The words hit me. They stung. But they didn’t full on hurt me.
“That’s your story, honey?” I asked.
“My story? That’s the truth. Don’t play games here, Reed.”
I took a step. “So wait a second. Let’s rewind some more, Abby. You were the one singing in Nashville, right? And we met and-”
“You fucked me in a bathroom,” she said.
“You wanted me to,” I growled. “Is that your excuse too? I fucked you and… what? My evil dick made you follow me? This isn’t supernatural.”
“Fuck off, Reed,” Abby said. “You’re right. I went with you. Why not? I was stuck in Nashville. Playing the same places and singing the same songs. I thought I had a chance to become something. It was just empty promises over and over. But then I met you and you were…”
She turned her head.
“I was what, honey? What did I do that was so fucking wrong?”
“You were real to me,” she said. “Even fucking me in a bathroom… you were real. You didn’t hold back. You didn’t hide. I liked that about you. I respected it. I just wanted to be part of something, Reed.”
“Right there,” I said. “Think about what you just fucking said to me.”
“What?”
“Think about it,” I said.
I walked away from her.
I didn’t want to see her for a few seconds.
Or maybe the rest of my life.
I went back into the building.
Abby followed me.
I didn’t go upstairs where the rest of the band was.
I stayed on the first floor and went to the downstairs studio.
Where Abby sang her audition to be part of the new song.
“What the fuck is this, Reed?” she finally asked.
“What?” I snapped.
“You’re a baby,” she said.
“That’s the best you’ve got?”
“So we can’t talk about this? You fucked up my life. You did that. Not me. I was on the tour bus with you guys. I thought everything was perfect. We were all drinking and partying… wait… is it because of Jay? Because Jay and I were flirting? Are you kidding me?”
“It has nothing to do with Jay,” I said. “You want to go fuck each member of FILTHY LINE, have at it, honey. You’ve already spread your legs for RAUNCHY RECKS.”
Abby grabbed a chair and threw it at me.
It barely made it to my feet.
I kicked my foot and the chair hit the wall.
“What is it then?” Abby asked. “I’m telling you what I know. You woke me up and tossed me out of the bus. You all but carried me and sat me on the curb. I was half drunk and high. I wasn’t sure what was happening. I tried to talk to you and you wanted nothing to do with me.”
“You were using me!” I yelled.
The words were finally off my chest.
Years of carrying it like dead weight.
“You fucking used me,” I said in a lower voice.
“Used you? How did I use you, Reed?”
“You wanted out of Nashville. So you tied yourself to me. And I fell for it. I should have seen it happening but I didn’t. I fucking loved you, Abby. I was falling in love with you. Don’t think I didn’t know what was happening. That you were leveraging the band for yourself.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked.
“You don’t have to lie,” I said. “You were working a deal with someone named Chet. Right? Some slimy-ass motherfucker who swore to you he was going to get you into the studio. Right? He was going to give you the biggest hit of the year. All because you were tied to me. To the band. You… Chet… both of you were going to squash us. Use us and leave us. Don’t fucking lie about it either.”
The words poured from me.
It felt good. But it didn’t feel good.
It made me feel like shit. Bringing up that old shit.
Knowing that sometimes the price of fame was quite a bit.
“Chet…” Abby looked offended. “He got to you, didn’t he?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“He had been pursuing me since before you were in Nashville,” Abby said. “I was told he always had a thing for a woman in her twenties with a dream and a pretty face.”
“Do you know why?”
“Of course I know why, Reed. So he could fuck them. He could fuck them in his bed. And then fuck them in life. I’m not an idiot. You know where I came from, Reed. My mother never wanted me to do this. My brother went off to be a lawyer. And I was the girl running across the country wanting to become a singer.”
“And Chet wasn’t the way to do it,” I said. “And you weren’t going to take down the band in the process. I had to protect myself.”
“Protect yourself from what?”
“You,” I growled at her.
“I was that deadly, huh?”
“You were too trusting,” I said.
Abby laughed and touched the corners of her eyes. “I guess so, right? I went with you, Reed. I trusted you. I never asked a thing from you or the band. In fact, I stayed so far away, they barely even remember me.”
I gritted my teeth.
Abby did keep her distance…
“No,” I said. “I’m not falling for that shit right now. You jumped on the band with Chet in the background of it all. What did he tell you to do to the band?”
“Fuck you.”
“That’s right. That night, honey, I saw it all. He called you and left a voice mail. Saying that he had someone ready to go. That you were going to front your own rock band. It was going to be all men but you as the lead singer. You were going to take the world by storm and change the entire music scene.”
“That’s why you did it? You thought I was using you and the band… for what? What could I have learned from you all? How to swallow whiskey and snort coke at the same time? How to hang my ass out a tour bus window? Or how to take a big gulp of the cheapest vodka and spit fire with a lighter.”
“You watched every show,” I said.
