Things We Lost

by Shae Banks

  “It’s… it’s just Nat,” I insisted, trying to sound chilled.

  Tony wasn’t buying it. “Honestly, Nat, I don’t like the formality at work. Please, don’t let it follow me here. I’d drop it there entirely if it weren’t for one or two staff members who would take advantage.”

  “Really?” Jason enquired, apparently surprised. “Who?”

  “Chantal,” I answered without thinking.

  Tony laughed. “How is training that one going?”

  I took a drink. “It isn’t. She’ll get it eventually, but she isn’t picking it up as quickly as I’d hoped. It’s okay, I’ll get her there.” I sat back as they looked at each other, some silent conversation going on I wasn’t privy to and I added, “Anyway, I don’t really want to talk shop.” I tilted my head and looked at Tony. “It looks like an unlikely pairing, tell me, how did you two become friends?”

  “I told you, we shared a house,” Jason said, putting his drink on the table in front of us.

  “That’s what you told her?” Tony queried, arching a brow. “We found ourselves in the same building. I refused to go into halls, wanting a more authentic uni experience. I didn’t expect to end up with this reprobate.”

  I looked at Jase. “Reprobate? Him?”

  Tony snorted. “My idea of a wild night was tame compared to what he introduced me to. Rich was somewhere between the two of us. Cara… Well, she picked up much of the mess.”

  “You introduced them to depth charges, didn’t you?” I gasped with disbelief.

  Jase shrugged. “It was fun. Rich is from the valleys, Tony was a straight-laced rich boy, they needed help.”

  I shook my head. “Poor Cara.”

  “She got her own back many times over,” Tony reminisced fondly. He was interrupted by the dogs barking, and Jase got up.

  “I’ll get it.”

  I looked at him with my brows drawn in.

  “Food,” he said as an explanation, heading for the door.

  “I didn’t tell you what I wanted…”

  “Jay doesn’t do small orders,” Tony explained as Jase left us. “He’ll have ordered before you even left. I can guarantee there’s something you like.”

  “That’s just a waste.”

  Tony shrugged. “It’s his thing. We all have our thing. I’ll feed leftovers to the boys.”

  I looked at him. “Do we?”

  “Of course,” he responded brightly. “I’m known to do things to excess myself.”

  I drained my glass, and Tony got up to retrieve the bottle from the bar. The front door closed, and I looked up to see Jase coming back with a stack of pizza boxes.

  “Help yourself.”

  I chewed the inside of my cheek.

  “If all you want is one slice, just take the one slice.”

  “He does this to you often, then?” I asked, taking some from the nearest box. It felt odd eating from a pizza box on the sofa in that crazy huge house, but the two of them seemed perfectly relaxed so I followed suit.

  “At least once every six weeks,” Tony answered, examining his own box. “I tried to resist years ago, but honestly it’s easier to indulge him.”

  I took a breath. “Noted.”

  Jase rubbed his foot against mine and I smiled to myself.

  After we’d eaten, Tony took the boxes away and Jason poured me another drink.

  “Aren’t you having one? We could get a taxi home,” I suggested when he opened a second can of coke.

  “I don’t want to drink. Not tonight.”

  I frowned at him and put my glass down. “Why?”

  “Because I don’t need a drink tonight,” he answered, and I couldn’t question him further because Tony came back.

  I was uncomfortably full, so much so my third glass of prosecco was looking like a challenge, so I took a small sip and put it back on the table then commented, “I can’t believe he managed to corrupt you.”

  “I wasn’t all bad,” Jase protested while Tony laughed.

  “It’s true,” he agreed. “He did have a positive influence here and there. In our second year, he talked Cara into taking a part-time job. Since Jay was already working in that awful drive-through place, she talked me into applying too. Worst two years of my life.”

  Jase held up a finger and interjected, “I told you to come with me, but you were above flipping burgers.”

