by Mj Fields
“Just thinking,” I admit.
“About?”
“Loneliness.”
He looks confused, maybe even a little hurt, so I explain, “I never knew what it was before college. I mean, in a family of five, you don’t often have times when you experience it. So, when I felt it, I researched it.”
“You researched loneliness?” He smiles softly.
I nod and continue, “Did you know the effects of loneliness on your health are the same as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day?”
“I did not,” he states.
“And it raises your cortisol levels, which is a stress hormone that causes an increased risk of vascular problems, inflammation, and heart disease. It can impair cognitive performance, as well.”
“Do you know that you talking nerdy to me causes extreme tightness in my pants?”
“I’m not kidding, Ben. It’s horrible.”
“Well then”—he lets go of my hand, wraps his arm around my shoulder, and pulls me into him—“I will seriously make sure that you, Kendall Ross, never feel lonely again.”
“Promise?” As soon as I ask the question, I immediately feel like a complete idiot.
“Absolutely. And all I ask in return is you make sure I don’t ever feel that way either.”
Feeling better about my slip, I nod. “Okay.”
When we’re almost at the bottom of the hill, he breaks the silence and asks, “Not feeling lonely again, are you?”
“Just enjoying the walk.” And the way you look at me, the way you look, the way this … feels.
“And how’s the company?”
“You really need to ask?” I laugh.
“Not a needy little bitch or ignorant—I know what’s going on here—but would—when you feel comfortable—love to know what’s in your heart.”
“I like you,” I say, and he smiles. “I really like your company, the way you … look. The conversations that aren’t forced; they flow naturally. I like your smile, and your—”
“Ass,” he interrupts. “It’s okay to say it, little Ross. I’m kind of crushing on yours, too.”
“I like being with you. Your ass is just a bonus.”
He laughs. “Right?”
I jokingly attempt to pull my hand away, and he tugs me toward him.
“Imagine how perfect our kids will be.”
My stomach does a flip, and I hold my free hand against it.
“Can’t get pregnant dry humping.”
“You’re such a smart-ass.” I playfully smack his abs.
“Both scholars in our own right.”
Once at his site, he pulls out the cooler and nods toward the picnic table. “Have a seat. Let’s eat.”
“Let me help,” I insist.
“Working together while doing menial tasks”—he winks—“I like that.”
“Don’t get too used to it. I’m off to college in a few weeks, and you’re off to …?”
“Farmer Ben will be in Watkins, doing all the things his daddy ever dreamed he would.” He rolls his eyes and smiles an ingenuine smile.
“But after that, it’s Rock and Roll Ben?”
“We’ll see.” He winks then we go about setting the food out.
I watch him busy himself for a few minutes, knowing right now he’s lost in thought.
“Come sit next to me.” I sit down, and he nods. For a minute, though, he just stands there, looking at me. His eyes aren’t dark, and his lids aren’t heavy. There’s almost a look of longing in them.
“Ben,” I all but whisper.
He blinks a couple times then gives me a brilliant smile as he walks toward me, raises a leg over the bench, and sits straddling the picnic table’s bench.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, of course.” He looks down.
I instinctively reach up and push some of his dark brown waves away from his face. When he doesn’t look up, I lean in, kiss his cheek, and then whisper, “You with me?”
He smiles and looks up as I sit back. Then he whispers his response. “Nowhere else I’d rather be.”
“Good. Then let’s eat.”
After finishing off Ben’s mom’s Jell-O salad and eating some canned meat, Ben suggests, “We should go check on Dog.”
“You think he’s up to company?” I stand and begin cleaning up the table.
He nods. “Called Alex. He said you had already called him, too.”
When we get in the truck, he lifts the console and pats the seat next to him. Phone in my hand, I scooch next to him and send Tessa a message that goes unanswered.
“After we see Dog, you want to go see your sister?”
“I’m assuming she’s asleep, or Collin has shut her phone off so she’ll rest. I should wait to hear back from one of them.”
He nods. “Buckle up, babe.”
As I buckle, he turns on the radio and Paula Abdul’s “Opposites Attract” blasts through the speakers. I reach up to change the station, but he takes my hand and starts to sing along.
“I take two steps forward. I take two steps back.”
His smile turns from the forced sort to brilliant, and because of that, I sit back and start singing along with him.
As we crest the hill to the farm, “Good Vibrations” begins.
“Sing with me?”
“Um, no.” I shake my head vehemently.
“Oh, come on, little Ross; we’ve sung plenty of songs together. We got this.” He laughs.
He’s right; we have … all at Tessa’s graduation party as a matter-of-fact.
Ugh.
“I’ll give you a pass on this one,” he says, pulling up the driveway, “but you only get one a day.”
I lean up and turn off the radio before another song starts, and he begins laughing.
“You seem to be making all the rules. Just giving myself a fighting chance here.”
He comes to a stop in the parking spot next to the barn, puts his truck in park, and then turns his body toward me. Then he grabs the back of my head and pulls me into an unexpected and smoldering, hot kiss. A whimper escapes from my throat and a groan from his gut when he flicks his tongue against the end of my retreating one. As electricity courses through my body, I quickly pull back.
