Custom Love

by Chantal Fernando

  I laugh. “We’ll see.”

  I lean down and kiss him, cupping his stubbled cheeks and pressing my lips against his. There’s just something about Trade that isn’t as easy to walk away from as I thought it would be.

  He’s got his shit together and is the true definition of a man, but he also has that bad boy edge that I know is hidden underneath there. I feel safe with him—and he turns me on like no one ever has. Just being around him all I want to do is rip off his clothes and let him have his way with me.

  And I hope he feels the same way about me.

  * * *

  Trade comes to my work the next morning, opens the door with a bang and runs over to me. He picks me up in his arms, making me squeal, and sets me back on my work desk.

  “So I’ve thought about it. In fact, I spent all night thinking about you, and I’m sure, Nadia. I’m all in,” he rushes out before kissing me, leaning me backward, holding me up in his arms. I wrap my hands around his neck and kiss him back with everything I have.

  I hear Diesel walk in, mutter something about not the action he was referring to and then leaving again.

  Trade pulls back and smiles so wide it makes me smile in return. “Come over tonight?”

  I nod. “Yeah, okay.”

  “Good.”

  So much for taking it slow.

  Another kiss and then he’s gone.

  And I’m left there touching my lips with my fingers, feeling happier than I’ve felt in a long time.

  After work I head home for a quick shower, get changed into some jeans and an oversized black T-shirt, and then go to Trade’s house. I don’t know what to expect tonight. Are we hanging out with the kids? Or will it be just us two? Am I staying over or going home after dinner?

  Are we going to finally have sex?

  No fucking clue what is going on, but I’m here for it.

  He opens the door before I’m about to knock, a smile playing on his lips. “Hey.”

  He kisses me before I can reply, lifting me up and closing the door behind us. I wrap my legs around his waist and hold on for dear life.

  “Wait, where is everyone?” I ask against his lips.

  “Not here” is his response, and it’s good enough for me. We slowly make our way to the bedroom, me still in his arms, and he throws me on the bed and removes his T-shirt.

  I have no patience either. I pull off my top and undo my jeans, sliding them down my legs and kicking them onto the floor. Trade laughs under his breath, maybe at my enthusiasm, but I don’t care. This has been a long time coming, and I want him.

  Now.

  He lies on top of me, kissing me once more, my skin pressed against his. This is my new happy place.

  His lips trail down my jawline, my neck, my collarbone and then over the lace of my bra. When he passes my nipples, a shiver goes down my spine, pleasure shooting from every inch of me.

  “Remove this,” he whispers, and I sit up and take off my bra, leaving me in nothing but black satin panties.

  And then his lips are on my breasts, and I’m getting flashbacks to our previous encounter, but I hope this time ends differently. I thread my fingers through his hair as he keeps going lower until he’s at the seam of my panties. Then he slowly pulls them down, kissing all the while.

  He lifts his head and looks up at me just before he tastes me, and I’ll never forget the heat in his gaze, the lust and the passion.

  “Fuck,” I moan as he starts to lick my pussy, taking his own damn time, teasing me by playing with my clit a little before backing off and then starting all over again.

  Eventually he puts me out of my misery, doing something with his tongue that instantly pushes me over the edge, making me come, his name on my lips.

  I’m ashamed to admit how much I’ve thought about this moment, but it was even better than I had imagined.

  Trade pulls back and takes off his jeans, revealing his cock to me for the first time. I’ve felt it through his clothes, but I haven’t seen it, and...wow. It’s bigger than I had thought, yet somehow it’s the prettiest cock I’ve ever seen in my life.

  I lick my lips. “Come here.”

  He grins and climbs back on the bed on his knees. “I should use a condom.”

  I sit up and reach out to touch him. “I’m on the pill.”

  “I haven’t been with anyone since—”

  “It’s been a while for me, too,” I admit, lying back. He follows me so he’s on top of me, his cock sliding against the entrance to my sex. I’m so wet, and with any slight movement he will be inside of me.

  I’ve never wanted anything more.

  “So...condom?”

  I shake my head. “We’re both safe. I think it’s fine.”

  “Fuck. I was hoping you would say that.” He slowly slips inside of me, and I pull his head back down to kiss me more while he does.

  I moan when he’s all in, and lift my hips up as he slides back in and out.

  “You feel so good,” he murmurs, kissing my neck and nibbling on my earlobe.

  So does he, but I can’t get the words out, so I just keep lifting my hips and fucking him back until we both come.

  Yeah, this is definitely my new happy place.

  * * *

  We can’t keep our hands off each other. I stay the night, and we both reach for each other multiple times. It’s been so long since I’ve been like this with someone, and I even just enjoy his cuddles and the way he plays with my hair and rubs my back.

  I had forgotten what I’ve been missing out on. But at the same time, he was worth the wait.

  “I’m glad you gave us a chance,” I say, smiling.

  “Me too.”

  “And I’m extra glad that you are good in bed and have a really nice penis.”

  He bursts out laughing. “Fuck, Nadia. You know how to make a man feel good, that’s for sure.”

