Bound by Secrets (Deadly Isles Special Ops Book 2)

by Amy McKinley

  After a few moments of struggle where I almost broke down, I got a good portion of his awards packed before facing his desk. I knew I wouldn’t get through everything there, but I could go through at least one of the drawers. A squeak sounded as I pulled the right middle drawer open. It was heavy and filled to the top with a mix of pictures, a small wooden box that revealed more photos when I opened the lid, and papers. Kieran wasn’t very organized. I took out the box, wanting to look through that first, as it looked like something he would have stored his most treasured pictures in. I smiled at a memory that invaded my mind from when we were younger. I’d stopped by his room late one night during my freshman year, his junior.

  “God, Kier, your room is like a garbage dump. I can’t even see the floor under your clothes.”

  He’d laughed, seated at his desk, and leaned over, yanking me inside with one of his huge hands. “Good thing I have you and Mom.”

  “You’d be lost without us.” I’d kicked aside a pair of shorts and leaned against him as he scrolled through a paper he was working on for English.

  “I’m sending this to you.” He winked at me. “Can you do your editing thing?”

  “Sure.” Kieran always helped me with math, and I fixed all his papers. It didn’t matter that we were two years apart. I was in advanced English classes, and he was in accelerated math.

  I was yanked from the past when the sound of his voice filled my head as if he were standing in the room with me. “So you got the job of cleaning up after me. It’s sort of like old times, isn’t it?”

  I swiped at the tears before they fell. My mind said Kieran wasn’t there, but he sounded real, and when I turned and looked at the space where his voice was coming from, there was no way I could convince myself otherwise.

  My mammoth-sized brother leaned against the opposite wall, adjacent to the room’s only window.

  I went with it because I needed it. “Someone’s got to. I don’t know how Leslie put up with you.”

  He threw his head back and laughed, warming my soul. When his gaze landed on me again, he tilted his head to the side. “What’s that?”

  My hand jerked, and I dropped the pictures on his desk, scattering them over the makeshift treasure box he’d stashed them in. Kieran pushed away from the wall and closed the distance between us. Bracing himself on the desk, he leaned over me, a lock of his black hair falling over his forehead. I tucked mine behind my ears. Our appearances were similar in so many ways, but he was dark to my light and two years older.

  When he tapped the picture that’d flown out of the pile and to my right, I dropped my attention to it. In it, a bunch of his friends were congregated in our driveway.

  “I remember that day.” He knocked the knuckle of his index finger against the graphite-gray car in the driveway they’d stood around. “Mateo had just gotten this car. I think that was the day Vivian sunk her claws into him.”

  Ugh, cheerleaders. “They were always hanging around you.”

  He tweaked my nose. “You never were a fan of those girls. Vivian was a parasite. But you liked Leslie.”

  “She was the exception.” His girlfriend had been the head cheerleader, and he’d been the quarterback. Not once had she excluded me or been mean. I’d liked her a lot.

  “I wonder if Mateo got what he wanted.” He nudged the picture with his fingertip. “The cheer team had given all of us those shark’s-tooth necklaces. It was an inside joke, but it still meant something. Did you ever find mine?”

  I choked back a sob. He hadn’t been wearing it when the divers pulled him out of the car, but they’d found it on the side of the road, where the accident occurred.

  “Hey.” He swiped at the onslaught of tears streaming down my face. “I’m here. It’s okay.”

  “But you’re not.”

  He knelt, so we were at eye level. “I am. Even when you can’t see me, I’m with you. Cheering you on.”

  “The bonfire’s tonight,” I whispered.

  There was a beat of silence before he asked, “Are you going?”

  “I think so.”

  “Then I’ll see you there.”

  He’d always watched out for me when I went to any of the beach parties back then. What he was saying was different—he wouldn’t be there to shield me. I closed my eyes briefly, willing the tears to stop. When I opened them, he was gone.

  I grappled mentally with the trick my mind had played. The likeliest scenario was that I’d missed him so much that I’d conjured his image and the conversation.

