by Mj Fields
“Jerking off?” He smirks.
Feeling my face burn with embarrassment, I tell him, “I was gonna say not having sex, but sure.”
“I won’t. Feels good. You use enough lotion, and you barely get calluses.” His voice is playful now, and I look up to see him shaking his head from side to side as he takes my hands. “Kendall, I know I’m not alone when I say I’m falling.”
“With all you have going on, you could find a hundred other dancing blondes—”
“There’s only one first kiss and only one you. I’m in it, Kendall, but you just keep coming up with excuse after excuse, and I think it’s because you’re scared.”
I begin to defend myself, “I’m not—”
“Sweets, I’m not judging you. I get it, accept it even, but I’m gonna ask you to please stop lying to yourself.”
“I want one love. One, Ben.”
“Then I’m your guy.”
“I never want to regret missing anything I dreamed of because I changed my path for someone else.”
“Then let me travel it with you.”
“I never want the man I give my heart and body to, to wake up feeling he gave up anything for me.”
“I’m not the kind of guy who’s gonna wake up in the morning, looking at the only girl I’ve dreamed about, and think, well, shit, I should’ve gone skydiving. I’m gonna look at her face and think about how fucking blessed I am to be the one she chose to wake up to every day.”
“What if I don’t want kids?” I ask.
“What if I do?”
Silence.
He smiles. “Can you imagine ten years down the road not wanting to have a little us running around, to teach them how to ride a bike, or throw a ball?”
“And what if we were to break that kid’s heart because we started too young?”
“You’re borrowing someone else’s hurt and, in the process, stopping yourself from experiencing something as wonderful as us.”
“Secondhand heartbreak,” I whisper.
He nods, “Yeah.”
“How do I know I won’t get hurt like Tessa, or decide twenty years down the road I want a different life than what I have, like Mom did?”
“First, there’s the Ben factor—I’m not gonna hurt you. Second, two or twenty years from now, either of us wants a different life than we have, we do it together.”
Again, I look away from him.
“You walk this time, I’ll let you, Kendall. I swear it because it hurts”—he takes my hand and places it on his chest—“here.”
“I never want to be the cause of anyone’s pain.”
When he pulls my head to his chest, I realize just how afraid I actually am of even the possibility of being hurt or hurting someone.
“And I never want to be the cause of you to ever look like you are absolutely terrified again.”
My throat begins to burn, and the feeling of loss takes hold.
“Make a deal with me?”
I nod against his chest, the one that evoked an uncomfortable desire and now induces comfort.
“Don’t worry about my heart—I’m a big boy—but let me show you that I can care for yours.”
My phone chooses this time to alert me of a message. I ignore it and let myself enjoy the way he smells, the way his hand skims slowly up and down my back, the way I feel genuinely cared for. Then it goes off again two more times.
He sighs and leans back. “Answer me before you check those texts, little Ross, or I may just say fuck it and take you hostage.”
“We’ve done this a couple times now.” I shrug.
“We have, haven’t we?”
I search his face for a sign that he’s had enough. Hell, I’ve had enough of me, these feelings, the fear that I know is there but never could admit to myself, let alone out loud, and am given not one indication that he feels any differently than he did then.
Just do it, I tell myself as I inhale deeply.
“I’d like you to come with me next summer when we go to South America.”
“That’s a full year away, Kendall. You sure about that?” he asks, rubbing the pad of his thumb across my lower lip.
The playful way he asks and the sexy way he rubs his thumb across my lip makes the fact that I just attempted to make plans with him a whole year away a little less embarrassing.
“I’d love to travel with you to South America.”
“I was being presumptuous, wasn’t I?”
“Not in the least. How about two years from now, we go to …. the moon?”
“Not sure my passport allows that, but sure.”
“So, what are we then, Kendall?”
“Travel buddies?”
He laughs, and I can’t help laughing, too. Then my phone chimes again.
