Killing Freedom

by Ryan Casey

  ‘What’s wrong with you?’ Jared asked.

  ‘Nothing,’ Faith shot back, rubbing her pale hands together. She looked nicer today, in her camel-skin coat. Nicer but edgier.

  ‘Don’t give me that bullshit,’ Jared said, bringing his hand smashing down onto the table. An old man sat in the corner with his wife poked his head around and tutted.

  Faith widened her eyes. ‘Wow, it’s me who came to see you, remember? I’m fine right now. You’ll just have to take my word for that whether you like it or not. It’s you I’m fucking worried about.’ She quietened her voice on the ‘fucking.’ ‘This isn’t like you. What is it?’

  Jared’s stomach sank. ‘Sorry,’ he said. He shouldn’t snap at his sister. She was all he had. Well, except Raymond.

  And Brian, Cindy and Carl.

  No. They were not a part of him. They never could be.

  Faith exhaled and blinked fast, turning away from Jared and tapping her fingernails against the table. The pair of them sat in silence for a few moments before Jared let the words flow again.

  ‘Sis, if you saw a way out—a chance of freedom—would you take it, no matter how dangerous it was? Or would you just keep on doing what you’re doing?’

  Faith tilted her head and smiled at Jared. ‘There’s no such thing as freedom, bro. I’d keep on doing what I’m doing because anything else is a fantasy. Sure: I might get out of this one day, and so might you, but only when we’ve earned it. I try not to think about the ‘what ifs’ in life. It makes everything easier.’

  Jared poured some coffee down his throat and heaved as he remembered it had gone cold. ‘I wish I had your outlook,’ he said.

  Faith smiled. ‘Stop wishing, brother. Just do it.’

  Jared slumped his shoulders. ‘It’s just hard sometimes… It’s—it’s like whenever a carrot is dangled in front of my face, you’re always here with a rocket launcher to blow it up.’

  Faith giggled. ‘Look, I’ve got to go. But whatever it is you’ve gotta do… I know you’re capable of it. Just don’t lose sight of yourself, yeah?’ She squeezed Jared’s hands and winked at him.

  Jared took a deep breath and nodded. The cold metal of the gun in his pocket tightened against his leg as he pulled himself upwards. ‘You stay safe, sis.’

  ‘Don’t you be worrying about me. Let me worry about you for once.’

  Jared wiped his brow and carried the cold, almost-full cup of coffee over to the counter and smiled at the short, hamster-faced woman serving customers.

  ‘I’ll see you around,’ Jared said, waving at Faith.

  Faith walked towards the exit. She stopped and opened her mouth to say something, pulling herself away from the door for a second, before sighing and smiling back at Jared. She nodded and disappeared out of the door and back onto the street.

  Jared stared at the door as the bells tinkled. The man in the corner looked up at him disapprovingly again, shaking his head and turning back towards his wife. The scream of coffee machines tore through the room.

  The cold metal pressed against Jared’s leg. He was on his own now.

  Chapter Nine

  The sky glowed orange as Jared arrived at Brian and Cindy’s house for evening drinks. He could hear the buzz of their television as he approached the front door, the fresh air stinging his nostrils as he tried to take calm, collected breaths. He rubbed his hands against his white shirt and black tie. He had to make an effort, at least. Look the part. They seemed like good people, underneath. He needed to make the best impression he could.

  He knocked on the door and ran through the procedure in his head without letting himself get too attached to the logistics of what he had to do: He’d go in and check the study to look for info on where Brian might be hiding the money, pour the wine, put them to sleep.

  Finish them.

  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath right into the pit of his stomach. His eyes stung. Where were they? It seemed like ages since he’d knocked. Should he knock again? Wait it out? Run away and tell Raymond they weren’t in?

  No. He’d done this a thousand times before. There was no reason why he couldn’t do it again. He cleared his throat and tapped his knuckles against the door.

  Brian’s figure emerged behind the tinted glass of the front door. Jared let a smile grow across his face as he gripped the bottle of red wine in his shaking hands.

  Brian pulled the door open and grinned at Jared. He was out of his smart clothes and dressed in a green jumper and faded blue jeans. ‘Ah, Richard,’ he said, scanning his dress code. ‘Pleasure you could join us this evening. Aren’t you looking the part? Come on in. I see the man brings wine?’