  “Yes. Well, the ignorance of youth. Suffice to say my eyes were opened and when we began taking on staff, I vowed never to treat them the way we were treated in that hellhole. It’s the one rule we stick to throughout the company and will always be our ethos.”

  “Where did you work?” I asked, intrigued.

  “Telecommunications call center,” he grumbled bitterly. “Never again. Ever.”

  “I suppose the prospect of going back to that made you more driven.”

  “And some,” he said, finishing his bottle. “I swore never to raise my voice, lose my temper, or blame a staff member for what they couldn’t control. So far, I think it’s gone well. What did you do with yourself between leaving school and walking through our doors?”

  Jason sat straighter at my side and put my hand on his leg. When he sat back, I responded, “Well, I went to college to do an admin course, connected with someone we went to school with, got married, got divorced, earned a degree and lost my mind working in payroll for a massive, soulless company and hated every minute of it. I’ve kept one close friend all my life. She’s a bit mad, but I wouldn’t change her for the world. I haven’t had a very interesting life, but Haylie keeps it colorful.” I looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, then added, “I think she’d scare you half to death if I’m honest. I’ll have to introduce you.”

  He grinned. “I’ll hold you to that. We could all do with more color.”

  Jason stepped in and expertly steered the conversation in another direction by asking Tony how his gym was coming together. It wasn’t necessary, but I was grateful, and I listened as they discussed the advantages and disadvantages of different pieces of exercise equipment I either hadn’t heard of or knew I hated to use.

  The sun was setting when Jason suggested we get home.

  Tony took my hand and helped me up from the sofa. “Thank you for coming, Nat. I’ve enjoyed getting to know the real you.”

  “And you. Thanks for having us, it’s been lovely.”

  “We’ll do it again in a few weeks, yeah?” Jase suggested, taking my other hand.

  “I’m usually around,” Tony replied cheerfully.

  He didn’t see us out, clearing away my half full glass, and the empty cans and bottles he and Jason had used. When the front door closed behind us, I looked to Jason and smiled.

  “That was nice.”

  “I didn’t think he’d start asking awkward questions,” he said at once, taking my hand again and making for the car.

  “Can’t always avoid it,” I noted, trying to make him feel better. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

  He opened my door for me and let me get in. “Still, I’m sorry.”

  I fastened my seatbelt and sat in the silence of his car while he made his way to the driver’s side, and took a deep breath. It was uncomfortable being asked, but I couldn’t keep hiding it.

  “It happened,” I reiterated when he closed his door. “A lot of things happened, and we’ve moved on. I can’t hide from it forever, and it isn’t so bad talking about it. Not now.”

  He leaned over and kissed me before starting the car. The engine roared, and I startled.

  “Sorry. I keep forgetting.”

  “Forgetting what?”

  He raised his brows and looked at me. “You know what. I’ll try harder to remember.”

  I half smiled, grateful he considered it, and looked down at my lap. “Thank you.”

  The car began to move and he turned on the radio. “Anything for you. Now let’s get you home, I want my dessert.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Guiding me bac
k onto the bed, his lips trailed down my chest, between my breasts and then were gone. I couldn’t see, a silk scarf was tied around my eyes, blocking out all the light in the room. But the lights were on.

  “Okay?”

  I swallowed. “I think so.” I couldn’t manage anything more than a whisper.

  He pulled back, and I caught the back of his neck with my hand. “Don’t—”

  “‘Think so’ isn’t good enough. I’m not pushing this on you, babe.”

  His hand tugged at the scarf and I grabbed his wrist. “No… I’m okay. Really, I’m okay.”

  “Tell me if you’re not,” he reminded me, and I relaxed as he kissed me again.

  I nodded, and his mouth left mine.

  There was nothing for several moments, and I began to feel uneasy. But not in a bad way. He was watching me. He hadn’t left the bed, but he wasn’t touching me at all. I closed my eyes, despite the scarf blindfolding me, and licked my lips. Waiting.

