Sawyer followed Rowan back to his office, closing the door behind her. She watched him sink into his desk chair with a sigh. After a moment, he looked up to meet her gaze. The look on his face wasn’t angry although Sawyer wouldn’t have blamed him if he were. She gave him a sad smile.
“It’s only going to be a few weeks,” she said, deliberately keeping her voice light. “You won’t even have time to miss me.”
Rowan laughed. “Joke’s on you,” he said. “I’m looking forward to a little peace and quiet around here without you. I was just thinking you’d been around way too long.” Sawyer chuckled and moved to sit on the corner of the massive desk.
“Well, good,” she said. “I’d hate to think of you worrying about me the whole time.”
He waved a dismissive hand. “Please,” he said. “Like anyone needs to worry about you. You’ll be fine. Now get your bony ass off my desk and go pack.”
Sawyer stood and looked down at Rowan for a moment. “I’ll be back before you know it,” she said softly before bending down to hug him. He returned her hug, telling himself that she’d be fine.
“Be safe,” he whispered before she pulled away from him and walked out of his office.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Sawyer took her time showering and drying her hair. She was stalling. She knew she had to talk to Corbin soon. The odds were good that he’d already heard. This place was nothing if not predictable. News traveled fast. Still, she didn’t rush. She wasn’t sure what to expect from him. Since the night of their last mission, he’d been polite but distant. They hadn’t discussed the kiss and it hadn’t happened again. She’d tried not to let herself think about it or what it meant. She’d never had romantic feelings for Corbin in the past, but since that night, all she could think about when she looked at him was the feel of his arms around her and his mouth on hers. So, she’d done her best to keep her distance, opting instead to spend more time with Bree in the sparring ring. Even so, she knew she needed to talk to him before she left. There was no way she could leave things the way they were. Eventually, she realized she couldn’t put it off any longer. She gave her reflection one last glance before she took a deep breath and left her quarters.
Sawyer took the stairs down one level and walked the short distance down the hallway. She hesitated, looking at Corbin’s door. She couldn’t understand the nerves that had suddenly come over her. She’d never been this way around a guy and especially not Corbin. She shook her head at her own foolishness and raised a hand to knock on the door. To her surprise, the door swung open before she could knock. Corbin stood there as though he’d been expecting her. He held the door open and she walked past him into the room, not quite able to meet his gaze. When she heard the door close behind her, she finally turned to face him. She felt a pool of dread building in her stomach at the idea of telling him she was leaving. She opened her mouth to speak but Corbin beat her to it.
“Were you planning to tell me or were you going to just leave?” he asked, his tone glacial. Sawyer snapped back as though he’d struck her.
“What? No!” she said sharply. “I wouldn’t do that.”
He sighed and closed his eyes briefly. “I’m sorry,” he said. “That wasn’t fair. I know you wouldn’t.” When he opened his eyes again, Sawyer could see the weariness in them and something that looked a lot like shyness. “Why do you have to go too?” he asked, his tone almost pleading. “I don’t think either one of you should leave right now. We have too much going on,” he said. “Kline. The council. We need everyone here, working together.”
Sawyer knew he was right, but she also needed him to understand why Bree needed this. She said, “I know. But she just lost her best friend and she blames herself. If anyone knows how that feels…” Her eyes dipped away from his.
Corbin cut her off. “Don't,” he said, his voice firm. “Sawyer, what happened to Stella—to me—wasn’t your fault.”
Sawyer nodded, her eyes still downcast. “I know that. Rationally, I know that. But it took me a really long time to get there. I need to be there for her, even if she thinks she needs to be alone. She'll eventually see that what she needs is a friend. And I have to be there for her.” She looked into his gray eyes, silently pleading with him to understand.
Corbin was struck by what he saw reflected in her eyes. Every part of him screamed at him to keep her close. Hadn’t they spent enough time apart? The idea of being separated from her again was an almost physical ache. He thought back to what Rowan had said to him all those months ago in the training arena. Either one of them could be gone at any time. Hadn't they seen enough people die? Any mission could be their last. Now Sawyer was leaving for who knew how long. He watched her as she looked back down, seeming to study her boots.
Taking a small step forward, he closed the remaining distance between them. “I get it,” he said quietly, his voice husky. Sawyer tilted her head up again to meet his eyes. “I hate the idea of you leaving again, but I understand.” Corbin took a deep breath and reached out to take her hand, ignoring her startled expression. He spoke quickly, his words tripping over each other, needing to get the words out.
“Sawyer, when I woke up from that coma and I didn't know where you were, I couldn't breathe.” His brows drew together, and he studied their joined hands. “I saw Rowan’s face and I thought you were gone. I thought I’d lost you. I felt like I was dying. Even after I found out you were okay, I still hated the idea of not knowing where you were or whether you were okay. You've been such a big part of my life for so long. I can't stand the idea of you not being there.” Corbin shook his head slowly, trying to find the right words. “I need you to come back, okay? Promise me.”