  Jared smiled and held the wine bottle in both hands. Brian patted his hand on Jared’s shoulder and gestured him to follow.

  ‘Come in, anyway,’ Brian said. ‘Cindy and Carl are just through there. Leaving the man of the house to do the work as per.’

  Jared’s smile grew more natural and his breathing became easier. Maybe it had been a misjudgement, but he had broken his usual ban on alcoholic drinks to loosen himself up with a beer before arriving.

  ‘How’s Carl?’ Jared asked.

  Brian marched on and opened the cupboard for Jared to place the wine. Jared had to make sure it was he who poured it. He felt the cold metal of the gun against his leg and hoped it didn’t stand out. But even if it did, nobody would ask. They never did.

  ‘The young man’s just had a chest infection,’ Brian said. ‘Milking it as much as possible to get as many days off school, but we were all kids once, eh?’

  Jared laughed. He didn’t want to remember being a kid too much. It wasn’t worth thinking about. That was in the past now. ‘Detach yourself from those memories,’ Raymond had told him.

  Jared followed Brian to the dining room where Carl played with a toy car on his hands and knees on the floor.

  ‘Richard, will you play with my new car later?’ Carl asked, grinning up at Jared. He was missing another milk tooth in the front of his mouth.

  Jared scratched the back of his neck and let himself smile as the warmth of the fireplace hit him. ‘Of course, kid,’ he said. ‘You’re not telling me you’ve got another one since yesterday, have you?’

  Carl giggled and shot up to his feet, his blonde hair flopping in front of his eyes. He held up his model Audi TT. ‘This one’s a howdy,’ he said. ‘It’s my favourite, or maybe my second favourite. Which is your favourite, Richard?’

  Jared stuck a finger against his lip and curled his eyebrows. ‘Hmm, I like Ferraris.’

  Carl’s eyes widened. ‘Have you got a Ferrari?’

  Jared raised his eyebrows and tightened his lips together. ‘Maybe I have.’

  Carl jumped up and down on the spot. ‘Please can I have it? Please?’

  Brian laughed from the other side of the table. ‘Carl,’ he said. ‘Don’t be so cheeky.’ He grinned at Jared.

  ‘We’ll see what your dad thinks,’ Jared said. ‘Maybe one day.’

  Carl’s eyes beamed. He ran into the other room, holding his hands in front of him and making engine noises.

  Jared gulped down the lump in his throat.

  Cindy walked through from down the stairs, dressed in a flowery summer dress. She grinned at Jared as she caught his eye. ‘Hello, you,’ she said. She turned to Brian and shook her head. ‘We can’t get rid of him can we?’

  Jared’s cheeks blushed as he averted his gaze towards his feet.

  ‘You’re embarrassing the poor lad, look,’ Brian said. ‘Ignore her, Richard. You’re welcome round here after the cracking job you’ve done so far. If I ever lose my sense of organisation again, I know who to call.’

  Jared sensed his moment had arrived. He cleared his throat. ‘Actually, I was wondering if I could just have a look at where I was up to. I think it’s ‘V’ on the final shelf, which is good because it means I can be done tomorrow. But I’m not sure. I think I might have messed something up.’

  Brian’s eyebrows t
witched as he stared at Jared. Jared scratched at the back of his neck. Time dragged. The room went silent. He didn’t suspect something, did he? Maybe he’d put his keys back in the wrong place?

  Brian broke the stare and smiled. ‘Someone’s an honest man,’ he said. ‘Well, at least you’ve admitted it. Sure, head through after drinks if you want.’

  ‘It’ll only take a second. I can get it done now.’

  Brian was silent for a few seconds as Cindy knelt down to tickle Carl, who continued to run around the room.

  ‘Nah, you can check tomorrow,’ Brian said. ‘Drink up now and forget your job. That’s an order!’

  Jared nodded his head and sighed. There was nothing else he could do. The study door was locked shut and Brian wasn’t going to let him anywhere near it to investigate. He’d have to find another way. Maybe he’d have to kill them first and then turn the study upside-down. It would take some time, but he had no choice.

  ‘You got a red didn’t you?’ Brian asked, winking.

