by Mj Fields
“The fuck you just say?” Lucas’s eyes bulge out, and Kendall giggles.
“Was never about being in love with her; it was about knowing no chick should put up with an asshole like you. She’s good. I’m good. You treat Ashley, who seems really fucking nice, like shit, that’s on you. But you and I, we’re done.”
Kendall takes my hand, still giggling, and Lucas looks at me like I’m nuts. Maybe I am, but it’s the truth.
“Go with God, man, go with God.”
He looks at Kendall. “You need me to stick around because he’s lost—”
“He’s my boyfriend.” She smiles. “But thanks.”
Lucas quickly walks over to grab his wife’s purse by the chair where she was sitting and nods to us.
“Bye, Lucas.” I purposely wave like a little bitch, and Kendall grabs my hand, trying not to laugh.
“I’m not bringing you flowers and shit to make you feel better, Ben, but I’m glad you’re over me.”
I’m about to tell him to fuck off when Kendall states, “Maybe you should try to get over him, too.”
He winks at her. “Anything for you, Kendall.”
When I step toward him, Kendall holds her hand flat against my waist and smiles. “See you soon.”
He nods then turns and walks toward the back entry.
As soon as he’s gone, we look at each other and start laughing. Still laughing, our mouths collide. Laughing then ceases when our tongues and lips rub against each others with more need and less restraint than ever before.
She tangles her hands in my hair, and I slide my hands from her hips to her ass and lift her up.
We both pause for a second, and I realize that, as natural as it felt to lift her up, she’s very inexperienced and plans to remain that way.
She wraps her legs around me and looks in my eyes. Her baby blues are the sexiest mix of lust and confusion.
“I’m not gonna push, Kendall, but I want you to know how fucking bad I want to feel how wet you are for me.” I press my lips against hers, and then her body against the wall. I grind against her, and her head falls back with a gasp.
“Your neck is so sexy,” I say as I squeeze her ass, grind against her, and lick from the base of her neck all the way up to her lips.
“Ben …” she moans as I rock against her again. “You gotta, you gotta, you … oh no, no—”
“Fuck,” I snarl and stop dry-humping her.
“Why did you stop?” she pants out.
Confused, I answer … sort of, “The word no?”
Resting her head on my shoulder, she whispers, “Yeah.”
“Should ask for clarification but fuck it.” I grind against her again, and she bites into my shoulder and releases a guttural sound that makes my cock stiffen fully. In a split-second, the pain becomes pleasurable.
Hands full of her round ass, I carry her to the couch and lay her down while kissing her. Hovering over her, I rub against her, watching her chest rise and fall as her eyes roll back in her head and she rakes her nails down my back and tenses.
“Oh no, oh … oh, oh no,” she sputters, and I grind into her harder. “Ben,” she cries.
“That’s it, sweets. Come for us.”
“Us,” she moans. “Yes.”
For a few more minutes, she clings to me, and I try like crazy to talk down Big Ben, realizing he and I haven’t had “the talk” yet. The one where I tell him that he and Rosie, my truck, my hand, are going to become even better acquainted than they were when I was twelve and trying like crazy to make him stand down. I reassure him that she’s worth the wait, and he would believe me … if he had a heart. Right now, he’s an angry motherfucker.
Her arms relax, and she lays back, taking long, deep breaths, her lashes laying across her pinkened cheeks, her lips red from the brutal kisses we exchanged.
“You’re beautiful, Kendall, so damn beautiful.” I kiss her forehead then push myself up.
“You’re right, you know,” she says quietly.
“Happens a lot,” I joke, and she smirks. “Remind me what epic thing I was right about?”
“Your body is so much hotter than his.”
“And yours is shaped like a guitar, and after what just happened, I can’t wait to see what beautiful music I can strum out of you.”
Eyes still closed, she smiles slightly and sighs.
My phone chimes in my pocket, and I pull it out.
Tessa.
“Your sister’s messaging me.”
