Outside Looking In: A Browerton University Book

by Truman, A. J.

  Crap. I hope they don’t see me. Liam tried to beeline to the bathroom without being seen, but he couldn’t stop himself from seeing them. He hid behind a column and watched them. What am I doing? But curiosity got the better of him. He had stuck to Nathan’s deal to avoid Facebook, and it had helped. He rarely thought of Kelly and Craig, but he would never forget what they did. The deceit, the lies. Those feelings came rushing back to him.

  Craig caressed Kelly’s hand over the table. He poured her a glass of wine. When she picked up her glass, her engagement ring sparkled in the light. It threatened to blind Liam.

  “Watch out, sir!” A waiter with a huge tray overloaded with food swerved around him.

  Kelly and Craig naturally looked over and found the former third wheel of their threesome gawking at them from behind a column.

  She gave him a half-wave. She did not seem to know the proper protocol in this situation, and neither did Liam. He approached their table, nervously, like a boy in trouble who would rather face up to the punishment now than drag it out.

  “Well, this is a coincidence,” he said. He tried to play the whole thing off as a joke. Inside, he felt anger gushing through him all anew.

  “Liam,” Craig said. He still had his tanned glow. “How ya going?”

  “Sweet as. And you.”

  “Kelly raved about this restaurant for the longest time,” Craig said.

  “I introduced her to it,” Liam said through a tight-lipped smile. That got them quiet. It amazed him how fresh the wounds could still feel.

  “How are things on the farm?” Kelly asked. “Did you finish with lambing season?”

  “How do you know about lambing season?” Liam asked.

  “I have some family members who used to be sheep farmers.”

  “That sounds like every person in New Zealand,” Craig said. The three of them laughed, and it was just as awkward as Liam expected.

  “The season just ended. I’m celebrating,” Liam said.

  “Things on the farm are going well?” Kelly asked. He liked that she still cared. She was always polite and kind. She remembered details and seemed genuinely interested in answers. That was why what she did hurt so much. Never in a million years did he expect Kelly to betray him.

  “They’re going great. Lamb central. I’m grateful for the night off. It’s not like it was at WETA with weekends off.”

  “You got weekends off?” Craig interjected, and they shared a genuine laugh. Liam did not miss those sixteen-hour days when they were on deadline, finishing up effects shots for a film releasing in mere weeks. They seemed more grueling than his farm work.

  “Speaking of WETA, Craig was recently promoted. He’s going to be supervising the effects work on Peter Jackson’s next film.”

  “Mean!” Liam said with forced enthusiasm. That was the dream for every computer animation artist at WETA, to work directly with Peter Jackson, the founder of the company. The man had directed The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit. That was a name everyone wanted on his or her resume.

  And now it was on Craig’s. Liam felt his hand ball into a fist.

  “Glad to hear things on the farm are going well,” Craig said. Liam doubted he cared.

  “And things…” Liam gestured to Kelly’s engagement ring.

  “We finally set a date. And we booked a venue. This classic old church on the water.” Kelly had always wanted to get married on the beach. She wanted to walk down the aisle with her toes in the sand. He had even begun looking into venues before the ill-fated threesome.

  “Sweet as.”

  “How about you?” Craig asked. He rubbed his finger over Kelly’s ring. “Dating anyone?”

  Liam could’ve reached across the table and grabbed him by the throat. Craig was always the competitive type. Even when they played squash together, Craig took it a bit too seriously.

  “Not at the moment.” Liam wanted to shrivel away, especially from their pitying reactions.

  But he got a boost of confidence when he felt Nathan’s hand on his shoulder.

  Nathan

  “Sweetie, don’t be so bashful.” Nathan gave Liam’s shoulder a squeeze. He knew these bland heterosexuals in front of him had to be Kelly and Craig. Her blonde hair seemed familiar from pictures. He had seen Liam across the restaurant practically prostrating himself at their table. Nathan knew how to read a scene.

  “Gidday,” Kelly said awkwardly. Nathan got bored just looking at her. He was going to relish this performance.

  “I’m Nathan, Liam’s boyfriend. A pleasure to meet you.” He kissed Kelly’s hand. He squeezed Craig’s hand extra hard until the guy winced. “You as well.”

