Outside Looking In: A Browerton University Book

by Truman, A. J.

  The word was a bucket of cold water at four in the morning, a brutal wake-up call. Liam seemed to realize what he said instantly.

  “I didn’t mean…it’s a family thing,” Liam said.

  Nathan nodded, the irony tugging at his chest. Liam didn’t realize his new choice of word wasn’t any better, a confirmation that Nathan would forever be on the outside.

  “Just tell me what you were looking for. Please,” Liam said, his eyes softening, the blue warmth returning to them. “Just tell me the truth.”

  He was giving Nathan an opening to reveal all. Tell the truth. He feared it would only make Liam kick him out. The truth wasn’t going to set him free. It was going to make him alone. The truth had already cost him a grandfather.

  But this was Liam. Liam cared about him. He wouldn’t think of Nathan as damaged goods. Nathan had gotten closer to him than anyone else in his entire life. That had to count for something. That had to be worth the risk.

  “Was it alcohol?” Liam asked just as Nathan was opening his mouth. “Were you looking for a drink?”

  He sneered out the words, so sure of the answer.

  “Yes.” Nathan nodded his head.

  The disappointment washed over Liam’s face, his shoulders, everywhere.

  “Nathan.”

  “I thought I could find an old bottle of anything.”

  “Did you?”

  “No.”

  Liam sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “If you need help, we can get you help.”

  There was no we, he thought.

  “It doesn’t matter. I got a call from my director. They’re getting ready to go into production.”

  Liam opened his mouth to say something, but instead gave the slightest nod.

  It was another lie, one that Nathan shot out so easily, but he realized the truth at its core. This story of theirs wasn’t meant to have a happy ending. He had dug himself into too deep a hole. He had messed with these good people enough. It was for the best that his stay here come to an end before he caused even more damage. Nathan was pure trouble, just as Pastor Fry had told him. He had come to New Zealand to find out why his mother abandoned him, and it was time to admit he’d gotten his answer.

  Chapter 27

  Nathan

  “Tonight’s the night!” Franny charged into Nathan’s room two days later and paced back and forth.

  “Nervous?” Nathan asked through the bathroom mirror in that artificially chipper voice that he’d been using since his fight with Liam.

  “Nervous?” Franny repeated. “You’re never supposed to ask an actress if she’s nervous. You’ll jinx me! You just say ‘break a leg.’ I thought you knew this.”

  “But what if you actually break a leg on the way to the theater?” Nathan quirked an eyebrow, which felt like a herculean task considering how he was feeling on the inside. He had to stay in character until he exited for good. He didn’t want to cloud Franny’s mind before her stage debut. Tonight, after the show, he would announce he was leaving.

  Franny continued to pace, gaining so much speed she could start a hurricane off the coast of Maui. Nathan remembered what those butterflies felt like. When he was on stage, he wanted so bad to nail it, to make every line land with the audience.

  He stopped her in her pacing tracks and looked her squarely in the eye. “Franny, you are going to amaze them. You are the dog’s bollocks.”

  “What if I forget a line?”

  “Improvise.”

  “Nathan!”

  He tucked a lock of shiny red hair behind her ears. Her red mane glowed in the sunlight, so much better than her attempt at going brunette. Her true self shined through.

  “You’ve been practicing for weeks. You’ve been off book a week longer than your fellow cast members. You are Cinderella.” Her acting skills had vastly improved during the rehearsal process. Nathan loved coming in for nightly dinners and hearing her beautiful singing wafting from upstairs.

  “You can do this,” he said. “Your mother would be very proud.”

  Her smile held back tears. Nathan’s did the same.

  “I couldn’t have done this without you. I’m so glad you came here. And not just for me. You’ve made all our lives better.”

  Nathan felt a lump in his throat. He wasn’t used to such compliments. Usually he had the opposite effect.

  “Uncle Liam really cares about you.”

  Nathan tensed up. His feelings crushed his head harder than any hangover.

  “We should get going. You don’t want to be late,” he said.

