The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships
Page 15
1. My current life involves too much anxiety.
2. I need to be too wary in my everyday life.
3. I feel apprehensive about several aspects of my current life.
4. I am worried a lot of the time.
5. Tensions often make it hard for me to get a good night’s sleep.
6. These days I have trouble letting down my guard.
7. These days I find it very hard to relax.
8. I wish that I had more job security.
9. I would like to feel more at ease with people important to me.
10. I could be a lot more creative if I felt safer.
11. I have too much responsibility as a protector of the people I care about.
12. I wish people looked to me less for their security.
13. I don’t enjoy having to take care of other people’s safety needs.
SCORING
SA = 2 points
A = 1 point
N = 0 points
D = –1 point
SD = –2 points
Add to get your total Sentry Current Life score: ____.
YOUR SENTRY CURRENT LIFE SCORE
If your score is above 7, you feel that your current life overstimulates your Sentry system. You need to feel safer in your life, less filled with apprehension. Your current life pushes you to be more of a Sentry than you want to be.
If you scored between 0 and 6, your Sentry system is being activated at just the right level for your comfort.
If you scored below 0, you feel that your current life understimulates your Sentry system.
The Energy Czar System
To download a PDF of the following questionnaire, click here.
What’s your comfort level?
For each item, circle the alternative that best fits you.
SA = strongly agree
A = agree
N = neutral
D = disagree
SD = strongly disagree
1. I usually have a lot of energy.
2. I get little pleasure out of working so hard that I am burned out.
3. I can renew my energy when I am tired.
4. I can monitor my life so that I don’t usually become too exhausted.
5. I have generally been able to create an environment that allows me enough rest and relaxation.
6. I rarely long for vacations or time off from work.
7. I am able to get enough sleep most nights.
8. I don’t need a nap most days.
9. I usually wake feeling refreshed.
10. It’s easy for me to get away and reduce my stress level.
11. In my life, things usually seem effortless.
12. I rarely get exhausted and stressed out.
13. I have lots of drive to get things done.
14. I have little trouble finding the motivation to accomplish my goals.
15. I find my life exciting.
16. I generally have the will to accomplish anything I choose to do.
17. I have little trouble finding the right balance between work and fun.
18. I have quite a bit of drive.
19. I always make sure that I eat the proper foods.
20. I rarely ignore my basic daily physical needs (thirst, hunger, elimination).
SCORING
SA = 2 points
A = 1 point
N = 0 points
D = –1 point
SD = –2 points
FOR THIS QUESTIONNAIRE
A score of 10 or above is high.
A score of 5 to 9 is medium.
A score of 4 or below is low.
Add to get your total Energy Czar Comfort Level score: ____.
YOUR ENERGY CZAR COMFORT LEVEL SCORE
If you scored 7 or above, your comfort level in the Energy Czar system is in the medium to high range. This means that you feel you have a lot of energy to accomplish the things you set out to do in your life.
If you scored below 7, you have some trouble managing your energy level so that you can do the things in your life you value. You may feel tired a lot and you feel it’s difficult for you to rejuvenate yourself.
Is your life in sync with your Energy Czar system?
Next, evaluate your current experience with the Energy Czar system by answering these questions. For each item, circle the alternative that best fits you.
1. My life is currently too tiring.
2. My job is exhausting.
3. The demands on me are unreasonable, and I am burning out trying to meet them.
4. There is so much stimulation in my life that it’s ruining my sleep.
5. Life is wearing me out.
6. I am “wiped out” a lot.
7. I haven’t had a vacation in a long time.
8. I don’t have very much balance in my life right now.
9. I yearn for more calm.
10. There are too many stressful days in my everyday life.
SCORING
SA = 2 points
A = 1 point
N = 0 points
D = –1 point
SD = –2 points
Add to get your total Energy Czar Current Life score: ____.
YOUR ENERGY CZAR CURRENT LIFE SCORE
If you scored 5 or above, you feel that your current life understimulates your Energy Czar system. You need more opportunities to restore your Energy Czar than your current life provides.
If you scored below 5, you are feeling “just right” related to your Energy Czar. You are managing the flow of energy in your life well right now.
The Sensualist System
To download a PDF of the following questionnaire, click here.
What’s your comfort level?
For each item, circle the alternative that best fits you.