She opens her eyes and sits up abruptly. “Well, open it.”
“Hey, Ben, Kendall’s not answering my messages. Is everything okay?”
“Type back that the boys are sleeping, Kendall’s phone is probably still in her truck, and things are fine here. How are you?”
“Sweets.” I laugh as I type out a message with thumbs too damn big to take on the task.
“Lemme have it.” She laughs and takes it from me.
I hear a cry and look at her.
Still typing, she tells me, “You should run up the stairs and get him before he wakes up his brother.”
“Which one?” I ask.
She peers up at me, arching a brow, then looks back down and continues keying in the message. “The one crying.”
The crying gets louder, and I sprint toward the stairs. Once up them, I dart toward the sound and open the door.
A sour scent hits me in the face like a brick. “Little dude,” I say to the one standing up with tears falling down his little red face. “You smell like shi—poop.”
His tears stop quickly, and he cocks his head as he looks at me.
Walking up to him, I hold out my hands. “Supposed to get you out of here before you wake your brother up.”
I pick him up, and he slaps a hand on each side of my face.
“I’m gonna let you have that one.”
We’re heading out the door when the other one starts to cry.
“You shit your pants then wake up your brother?”
He shoves a finger in my mouth.
“I can already tell you’re trouble.” I laugh as I grab the other one. “Hey, buddy.”
He looks at me and scowls.
“And you’re grumpy when you wake up. I get it, but little man, we’re gonna have some fun.”
The one who looks like Tessa smacks me again.
“Gonna need back up. Let’s go find your sexy-ass aunt.”
When I get to the bottom of the stairs, Kendall holds out her arms, and they both start kicking, lunging, smiling, and babbling.
After changing diapers—well, watching Kendall do it—I chase the boys around on all fours as Kendall cooks them dinner while talking to Tessa, then Maggie, who informs her that Tessa is being kept in observation.
She looks at me and mouths, “Sorry,” before saying, “Stay with her. I’ll stay with the boys.”
I can’t help smiling because I like seeing her all domestic-like. And I love the way she seems to really like me playing with the boys who, when they don’t smell like sour shit—which Kendall assured me didn’t mean they were rotting, that it was in fact because they were teething—are pretty amazing.
I learned that the one who looks like a Ross and acts like his daddy is Matthew and the one who smacked me upside the head, who looks more like his dad and is the wild child more like a Ross is CJ, Collin John. Both no longer look at me like they’re trying to figure out who the hell I am, and I’m all of a sudden their best buddy.
By the time we’ve fed them peas, rice, and tiny pieces of chicken; bathed them which, I’m not gonna lie, was a fucking blast; they conk out on our laps, and Kendall begins falling asleep, too.
“You think we should put them in the baby cages before you pass out?”
“Cribs,” she corrects. She yawns then kisses the top of CJ’s head, inhaling deeply.
“They smell a hell of a lot better than they did when they got up, huh?”
She smiles. “Johnson and Johnson’s scent is like crac
k.”
I inhale Matthew’s hair and smile. “Smells good. But, if this is crack, whatever you wear is heroin.”
She looks at me, cheeks turning red, and rolls her eyes.
“Get used to it, little Ross. I’m not a man to mince words.”
When we try to put them down, Matthew opens his eyes, pouts out his bottom lip, and is about to cry.
“Hey, Matty, let’s not wake up your brother, okay?” I whisper as I lay him down, but he clings to me. “Bud, I’ve enjoyed the hell out of our time, but you should sleep so I can get back to wooing the girl.”
“I’ll take him,” Kendall whispers as she walks toward us. “I’m sure you want to get back to your campsite.”
“You think I’m leaving here?”
“I just assumed—”
“You’re outnumbered. Wouldn’t be fair.” I lift Matty then CJ starts crying. “This twin thing’s for real, huh?”
I turn to see her lifting CJ up.