Panting, he asks, “Why’d you pull away?”
“Too …” Dazed. I’m unable to finish my sentence and thought.
He does it for me. “Intense?”
“Yeah.” I look down, and he cups my chin, forcing me to look at him. Not like it’s a difficult task. He’s hands down the best-looking man on the planet, but, well, that’s a problem.
He pushes his forehead against mine. “Let’s be intense.” He kisses my nose then sits back and adjusts himself. “Just not when we’re going to see your brother.”
I don’t say anything, because somehow seeing him handle himself made that dry humping orgasm from yesterday—and the electrical current caused by the tongue flicking experience—seem like a freaking kiddy ride compared to the way my insides feel at this moment. It’s like my core is melting.
When the word, “Let’s,” slips from my lips, we both look surprised.
Ben recovers quickly, takes my hand, and smiles. “Tell me how far I can take you, Kendall.”
I pull as much confidence from wherever mine hides in when it comes to him and as much honesty as I want to have between us for as long as there is an us, and answer, “I want to be a virgin when I get married, but you”—I close my eyes—“you make me question—”
“There’s a lot of things we can do without screwing that up, little Ross. I swear I won’t fuck you until our wedding night, if you swear you tell me when things get too intense, like that kiss.”
Our wedding night. Even in my head, there is no question mark. There’s a period at the end of that sentence.
“I don’t plan on even considering marriage until I’m done with college and that’s—”
“Two years. Well, twenty-two months.”
I nod.
I smack him, and he laughs.
“Guess so.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“Yeah, it’s horrible.”
I realize he’s agreeing in jest, so I smack him again, and he catches my hand.
“Let’s go see Dog before I go into detail about all the ways ass play—”
“Please don’t ever say ass play again.” I scrunch up my nose in disgust.
“We table it.” He lets go of my hand, opens the door, then hops out, and closes it. I watch him run around the front of the truck as I begin opening the door. He grabs the handle and pulls it open. “And when we’re together, I open the door for you.”
Jumping out, I laugh. “So now he’s a gentleman.”
“Better always be,” I hear Alex’s voice boom.
“Not for nothing, but you have a son and a baby on the way, man. Clearly, you—”
“We’re married,” Alex cuts him off.
“Like you didn’t—”
“Virgins when they got married,” I cut Ben off.
“Wedding night must have been a doozy.” Ben laughs and glances up at Alex, probably expecting to see his face a lovely shade of purple, but it’s not even red.
Alex simply rolls his eyes. “Come see the dog, just make it a short visit. She needs sleep. One of her broken ribs punctured a lung.”
“What?”
“She was dehydrated as well. No wonder she jumped in the water. Wherever she came from, she wasn’t treated well.”
We follow Alex inside and through the double doors to the kennels. All the cages are empty except for the one she’s in.
“She’s been through a lot of trauma for such a young pup.”
“You sure she didn’t just get hit by a car or something?” Ben asks.
Alex shakes his head. “So, she’s got some scarring, too. Guessing she was whipped.”
“Who would do that to—”
“Can we find out who the fucking owner is so I can traumatize them?” Ben snarls.
And yeah, total turn-on.
“She doesn’t have any tags. You can hang signs, but that’s a waste of time. Whoever did this to her isn’t going to come forward.”
I squat down and push my hand in the cage to pet her. “I’m so sorry, sweet girl.”
“Sorry for saving her?” Ben squeezes my shoulder. “That’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“Wasn’t smart jumping in the water after a stray animal,” Alex, Mr. Logic, chimes in.
When she licks my hand, I smile. “But totally worth it.”
“Ben here?” I hear Jake call from just outside the door.
“Yep, in here.”
“Sniffing around for Kendall?” Jake stops when he steps through the doors. “Guess so.”
Ben gives my shoulder a squeeze then steps away. He and Jake exchange a quick hug.
“You pop it, you marry it,” Jake jokes, and I consider crawling into the cage with the stoned dog.
“Apparently, you popped it and now what?” Ben playfully jabs Jake. “Now you can’t marry it?”
“Sarah and I—”
“We feel sorry for Sarah,” Alex interrupts Jake. “She has to put up with the baby of the family who’s still rebelling.”
Jake scowls at Alex. “We’re in no hurry to put a nail in the coffin.”
I laugh as Dog licks my hand. “You’ve been nailing the proverbial coffin since you two were fifteen.”
“And you’ve traveled around the world looking for Mr. Perfect, yet you settle for this guy?” He throws his thumb over his shoulder at Ben.
“I’d never settle.” I look back at Dog.
When Jake laughs, I look back and scowl at him as I ask, “Did you see his ass?”
Ben laughs, and Alex hushes us, pointing over his shoulder. “She needs sleep.”
I give Dog’s nose another pet then stand up.
Ben squats down and manages to maneuver his big hand in the cage. “Rest and heal, Rio.”
She opens her eyes, and I swear she bats them at him.