  “That compliment is well deserved,” I say, resting my cheek on his warm, smooth chest.

  “And you are just perfect, you know that? I can’t remember the last time I felt like this.”

  Probably when Ariel was alive.

  We go silent, and I realize that it’s always going to be that way. Every time he says something like that, I’m going to think about Ariel. Will he ever tell me I’m the most beautiful woman in the world, the best he’s ever had? Or will she always have that spot? Am I okay with second-best when the first isn’t around to stake her claim?

  Or am I being ridiculous and unfair right now? I don’t want to have these thoughts, but it’s not that easy. I want to be committed to someone who thinks he has won the jackpot, someone who thinks I’m the best woman for him.

  Will I ever be that for him?

  I don’t want to have these thoughts, but at the end of the day I’m only human and I can’t help feeling this way. It’s not going to be easy to always be second-guessing everything, and wondering if I’m ever going to be good enough.

  And it’s not just him. I’m going to have to be around his children, who all loved and adored their mom. Alia is clearly having a problem with me coming into the picture, and I don’t want to upset her or make her feel uncomfortable in any way.

  It’s such a hard situation and place to be in, and to make it work I’m going to have to rise above it all.

  Am I strong enough to do that? To watch them all love Ariel and know that if they could have her back over me, they would?

  I push all of these thoughts out of my head and close my eyes. I don’t want my own overthinking to ruin this otherwise perfect moment.

  We both fall back asleep, only waking up when my morning alarm goes off. We have a shower together, just enjoying each other’s company, and Trade makes me coffee and some breakfast before I head home to get ready for work.

  When I arrive at my office, I have a smile on
my face and I can’t wait to start the day.

  Decker was right.

  I really did need to get laid.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Hey, are you free?” I ask Bronte when I call her up from work.

  “Yeah, are you okay?” she asks, instantly sounding concerned.

  “I’m fine, I just wanted to chat with you about something. So you know I went to Trade’s last night...”

  “That’s right. Tell me everything. No detail is too small.”

  I laugh and take a sip of my coffee. “We had sex about four times, I came at least six times. And it was the best sex I have ever had. And he’s amazing. That pretty much sums it up.”

  “Yes! I’m so happy for you, and I’m glad you finally had some sex. And some grade A sex, it sounds like. It must have been so rough, going without for so long. I’m guessing you look just like Trade does right now, big-ass cheesy grin and more relaxed than I’ve seen him in a long time.”

  “That’s nice to hear.” I beam, leaning back in my chair and sighing in contentment. “It was such a good night, Bronte. He is a god in bed. I didn’t even know men like him existed. He has so much stamina, and always makes sure I come first. He can’t hear you right now, can he?”

  “No, he’s out back. And good. That’s what men are supposed to do. Now, are you two officially together or what? What’s the tea?” she asks.

  “I have no idea. We haven’t had that chat yet,” I admit, shrugging. “He asked if I wanted to come over again tonight to have dinner with him and the kids.”

  “And?”

  “And I said yes. I like spending time with him, and his kids are great, the biggest part of his life, so I’m going to have to get to know them some more.” I decide not to tell her about the Alia issue. I don’t want to make it a bigger problem than necessary, and for now it’s not that big of a deal.

  “Yeah, that’s true. You’re great with kids, though, and Trade already mentioned that they all like you. Do you think you could handle living with four kids, though?” she asks.

  “Okay, you’re skipping a few steps there. I haven’t really thought about it,” I say with a sigh. “I feel like this is a future me problem. Right now I don’t even know if we are together or not. Maybe he just wants some friends with benefits action.”

  “Yeah, right. I know these men. If they want a woman, they will make it known, and Trade is making it known. He called Temper and asked him to send Diesel here for you; that action alone is letting the whole MC know you are his, or at least that he wants you to be,” she says, amusement in her voice. “You’d be Temper and Abbie’s sister-in-law, how cool.”

  “Hypothetically, yes,” I add, shaking my head. “I just have a few concerns about everything.”

  “Talk to me.”

  “Just...with Ariel, it’s harder than I thought it was going to be. Just knowing that she was the love of his life. Where does that leave me? Am I always going to feel like I’m second-best?” I ask, admitting my insecurities. “And do you think everyone would accept me? I mean, they were all close with Ariel. How about Izzy?” I don’t want Izzy to think I’m trying to replace her sister, especially with the kids. I wouldn’t want to cause any trouble with anyone, but I know that this is a sensitive subject and some people might not approve.

  “Everyone loves you, Nadia. No one can expect Trade to be alone for the rest of his life, and the kids need positive female role models. It’s a win for everyone if it all works out,” she says. “I understand where you are coming from, though. I told you that it wasn’t going to be easy. You can’t pretend Ariel didn’t exist and that he wasn’t about to propose to her. She might not be here, but she’s not going anywhere, so yeah, you need to accept that. She’s Mila’s mother and no one is going to let her forget Ariel. I think maybe that’s why I didn’t want this for you, Nadia. It’s just a lot to take on. You kept saying that Trade needs to decide what he wants, but I think you do, too, because it’s you who’s going to have to sacrifice some things to be with him. The kids will come first, not you, and yeah.”