“It’s okay, buddy.” She pulls his head into her neck and starts to sway. I follow suit.
Within ten minutes, they’re asleep, and then we carefully lay them back down.
Kendall turns on some sort of white noise machine, checks the little baby monitors, and then we sneak out the door.
I follow Kendall down the stairs and into the kitchen where she grabs the handheld walkie-talkie-looking thing and turns it on. I hear the ocean waves. Turning toward me, she then leans against the counter and looks at the monitor. “So, I’m just gonna check in with Mom to see how Tessa is doing then go to sleep.” She peers up at me through thick, black lashes as I walk toward her.
With my hands on her hips, I ask, “Where are we sleeping?”
“Um, you at the campsite; me—”
“You’re really gonna kick me out?”
She lifts her shoulders. “I don’t think after … you know—”
“The couch, where I made you co—”
She cuts me off with a squeaky, “Yeah.”
“Has anyone else ever given you an—”
“No,” she gasps.
I take the monitor from her and set it on the counter. Then I take her hand and kiss her long, thin fingers. “Not even with these?”
15
Goodbye
Kendall
I pull my hand back and start to walk past him when he grips my hips again, stopping me.
“Not pushing, sweets. I just wanna know.”
“It’s not something I think we should discuss.”
I want to run or crawl out of my skin—hell, I’d be okay with the boys waking up, and they should have been asleep two hours ago—just to avoid this conversation.
He lifts my chin so my eyes meet his. They aren’t menacing, taunting, or lust-filled like I expected. They’re … sincere. “I want sex that drives us both crazy, making it almost impossible to keep our hands off each other, and we will get there. Until then, we work on trust, truth, and honesty.”
“Trust me when I tell you the truth that I honestly don’t want to talk about this.”
He laughs as he pulls me into a hug, and I stand with my arms at my sides because the words I just used totally contradict the way my body responds to his words, his touch, his scent … his voice.
My nipples strain against the cotton fabric of my bra, between my legs is tingling, and I clench down there to stop from possibly getting wetter. It just makes the need … worse.
He lifts my chin, so my eyes meet his again. “Someday, I want to wake up next to you and see laugh lines caused by the smile I put on your gorgeous face daily, because that’s the way we roll. I want to see a not so perky boob popping out the side of your tank top because your body carried our kids and we’re getting older. I want to be there when you’re not feeling well and when you’re on top of the fucking world. And as much as I want to watch you come and do it with you, I know we don’t get there without a foundation built on a few things.”
My knees grow weaker and weaker with every word he speaks.
“We’ve got undeniable attraction checked off the list. Let’s make sure we have trust, truth, and honesty.”
Swallowing hard, I say, “And respect.”
“That’s already got a checkmark next to it, too, sweets.”
Not trusting my voice not to crack, break, or squeak, I nod.
He smiles softly. “Do you want me to leave here tonight or sleep next to you?”
I open my mouth.
“The truth,” he reminds me.
“Yes,” I whisper, not wanting to answer one specifically.
“Then why are you trying so hard to make me leave?”
I look at him as I try to muster up the courage to tell him exactly why, but I can’t.
He sighs and takes both my hands in his and starts to kiss the backs of them. I pull them back.
“Kendall,” he says softly.
“I’m tired.”
“You’re embarrassed and frustrated”—he takes my hand and pulls me away from the counter then spins me around—“and absolutely beautiful.”
“Ben …” I begin.
“I’ve jerked off twice a day since seeing you dance.”
“Ben—”
“Three times today.” He looks back. “Twice on the way here.”
I cover my mouth.
“Not easy driving down the road. But for you, it was worth the effort.”
I can’t help laughing.
He plops down on the large leather sofa, pulling me onto his lap.
Before I can say anything, he kisses me, rendering me completely useless to argue on why he should leave. When I open for him, he pulls back.