  Liam shot Nathan a look a petrified panic, but Nathan relayed with his eyes that he had this.

  “Liam’s still getting used to telling people that he’s proudly bisexual.” Nathan reached for Liam’s hand. He pulled away, but Nathan grabbed it tight.

  “Straight up? That’s really awesome, Liam.”

  “He said he didn’t know he could have feelings for another man until the last woman he slept with was such a disappoint…oh, I’m sorry.” Nathan hung his head in mock forgiveness. Kelly gulped down her wine.

  “How did you two meet?” Craig with the generic face and receding hairline asked.

  “I’m an actor, and I came to New Zealand for a new film project. I was exploring this beautiful country. I mean, London is beautiful, but in a completely different way.”

  “You’re from London?” Kelly asked, impressed.

  Nathan gave a modest shrug. “Born and raised. I’ve gone drinking with Prince Harry and studied at RADA. That’s the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts. Anyway, I was exploring this wonderful country as research for my new film, and my car got stuck on the road right outside this farm. And this big, tall farmer came out in the pouring rain. Not only did he change my tire for me, but he also offered to show me around Wellington.”

  “I didn’t know Liam knew anything about cars,” Craig said with a laugh.

  “Oh, he does, Kevin.”

  “It’s Craig.”

  “Same difference.” Nathan strolled in front of the window. He never resisted the chance to perform in front of an audience. “He drove me all around the island, showing me caves and rolling hills and making me dive off these quite terrifying cliffs. At each stop, he would pick up little bits of food, and at the final stop, he cooked a meal from scratch for me. We sat on his coat overlooking the ocean, eating the best grilled salmon I’ve ever eaten, completely fresh. He caught the fish in a stream with his bare hands! That was six months ago.” Nathan reached across their table and took hold of Liam’s hands. “Liam was gracious enough not to make our relationship public since I am a public figure in England and my publicist didn’t want to make a whole to-do out of it.”

  “That is quite a story,” Kelly said. He detected a hint of jealousy in her voice. Good.

  “It’s not a story. It’s our life.” Nathan came around the table and put an arm around Liam. Liam seemed to get the hang of improv because he turned and kissed Nathan, completely going with the scene.

  Except in that moment, with their lips together, it wasn’t a scene anymore. The kiss was sweet and tender, like it could’ve been a kiss Liam had been giving to him for years. It was brief but everlasting, not the makeout sessions they’d had during sex. Those kisses were about lust. This one stopped Nathan’s heart and made him forget whatever he was going to say next to keep the story going. Liam gazed into his eyes, and those milky blues knocked the wind out of Nathan.

  “I feel very blessed,” Liam said to the table. He wrapped his arm around Nathan’s waist and pulled him close. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. “Anyway, we will let you get back to your dinner. But it was wonderful seeing both of you. Congratulations on the engagement.”

  They walked back to their table and sat down. Nathan was still coming back to earth. It was like he was seeing Liam for the first time. He wanted more kisses like that.


  “Thank you for that,” Liam said. “You saved my arse.”

  Nathan said nothing back. The waiter had brought their food in the interim. He stared at his entree, but didn’t have an appetite. What the hell was going on with him? It wasn’t horniness. Or it was, but horniness of the heart?

  “Liam, can you kiss me again?”

  Liam creased his brow. “Excuse me?”

  “Kiss me.”

  “Now?”

  Nathan nodded to reaffirm his seriousness of the request.

  They leaned forward in their chairs and kissed over the candlelit table.

  Whoa.

  Chapter 24

  Liam

  The car ride home was full of the best kind of tension. Liam and Nathan were like magnets being kept apart at dinner, the energy of the opposing force threatening to shatter every window in the restaurant. The kiss in front of Kelly and Craig was better than a million sunrises. He imagined kissing Nathan that way over and over again. His dick was swollen and pressing against his jeans throughout the meal, but he also craved holding and touching Nathan.

  As soon as he pulled up to his house and put the car in park, Nathan leaned over the console and kissed him with the same softness and heart in the restaurant.

  “You’re a really good kisser,” Nathan said matter-of-factly.