  Instead of dwelling on my mental state, I grabbed a handful of papers and the box with photographs and dropped them on the top of his desk. There were a few piles I had going from the drawer: paper, pictures, and miscellaneous stuff. Once it was empty, I got to work on throwing out whatever wasn’t worthy of keeping: notices from the library, hall passes, and a few other various things. The graded assignments I kept separate, along with any handwritten notes. Those I would go through with Mom. Then there were the pictures. My fingers trembled as I lifted one by the corner.

  Kieran hung out with a lot of people. He was everyone’s friend or idol. But there was a handful of guys he was with the most. Those were the photographs I held, the ones from the box. And there were so many of him with Leslie. I traced his handsome face, so similar to mine. While my features were more delicate, his were noteworthy and masculine. I always paled in comparison to him, but I didn’t mind. I liked the shadows, while he craved attention.

  We used to surf together, though, and because of him, I’d won several competitions. Each win always made me feel connected to him. I missed him so much. He was not only my brother but my best friend.

  The front door opened and closed, and the sound of my parents’ voices pulled me out of my memories. I flipped through a couple of the pictures, smiling at how happy Kieran looked in the pictures with his friends. There were images of the guys around a bonfire and goofing off after a homecoming game. I let the stack fall from my hands and back into the box. Then I changed my mind and shoved them and the box in my purse. I wasn’t in any shape to go through them anymore that day. I would look at them again later.

  The ping of my phone gave me an excuse to step away from the desk. I would come back and finish up soon. I pulled my phone from my pocket and glanced at the screen.

  Roy: Come home, or I’ll come to you.

  I shivered with the sense that I wouldn’t like what he would do if he found me.

  I eased out of Kieran’s room’s dense memories and followed the happy chatter tricking into the house from the lanai. My parents preferred open windows over air conditioning. As I left the hallway where the bedrooms were, their voices were more precise, and I recognized who the visitor was—Jaxon.

  I closed my eyes and took a steadying breath before walking out to the porch to greet him. I wasn’t in any shape to be around Jaxon, but I squared my shoulders and stepped out anyway. The smile plastered on my face felt brittle, and I doubted I’d fooled him, given his narrowed eyes.

  He took up so much space and not in the way I expected. He was a couple of inches over six feet tall, with broad shoulders and an athletic body. But that wasn’t what was so oppressive. It was his presence. He saturated the room, drew me in, and overwhelmed me all at once.

  The experience was different than it had been with Roy. He, too, had a larger-than-life persona and took up way more space than his behemoth size. But being in his orbit wasn’t a particularly good thing, not anymore. I’d learned about the ugly side of his character. And I wondered if my former coworker, Stephanie, had, too—maybe that was why she’d left. The flash drive with our company’s logo surfaced in my thoughts. Did she go in a rush as well, forgetting the memory stick?

  I made a mental note to look her up at her new job and contact her about getting the flash drive back to her. Neither of us should leave a trace of ourselves with that man.

  Absently, I glanced at my parents. My dad had pulled Mom onto his lap. They were alway
s touching, laughing. Their love was legendary. I hoped to find the same someday.

  “Hello again, Kayla.” Jaxon’s deep voice held an intimacy that caused a full-body shiver and drew my attention to him.

  I broke the intense eye contact and focused on what my parents were looking at on the table: paint samples. “Is that for here?”

  “No, Jaxon stopped by with these so we can pick out what colors we want to go in the condo.”

  “Wait.” I took a step back. “Do you mean you’re moving into his condo?”

  “Yep.” Mom smiled. “Isn’t it exciting? The moving truck is all scheduled.” She nervously scanned the space inside. “I’ll need to get going on packing.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ll help. I’ve got a good head start on Kieran’s room, and mine will be easy, as there isn’t a lot left in there.”

