to Conrad. Along with Kline. I didn’t stick around.” Rowan’s voice dripped with disgust when he said Kline’s name, making it clear how he felt about the man. He dropped into his chair, looking worn down. His glasses were shoved up onto his head and his hair was sticking out in places as though he’d ran his hand through it a few times today. Sawyer studied him for a moment, concern on her face.
“You okay, Ro?” she asked him, her voice soft.
Rowan gave her a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He nodded.
“I’m fine,” he said, but his voice lacked conviction.
Sawyer gave him a look that said she didn’t believe him. He met her gaze for a moment before he looked down at his desk. He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. When he met her gaze, she still wore an expectant look. He rolled his eyes at her, but he must have known she wasn’t going to give up.
“I’m worried about Stella,” he said. “She’s so withdrawn.” He looked up and met her gaze. “She won’t talk to me at all. It’s like she’s back in that cell, refusing to speak to anyone.”
Sawyer felt her heart clench for her brother. She knew he was hurt by Stella’s behavior, but she also understood the reasons behind it. The night Zoe died, Stella had volunteered to join them on the mission. She’d stayed with Bree the whole time, trying to keep her safe. She’d used her ability to remain undetected. Then Bree had sent her after the shooter that had them pinned down.
Stella had given her report once she’d emerged from the nearly catatonic state Declan had found her in. She went over every detail in a flat voice, devoid of emotion. She’d managed to sneak up behind the shooter, but when it came time to kill him, she froze. She couldn’t do it. Declan had found her, uninjured, but clearly not okay. The medical team thought she was suffering from shock. Or perhaps she’d had a panic attack. In typical Rowan fashion, he blamed himself for sending her on the mission. Stella had recovered, but she’d reverted back to hiding in her quarters much of the time or remaining invisible. She rarely spoke to anyone at all these days, including Rowan and Gwynn. It was as though she blamed herself for Zoe’s death. Sawyer was no stranger to misplaced guilt and she knew that nothing anyone else said was going to erase those feelings from Stella’s mind. Still, it was hard for her to watch.
“She needs time,” she said softly. “She’s been through so much.”
Rowan nodded. “I know,” he said. “I felt like we were finally making progress, but now…I just wonder if she’ll ever get back to the person she was.”
“She might not,” Sawyer said. “And the two of you might not ever be what you used to be together. But if you love her, you have to just be there for her in whatever way she needs.” She reached a hand out to cover his and he gave her fingers a squeeze. “Just be patient.”
The two of them lapsed into silence for a moment. Finally, Rowan shook his head and pulled his glasses off his head. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to make himself more presentable. Sawyer smiled at his efforts. After watching him struggle for a few seconds, she leaned across the desk to help him, combing his hair with her own fingers until it resembled something close to normal. He smiled his thanks as he put his glasses back on his face.
“So, why did you guys come by?” he said, his voice taking on a much lighter tone. Glancing around behind Sawyer, he said, “Wasn’t Bree with you?”
Sawyer spun around, looking at the empty doorway. “I guess she wanted to give us some privacy?”
Rowan was shaking his head when Sawyer turned back to meet his gaze. “Shit,” he said, casting his gaze up to the ceiling as he stood.
Sawyer didn’t know what he’d just realized but she ran after him when he waved at her to follow and walked out the door of his office. Halfway to the conference room, she suddenly understood.
“Shit.” She muttered under her breath as she and Rowan barged into the conference room.
Seated around the table were Conrad, Kline, Miller and Sam. Sawyer had only met the leader of Upsilon once before, but she recognized him. Bree stood just inside the door and seemed to be the focus of everyone seated at the table. Sawyer’s gaze went from Bree who stood stiffly, arms folded across her chest to Conrad who sat rigid, jaw tightly clenched. Miller and Sam both wore matching smiles. Kline’s face was thoughtful, and Sawyer found that it made her uncomfortable. She knew without asking what had just transpired. No one spoke for a long moment.
“Bree,” Sawyer finally whispered. When the other woman turned around to face her, Sawyer recognized the determined look in her eyes. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. When she opened them, she carefully avoided Rowan’s gaze. She looked directly at Conrad.
“I’ll go with her,” she said, her voice resolute.
Conrad’s jaw clenched
again but he didn’t argue.
Sawyer said, “We can help them get some of their junior agents better trained and be back in a few weeks.”
She worked hard to make her tone casual even though her mind was reeling. She didn’t want to leave Sigma, to leave Rowan. Corbin. Her mind faltered when she imagined leaving him again. But she’d seen the wild look in Bree’s eyes and she knew that there was no way she could let her go alone. She recognized the pain and the desire to run away. Hadn’t she done the same? Maybe some time away was what Bree needed right now. But Sawyer was damned if she’d let her go alone.
Conrad finally spoke, breaking the silence in the room. “I can’t stop either of you from going,” he said. “We could use you here, but I know Sam and his group need you more right now. I think it goes without saying that I expect you both to be careful and come home in one piece.” He looked from Sawyer to Bree and something softened in his eyes briefly. “I’m serious, Sawyer. We need you. Be careful.”
Sawyer nodded her agreement before she took Bree’s arm and steered her out of the conference room. Rowan followed them, closing the door on his way out. As soon as they were away from the door, Bree pulled Sawyer to a stop. Rowan gave Sawyer a knowing look and continued walking past them to his office.
“What the hell, Bree?” Despite her words, Sawyer’s tone was soft.
Bree closed her eyes for a moment and when they opened, she gave Sawyer a direct look. “You don’t have to go with me. I can go alone. I’m a big girl.”
Sawyer gave a derisive laugh. “Oh, no you don’t,” she said. “If you think I’m letting you go to Upsilon alone, you’re nuts.” She sighed, and she spoke in a low voice. “Look, I get it. You’re hurting, and you want to run away. I can understand that. But trust me when I tell you that it doesn’t fix a thing. You just end up lonelier than you thought you were before you left. So, no. I’m not letting you go without me. Deal with it.” Sawyer turned and walked away, leaving Bree standing alone in the hallway.
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