  Nathan waited with Walt in the living room while Franny and Mark went upstairs to get her costume. Walt played a game on his phone.

  “Walt, I want to apologize. I shouldn’t have asked you to keep a secret. That wasn’t right of me.” Nathan knew from his past rehab visits that this wasn’t a real apology. Not yet. He said he wanted to apologize, but he hadn’t officially done so.

  This was a hard one. He’d apologized to friends and family members for stealing, saying mean things while drunk, stealing cars and boyfriends. Yet the litany of those bad deeds at this moment paled in comparison to the breach in trust he’d created with his little brother.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice trembling.

  Walt put down his phone when he noticed how serious Nathan was being.

  “It’s okay, Nathan.” Walt checked to make sure nobody was coming down the stairs. “You know how our remote control is broken?”

  Nathan blushed. Another drunken misdeed. “I’m sorry for that, too.”

  “I broke it,” Walt interjected.

  “What?”

  “It wasn’t working and I threw it against the wall. I should’ve said something. I’m sorry.”

  Nathan waved it away like ancient history. “None of us are perfect.”

  They traded knowing smiles, two imperfect people who had each other’s backs.

  Liam swung open the front door. He wore a button-down shirt that tugged at his broad chest and tucked neatly into dark khakis. He and Mark had gone shopping for a special outfit for his niece’s debut. Nathan didn’t want to stop looking at him. He had an overwhelming urge to hug him, to feel his warmth. Liam was beautiful, every part of him.

  A heavy moment weighed between the two men. Nathan hadn’t told the others that he was planning to leave. He didn’t want to ruin Franny’s debut.

  “Are we ready to go?” Liam asked.

  “Ready!” Mark called from the stairs.

  “Then let’s get the—” Liam mouthed fuck, making Walt giggle. “outta here!”

  “I’m going to be acting on stage tonight!” Franny yelled as she rumbled downstairs.

  “Hard out!” Liam said. She hi-fived him, then Nathan.

  The five of them packed into Mark’s car. Liam, Nathan, and Walt took the backseat with Walt in the middle. Their fingers met behind him, and Liam cracked a sexy smile that Nathan felt in all his pleasure zones.

  “All right, Fosters and Nathan,” Mark said.

  “Hey! Nathan’s a Foster, too,” Liam said.

  “An honorary one,” Franny said.

  Nathan fought back tears with an extra large smile.

  “All right, Fosters.” Mark honked his horn in celebration. “Let’s go!”

  * * *

  They drove through fields that eventually gave way to suburban sprawl. Nathan was on a high better than drinking could ever give him. We wanted to live in this moment forever.

  Half an hour later, they pulled into the theater parking lot, and the moment abruptly came to an end when Nathan recognized Pastor Fry’s car parked next to theirs.

  “Grandpa and Grandma are here already!” Walt exclaimed.

  Yes, they fucking are.

  Liam

  The theater had been the old mansion of a shipping magnate a century ago, with a wide staircase leading to imposing marble columns. It was an intimidating establishment, and Liam felt nervous for his niece, but when he looked over, s
he had a look of confidence stamped on her face. She was going to bring the house down.

  “I’m going to the cast entrance around the side,” Franny said with a gleeful giggle. “You can wait there after the show and maybe I’ll sign your programs. Kidding!” She kissed everyone goodbye and skipped off.

  Nathan, conversely, looked like the nervous one. He wiped his palms on his pants; his eyes darted around when they reached the lobby. At first, Liam found it sweet that he was nervous for his niece, but he got the feeling this wasn’t about Franny.

  Liam slyly clasped Nathan’s hand and tried meeting his eyes. “You all right?”

  “I—yeah. I’m fine. I didn’t realize everyone was coming to support Franny. I thought her grandparents were against theater.”

  “They wouldn’t miss this, no matter their Christ-related objections,” Mark said.

  “That’s sweet,” Nathan said.

  A layer of residual sweat dampened Liam’s palm. “You sure you’re all good?”

  Nathan nodded and smiled. It did nothing to reassure him.