  Jared nodded his head and looked over at the kitchen. ‘Yeah. I’ll sort it.’

  ‘No, it’s alright, pal. I’ll sort it.’

  Jared clenched his jaw. First, he’d been denied access to the study, and now Brian was intercepting his wine plan. He’d have to shoot them. It would be messy, but he didn’t have a choice.

  Then a clatter at the other side of the table.

  ‘Oh, Carl,’ Cindy said, rushing to mop the juice up from his top where orange juice had spilled.

  This was his chance.

  ‘I’ll sort it, seriously. You… you see to Carl.’

  Brian sighed and nodded. ‘Yeah, cheers, the glasses are just in there.’

  Jared kept smiling at Brian as he left the room, then dropped his face as he walked towards the cupboard. He took the wine bottle over to the sink and began to pour three glasses. He filled them about three-quarters full before snapping the lid back on.

  Then, he reached into his pocket and pulled out two little pills.

  He looked over at the door. They were sat at the table, still fussing over Carl. He had enough time.

  He crushed the pills into the glasses and let them disintegrate. The third pill — Carl’s — he’d deal with at the table. As long as he could get Cindy and Daddy to sleep, anything was possible.

  His vision grew blurry as he watched the tablet fizz up from the bottom of the glass. He heard Brian laughing about something and Cindy mock-complaining.

  ‘You okay in there, Richard?’ Brian called.

  ‘Yes,’ Jared said. ‘Won’t be a moment.’ The froth of the tablets disappeared in seconds.

  ‘Just checking you’ve not stolen all of our delicious wine. Cindy’s concern, not mine.’ He sniggered and made a mock ‘ow’ sound.

  Jared tried to calm himself and smile. It would be over soon. He placed the glasses on a tray and carried them through to the dining room, the bottle in the center so he could pour himself a fresh glass when he was ready. He didn’t feel thirsty right now, though, as dry as his throat was.

  The fuss around Carl had died down by the time Jared stepped back into the room. Jared placed the glasses on the table, the two full glasses beside Brian and Cindy, and pulled his chair out so he could sit on it.

  Brian turned his eyebrows upwards. ‘Oh, I completely forgot! While the wine breathes, we’ve got some of my delicious homebrew to drink first. At least give it a shot, eh?’

  Cindy rolled her eyes. ‘He’s been going on about this homebrew for days now. I don’t think we’re getting out of this one.’

  Jared felt the lump subside in his throat as he smiled and nodded at Brian, but at the same time, the heaviness grew in his stomach. It was just delaying the inevitable, giving the doubts more of a chance to set in. He couldn’t let that happen, not again.

  Carl tucked in to his fish fingers, cutting them all into little pieces.

  ‘Good day at school, Carl?’ Brian asked. ‘Meant to ask you before.’

  Carl nodded and looked up at Jared. ‘So, when are you bringing your Ferrari?’ he asked, his eyes wide and innocent, his blonde hair contrasting against the red truck on his t-shirt.

  Jared chuckled and looked over at Cindy. A cheeky smile swept across her face, teasing. She eyed her wine glass, and then turned for some of Brian’s homebrew.

  ‘Maybe tomorrow,’ Jared said. ‘I’ll have to find it first.’

  Carl nodded and frowned, bewildered at the sheer possibility of a toy Ferrari being lost.

  As Brian talked about business and lifestyle and new cars, Jared reached for the bottle of wine and poured himself a glass, as if to prompt the others to drink. They were all braced now, all prepared. Jared took a sip of the red wine, the sharp taste hitting his tongue after the dull wholesomeness of the wheaty ale.

  ‘Enjoy the ale?’ Brian asked.

  Jared smiled. ‘It was great, thanks. Really great.’ He wasn’t used to drinking this much at once, especially after his beer earlier. His head was really beginning to float now, like a balloon set free from a clown’s clumsy hand.

  ‘More of a wine man, huh?’ Brian said. He still had a quarter of his ale left. Drink it. Get it done with.

  ‘It’s a sign of class,’ Cindy said, rubbing her tongue against his teeth. ‘A woman loves a wine-drinker.’

  Brian coughed and patted Jared on the back. ‘Of course, that’s your secret is it then, Jared? Wine-drinking for the ladies?’