“As a fucking fan,” Abby yelled. “You know what, Reed? I’m sorry I even asked about this. I’m sorry we’re having this conversation. I was better off not knowing. Because this is complete bullshit.”
Abby turned and I hurried toward her.
I touched her arm and she elbowed me.
“Tell me you weren’t talking to Chet,” I said. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
She stood at the door and slowly nodded.
She looked back at me, tears in her eyes.
“Okay, fine,” she whispered. “I was talking to Chet. He would call and pitch an idea. I would think about it for thirty seconds and hang up. How could I not? It was all I wanted. But I didn’t want to lose you. I was confused, Reed. All you guys talked about was fucking women. I had no idea where I belonged. I had no idea if I could handle the life. Knowing you were backstage with some groupies. You’d sleep and I’d watch you. I’d tell myself it would be okay. I mean, what were we, right? Were we even a couple? I had no idea. But it hurt to think about you with other women. Even if it meant nothing.”
“So you’re telling me you loved me,” I said.
“It doesn’t matter now, Reed,” Abby said. “You made your decision. You looked at my phone. You listened to a message that wasn’t yours to listen to. You thought I was going to screw you over. Or hurt the band. Honestly, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I just wanted to be near you. Then you tossed me out of the bus. You left me. I thought it was some kind of fucked up joke at first. But it wasn’t. You went off to become rich and famous. I went off to become… nothing.”
You’re not nothing, honey. You’re amazing to me. I regret what happened that night. I think about it every day. Even if I say I don’t, trust me, I do.
“I don’t want any fucking favors either,” Abby said. She tossed the envelope to my feet. “Whatever the deal is for the other singers is the same for me. I’ll be fine. I always am. I know h
ow to survive. I don’t need you.”
Those four words hurt more than anything else.
Abby left the studio and I grabbed the door to hold it open.
“Abby…”
“No,” she said. “I really need that money, too. I got into some gambling debts and took off on them. The people call me from time to time to fuck with me.”
“What does that mean?”
“Nothing. I’ll handle it. I always do, Reed.”
She was gone a few seconds later.
Then I lost my mind.
I grabbed a chair and started swinging it like a baseball bat.
It might have been thirty seconds or thirty minutes, but when I stopped, I threw the chair and I stumbled back and sat down on the floor. Sweat dripped down my forehead.
The studio was trashed. Bad.
I thought about Abby in trouble with money. Gambling debt. Because of me, I was sure of it.
I found my phone and called Toby.
“Reed,” Toby said. “Everything okay?”
“How much does it cost to build a record studio?”
“What? Why?”
I looked around at the shattered glass, ripped up speakers, and destroyed boards.
“I think I fucked up big time here, Toby…”
* * *
“Come here, honey, I want to show you a trick,” I said.
I sat on the edge of the massive leather couch in my living room.
The lights were dim, the music was loud, and the party was on.
Fucking on.
We were celebrating the reaction over the new song. The record company fell in love with it. They were backing up the single with some big-time marketing bullshit. They wanted it to be everywhere. And they wanted us to be out there playing it to fans.
On top of that, Nash came up with an idea to write an acoustic version of it.
The five of us, five guitars, and nothing else.
It was fucking perfect.
It was the point of writing music.
To create something powerful.
And we did just that.
Speaking of powerful…
I reached for the woman’s hand and caressed her fingers. “What’s your name, honey?”
“Annie,” she said in a flirty voice.
Annie was topless. Her left nipple pierced. Both tits fake. But both tits beautiful. She had little curls in her blonde hair. And her eyes raged for some rock star dick.
In front of me was my custom-made coffee table.
Big enough for two women to lay on.
Why?
“Come here,” I said to Annie. “Lay down.”
There was already a woman on the table.
She wanted me to call her Starla.
She was gorgeous. Her skin rubbed by the sun. Her eyes chocolate brown. Wearing a skimpy top that covered damn near next to nothing.
Somewhere else in the house the band was there.
I didn’t care about that.
The more messed up I got, the better things felt.
Or I should have said the more Abby floated to the back of my mind to stay there.
“Now we’re going to play a game,” I said to both women. “You’re going to make me forget someone. Can you do that?”
“Of course,” Starla said.
She took Annie’s hand.
They looked at each other and giggled.
Oh, the things to do tonight… the things they would do to each other… for me… and then to me… for me… and then what I’d do to them… for me…
I grabbed a bottle of whiskey and poured a shot into the belly button of Annie.
She laughed as I did so.
Whiskey spilled over and I leaned down to lick it off her stomach.
For Starla, she got something.
A white line of fun just above her belly button.
“This is called the forget her right now,” I said and laughed.
I was too far gone to be doing this kind of shit.
But Abby’s voice refused to quiet down in my head.
Toby was pissed at me for trashing the recording studio.
The band… whatever… I wasn’t sure where they were.
I leaned down and put my mouth over Annie’s belly button.
I sucked and licked, lapping up the whiskey.
She laughed and I moved my eyes to watch her tits dance around.