Sawyer was struck by his words. She wasn't shocked, exactly. It was the same way she'd always felt about him. She needed him in her life. When she thought she'd lost him, it felt like the air had been sucked out of her lungs. At the time she hadn't looked too deeply at those feelings. He was one of her closest friends. He had been since they were kids. Losing him had been like losing a limb. She’d managed to figure out how to go on living afterward, but she was forever changed by the loss. When she saw him standing there in that parking garage, she’d felt like someone who had been underwater and suddenly came up for air. She could breathe again. For the first time in months, she could breathe.
“Corbin, of course I'm coming back,” she said, smiling.
He didn't return the smile. The look in his silvery gray eyes was so intense that Sawyer couldn't have looked away if she tried. He reached up and tucked a wavy blond lock behind her ear, his hand curving around to rest on her jaw. Sawyer's heart was suddenly pounding, and she inhaled sharply. He’d been so careful to avoid touching her since the night Zoe died. The memory of his lips on hers sent a rush of liquid heat swirling through her and her heart ratcheted up a notch. His gaze drifted from her eyes down to her lips and his head lowered toward hers. She stood, frozen in anticipation and shock. He hesitated, his lips an inch away from hers and whispered her name.
Sawyer couldn't take it. She closed the distance between them and kissed him with every bit of the need she'd never been able to voice. His other hand came up to cradle her face as she gripped the front of his shirt. The kiss was all lips and tongues and teeth and heat. It was breathless and reckless and so intense that Sawyer wondered if her hair was on fire.
Corbin pulled away and studied her face. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes bright. Her lips looked slightly swollen and her breathing was rapid. He’d never imagined her this way. He wanted to see her like this every day for the rest of his life. His hands still rested on either side of her face and he moved his thumbs slightly to caress her cheeks.
“Sawyer,” he said her name again, surprised at how unsteady his own voice sounded.
“Hmm?” she said almost absently.
He brought his forehead down to touch hers and closed his eyes. He felt her hand come up to cover one of his where it rested on her face.
“I
can't lose you,” his pained whisper caused her to open her eyes and lean back so she could focus on his face.
“Look at me,” she said in a low but commanding tone. When Corbin opened his eyes, he wasn’t at all surprised to see the fierce look on Sawyer's face. “I am coming back.” Each word was said with exaggerated force and he felt her squeeze his hand for emphasis. “This,” she gestured back and forth between the two of them. “This is far from over.” Her hand came up to rest on his chest, directly over his heart.
Corbin kissed her again. As their lips touched, he felt the same heat and energy as before. What had taken them so long? Right now, he couldn’t remember. His hands moved down to her waist as Sawyer returned his kiss. He wrapped his arms fully around her, pressing her against the length of his body. She let out a purr of approval as her arms went around his neck. He was nearly a foot taller than her, but their height difference wasn't important now. He lifted her off her feet and held her close while their lips and tongues danced.
Sawyer couldn't get close enough to Corbin. This was everything she'd always wanted but hadn't even realized. She didn't think. She just felt and moved. Her heart was racing, and her breathing was ragged. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he moved with her, pressing her back to the wall. His lips trailed a hot path down her neck and she gasped. Suddenly, Corbin’s mouth stilled against her neck and he pulled back to look in her eyes.
Sawyer didn’t know why he’d stopped kissing her, but she wished he’d go back to doing it. She leaned forward and kissed him again. He returned the kiss for a few smoldering seconds before pulling away again, breathing heavily. He closed his eyes as though in pain.
“Wait,” he said.
Sawyer stilled and looked at him, her expression one of shocked confusion. “I think I heard that wrong,” she said.
Corbin laughed quietly as he lowered her to her feet. Sawyer managed to stand on legs that had gone wobbly. She felt a moment of worry when he took a step back from her. Was he having second thoughts? Then he reached out and put a hand on either side of her waist, his fingers strong against her back.
“When do you leave?” he asked. She raised her brows. He wanted to discuss this now?
“In a few hours,” she said. “Plenty of time,” she smiled and leaned up to trail kisses along his jaw. She felt him suck in a breath before he leaned back from her mouth.
“Not nearly enough,” he whispered. “I don’t want to rush things.”
Sawyer laughed. “I think we’ve waited long enough.”
Corbin smiled. She loved the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he really smiled. How had she never known she could feel this way about him?
“Sawyer,” he said her name as though it were a secret, something precious. One of his hands came up to brush her cheek. “I can’t believe I’m saying this right now,” he said. “But I think we need to take this slow.”
Sawyer groaned and leaned her head back against the wall behind her. “I was afraid you were going to say that.” She straightened and looked him directly in the eyes. She bit her bottom lip and said teasingly, “Are you sure there isn’t some way I can change your mind?”
Corbin laughed and said, “Oh, I’m sure you could, but I think we both know better.”
She sighed and nodded. “You’re right,” she said. “I don’t like it, but you’re right.”
She leaned forward, resting her forehead against his chest. Corbin brought his arms around her, pulling her close. She held him close to her and let her eyes drift closed. How had she never noticed how right it felt in his arms? This was exactly where she was meant to be. Did he feel this too? She inhaled deeply, trying to memorize his scent. She hated the idea of leaving him, of leaving this, before they had a chance to figure out what it was.