  Jaxon moved around the table and paused next to me. “Let me know when you’ve chosen the colors, and I’ll get to work.” He gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze, and I sank my teeth into my bottom lip to stifle the moan that wanted to escape. “Nice seeing you again, Kayla.”

  “You too,” I mumbled distractedly.

  When he left, I turned to my parents. “He’s moving out? You guys bought his place?” I parroted my earlier question, still having difficulty believing it.

  “Sure did,” Dad answered. “He’s moving to that island of his with his brothers. He sold the condo to us as a favor when he heard we were looking for somewhere to live during retirement.”

  Jaxon’s place had two bedrooms. I glanced at the samples on the table. I needed somewhere to stay. “I’ll be right back.”

  I raced out the front door then hopped a flowering shrub while flagging him down as he backed out of the driveway.

  He braked then rolled down the window of the squad car. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah.” Now that I had his attention, I was nervous about asking. But better to bunk with him, off Roy’s radar, and keep my parents safe. “I can do the painting if I can stay there. You have a spare bedroom, right?”

  The sun glinted off his mahogany hair, and the sinful grin that curved his face had me holding my breath. “Does this mean you forgive me, Kayla?” He asked in that quiet way of his, the one that made me strain to hear, searching for the deeper meaning that was surely imbedded in his words. We both knew what he meant.

  There was no point in dredging up bitter memories. I wasn’t quite ready, but out of necessity, I would do what I had to. I held his somber gaze with one of my own. “For now.”

  A speculative gleam entered his dark eyes. That right there told me I was in over my head, but it didn’t matter. His place was the perfect solution.

  “You’re welcome to the spare bedroom. I’ll be home in a couple of hours. Meet me there?”

  I nodded because I was incapable of speech. He’d always made me tongue-tied, unless I was raving mad about something Kieran had done. Nothing had changed. I still had a huge crush on the guy, despite how much he had hurt me in the past.

  If only things had ended differently that night.

  5

  Kayla

  There was garage parking for Jaxon’s condo, and I pulled into a spot. It would provide even more protection if Roy was canvassing the neighborhood, not that it was that close to my parents’ house. Unless he saw me coming and going, he would never have guessed I was there. My grip tightened on the steering wheel as I sat, waiting for Jaxon. I’d texted him, telling him I was on my way. He’d told me where to park and that he would be there soon.

  What am I doing? He’d been one of my brother’s closest friends—one who was strictly forbidden to date me. Kieran had made that clear. And we’d tried, sort of.

  The humiliation and pain of the past week’s events and of what I was about to do—move into Jaxon’s—hurtled me into the past, to the one place I tried never to visit. To thick grass that cushioned my feet. To the second time in a matter of days where I felt the loss of my brother too profoundly.

  All I’d wanted was to see his face once more, hear his laugh, for him to be alive.

  The day of the funeral played out no matter how hard I tried to block it.

  My bones had felt brittle and threatened to crumble under the weight of my body as I stood with my family. The smell of earth permeated the air, and I gagged on each inhalation of the putrid odor. The priest’s voice was an ice pick designed to pierce my ears and make them bleed.

  I swayed on my feet. We had been trapped in misery—in hell—as we laid my brother to rest.

  Friends surrounded us while my brother’s lifeless body lay in a fucking box, never to open his eyes again. His laugh, his joy for life, and his stolen moments haunted me. I’d cried so much I doubted my body was capable of making any more tears.

  I’d been wrong.

  My cheeks were wet with them as we said our last goodbye.

  The trade winds swirled around us, washing away the remnants of the grave and carrying instead the scent of ocean, spice, and a hint of coconut—Kieran was near. I knew it with my heart and soul. Even with the knowledge that he was close, I couldn’t escape the sense that I would drown, that the pain from the loss of my brother would consume me until I, too, didn’t exist.

  But I wasn’t alone in my grief.

  My mother’s sobs had cracked something deep inside me that I feared would never be whole again. Dad shielded her in his embrace. But nothing could protect us from the reality of Kieran’s body being lowered into the ground.