Then in the same breath, I moved down and put my right nostril to Starla’s stomach and took care of business there.
When I lifted up, Starla sat up and met me, her lips a centimeter from mine.
“I want some,” she whispered.
“I’ll tell you what you can have, honey,” I said. “This is my house. My rules.”
“But I think we can sway that,” Annie said.
She sat up and touched Starla’s stomach. Her hand moved under Starla’s shirt.
They looked at each other.
They inched closer to one another.
I sat back on the couch and put my head back and smiled.
I could forget about Abby in a heartbeat.
With this kind of party going on… it was…
I shut my eyes for a second and pictured Abby one last time.
Then I was going to forget her for good.
* * *
“Come on, big guy. Open your eyes.”
“Is he dead?”
“He’s not dead. His stomach is moving.”
“He looks hard.”
“Morning wood. Happens to everyone.”
“Just leave him alone.”
“Nah, we have to get him up.”
“I’ll take care of it. Watch this…”
“Just kick him. Really hard.”
“Or drop something on his dick. That’ll wake him up.”
“Here… I’ve got it…”
The words were just echoes in my mind as I was half away and half asleep.
Then came a gush of cold water.
As soon as it hit my face, I jumped up.
My eyes opened and I was on my feet.
I saw Jay and Sab for a second before I hit the coffee table and fell on top of it.
I hit so hard, I bounced and flipped over the table to the floor.
“Holy fucking shit,” Dex said. “You killed him, Toby.”
“Good,” Toby said. “Asshole.”
I opened my eyes again and stared up at my ceiling.
I touched myself.
I was fully dressed.
Shirt. Jeans.
My dick was rock hard.
And I could tell what kind of morning wood it was.
The kind you got when you didn’t blow a load the night before.
“You okay, Reed?” Nash asked.
He offered his hand and he helped me up.
I stumbled around again and finally found my balance.
“Water?” I asked.
My hair and face and shirt were soaked.
“Wake the fuck up,” Toby said.
“What’s your fucking problem?”
“Abby quit the song,” Sab said.
“What?” I asked.
“She called Toby and quit,” Nash said.
“Why the fuck would she do that?” I asked. “She’s the best singer.”
“No shit,” Jay said. “What did you do to her? Again?”
“Fuck you, Jay,” I said. “I’ll knock your teeth out.”
“You can’t walk straight,” he said. “You got so fucked up you fell asleep. You had two women going at each other right in front of you. And you fell asleep. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Jay, cut it,” Nash said.
“No,” Jay said. “What’s going on with you, Reed? You in love with her or something? Fucking sack up, bro.”
I lunged at Jay.
I had no balance but I managed to get my hands on his left arm.
When I fell, I pulled him with me and we both kind of fell into a chair.
I
took a swing at him and punched him in the arm.
Jay pulled away and let me fall over the arm of the chair to the floor.
“He’s messed up,” Sab said.
“Give him a goddamn break,” Nash said.
“Fuck you all,” I said. “Get the fuck out of my house.”
“Clean yourself up,” Toby said. “You’re just lucky she didn’t pull the vocal tracks off the song. You’re fucked on the road though. I’m sure we can find someone similar.”
I pulled myself up and looked at Toby. “When did she quit?”
“Last night,” Toby said. “She called and said she didn’t want to sing the song ever again. No shows. Nothing. I tried to sway her but she wanted nothing to do with it.”
“Well done, Reed,” Jay said.
“Jay,” Sab said. “Fuck, bro. You don’t know what’s going on.”
“Yeah I do,” Jay said. “You assholes don’t remember it. They were close back then. She fucking loved him. And he threw her off the bus.”
“How the fuck do you know she loved me?” I asked.
“She told me, asshole,” Jay yelled. “There was a night you passed out and she and I had been hanging all night. You were so pissed about it too. You crashed and I made a move. She told me no.”
“I’ll fucking kill you,” I said.
“If you can walk straight…”
Nash grabbed Jay by the shirt and pulled him out of my reach.
“Everyone split up,” Dex announced. “Jesus Christ. Is this really happening right now?”
“Toby, where is she right now?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” Toby said. “But I’ll tell you this, Reed. Stop making fucking messes. Okay?”
Toby walked away.
Nash dragged Jay away.
Dex shook his head and went a different way to get out of my house.
It was just Sab. He grabbed my shoulder. “Listen, bro. I get it. That deep, gut wrenching feeling. There’s no way to navigate it. Just don’t end up like Mitchy.”
My lip curled at that name.
I had nothing to say about it.
Sab was right.
The rest of the band was right to be pissed at me.
I wasn’t Mitchy though. I was never going to be Mitchy.
I took two steps and stopped.
“Fuck,” I whispered.
I dropped to my knees and threw up on the floor.
“I hear that, Reed,” I heard Neils yell from the kitchen. “I’ll get you fixed up in no time. But I’m not cleaning up puke.”
A FILTHY Enemy: a filthy line novel Page 18