“Stop flirting and go to sleep. You heal up nice and quick, and we’ll take you on a proper date, little lady.”
Earlier, it was my insides feeling melty. Now, well, now it’s my heart.
Pulling up to Tessa and Collin’s house, I look at the jar sitting in the cup holder and feel a bit torn about all the time we’re spending with my family, knowing he didn’t come here for this.
He parks the truck and leans back. “You ready to go kick your parents out and party with the boys?”
“If you’d rather not—”
“Little Ross, I’m honestly enjoying the hell out of being wherever you want to be.” He steps out, shuts the door, hurries around the front, and opens my door.
This time, I wait for him.
He holds his hand out for me to take, and I smile and do so without a second thought.
“Anything in that jar that doesn’t involve leaving the house that we could do if we end up here all night?” I ask.
He smirks.
“I mean if you want to stay. You do have that campsite and—”
“You can stay with me tomorrow night.”
“I’m not sure …” I stop and laugh.
He smiles. “What’s so funny?”
“I’m an adult.”
“Yeah, you are.”
“I can make my own decisions, and my parents trust me.”
“I’m pretty sure they trust me, as well.” Ben nods.
“Do you trust you?” I ask, honestly.
“I do. Do you trust you?”
I nod.
18
Kiss Me
Ben
We played outside in the dirt with the kids until the sun started to set, while Kendall and I grilled veggies and steaks. When we came in, Kendall cut up the food in near rice-sized pieces, and we let it cool as we gave them baths. It was nine o’clock before the boys conked out on our chests again, but this time they didn’t wake when we put them in bed.
With the baby monitor in hand, I close the door gently behind us. When I turn around, Kendall is smirking at me.
“Something on your mind, little Ross?” I ask as I shove the monitor in my pocket then grab her hips.
“You’re a dirty boy.”
“I prefer naughty.” I kiss her forehead. “Sexy is even better.” I kiss her cheek. “Racy.” I kiss her neck.
“All fit the profile, Sawyer, but I mean it in the literal sense.”
Stepping back, she licks her finger then begins rubbing it against my temple.
I chuckle. “You just mommed me and got me excited in the process.”
Her brows knit together briefly. “You sure you’re not gonna get sick of—”
I take her hands and give them a gentle but firm squeeze and tell her, “The only thing I’m going to get sick of is you second-guessing my word.”
“If you ever feel like it’s—”
I drop one hand and pull her down the hall behind me.
“Where are we going?”
“Do you trust me, Kendall?”
She nods as I pull her into the bedroom beside the master and through it to the bathroom, where we just gave the boys a bath.
“Ben, what are you doing?”
“Your voice has a deeper and breathy edge to it that I find sexy as hell.” I reach behind my back and pull my shirt off, tossing it on the floor next to the boys’.
I take her hand again, partially because I don’t want to lose the connection, and partly because, knowing Kendall, she’s overthinking the fuck out of my intentions and, well, they’re all good, in the most deviant way, I turn on the water. Then I turn back toward her and grab the hem of her shirt, slowly lifting it as I watch her eyes widen.
“You have on panties and a bra, correct?”
She nods.
“Just like a bathing suit.”
I take her hand and bring it to the buttons on my short
s. “Take your time, but I ask that you keep it PG-13 and leave my boxers on.”
Dazed, she asks, “What? Why?”
“We’re going to bathe together, Kendall. And no, that’s not code for fucking.”
“But, are you …? Is it—”
“Arms up, sweets.”
And without second-guessing shit, she does. I throw her shirt on the floor.
She has on a light blue lacey bra that doesn’t hide a whole lot but enough that a slight bit of imagination is necessary. I can literally see her nipples poking out but ignore that for now as I run my finger across her firm tummy just under the waistband of her shorts. With my other hand, I guide hers back to my button, and she mimics my movement. It feels so fucking good being touched by her like this. But a big … really big problem arises, and I hope she doesn’t go running away like a … virgin being undressed by a man who wants nothing more than to make her bleed, but just a little.
“On three, two, one, sweets.”
She unbuttons my shorts as I do the same to hers. Thankfully, mine are loose enough, except for in that one area.
I hook my thumbs under the waistband at her hips and pull them down. Mine just need a little nudge before they fall to the ground with a thud.
I keep my eyes on hers, wanting to make sure there isn’t a moment of trepidation. Then, taking her hand, I guide her to the garden tub.
“You get in first. I’ll grab towels.” I hold her hand as she steps in.
“You have the most delicious ass I’ve ever seen.”
She looks over her shoulder, looking a bit confused.
“I feel like Eve in the garden, and your ass is the apple.”
She blushes and, as impossible as I think it is, but it happens, my dick gets harder. For a moment, I worry my skin is gonna crack, but fuck, would it be worth it.
I place the towels on the floor next to the tub and step in, holding a washcloth. She looks down and licks her lips then looks at the water.
“How you doing?” I ask as I lean back against the opposite side of the tub as she sits.
“I’m really not sure.” She smiles tightly and quickly.
Tight and quick will more than likely be the same words used to describe the first time I’m inside her.