SA = strongly agree
A = agree
N = neutral
D = disagree
SD = strongly disagree
1. I am a lusty person.
2. I enjoy flirting.
3. I seek out sexually provocative situations.
4. I love the initial phases of courtship.
5. I really enjoy sex.
6. I enjoy giving physical pleasure to someone I am attracted to.
7. I am very sensual.
8. I enjoy having someone I am attracted to really excite me sexually.
9. I see sexual possibilities in many situations.
10. I get horny easily.
11. I often lust after someone I have just met.
12. I love being in love.
13. I masturbate often.
14. I have sexual fantasies at the strangest times.
15. I get sexual cravings that I just can’t stop.
16. I enjoy many forms of physical sensuality.
17. I enjoy fondling, caressing, kissing, and cuddling.
18. Just being with someone attractive can really excite me.
19. At heart I am very horny.
20. I strongly value the excitement of making love.
21. I think about sex often every day.
SCORING
SA = 2 points
A = 1 point
N = 0 points
D = –1 point
SD = –2 points
FOR THIS QUESTIONNAIRE
A score of 11 or above is high.
A score of 6 to 10 is medium.
A score of 5 or below is low.
Add to get your total Sensualist Comfort Level score: ____.
YOUR SENSUALIST COMFORT LEVEL SCORE
If you scored 6 or above, your comfort level in the Sensualist system is in the medium to high range. This means that you like a lot of sensual and sexual excitement in your life. You’re most at ease when the Sensualist in you is activated a lot.
If you scored below 6, you prefer a limited amount of sexual and sensual stimulation in your life. You are not into being much of a Sensualist right now; you’re most at ease when the Sensualist in you is fairly quiet.
&nb
sp; Is your life in sync with your Sensualist system?
Next, evaluate your current experience with the Sensualist system by answering these questions. For each item, circle the alternative that best fits you.
Part One
1. My current life does not provide me with enough sexual stimulation.
2. In my current life, I don’t get to have enough sensual experiences.
3. My lusty side is not really appreciated right now.
4. There is too much sexual distance in my life now.
5. I am more of a lover than anyone gets to see these days.
6. I need to find some more sensual experiences.
7. I wish that I had a life with more sexual passion.
8. I yearn for more romance in my life.
9. I feel horny too much of the time.
10. There is not enough playful sex in my life right now.
SCORING
SA = 2 points
A = 1 point
N = 0 points
D = –1 point
SD = –2 points
Add your score on Part One ____.
Part Two
11. I am overly involved in sexual thoughts.
12. My life demands more sex of me than I want.
13. I dislike how much I have to think about sex.
14. It’s uncomfortable to be as sexually turned on as I usually am.
Add your score on Part Two ____.
YOUR SENSUALIST CURRENT LIFE SCORE
For Part One (items 1–10), if your score is 4 or above, you feel that your current life understimulates your Sensualist system. You need more opportunities in your life to gratify the Sensualist in you than your current situation provides. If you scored below 4 on Part One, you feel that your current life is just right for stimulating your Sensualist system.
For Part Two (items 11–14), if your score is 3 or more, you feel that your current life overstimulates your Sensualist system. You need to be able to say no to situations that pressure you to be more sensual than is comfortable for you right now.
The Jester System
To download a PDF of the following questionnaire, click here.
What’s your comfort level?
For each item, circle the alternative that best fits you.
SA = strongly agree
A = agree
N = neutral
D = disagree
SD = strongly disagree
1. I enjoy seeing the absurd in life’s situations.
2. I enjoy playful teasing.
3. Puns are delightful to me.
4. I love rough-and-tumble play.
5. I like poking fun at pompous people.
6. I sometimes like pretending I’m someone else.
7. I enjoy make-believe.
8. I have a well-developed silly side.
9. I can sometimes be carefree and rambunctious.
10. I sometimes see the humor that others miss.
11. I like to clown around.
12. I enjoy a good snowball fight.
13. I like to tickle some people.
14. I have enjoyed rolling down a hill and laughing.
15. I like being tickled.
16. I can imagine enjoying prancing around like a horse.
17. I like to have pretend arguments with friends.
18. Mockery appeals to me.
19. I love to play with children.
20. I find slapstick comedy appealing.
21. I am a bit of a jester at heart.
22. I have chosen friends on the basis of our laughter together.
23. I sometimes get into giggling fits.
24. Farting sounds are funny.
SCORING
SA = 2 points
A = 1 point
N = 0 points
D = –1 point
SD = –2 points
FOR THIS QUESTIONNAIRE
A score of 25 or above is high.
A score of 10 to 24 is medium.
A score of 9 or below is low.
Add to get your total Jester Comfort Level score: ____.