“You better take that,” he says softly then steps back.
I look down as I grab my phone and notice his shorts have gotten … tighter.
When I glance back up at him, he smirks and says, “Waiting with you is gonna be like looking at all the gifts wrapped up in shiny paper, all under the tree on Christmas Eve, and just wanting to rip them open so I can play with ’em.”
This is a bad idea, I think as I drive down the long driveway toward Tessa and Collin’s house.
We just dropped off Alex’s lunch, and he eyed us the whole time. Now … now I have to face Tessa, Phoebe, and all the girls, with Ben.
He grabs the steering wheel and laughs. “From now on, I drive.”
“I’m a good driver,” I defend myself. “Just …”
“Overthinking this?” He squeezes my knee.
“You dated my sister.”
“Not really, Kendall.”
I look over to see he’s trying not to laugh. “This isn’t funny.”
He grabs the wheel and jerks it. “Sweets, pay attention.”
“You keep”—I bat his hand away—“disrupting me.”
He mutters under his breath, “Definitely going to be the one driving in this relationship.”
I whip my head around to yell at him, but he’s grinning like a twelve-year-old.
When we start bouncing around, he grabs the wheel again, but this time he reaches his foot across the truck’s cab, throws his arm across my chest, and hits the brakes.
With my heart in my chest, I open my eyes to see the huge garden Tessa planted.
I look back at him as he opens his mouth, and I cover it.
“I’m a good driver.”
He nips my hand, and I yank it back.
“What are you—”
He grabs the back of my head at the same time as he crashes his lips against mine and kisses me until all my worries are gone.
His tongue in my mouth, rubbing against mine, elicits a moan, which makes him fist my hair as he groans into my mouth.
When he pulls pack, he looks into my eyes and whispers, “We’re good, Kendall.”
I swallow hard and nod. “Okay.”
He kisses my nose and un-fists my hair. “Let’s do this.”
“I’m gonna go in first, okay?”
“If that’s what you want, then I’m good with it.”
Inside the back entry of the house, I turn and look at him apprehensively.
He sighs. “You want me to go in there or—”
“No,” I gasp.
“Then rip it off like a Band-Aid, or I will.”
Scowling, I tell him, “If I didn’t want this so badly, I’d tell you to kiss my ass.”
“I dare you to bend over and say that again.”
Trying not to smile, I walk toward the doorway.
He grumbles under his breath, “Longest Christmas Eve ever.”
When I walk into the living room, little Luke, the oldest of all the kids, Jade’s son, has Remington asleep on his lap. I kiss him on the head then pull out a piece of gum.
He grins. “Thanks, Aunt Kendall.”
“They in the office?”
He nods as he unwraps the gum and pops it in his mout
h.
In the office, Tessa, Phoebe, my cousin Jade, and Ashley Links are all sitting in there, looking over pictures, while some of the kids lay in front of the TV, asleep.
“Whatcha doing?” I ask, and they all look at me.
“Come see.” Tessa waves me over.
Looking over her shoulder, I watch as she flips through the pictures on the desktop. “They’re amazing.”
She looks up and grins as a photo with all of them in camo stare up at me.
“You should do Christmas cards from Doe Camp to all the hunters with that, or open season invites.”
They all laugh.
“So, what are you doing here?” Tessa squeezes my hand.
“Well, I kind of wanted to talk to you.”
“Ben?” she asks.
I look toward Phoebe, whose eyes open widely, and then she shakes her head. I believe that she didn’t say anything, and honestly, it feels good that it’s out in the open, but I still feel my face heat up.
“Yep.”
“You didn’t …?” Tessa wags her eyebrows.
“No, ho.” I laugh. “But I, well, he and I really like each other, and I want to go visit him on my next break. So, how do you feel about that?”