  Something soft brushed my neck, and I released the breath I’d just taken with a relieved sigh. My cheeks heated, the prickle of warmth spreading down my neck to my chest. The soft thing followed, slowly, tickling its way over my exposed and sensitive skin. That was when I worked out that it was the Ostrich feather.

  “I wish you could see this,” he whispered in my ear.

  The sudden sound startled me, but more importantly it sent a wave of tingles from the back of my head and down to my shoulders. I wanted to ask what, but the item brushing my skin was moving on, down to my right breast and around the areola.

  I raised a hand, and he stopped the movement. “Ah-ah…” he chastised.

  I pressed my lips together and lowered my hand. He returned the feather to my neck and began again. By the time he reached my breasts, my nipples were erect and straining to be touched. My back arched, and he took the feather away.

  I groaned, lifting a hand, reaching for him, and the bed moved.

  He was only gone for a few moments, returning and brushing something cold and smooth over my thigh. “Give me your hand,” he demanded, and I heard the crackle of Velcro as he tested the satin at my thigh to make sure it wasn’t too tight. My wrist was secured to my thigh, and he did the same on the other side, placing my legs together and leaving me on my back. “No wriggling.”

  This time he started at my feet, but the item he tickled me with had changed. This was firmer, but still soft. A different kind of soft. It trailed from the top of my foot to my thigh, my skin prickling as it skimmed over the contours of my muscles, and when it brushed the back of my hand, a wave of tickles spread up my arm. He didn’t follow, instead brushing over my tummy, letting the fronds of whatever he held skim over my skin and up over my breasts.

  A sharp intake of breath broke the silence of the room, my reaction to my nipples feeling the friction of his object of choice.

  “Suede,” he whispered, laying it against my skin, splaying it over my chest and leaving it there.

  Something cold brushed my left nipple, then my right. Metal. There was a click and a low hum as the item began to vibrate against the erect nub. The vibrations traveled across my skin, spreading out from the epicenter of my nipple and down. He followed as though he knew, the cold tip of the tiny steel vibrator marking its path to my navel. He avoided the scars there, taking it down the other side so I could fully feel everything he did, and to the apex of my thighs. I squirmed, tugging my wrists up, but they were secured. His hand stayed, the vibrator leaving my skin, and I stilled.

  I held my breath, waiting, visualizing where I needed him to go, what I needed him to do, but he didn’t move for what felt like minutes. I listened. I waited. I was about to speak when the hum of the vibrator stopped, and he placed his hand on my thigh.

  With the gentlest of touches he parted my legs, and I remained as still as I could manage as the anticipation built. I silently begged him to touch me again, to reach down and feel how wet I was for him. How much I needed him.

  “I can see how wet you are.”

  I would have felt ashamed before, hearing him utter those words, but I couldn’t seem to muster those feelings. There was awe and desire in his voice. Satisfaction. This was what he needed. This was his goal, and I was giving him exactly what he craved. The torture of waiting, of enduring the process to get what I needed was entirely worth it.

  He kissed me like he was starved. With my hands firmly attached to my thighs, all I could do was kiss him back, but the urge to reach for him was killing me. “I need to touch you.”

  He kissed down my neck and mumbled into the hollow at the base, “Not yet.”

  I dug my nails into my palms and gasped as his tongue ran over my nipple. It was almost painful as it brushed over the erect, sensitive nub, causing fire to spread over my skin. Unable to move my hands, I pushed back my shoulders, digging my heels into the mattress. I was so absorbed in what I was feeling, I didn’t feel him move his hand. I didn’t expect the feel of the soft silicone, but the relief I felt as he pressed the soft vibrations against my clit made me sob.

  He moved the tip in slow, gentle circles, and I parted my legs further, desperate to feel everything, angling my hips in the hope of feeling more. I was close, and when I bucked my hips and the pressure increased for a second, I was sure I was going to come, but he was watching me closely and knew just when to stop. The absence was agony. My body was screaming for more, but he’d withdrawn completely. I lay still, panting, my clit throbbing and an orgasm building, desperate for release.