  I digest her words, letting my brain process them. “I know, and you’re right. And I would never ask him to choose between me and his children. They need to come first, and I understand that. I just can’t help how I feel about him. I mean, if I could choose to turn it off, maybe I would—it would be easier—but I can’t. I just need to figure out if I can handle it,” I say, sighing and running my fingers through my hair in frustration.

  The heart wants what it wants. But you know what? My brain needs to have a say, too.

  “I don’t know what to do. I’m going to make myself crazy if I keep overthinking it. Ariel is like the third person in our relationship already and we haven’t even started a relationship yet.”

  And how fucked up is that?

  “I don’t know what to say,” Bronte admits. “It’s not too late to walk away. You need to do what’s best for you, Nadia.”

  “I know. For some reason I don’t want to walk away. Maybe I’m a sucker for punishment, but I’ve never felt like this about anyone else.”

  “Then maybe just concentrate on you and Trade, and just have some fun. Enjoy yourself. Nothing beats the start of a relationship when the sparks are flying and you can’t get enough of each other. But know that the rest of the shit isn’t going anywhere either.”

  “You and Crow are still like that,” I point out. I’ve been around the two of them enough to know that by now—they can’t and don’t keep their hands off each other. It’s extremely cute and annoying at the same time because you feel like you are a major third wheel.

  “That’s how you know they are the right one.”

  “Cutie.”

  “I’m here if you need me, but unfortunately only you can decide what you want,” she says. “And I’ll always support you no matter what, you know that.”

  “I do, and thank you.”

  I don’t want to have too high expectations, because when that happens I usually end up getting let down. But I do have a good feeling about him, and I wouldn’t be giving him a chance if I didn’t.

  I say bye to Bronte and get back to work.

  * * *

  When Decker calls late that day and asks me to stop into the station, I head straight there. He sits me down in his office, makes me coffee. “So you know I haven’t been able to let the Taylor case go. I actually mentioned it to my FBI agent contact and she told me to stand down, that I can’t be involved in this because it’s messing with shit I’m unaware of.”

  “What?” I grit out between clenched teeth. “So clearly that means something else is going on here. Taylor didn’t kill herself?”

  “I don’t think so, no. I also found out something else. The night Ariel was murdered, when Damon left the house?”

  “Yeah?”

  “He was out selling drugs,” he tells me, lips tight. “And I have two witnesses who can confirm that, which is probably why his mother lied to you about it. Because then he’d have to admit what he was really up to.”

  My mind races. He was out selling drugs? Okay, not the best alibi, but at least he wasn’t out murdering someone.

  Shit.

  “So he didn’t kill Ariel?” I ask Decker, so confused with this new information. “How do you know the witnesses are telling the truth? And where were they during the trial?”

  “They have no reason to lie,” he replies, shrugging. “And they didn’t come forward because they were out buying drugs. Who is going to come out and admit that to a court room?”

  Point taken. “What else did this FBI agent say?” I press.

  “Just that I should stay out of it, because it’s a lot bigger than I think.”

  “So, what, everyone is just fine with pinning this murder on an innocent man because it works for them and whatever plan they have in action?”

 
He winces. “I’m not saying it’s fair, and I’m not saying Damon didn’t do it. My contact didn’t mention Damon at all. I’m just telling you what she told me. And there’s now less proof that he did it. We are just speculating at this point.”

  “And?”

  “And?”

  “And what are you going to do with that information?” I ask, pursing my lips.

  “I don’t know yet,” he admits, tapping his fingers on his desk. “Now my career’s at stake, and she told me it’s in my best interest to stay the fuck away. I don’t know what to do. What about you? What are you going to do? Are you going to look into the case now we know that Damon might have actually been telling the truth about not killing your friend?”

  Shit.

  “I don’t know,” I reply, thinking back to Trade and how fucking hurt he’s going to be if I start this up again. I had put this Damon business to bed, thinking I could move forward with Trade, but now I’m not too sure. But can I leave this alone knowing what I know?

  I grab my bag and stand up. “I’m going to go now. I will think about what you’ve said, but I don’t know if going down this rabbit hole is worth it. Ariel and Trade had kids. What would it do to them if there was a new case and the details were back-to front-page news?”

  “So you’re just going to walk away, knowing an innocent man could be in prison? Sounds like you’re taking the easy way out,” he says, and damn if those words don’t hurt, because he’s right.

  I gave up on Damon when I found out that Marisol lied to me, and I never bothered to look into it any further and keep pushing on the case, when normally I would have. I know the pressure from everyone else wanting to let the case lie contributed to that decision.

  I leave wondering what the hell I’m going to do now. And how does Taylor fit into all of this? I’m assuming Decker’s witnesses were the ones buying drugs from Damon, so I don’t think that’s going to hold up in court, but it gives me hope that there’s more to this, and that maybe Damon didn’t do it.

  No innocent person deserves to be doing time. This is bullshit.