by Mj Fields
Secondhand heartbreak.
Truth be told, I can admit to myself that I have never been sincerely head-over-heels in love with anyone. Jòse and I had our love of sports in common, as well as being self-appointed sideline coaches for Lucas and Tessa’s train wreck of a relationship. I wasn’t hurt when we broke up, only when I decided that maybe I should miss him, like everyone else who went through breakups, even if the breakup was for the betterment of the person.
When I reached out to him, told him maybe we could see each other once in a while, I found out he had moved on so quickly but was willing to try again. I felt pain, but not a deep heartache like I had witnessed with Tessa and my parents. The pain was more like a bruise. It still hurt like hell, but it didn’t consume me like I had seen it consume others. Once I realized it was all ego, I put it in check.
With Ben, I don’t think that’s even possible.
When I realize I’m staring at him … well, when he snaps me out of my Ben-induced dream state, I’m again embarrassed.
“We’re here to relieve you,” I hear Mom call from the back door and begin to feel panicked. I mean, shirtless Ben stayed the night … with me.
“Matty peed on him. He had a shirt on all night. We slept on the couch, and nothing …” I stop when I realize I’ve just gone on a complete and total high school sophomore tangent at twenty-four.
“They’re a blast,” Ben says, reaching his hand out to my dad.
Dad grabs it. “I like your parents.”
Ben looks down at his hand in amusement then back up at Dad. “They think the world of you, too.”
“I like you.”
“Good thing. If I have it my way, you’ll be seeing a lot of me.”
Dad looks at me, and I feel my eyes widen then nod once.
He looks back at Ben. “You hurt her, keep in mind she’s a better shot than any of my kids or me.”
Ben smirks. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
He then pulls him into a hug. “I got nothing else. You two would make one hell of a couple.”
As Mom hugs me, I ask, “How’s Tessa?”
Stepping back, she tells me, “She’s going to stay one more night, and they’re going to run a few more tests. She’ll probably be on bed rest until the baby’s born.”
“Our granddaughter.” Dad chuckles. “So happy she got a girl. Hope she gives her as much hell as she gave me.”
Mom nudges him. “Collin’s with her. Your dad and I can take it from here, and Joan will be here soon to do whatever Joan does.”
Joan is the housekeeper slash nanny that Collin insists they keep. Apparently, she’s worked for him for years.
“We’re actually having a great time,” Ben says, hugging Mom. “We got this.”
Mom and Dad both look at us; then, Dad looks at Mom. “Must be love. They both look like they need a good scrubbing down and about eight-hours sleep yet still want to hang out here with the boys.”
“I think you’re jumping the gun, Dad,” I huff.
“Where are you staying, Ben?” Dad asks.
“Rented a cabin at the Glenn.”
“You know you could stay with us anytime,” Mom tells him.
Ben looks at me, and I will him not to tell them about Ireland.
He looks back at Mom. “Always wanted to see what all the hype was about.”
“Beautiful falls, but nothing like the ones behind the farm,” Dad tells him.
“You wanna show me?” Ben asks.
“Not yet,” I state.
“Not yet?” He laughs. “What do you mean not—”
“She means not yet.” Mom smiles.
Ben and I head to Mom and Dad’s place just up the hill so that I can shower. He insisted that I not take him back down to the village, because it’s a waste of time and he didn’t want to waste any.
Once showered and dressed in shorts and a tank top, I look in the mirror and consider putting on makeup and blowing out my hair, but when he calls up the stairs, I decide against it.
When I come down, he’s at the dining room table with a mason jar, two sticky note pads, and two pens.
“What’s this?” I ask as I sit across from him.
“This is our date jar.” He pushes a pen and pad over to me. “We’re both going to be too busy to see each other as often as we’d like, so we write down date ideas and pull one out whenever we can. No wasted time trying to decide what to do.”
Smiling at him, I nod. “I love the idea.”
I lean over the table and try to look at his, but he covers it.
“No peeking.”
“What if we write the same thing?” I ask.
He grins. “I’m fairly certain we won’t, but if we do, then we do it twice.”
After several minutes of writing down ideas, I look up to see the jar is nearly full, and Ben has pushed his pad aside.
“Having a hard time?” he asks.
I don’t want to admit that I never allowed myself to daydream about dates, that instead, I dreamed about trips, planned adventures. That instead of fantasizing about my future wedding, I focused on my education.
Standing up, he smiles almost sadly, walks around the table, kisses the top of my head, and then says, “Can I take your truck to the campsite to grab some clothes and shower?”
“I can take you.” I start to stand. “We can stop to see how the dog is doing.”
“Sweets, you have work to do.”
I look down at my sticky notes and pen.
16
It’s A Beautiful Day - 2
Ben
I leave her truck at the site and take my much newer and more comfortable one. I realized on my way down to the village that her radio doesn’t work. I have no idea how she drives the thing without music, but then I saw three pairs of headphones on the passenger seat and realized she makes do.