  They pushed open the heavy wood doors, which led to a grand lobby with plush red carpeting and a chandelier hanging above them. Franny could’ve been debuting on Broadway for all Liam knew.

  Mark handed their tickets to the usher who directed them to prime seats in the center section. Liam could’ve found them on his own thanks to Pastor Fry’s white shock of hair sticking up like a beacon.

  “You know what.” Nathan said, gripping Liam’s arm before he could enter the theater and nearly cutting off circulation. “I’m going to purchase a drink—Coke. And maybe some candy, too. I need some kind of sweet snack. It’s a British tradition, eating candy before a show. It’s for good luck.”

  “Oh. I didn’t know that,” Mark said.

  “I’ve never heard of that,” Liam said, another alarm going off in his head.

  “It’s a new tradition. Meghan Markle started it.”

  “I’ll take M&M’s,” Walt said.

  “Great choice,” Nathan said. “Mark?”

  “Um…I’ll take a Sprite, I suppose.”

  “Smashing. And you?” Nathan squeezed Liam’s hand.

  Liam stared at Nathan, trying to figure out what he was doing with this inane request. He was always figuring things out with Nathan, like he was a puzzle that kept coming up with new pieces.

  “Nathan, what’s going on? Why do you seem nervous?”

  “I’m not.”

  The lie was all over Nathan’s face, but before he could ask another question, Nathan interjected.

  “I’ll get you M&M’s, too.” He leaned in close to Liam’s face and smirked. “I’m just craving some sugar to sublimate my urge to tear your clothes off. I’ll be right back.”

  Nathan dashed to the concessions line. Liam joined his brother and nephew in taking their seats next to Pastor Fry and Brenda. He strummed his fingers on the chair’s arm, tapping his fingernail against the strip of metal with the seat number.

  Five minutes later, Nathan was still in line. Supposedly.

  Liam got up to check on him. Maybe he needed help carrying snacks back. Maybe something was really wrong. The suspicion clouding his mind turned to worry.

  He zoomed down the aisle and out into the lobby. There was no sign of Nathan at the concession line.

  Instead, there was Callum.

  “Gidday, Piglet. How ya going?”

  Callum motioned for his wife Claudette, a woman fond of plastic surgery and Real Housewives shows, to enter the theater. James, Oliver, and their families were getting their tickets scanned at the main entrance, but the brothers locked eyes on Liam like animals in the hunt.

  “It’s great you’re all supporting Franny,” Liam said.

  “We wouldn’t miss our niece’s acting debut for the world,” Callum said.

  James and Oliver joined their circle. They put on their best smiles, yet the greed in their eyes could be seen from space.

  “We’ve been waiting to hear from you,” James said.

  The contract had been sitting on Liam’s desk ever since they came over, staring at him in the morning and whenever he worked on freelance graphic design projects after an exhausting day in the field, his fingers barely able to type.

  “We need a decision immediately,” Callum said. “Grates is breathing down my neck, and his investors are breathing down his neck.”

  “I’m still thinking about it.”

  “You’ve thought about it enough, Piglet. Are you in or out?” Oliver asked, only wanting one answer.

  “I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

  “Unfortunately, tomorrow isn’t good enough,” Callum said. “He needs an answer tonight.”

  “It’s quite a big decision.”

  “You’ve had more than enough time.” Callum moved to a cocktail table and motioned for his brothers to follow him. He pulled out a copy of the contract with a pen and slid it across the table to Liam.

  “You brought this with you?” Liam asked.

  “We knew you’d be here,” Callum said.

  “Is that the only reason you decided to support your niece?”

  His brothers remained coy. Liam fumed silently, furious on Mark’s behalf, and his own.

  “You don’t need to read it over. You’ve already read it,” Oliver said.

  “I’m not going to sign something without reading it.” Liam scanned through the contract, but the dry legalese wore him down, as did his brothers staring at him. He needed Nathan here. He would have a sharp remark to hurl back at him.

  But Nathan wasn’t around.