“Kendall, I love Ben, and I love you. The thing with him was high school and a long time ago, like a hundred years almost.” She smiles. “I would love for you two to be together. His idea of what a relationship should be is perfect. Well, back then anyway. And you, Kendall, would never be bored. He is absolutely perfect for you and you for him.”
“So, what would you say if he and I became boyfriend and girlfriend?” I ask, looking down.
She stands up and hugs me. “I would say I am so happy for both of you.”
“Safe to come in?” Ben peeks around the door.
“Yes, Ben. I’ve missed your face.” Tessa lets go of me and hurries to him, grabbing his cheeks then hugging him.
“So, you’re giving us your blessing?” He laughs, hugging her back.
“Yes, and a warning. If you ever hurt her, I will shoot you through the heart. Oh, and she and you can both wait, right?”
“Tessa, you were banging Lucas for years and look how that turned out. I think I can wait.”
Tessa’s jaw drops, and I remember belatedly that Ashley is in the room.
“Oh God, Ashley, I’m so sorry. Tessa, sorry.”
“You had sex with Lucas?” Ashley asks, sounding surprised.
Tessa looks at her in shock, and Ashley begins to laugh.
“Ashley, I’m sorry.”
“Kendall,” Ben mock-scolds me, and I palm my face.
“Don’t scold her,” Tessa snaps at Ben.
“Don’t yell at me, Tess.” Ben laughs.
Tessa shakes her head and starts laughing so hard that she is in tears.
It’s funny, but not that funny, I think.
When she sits down and feels her belly, her mood completely changes.
I look at Ben, who is looking at her.
“Everything okay, Tess?” he asks.
“Yeah, I think so. I just need to sit for a minute.” Tessa grabs her phone and looks at it.
“Tessa, is everything okay?” Jade then asks. “Because I’m overdue, and if you go before me, I’ll freak out.”
“No, I’m sure it’s fine.” But her face shows otherwise.
“All right, you need to go to the damn hospital,” Ben says. “Kendall, I don’t do babies. Can you?” He steps back, looking at her with legit fear in his eyes as he backs up to me.
“Ben, I’m fine. I could use some water, though. I think I just overdid it today,” she says calmly then looks at Phoebe. “Can you please call Mom?”
“I’m calling Mom. Ben?”
He looks at me, eyes wide.
“Can you go get Tessa some water please?”
“Yeah, sweets, of course.” He kisses my cheek then takes off toward the kitchen.
Dialing Mom’s number, I glance at Tessa, who smiles and mouths, “So happy for you.”
14
Feels Like the First Time
Ben
Within an hour, Tessa calls her husband, who is out of town on some Doctors Without Borders? A mission …? I-have-no-fucking-clue-what-he-actually-does trip. He seriously upset her, though.
The Ross’s came and left for the hospital with Tessa, Jade and Phoebe following with their tired and cranky kids, which leaves me, Kendall, two sleeping toddlers, and a pregnant Ashley Links, who’s waiting for her husband … Lucas.
“I should do the dishes,” Ashley, who’s pregnant, says.
“No way!” Kendall laughs. “I think you should sit down, put your feet up, and relax before you end up in the bed next to Tessa.”
“I’m okay.” She rubs her belly. “Just worried about your sister.”
“Can I get you some water?” I ask.
“Ash?” I hear the familiar, nails on a chalkboard voice of the biggest shitbag whom I have ever met.
“I’m fine.” She smiles.
“Hey, Lucas,” Kendall says, walking toward him, and I’m forced to now turn and look at the bulging bag of nut sack.
He hugs her tightly, too fucking tight, and I glare at him.
He gives me a condescending smirk then winks at me.
Pretending to itch my cheek, I flip him off, and he laughs.
Kendall steps back and looks at me, then him, then me again and rolls her eyes.
I reach out and pull her into a hug, giving the bastard a smug look as Kendall whispers, “You seriously need to get over him.”
“You okay, Ash?” He squats before her and rubs her belly then kisses it.
“I’m good. Just worried about Tessa.”