I’m not sure why it bothered me as much as it did, but my thoughts drifted from being annoyed she even had to do that to what if someone honked their horn in warning of something and she didn’t hear it, and because she didn’t hear it, she got in an accident.
At the stop sign, the brakes squeaked, and then I freaked out about her losing control of her truck. Then, when I got out, my shorts snagged on a spring or some shit poking through the seat and hated the idea of her getting cut and being in pain. That thought sprung on anger at myself for the whole muffler burn incident. So, after getting shit set, I’m finally on my way back to her.
In the back seat is the cooler I put the food in from the picnic basket that we didn’t get to, my duffle bag full of clothes, and the date jar she was eyeballing. I brought it with me, knowing full well she was panicking about coming up with her own ideas, but it’s becoming extremely evident she’s got no idea about what she wants us to do. I want her to think about it—what she wants, not what I want.
Driving through the town that I’ve visited at least once a year since birth, I realize there’s no wonder she wants to travel the world. As I roll up to its only four-way stop sign, I laugh at how that is actually good for me. Less men going after what I already feel is mine.
As I roll past the farmhouse that she was raised in, that Alex and Phoebe now own, I wonder how her father, John, feels when he passes by to get to his much-newer and smaller home, and if Kendall feels like a visitor when she stops by or if it still feels like home.
Pulling up to John and Maggie’s, I throw the truck in park, turn it off, grab my duffle, and then step out.
Walking around the garage to the back deck, I stop when I see Kendall pacing back and forth, muttering to herself.
“I hate this … So stupid … Why bother? I’m not that girl. Never will be—”
“Kendall,” I sigh out, but she doesn’t respond.
What the fuck? I think as I hurry toward her.
She jumps when I touch her shoulder and spins around. I see tears in her angry blue eyes.
“What are you doing here?” she yells, and I have no fucking clue why.
I step back and hold my hands up.
When she pulls earbuds out that were hidden by her wavy mane, I realize that was why she yelled.
Shocked, she turns quickly, putting her back toward me. “How are you back so quickly?”
I put my hands on her arms and give her a light squeeze. “Didn’t realize I’d been quick.”
“I didn’t get them done. I have no idea what a real date is like. I mean, what? We go out to dinner, and you go home to jerk-off because I’m saving myself for …? I don’t even know why, Ben!”
I step in front of her and take her hands. “For me.”
“Just stopping by to grab a few things,” John’s voice booms from behind me, and then he mutters, “Won’t do that unannounced again.”
She’s covering her face with both hands, and I know she looks mortified behind them.
“I can’t believe you said that,” she whispers.
“Me?” I chuckle. “What about what you said?”
“Coming out,” John announces. “And leaving,” he says from over his shoulder.
She peeks out between her fingers as she looks around me.
When I hear his truck start up, she looks back at me, her brows drawn in a bit. “I’m not good at this. I’m not gonna be good at this. Ben—”
“I’m sure you will—”
“You know what I came up with?”
I shake my head. “That’ll ruin the surprise.”
She throws her hands in the air. “Well, surprise! I only came up with five things.” She holds up her hand, fingers spread out. “Five, Ben, five.”
“That’s cool.” I shrug, making light of the situation. “How about I take that shower, and you and I draw one and do it today?”
“I’d like to see the jar,” she damn near demands.
“Nope,” I say, taking her hand and walking her to the back door.
“I can come up with a million places I’d like to travel to, but this is just not my thing.”
I turn, still holding her hand, and look into frustrated eyes. “And I can come up with a million things I want to do to make you come, and just as many songs to write about you, but that’s not going to get us where we need to be in order to make ours the greatest love song ever told.”
“See?” She shakes her head. “You can say stuff like that and make me feel the way you do, but I can’t, Ben.”
“You already do.” I step in and kiss the top of her head. Then I step back and bend my knees until we’re eye to eye. “My date ideas are as simple as take you kayaking or for a ride around the lake on my bike, Kendall. Things we could do at any given moment that aren’t raking up frequent flyer miles. You know, taking a break during a hectic week just to be together. Things that we can continue to do for years to come between trips.”
Thankfully, she looks a little less anxious now.
“I’m going to shower, okay?”
She nods, and I stand to my full height and hug her before heading to the bathroom.
I shamefully jerked off in the Ross’s shower, which wasn’t an easy task considering I just witnessed her almost giving up on us, but it needed to be done, since I’d rather not be sporting a semi-chub all day because Big Ben is a slow learner. Then I grab the still damp towel she must have used, dry off, and then head down the stairs so I can go grab the bag that I left on the back deck.
When I come down the stairs, she’s sitting at the table, head down, pen in hand, writing. She looks up, and her eyes widen when she sees me before quickly looking down.
“Left my bag on the deck,” I explain.
She points the pen toward the corner. “I brought it in.”
“But not upstairs, huh?”
Her face turns red. “Sorry, just wanted to get some of these done before you came down.”
“I’m sorry it wasn’t because you wanted to see me like this.” I wink, and she tries not to smile.