  The priest’s gravelly voice had droned on. I heard the sound and shape of it but not the words. None would do my brother justice. None would provide the comfort my much smaller family desperately needed.

  We’d formed a circle around the grave. Jaxon, his brothers, and his parents were directly across from ours. A handful of others filled a U-shape, but their faces hadn’t registered through my tear-filled eyes.

  I’d sucked in a stuttered breath and allowed myself one look across the way. My brother’s best friend, my lover, stood across from me with his gaze trained on the box that held Kieran. We hadn’t spoken more than two words to one another. His “I’m so sorry” about killed me. I’d staggered under the weight of his words. My dad had held me up, not Jaxon. And I felt the loss of him in that moment too.

  He’d told me that he’d chosen me the night we were together, rather than going out with my brother. I couldn’t help but wonder if Kieran would be alive if he’d chosen differently.

  When it came down to it, Jaxon hadn’t been there for me. He hadn’t chosen either one of us. And that was the thought had that seared me as few others could.

  Other than my parents, I had been truly alone.

  With a jolt, I pulled myself from the memory. Low light and cement walls filtered back into my vision, as did my steering wheel. I was in Jaxon’s garage, waiting for him to meet me so that we could go up to his condo. I took measured breaths, pushing the grief away as much as I could.

  I’d hated and wanted him for so long. How can we coexist in a condo?

  His Escalade slid into the spot next to me, and I had to concentrate on prying my white-knuckled grip from the wheel. I had to do it. There was no other choice. I wouldn’t risk my parents’ lives by staying with them.

  It was best. I could paint while he was at work. I could read at night, holed up in my room. Jaxon might not even stay there during all the painting—he had two other brothers who both owned condos, and he could stay with them.

  With that happy thought, I got out of my car and retrieved my messenger bag and suitcase. Jaxon stood next to my bumper, flipping his keys around his finger in a catch and release. His brows rose at my luggage. Shoulders squared, I raised mine in challenge. With a shake of his head, he took my suitcase from me, but I moved to the side, creating enough distance that there was no risk of touching.

  The garage was dimly lit but clean. We’d parked close to the elevators. As soon as the doors opened, we stepped inside, my luggag
e bumping over the threshold. He pressed the number seven, and we rode together without saying a word. Awkward.

  I’d never been to his place before, but I’d heard things about him and his brothers through my parents and a few old friends. Not that I’d asked, because that was not the case.

  From the corner of my eye, I could see him watching me. All the fine hairs on my body stood at attention, and my mind and body warred. I was still so hurt and angry with him, even after all those years. But none of that mattered. In spite of it all, we had crazy sexual tension. At least, I thought, neither of us would act on any physical urges—not after how things had ended.

  His hand settled on my back after he opened the door to his place, and he guided me in. The touch left me shaky, and I sped ahead so his hand fell away.

  My flip-flops slapped against the foyer’s marble tile. It wasn’t a huge area, but it was big enough for a hallway table and a simple but elegant light. From there, I could see a wall of windows leading to the lanai. Past the sliding doors, miles of turquoise shimmered in the sunlight. He had an ocean view, and it was breathtaking.

  “I stopped at the hardware store and had a key made for you.” He dropped his keys and wallet in a pretty blue-and-green glass bowl him mom had probably picked out. “I’ll leave it here.” He placed the spare key next to his. Then he pointed at a door down the hallway and to the right. “That’ll be your room. We can put your things inside, and then I’ll show you the place.”

  The bedroom was a good size and included an attached bath that I could get used to with an oversized shower that included a rainfall head and bench seat. We deposited my stuff, then I followed him as he left the bedroom.

  The hallway opened up to the main space, which consisted of the kitchen along the back wall adjacent to the entrance, with a gray-and-white quartz island that flowed into the living room. There was a big-screen TV, a dark-gray L-shaped couch, and sliding glass doors that led to a decent-sized balcony overlooking the ocean. A busy road sat between us and a three-story condo building that barely obstructed the view.