Corbin led her over to the couch, keeping an arm around her as he walked. He sat and pulled her into his lap, wrapping both arms around her. He couldn’t stop touching her. It felt natural, as though this was what they were always supposed to be but hadn’t known it. They stayed that way, his arms cradling her, her head resting on his shoulder, feeling all the emotions neither of them was ready to voice. Instead, they talked about trivial matters. Who Pax’s latest fling was, how Shaw had tried to sneak a dog into the compound last week, how he loved the feel of her skin beneath his fingers, how his beard tickled against her neck.
They eventually drifted into silence as the time wore on, both lost in thought. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was bittersweet. Sawyer knew the time was fast approaching when she’d need to leave his arms to pack her things, but she couldn’t bring herself to move just yet. Her hand rested on his chest, his heartbeat strong beneath the firm muscles. She turned her face into his neck and planted a soft kiss there.
Corbin reached up to touch her cheek. He whispered her name and she straightened to look at him. “Listen,” he said, his face turning serious. “While you’re gone, I need you to promise me something.”
“What’s that?” she asked.
His brow drew down, his expression strained. “Don’t do anything brave,” he said as his thumb stroked her cheek.
Sawyer smiled, “You know me,” she said. “I make no guarantees.” Her voice was light and carefree, but Corbin didn’t smile as she’d hoped he would.
“I’m serious,” he said. “I need you to be careful. We’ve seen it enough times. How quickly someone is just gone. I can survive a lot of things, Sawyer. I won’t survive losing you. Please.” She was struck by the tremble in his voice. He was worried about her. That wasn’t unheard of. Worry was a constant. Despite how common loss was with their kind, the worry never really went away. They’d all just learned to hide it. It was a distraction that they learned to suppress at a young age. It interfered with the mission. Corbin was openly worried about her. Her heart flipped inside her chest. She smiled wider.
She leaned down to kiss him lightly. “I’ll do my best,” she said. “As long as you do the same. Don’t do anything too heroic, okay?” She knew he wanted more of a promise from her. He also knew her well enough to know that this was the closest she would come to promising to be careful. She wasn’t known for careful. He sighed quietly and nodded.
“Touché,” he said with a smile. “I’ll do my best,” he repeated her words back to her.
She smiled but it was tinged with sadness. Her heart ached at the idea of leaving him just when they were finally starting something. Things were good between them. But she knew that Bree needed her. She was in a dark place right now and she needed a friend. If anyone knew how it felt to lose people you cared about, it was Sawyer. She’d be there for Bree and help keep her safe until it was time to come home.
“Listen,” she said, her head resting on his chest. Her hand was tracing slow circles on his upper arm. She didn’t look up as she spoke, unable to meet his gaze. “This thing between us, whatever it is, we’re going to have to talk about it, you know? When I get back, I mean.” Corbin had been trailing his hand up and down Sawyer’s back in a swirling pattern, but he stilled at her words.
“I know,” he said, his voice rumbling in his chest beneath her ear. She closed her eyes and tried to memorize the feel of his arms around her, knowing that she would miss this while she was gone. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head before he said, “You need to pack soon.”
“Soon,” she agreed. “But not yet.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Bree wandered the halls for a while before finally making her way back to her quarters and taking a shower. She packed her bags, mindlessly putting clothes into a large duffel. From there, she went to see her parents, explaining to them what was happening. They weren’t happy with the idea of her leaving, but she convinced them that this was what she needed right now. She felt guilty playing on their sympathy, but it was the easiest way to get them to agree with her. Besides, she was going to be mostly training people. It would be safer than going on missions here as she’d been doing. Sawyer would help kee
p her safe. Eventually, they dropped their arguments although it was clear that they still weren’t happy.
She left her parents’ place and walked back toward her own. She knew she needed to see Declan and talk to him. She dreaded telling him that she was leaving. He’d been amazing and even she couldn’t explain to herself why she needed to leave. She just knew that everything felt wrong right now and she needed a change. She felt selfish even thinking it, but she couldn’t help it. As she neared his door, she told herself to stop, to go to him. Instead, she picked up her pace and walked swiftly to her own quarters. She unlocked the door and slipped inside, closing it behind her with a sigh. When she turned around, she was startled to see Declan sitting on the small loveseat. His elbows rested on his knees and he was looking at his hands. He didn’t turn to meet her gaze.
Bree didn’t say anything. She knew she shouldn’t have been surprised to see him in her living room. She took a deep breath and walked over to sit next to him. She watched him lace and unlace his fingers, a fine tremor in his hands. She reached over and took one of his hands in both of hers. She leaned her head on his shoulder, feeling the familiar tug inside her, drawing her to him. It was the same pull she’d felt before she’d even known his name. The idea of leaving him went against every instinct she had, but somehow she also felt like it was the right thing for her.
“Why?” he said quietly.
She sighed. “I just need something different. Just for a little while.” She was trying to understand it herself even as she was trying to explain it to him.
Extant Page 23