  “You, too.” Their mouths opened and closed delicately. Nathan’s tongue peeked inside. It was careful. He was trying to savor this moment, and Liam wanted to do the same thing. Everything between them was slower. Liam imprinted to memory the feel of Nathan’s warm lips, the silkiness of his tongue, the smoothness of his jaw.

  They made out like teenagers in his car, but not the type where the goal was ripping each other’s clothes off—though Liam knew that was coming. It was like they’d just discovered kissing and the emotions it could unlock. Nathan climbed over the console and sat in his lap. Liam ran his fingers through Nathan’s hair and inhaled his sexy scent, sending his mind spiraling with desire. Nathan grazed his beard. His fingers were their own gentle kisses on his skin.

  The one thing that had remained the same were the giant erections straining against their pants. Liam hugged Nathan close to him, letting his erection press against his firm ass. He couldn’t wait to feel the heat of his skin and plunge his cock deep inside him. Nathan’s ass rammed into his car horn, startling them and the sheep outside.

  “I think we should go inside,” Liam said. Nathan nodded in agreement.

  They climbed out of his car, which took a minute since they were tangled together. They kissed again and moved backwards to the door, neither removing themselves from the kiss. Liam had no idea what was going on, how much of this was lust and how much was something purer, but he couldn’t deny the feelings surging in him for Nathan.

  Inside, Liam moved Nathan backwards to his bed. He lay on top of Nathan and unbuttoned his shirt. During the sex of lambing season, clothes were ripped off, torn asunder, yanked off bodies in milliseconds. The faster to nakedness, the better. But tonight, Liam wanted to stretch it out like a last supper. He undid each button, kissing the warm skin he was slowly revealing, tracing the curves of his lean, defined muscles with his lips, flicking a tongue over erect nipples. Nathan shivered under his touch. He brought Nathan’s shirt to his nose and inhaled the musky, soapy scent. “You are so beautiful, Nathan. I don’t want to stop looking at you.” Liam planted a soft kiss on his mouth. “I’m falling for you. I think I might already be there.”

  “Me, too,” Nathan said barely above a whisper.

  He kissed down Nathan’s smooth chest, over the ridges of his abs, to his pants button. He rubbed his beard over the mound in Nathan’s pants, eliciting moans of pleasure from the redhead that hummed through his body. Nathan gasped when he unbuttoned his jeans, his cock begging to be free. His teeth pulled at the waistband of Nathan’s underwear, making his farmhand writhe underneath him.

  Liam wrapped his lips around his pulsating, long cock, torturing him with slow strokes and rubbing his hand across his chest. He dragged Nathan’s dick across his beard, eliciting shivers and guttural moans out of his lover. He loved feeling the warm hardness on his face.

  “Liam, Liam, Liam…” Nathan said his name over and over, mumbling and muttering it like he was in the middle of a trance.

  He needed to kiss Nathan. He had to kiss him and look into those eyes again. He had a feeling they would be up all night.

  Nathan

  Nathan needed Liam. Literally needed him. He didn’t know he needed this feeling so badly, that his body had been deprived of a valuable nutrient.

  “I want you, Liam. I care about you so much.”

  This was the type of shit Nathan was saying tonight, shit he never said during sex or anytime. He didn’t need or care about people. He was fine on his own. But the words were the truth, mystifying even him, coming from a deep place that he had no control over. This was lust. This was…heart?

  Nathan pulled off his pants. “We have a problem. You are wearing too much clothing.”

  Liam cracked a smile. His white teeth peeked through those full red lips and the haze of his beard. It was fucking irresistible. He took off his shirt, exposing his ripped chest, and Nathan couldn’t wait to feel the bristle of his chest hair rubbing against him.

  Nathan had Liam kneel on the bed. He undid Liam’s pants and managed to push them down to his tree trunk thighs. His cock jutted out, thick and hot, waiting to fuck. Nathan straddled Liam, resting on his muscular thighs, and his dick hit Nathan’s aching hole. He was cocooned in Liam’s strong grip. His beard scratched at Nathan’s neck as he pecked him lightly.