YOUR JESTER COMFORT LEVEL SCORE
If you scored 10 or above, your comfort level in the Jester system is in the medium to high range. This means that you like a lot of play, humor, amusement, fun, hilarity, and make-believe in your life. You’re most at ease when the Jester in you is activated a lot.
If you scored 9 or below, you prefer things in your life to be fairly serious, and you do not require a great deal of play in your life. You are not into being much of a Jester right now. You’re most at ease when the Jester in you is fairly quiet.
Is your life in sync with your Jester system?
Next, evaluate your current experience with the Jester system by answering these questions. For each item, circle the alternative that best fits you.
1. My current life does not provide me with enough fun.
2. My current life does not have enough playfulness in it.
3. My wit is not really appreciated right now.
4. There is too much seriousness in my life now.
5. I don’t get enough of a chance to be carefree and cut up.
6. I am more of a clown than anyone gets to see these days.
7. I am stifling my playful instincts these days.
8. I wish that I had a life with more lightheartedness.
9. I yearn for more silliness in those around me.
10. There is not enough laughter in my life right now.
SCORING
SA = 2 points
A = 1 point
N = 0 points
D = –1 point
SD = –2 points
Add to get your total Jester Current Life score: ____.
YOUR JESTER CURRENT LIFE SCORE
If you scored above 6, you feel that your current life understimulates your Jester system. You need a life that gratifies the Jester in you more than your current situation does.
If you scored between –9 and 5, you feel that your current life is just right for stimulating your Jester system.
If you scored below –10, you feel that your current life overstimulates your Jester system. Your current life pushes you to be more of a Jester than you want to be.
The Nest-Builder System
To download a PDF of the following questionnaire, click here.
What’s your comfort level?
For each item, circle the alternative that best fits you.
SA = strongly agree
A = agree
N = neutral
D = disagree
SD = strongly disagree
1. I enjoy nurturing others.
2. I enjoy taking care of other people.
3. I often like to see to people’s needs.
4. I love to see children develop.
5. It gives me a sense of meaning to help other people.
6. I like creating a cozy home.
7. I do (or would) enjoy teaching children.
8. I have a strongly developed parental side.
9. I often feel sad when I am alone.
10. I get lonely when I am not in a close relationship.
11. I like making new friends.
12. I take the time needed to take care of my friends.
13. I like to listen to my friends’ problems.
14. I tend to think of other people’s needs before my own.
15. I think the greatest accomplishment in life is raising a good child.
16. I make it a priority to spend time with friends.
17. I don’t mind people depending on me.
18. I sometimes love to take care of children.
19. At heart, I am very parental.
20. I strongly value the cozy times of family closeness at home.
21. I love cooking for the people I am closest to.
SCORING
SA = 2 points
A = 1 point
N = 0 points
D = –1 point
SD = –2 poin
ts
FOR THIS QUESTIONNAIRE
A score of 20 or above is high.
A score of 12 to 19 is medium.
A score of 11 or below is low.
Add to get your total Nest-Builder Comfort Level score: ____.
YOUR NEST-BUILDER COMFORT LEVEL SCORE
If you scored 12 or above, your comfort level in the Nest-Builder system is in the medium to high range. This means that you like a lot of attachment and bonding, and you are a nurturing person. You’re most at ease when the Nest-Builder in you is activated a lot.
If you scored below 12, you prefer independent relationships where people go their own separate ways much of the time. You don’t require a great deal of bonding or caretaking in your life. You are not into being much of a Nest-Builder right now; you’re most at ease when the Nest-Builder in you is fairly quiet.
Is your life in sync with your Nest-Builder system?
Next, evaluate your current experience with the Nest-Builder system by answering these questions. For each item, circle the alternative that best fits you.
1. My current life does not provide me with enough intimacy.
2. In my current life, I don’t get to take care of others enough.
3. My tender side is not really appreciated right now.
4. There is too much emotional distance in my life now.
5. I feel lonely too much of the time.
6. I am secretly more of a caretaker than anyone gets to see these days.
7. I need to make more close friends.
8. I wish that I had a life with more intimacy.
9. I yearn for more connection with those around me.
10. There is not enough affection in my life right now.
SCORING
SA = 2 points
A = 1 point
N = 0 points
D = –1 point
SD = –2 points
Add to get your total Nest-Builder Current Life score: ____.
YOUR NEST-BUILDER CURRENT LIFE SCORE
If your score is above 6, you feel that your current life understimulates your Nest-Builder system. You need a life that gratifies the Nest-Builder in you more than your current situation does.
If you scored between –9 and 5, you feel that your current life is just right for stimulating your Nest-Builder system.