  Jared looked towards the table with his eyebrows slightly raised. He was about to respond when he heard something tinkle against a hollow glass.

  Cindy had her fingers wrapped around the outside of the wine glass.

  This was it.

  Jared’s leg began to shake as she raised the glass upwards, grinning with her beautiful white teeth. Jared took another sip on his wine and washed it around his mouth. Stay calm. Let it happen.

  ‘Anyway,’ Brian said, turning to Carl. ‘Cindy shouldn’t be drinking any more tonight if you’ve got a little sister on the way, should she?’

  Jared’s body froze with realisation as Cindy lifted the glass closer to her mouth.

  Little sister.

  He lunged himself across the table, knocking the candle in the middle over and sending the rest of the bottle of wine spilling across the table-mat. He clutched the wine glass and tore it from Cindy’s hand, before standing up, wide-eyed.

  Brian, Cindy and Carl looked on, puzzled. There was a silence in the room.

  Jared’s heart raced. He had to think fast. He had to think quickly.

  ‘What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?’ Brian asked, watching the purple stain grow across his table.

  Jared closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

  Think.

  ‘The wine. I’m sorry. You said—you said you were pregnant.’

  Cindy scrunched her eyes. ‘I’m only a few months down the line. What the hell, Richard?’

  Brian continued to huff and puff, assessing the damage before rising from his chair. ‘It’s okay, it’s okay,’ he said, groaning. He put his hand on Jared’s shoulder. He was looking at him differently now—looking at him like they always did when they knew he was ‘other.’ ‘I think it’s time you probably left. It’s getting late, right?’

  Jared’s shoulders sunk as the weight of embarrassment crumbled inside him. He’d lost them. He’d messed everything up. And he hadn’t even had the chance to kill them.

  The gun.

  He slipped his hand into his pocket and rubbed his fingers across the cold metal exterior. Three shots and it would be over. Carl sat with his fingertips in his mouth, confused and inquisitive, as if he were watching a TV programme.

  ‘It was my mother,’ Jared said. It blurted out a little louder and rougher than he’d expected. Brian patted Jared on his shoulder and ushered him out of the room. Jared could see that he’d caught Cindy’s eye, whose face was sinking into something more sympathetic.

  ‘It was my mother. She—she drank�
�� she drank during pregnancy. And she lost my brother. I’m so sorry.’

  He bolted out of the room from Brian’s grip and walked towards the door, placing Cindy’s empty wine glass on the kitchen worktop. He kept his hand on the gun. He could still get it done with. Sneak back in and end it.

  ‘Wait.’

  Jared froze on the spot before turning around. Brian stood in the doorway with a concerned face, scratching at the back of his neck. Cindy peeked around the door of the dining room behind him, swallowing heavily as she examined the wine-coated scene.

  ‘It’s—it’s alright Richard,’ Brian said. He couldn’t quite bring himself to meet Jared’s eyes. ‘I guess we all have our own sh—our own problems going on. Look, just come back, sit down and watch some telly with us. We’ll get this cleaned up, buddy.’

  A warmth grew deep within Jared’s chest. His hand began to sweat as he gripped the gun in his pocket. He moved his hands upwards and away from the gun. ‘Really?’

  Brian smiled. ‘Course, as soon as we’ve cleaned this bloody mess up. I’m not that big a fan of wine anyway. Or that tablecloth.’ Brian winked at Jared then walked back towards the sink, where he grabbed a towel. ‘Don’t just stand there: let’s get your mess cleared up.’

  After they’d cleaned up, Jared sat and watched television with them. The fire crackled, the flames lighting up the walls in a warm orange. They didn’t say much, but it wasn’t an awkward silence. It was a nice silence. He could feel the sweat of his fears rubbing against his armpits as his shoulders began to slacken. His thoughts scattered. Raymond—how disappointed he’d be when he returned without his money and when he told him he hadn’t done it.

  No. He’d get the money, in time. Just not now. The corner of his mouth twitched as he tried to hide his smile.

  ‘Well, I guess it’s getting late,’ Brian said, looking at Cindy and Jared suggestively. Cindy mumbled something under her breath, and then Brian looked at his hands and rubbed them against his knees.

  ‘I’ll go now,’ Jared said, his throat crackling as he stepped up from the soft chair.