  Liam held him firmly in place, locking him there with his lips, making him feel whole. Nathan was never one for making out. He wasn’t thirteen. Why waste time on making out when there were so many other fun, more advanced things he could be doing with guys? Why go slow when fast was so much better? Fast didn’t leave time for thinking, for doubting. That was one thing his ex-boyfriend had complained about sex-wise. This isn’t a timed event, Eamonn would say as Nathan raced to nakedness and penetration.

  But it was, because for Nathan, sex was a way to forget. It was a diversion.

  Nathan wanted slow tonight. He wanted to absorb every feeling Liam was giving him, the caring and passion that blazed in his eyes.

  Liam held him in his arms, his cock hovering beneath Nathan’s hole. There was no sex yet. Not even ferocious making out. Just kissing. Pecks on the lips, gazing into each other’s eyes. And Nathan actually liked it.

  He might’ve liked it more than the rough, stress-relieving sex they had been having.

  So much was said in the silence. Nathan tangled his hand in Liam’s chest hair. His fingers trailed down the muscles in his back, then ruffled the hair just above his neck.

  “This is different for us,” Liam said.

  “Yeah,” Nathan breathed out. His cock leaked pre-come into Liam’s stomach. He felt the tip of Liam’s dick brush against his opening, and fuck, he could no longer take the teasing.

  He leaned back and pulled out lube from Liam’s nightstand drawer. They’d realized sometime in the middle of lambing season that they weren’t seeing anyone else, let alone having sex with anyone else, so they decided to forego condoms. Nathan only wanted to be with Liam; it was the best sex he’d ever had. Liam moaned against his neck as Nathan lubed up his cock, and he wasn’t even inside yet.

  It was like that restaurant had transformed them into born-again virgins.

  “Yes!” Nathan roared out when Liam pressed inside him, stretching him wide. He sunk down onto Liam’s throbbing cock. It filled him completely.

  “You feel so good,” Liam said.

  Nathan withheld his witty comments. Not for tonight. He moved up and down on his dick. He needed it so badly. The heat, the tenderness, the feeling of one person having control over his body. They continued kissing passionately, their sweaty chests rubbing together. He wanted to be connected to this man i
n every way possible.

  “Liam, Liam, Liam.” Nathan couldn’t stop saying his name. Liam responded with increased thrusting. He loved the feeling of being wrapped in Liam’s python arms and his thick thighs thrusting up and hitting his ass. In his embrace, he felt safe. He wasn’t alone, wasn’t abandoned.

  Soon, the sweet, tender lovemaking gave way to full-on fucking. They were horny guys after all. It was inevitable that things would speed up the closer they got to coming. Liam held Nathan in place and jackhammered into his tight ass. Each quick hump hit Nathan in just the right spot. Liam lost control and panted wildly, the animal in him coming out. Their kissing turned to lips hovering beside each other, emitting desperate pants of breath.

  Nathan’s dick rubbed pre-come all over Liam’s abs. He went dizzy. He couldn’t believe it. He was going to have a hands-free climax for the first time. Because he couldn’t celebrate this moment any longer, he shot his load against Liam’s chiseled, sweaty, furry stomach.

  Liam looked down at the mess and raised an eyebrow. He was just as surprised. But only for a second. He pulled Nathan close and kissed him deep as he emptied himself inside Nathan’s hole.

  They remained in that position and reverted to sweet, tender kisses. They looked in each other’s eyes, and Liam seemed to be just as speechless as Nathan.

  I love you, Liam.

  Nathan felt it completely, as sure as anything in his life. In those sparkling blue eyes, he found home. Liam was his person.

  But damn it, he couldn’t say the words.

  “What is it?” Liam wiped sweaty strands of hair out of his eyes. He kissed Nathan’s cheek.

  “I like being here. With you.”

  They lay down together on the bed, Nathan spooned by the man who had vanquished fire-breathing dragons and scaled sky-high walls to reach his heart. But as he drifted off to sleep, he thought about how quickly it could all be ripped away in a second. Love could flip to disdain like a light switch. Mariel cherished two of her children and cast away the third. Four words—I am Mariel’s son—and then he might be abandoned all over again by the man who held him tight. Just like his mom had done. Just like his dad and family had discarded him.