“What the hell happened?” he asks, looking back at Kendall while lifting his wife’s leg to massage her foot.
I beg God to make her kick him in the face but, well, God’s only giving me fifty percent of my requests lately— a poor rate of exchange these days.
“Probably nothing,” Kendall says, sitting in the chair next to Ashley. “Maybe contractions.”
“Too early,” Lucas grumbles.
“She’s where she needs to be, and I’m pretty sure Collin will be home soon. He’ll make sure everything is taken care of.”
I watch for a grimace or some sign of annoyance when Kendall mentions Collin’s name, but there isn’t one.
“Good.” He nods then looks back at Ashley. “And you? How are you feeling?”
Ashley smiles. “I’m just fine.”
He leans in and kisses her belly again. “And what about you, little one?”
They both gasp, and then Lucas looks up at his wife and laughs. “Might have a kicker on our hands and not a quarterback. What do you think, Ash?”
“I think you’ll just have to wait to find out.” She winks.
“It’s killing me. I have so much to do to get ready.” He stands up with her hand in his and looks at Kendall. “You need anything?”
“She’s fine,” I all but snap.
Shit.
He laughs. “Something going on with the two of you?”
Obviously, he’s a bit slow; been knocked down one too many times on the football field.
I nod. “We’re together.”
“That’s not weird at all.” He chuckles.
“How is that any weirder than your wi—”
“It took a minute for us to wrap our brains around it, too,” Kendall interrupts me.
“Didn’t take me but a second,” I state.
“I think the two of you make a beautiful couple,” Ashley says. “And I think I’m actually a little more tired than I thought. Lucas, take me home?”
“Of course.” He loops his arm around one shoulder then walks toward Kendall, giving her a one-armed hug. “Keep us updated.”
Ashley squeezes my elbow. “Take care of this one. She’s a keeper.”
Instead of telling her not all men have swollen egos, I nod. “Will do.”
I lift my chin.
Once the door closes behind them, Kendall turns, arms crossed over her chest, and taps her foot. “Really?”
“Sweets, I can’t stand that asshole.”
“As I said in Dublin, you need to get over him.”
Not wanting to admit she’s probably fucking right, I shake my head. “You ever leave me for some fuck-stick like that, you’re personally responsible for me doing twenty years to life.”
“We just started officially dating at the Glen. Too soon to tell.”
I step toward her and grab her hips. “Technically, we were just travel buddies until we got here.”
She scrunches up her face as I pull her toward me. “My bad.”
“On the contrary, nothing about it is bad. It’s all good.” I rest my forehead against hers. “Nothing a man or woman could do will come between what fate brings together.”
She smiles and tips her chin up, and all I want to do is kiss those lips for fucking days.
I tilt her head to the side and press my lips to hers.
“Forgot Ashley’s purse.”
Fucking Lucas.
“Do you know how to knock?” I snarl, and Kendall punches me in the stomach.
“In case you didn’t get the memo, we’re all one big happy family here, Benji,” Lucas huffs.
“Okay, both of you cut the shit,” Kendall snaps, and we both look at her in shock. “I’m serious. You two act like idiots over something long past, and I don’t know about Ashley, but it doesn’t sit well with me.”
“Ash is fine, clearly.” Lucas smiles at her then smirks at me. “You good, Benji?”
“Oh my God, Lucas,” Kendall groans.
I step in front of her and look him dead in the eyes. “My girlfriend pointed something out to me that’s worth sharing.”
“Not sure I have the time to compare bra sizes with you right now, Benji.” Lucas legit pops his pecs. “But—”
“You wanna compare body parts?” I pull up my shirt. “These are healthy abs—eight, not six of lean muscle—not products of those powdered puff protein shakes men with big egos and little di—”
“Oh my God, enough.” Kendall palms her face.
“Sweets, you were one hundred percent right.” I look at him. “I’m over you.”