“You’re tired.” He thrusts his hips, and I feel … him against me. “I’m as uncomfortably comfortable as you, but I’m not going anywhere. Big Ben and I are perfectly happy holding you like I did CJ—”
“Matthew,” I correct, finally looking up at him.
“—until you fall asleep.” He smirks.
“Then what?” I ask.
“Then I could totally lie and say, as soon as you fall asleep, I’ll leave.”
Sighing, I admit, “I want you to stay.”
I jump when I hear one of the boys babbling, and the other starts immediately doing the same but louder. Ben tightens his arms around my waist, saving me from falling off the large leather sofa we fell asleep on.
Swinging his leg over me, he pushes me onto my back then hovers over me, pinning me down. His wavy brown hair sticking up all over is so attractive, his bright eyes inviting, and his smile is incredibly sexy.
“Good morning, beautiful.” He kisses my lips quickly then hurriedly jumps up. “Make coffee. I’ll get them.”
“No, I can. I don’t even know which voice belongs to which one and they’re my nephews.”
“We’re playing house here, sweets. Lay back down and bask in the fact that I’ve got this or make coffee.”
“Are those my only choices?” I call after him.
He stops, looks back at me, and winks. “Nah, but we’re not there yet, are we?”
When he disappears up the stairs, I get up, fold the blankets, fluff the pillows, and then stretch as I walk into the kitchen to get the boys’ sippy cups ready and make coffee. Then I hurry to the bathroom to pee and find a new toothbrush under the sink. I want to make sure my mouth doesn’t taste disgusting when he kisses me again.
When I’m done, I realize it’s been a few minutes and wonder what is taking him so long.
Walking back to the living room to grab the monitor, I hear belly laughs come from upstairs. Smiling, I run up the stairs, look into the room, and gasp when I see CJ diaper-less and wobbling as he holds himself up on the crib.
“Little dude.” Shirtless Ben laughs as he hurriedly finishes Matty’s diaper change. “Your brother just pissed on me, and you’re trying to escape? Bros are supposed to stick together.”
“Oh man, CJ.” I shake my head. “You can’t walk until your mom and dad are here
, buddy.”
“Obviously, he can.” Ben laughs.
I pick CJ up, kiss the top of his head, and then explain, “Say we have kids and you’re in the hospital, and all of a sudden our daughter starts walking and at least one of us isn’t there to see it. Can you imagine?”
When he doesn’t answer, I look away from CJ to him to see he’s staring at me but not saying a word.
When I realize what I just said, I shake my head. “I didn’t—”
“Yeah, Kendall, I can imagine.”
My face heats up with embarrassment as he picks up Matthew and walks toward me.
“I was—”
“We won’t tell them.” He smiles softly as he leans in and kisses my forehead.
“But—”
“I can’t wait to watch our kids that you didn’t want just yesterday, take their first steps.”
“I was using it as an example,” I whisper as he hands Matthew to me and takes CJ.
While he’s putting a diaper on CJ, I notice he’s doing it backward and laugh to myself but decide not to correct the mistake, not when a tall, smiling, shirtless Ben Sawyer with the rock-hard body is holding a baby and looking pretty proud of himself for changing the boys’ diapers all by himself this time.
As he holds him to his chest, I feel a sense of peace come over me.
“Let’s go feed these two.” He winks as he walks past me out the door.
Scrambled eggs, tiny toast squares, and cubed peaches sit on the boys’ trays as Ben interacts with them as if he’s their age. I can’t help staring at him as he interacts with them. The beauty in what is completely innocent is melting the frost I’ve allowed—no, willed—to freeze the arms of the biological clock we all feel tick at certain times in our lives. Times when sisters, sisters-in-law, cousins, and friends are carrying the child of the man they are head-over-heels in love with, in the protective warmth of their own body. The way they fawn over adorable outfits, go goo-goo over baby gear, or when they finally hold them … that bond, those unspoken vows are exchanged from mother to child, promises to protect from pain, which unfortunately can’t truly be kept, no matter how much we wish and pray it could be.