  It all happened at once. His mouth closed over my clit and the vibrator slid inside, and the blood in my veins sang for him as the orgasm he’d built flowed freely. My body convulsed, my internal muscles clutching at the synthetic phallus that continued to send wracking waves of tingles racing through me. The way he sucked at my clit, the feel of his tongue massaging the tight, erect nub, brought me crashing down and spiralling up in a matter of seconds.

  Taking his mouth away, he increased the movements of the vibrator. With my head tilted back and my hips rotating, he fucked another orgasm from me so intense, my head throbbed. It was better knowing he was watching. That he’d gotten me there. That he saw my face and watched every muscle in my body go taut.

  He was still fucking me when he removed the scarf. His eyes held mine as I came again, then in a smooth movement, he withdrew the vibrator and slid into me, unfastening the cuffs as he did.

  I reached for his face, pushing my fingers into his hair and kissing him as he ground his hips into mine. The feel of him, and not the toy he’d been using, was incredible. I don’t know why. Maybe it was because it was all of him, but it was something the dildo couldn’t replicate.

  His fingers tangled in my hair and he kissed me fiercely before pushing away, withdrawing as he went.

  “Touch yourself.”

  It wasn’t like him to be so demanding, and it took me by surprise. “Wh—”

  He took my hand, guiding it to my pussy, reaching for his cock with the other. He began stroking, my fingers began moving, and soon I found a rhythm that matched his.

  His eyes fixed on my hand, and he growled, “You’re fucking perfect.”

  And that was my undoing. I couldn’t speak, riding the crest of another orgasm, but I watched him, watching me, as I came. He was right there with me, ropes of come pumping from him, spreading over my stomach and thighs. And he never looked away, holding my gaze as he reached his climax, proving it was all for me. I got him there as he’d done the same for me.

  Breathing heavily, I closed my eyes and smiled. He landed beside me, his arms wrapping around me, pulling me close. “I mean it. You’re the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen.”

  I pressed my lips together and smiled, lowering my head into his chest. “I love you.”

  “You have no idea.”

  I was sure it was the other way around, but I wouldn’t argue. Right then, everything was as it should be. I didn’t need to say anything else.

  Chapter Twentyr />
  We woke late. Still, I was up first, despite being the one who’d had a few glasses of wine. I looked at the state of my bed and couldn’t see the duvet. The feather was by my feet, alongside a very cruel looking whip thing. It had so many tails on it, I wondered why the hell he’d brought that near me, and then remembered the suede. A small silver vibrator, no bigger than my finger, was at the top of the bed by my pillow. I couldn’t see the large silicone one anywhere. Knowing they’d need a thorough cleaning, I tried to get off the bed without waking him and failed.

  “Are you running off again?”

  “You dare?” I challenged, laughing and swinging my feet out. That was when I found the big one, on the floor. I didn’t remember hearing it fall off. “No. I’m going to the loo and getting these cleaned up.”

  He stretched, yawned, then looked at me. “Leave them and come here.”

  I dodged his grasp. “Five minutes.”

  He followed me into the bathroom. I sat down anyway, I was absolutely bursting, while he took his toothbrush from the side and cleaned his teeth.

  “You said we were staying in bed,” I said, flushing the toilet and washing my hands before reaching for my own brush.

  “Oh, we are,” he verified, looking me up and down, then putting his brush in the holder. I brushed my teeth as he stepped behind me and grasped me around the waist. He rested his chin on my shoulder and kissed my neck. “You were amazing last night.”

  I carried on brushing my teeth, trying so damn hard not to blush. I failed.

  “Do you want to go back to bed, or shall we go out for breakfast, and then go back to bed?”

  I wanted to go back to bed, but I was also hungry. “Well, I could eat…” I mumbled through a mouth full of foam.

  He chuckled next to my ear, and my body responded with a wave of tingles running down my back. “Steady on,” he said, feeling my skin prickle. “I’ll handle that once you’re fed. First, shower.”