  “Who’re you looking for?” Callum asked. “Once you sign, I’ll talk to Mark after the show. He said he’ll do it if you do it. He’s a good big brother.”

  Liam tried reading the terms, but he kept thinking about the good memories he had of working the farm, and how those memories now included Nathan.

  “Look, bro, I didn’t want to do it this way, but time is of the essence,” Callum said. “Do you really want to be working the farm until it kills you, like it did Mum and Dad?”

  More people crowded into the lobby, filling the tables around them. Their chatter bounced off the walls. His brothers kept staring at him. He craned his neck around for a sign of Nathan.

  “Hold on one second,” Liam said.

  “What? No! You have to sign,” James said.

  “You’re ambushing me.”

  “We’re not putting a gun to your head, Piglet,” Oliver said.

  “Stop calling me Piglet!” Liam immediately lowered his voice so as not to attract attention. He did his best to tune out the noise and pressure and tried reading the contract. Maybe this was the right move.

  He kept hearing Nathan’s words from their stroll in Wellington. He chose this life for a reason. Before he could ruminate further, something caught his eye in the contract.

  Musket Development Group.

  Nathan had pointed it out to him. Make sure you know what you’re signing.

  “Who is this Musket Development Group? I thought the deal was with Grates Realty.”

  “It is. Musket is a division of the company.”

  “But wouldn’t that be made clear in the contract?”

  “You had time to have an attorney look this over,” Callum said calmly. James and Oliver behind him were not as calm.

  The alarm bells wouldn’t stop ringing for Liam.

  “Musket…”

  “Development Group, yes. Grates sets up shell companies for each project,” Callum said.

  Liam had gotten good at detecting Callum’s bullshit from over two decades of brotherhood. He got a sick taste in his throat.

  “Musket, as in musketeer. You used to play Three Musketeers around the house. I always wanted to play with you, but you told me I couldn’t because there were only three of them.” Liam started coldly at Callum, who didn’t scare him any longer. His brothers were the scared ones now. “You’re tricking me into selling you my land, and you�
��re going to sell it to Grates for an even bigger sum.”

  “Pig—Liam. That’s not what we’re—”

  “You were going to screw over your two other brothers. Why? Just because you didn’t have the childhood you wanted? I didn’t choose to be the youngest born.” Liam ripped up the contract, crumpled the pieces into a ball, and dunked it into the trash. “And we’re supposed to be family.”

  Liam shook his head at his brothers, who all turned varying shades of white.

  “It’s a real shame you can’t choose your family.” He walked off.

  Nathan

  It was a beautiful bathroom. Marble countertops. Ivory white tiled floors. And spacious stalls with full-sized walls, making it easy for Nathan to hide.

  What am I going to do? What is Pastor Fry going to do?

  Nathan sat on the toilet, head in his hands. He couldn’t watch the show from here. He couldn’t miss Franny’s debut. But he also couldn’t face Pastor Fry and his glare of disgust, a glare that exposed Nathan for all he was.

  The bathroom door swung open, jolting him from his thoughts.

  “Nathan?” Liam’s voice echoed against the walls. “Are you in here?”

  He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. His words were hiding like he was.

  He heard Liam enter the bathroom, his shoes squeaking on the tile. He squeaked right up to the stall door.

  “Nathan?”

  Nathan pressed his hand against the stall door, hoping Liam felt some of what was vibrating inside him.

  “My brothers are pieces of shit. Family is a really strange thing. I feel closer to you than I ever did to them.”

  Nathan stared at the stall door, as if he had X-Ray vision, as if he could be with Liam in his arms.

  “I think I’m falling in love with you, Nathan. Oi, I’m already there.”

  A tear slipped down Nathan’s cheek. He could list the people he’d ever said I love you to on one hand. Zero. He wasn’t worthy of love. He was so scared. He couldn’t make a single sound.

  Shoes squeaked away and seconds later, the door swung closed. Nathan hung his head.

  Minutes later, the loudspeaker crackled to life. “Attention. The show will be starting in five minutes. Please take your seats.”