“Not necessary to push yourself, sweets. I get this is all new to you. It’s new to me, too, actually. Never really wanted to impress anyone like I do you.”
I grab a pair of shorts out of my bag and a black T-shirt, the one that says, “It’s A Beautiful Day.” Then I pull my shorts up under the towel and let it drop, hoping to give her a brief look at one of my best assets. I throw the T-shirt on, pluck the towel off the floor, and use it to dry my hair as I turn around and look at her.
She glances up, and her eyes stall on my shirt. She then looks up and nods once.
“So, how am I doing?”
“I’m impressed.” She smiles softly.
“Good. Let’s go grab that jar, toss your brilliant ideas in, and then pick out what we’re doing today.”
She hesitates for a second, then nods. “Let’s.”
I reach out my hand, and she takes it.
When we walk around the corner of her parents’ place, she looks at me. “You left my truck?”
“It doesn’t have a working radio, the springs poked me in the ass, and it’s loud as hell.”
“It’s a diesel, of course it’s loud. And had you brought it back, I would have heard it, and you wouldn’t have been able to sneak up on me.”
I laugh. “You’re right about that.”
I open the passenger side door, and she climbs in, which gives me an excellent view of her round, denim-clad ass. When she catches me staring, she doesn’t say shit. I kind of wish she would, because then I could point out that I caught her doing the same thing while I was dressing in front of her, for that very purpose.
“I don’t always have major meltdowns.”
“I liked that it was with me.”
I shut the door as she shakes her head then walk around and climb in the driver’s side, where I reach in the back and grab the mason jar. I unscrew the lid and hold it out for her. “Drop ’em, little Ross.”
She arches her back as she lifts her ass off the seat to pull the folded-up papers from her pocket. Her shirt rises, giving me a glimpse of her toned belly, and I have to swallow back the pool of saliva in my mouth before I start to drool.
She places them in the jar then uses her finger like a spoon to stir them around.
“Close your eyes and pick one.”
She closes her eyes, and I get to see those lashes fall across her cheeks. She also bites her lower lip as she pokes around until she finds the one she wants, pulls it out, and then opens her eyes. She unfolds it and grumbles, “Of course I get one of mine.”
“So, what are we doing, sweets?”
“Hiking at the Glenn.”
I lean over and kiss her cheek. “Perfect.”
“You’ve been here before, right?” she asks, looking back at me as she hikes up the stairs.
I’m not going to tell her, yeah, with your sister, but I’m not going to lie either.
“I’ve been here at least once a year since birth, sweets. Of course I have.”
“Ever been to the upper falls?”
With all honesty and a smile, I answer, “This will be my first time.”
She looks pleased, but then her eyes narrow as she turns then begins running, yelling, “Winner buys dinner.”
“I would have let you win, but there’s no way in hell I’m letting you pay for dinner,” I say as I run faster, harder.
As soon as I get to the top, I turn and step in front of her so she can’t get past me. Then I grab her by her hips, lift her up, and spin her in a circle. When I set her down, the sunlight peeking through the trees halos her. She looks like an angel.
I’m pissed that I don’t have a camera. Maybe someday someone will make a pocket-sized one that doesn’t cost a million bucks, but fuck if I wouldn’t spend my last million to capture this moment if I had it.
When she starts laughing, I wonder what’s so funny.
“Did you really think I was trying to win?”
“You trick me, little Ross?”
Smirking, she shrugs as she walks past me.
I turn and snake an arm around
her waist, pulling her back to me.
“We’ll never get to the upper falls if you—”
“I’m gonna start a jar of my own and call it all the places to get Kendall off.”
She looks back over her shoulder at me, eyes a bit wide but also a bit lustful.
I kiss her quickly on the back of the head then step back, because Big Ben still doesn’t get it. “All right, lead the way.”
A mile hike through the woods on a mossy, stone walkway, crossing creeks on wooden bridges, we finally overlook the upper falls.
“It’s beautiful, right?” she asks, leaning over the railing, and I grab the back of her shirt. “Ben, I’m fine.”
“Yeah, Kendall, I know.”
“So, was it worth the hike?” she asks, looking from the water to me.
Without taking my eyes off her beautiful face, I nod. “Without a doubt.”
Her expression changes and I know she gets that I’m not talking about the hike up to this spot. I’m talking about coming here to Blue Valley, to make shit right with her.
Turning around, she puts her hands on my hips and looks up at me. “So, you gonna kiss me or what?”
I grip her hips and pull her close. “Anything you want, Kendall, anything.”
17
Opposites Attract
Kendall
Walking back down the trail, holding hands, I feel a mix of peace and excitement.
José and I would have never worked, and I knew that when I called him. I just had a momentary slip of being a bit needy. That neediness sprung from a feeling I’d never truly experienced before—loneliness.
Being raised in a large family and involved in church, sports, community … everything, loneliness was never a feeling I experienced ever in my life. Then … college.
Ben squeezes my hand and asks, “You here with me?”
I smile up at him and nod. “Yeah.”
“But you were gone there for a minute.”
