Just To Be With You

by Bella Andre

Page 37

  Author: Bella Andre

  Damn it, he’d forgotten about Mia and Ford’s party on Friday night. How could he go when he’d promised Tatiana that he’d—

  Wait a minute, Ian thought, as he rewound back to the exact promise he’d made: not to answer her calls, or let her shadow him at work anymore, or take her away for a business trip on his plane. But he’d never made even the slightest promise about staying away from her at a Sullivan family event.

  Thank God.

  “Have you seen her?”

  His sister nodded, looking far more serious than usual. “She just dropped by my office, actually, on the way back from her set. ”

  “How is she?”

  He was surprised by his sister’s faint smile. “Head over heels in love with you. And I just found out that she talked to Mom about her feelings for you, too. ”

  “She did?”

  Mia’s smile grew even bigger. “She did. ”

  “Wait a minute,” he said, his brain feeling even more muddled now than it had since he’d watched Tatiana walk away from him the previous afternoon. “If you just saw her, and you obviously know what happened, and she’s talked to Mom, then why aren’t both of you yelling at me for screwing everything up?”

  “Seems to me,” she said softly as she studied his face, “that you’re doing a good enough job of that yourself. ”

  But he knew his sister, knew there was plenty she wanted to say to him, and that there had been for a long time. “I didn’t hold back with you when you were getting together with Ford in Napa. You promised me that it would go both ways. ”

  She looked like she could hardly believe what he was saying. “Wow. I can’t believe you actually just asked me to butt into your private life when you’ve held back so much from all of us for so long. Not just since your divorce, but before that. Before you met and married Chelsea, even. I actually think it happened once you left college and started working to support us all. Tatiana was the one who suggested I come here to ask you why. ”

  “Of course she was,” he said, easily able to see Tatiana encouraging his sister to push past the walls he’d put up around himself. “I’m sorry, Mia. I’m sorry I shut you out. ”

  “No, it wasn’t your fault, Ian. At least, not all your fault. Because we let you do it. We let you pull away. And now I can see just how wrong we were—one of us should have gotten in your face a long time ago and just stayed there until you had no choice but to lower your walls. ” She put a hand over his. “Tatiana did exactly that, didn’t she—what we were all afraid to do? She stood up to you and every time you pushed her away, she didn’t give up on you. Instead, she came back again and again. ”

  His chest clenched tight as he told his sister, “She did. ”

  “She’s braver than every last one of us. ”

  “She is brave. And brilliant. And beautiful. ” He ran his hands over his face and admitted, “It’s only been one day, but I already miss her so damned much, Mia. ”

  “I know things with you two are a big mess right now,” his sister said as she squeezed his hands, “but I still have to tell you how completely amazing it is to know that you’re as head over heels in love with her as she is with you. ”

  Easily able to see every one of his sister’s hopes and dreams for him on her face, Ian had to tell her, “If I were the right man for her, if I could give her everything she needs, if I could do it all—I would. ”

  “When we were kids,” his sister said softly, “you proved again and again that you could do, could achieve, could have anything you set your mind to. I know you’re convinced that you can’t possibly find a way to balance work and a relationship, because you never could before now. But I think there’s a simple reason for that: You never wanted a relationship with a woman enough to give it your all. ” She paused for a moment to let her words sink in, before adding, “You’ve never truly loved a woman before Tatiana, have you? Not the way you love her—with everything you are. ”

  * * *

  “How sweet. A little family reunion. And how perfect that you’re having it in your office, Ian, since I know how much you hate to leave it. ”

  Mia spun around. “Chelsea. ” His sister sounded like she’d tasted something rotten. “It’s been too long, and yet, I have to admit I wish it had been longer. ”

  Ian didn’t normally feel like laughing when his ex was in the room, but he was surprised to find himself swallowing a laugh after Mia’s retort.

  “Thanks for coming by, Mia,” he said. “And for the update. ”

  Knowing this was his way of kicking her out, Mia asked in a low-pitched tone, “Are you sure I can’t stay and throw things at her?”

  His laughter bubbled all the way up and out this time. “Thanks, but I can handle her on my own. ”

  With obvious reluctance, Mia slid off his desk. But instead of leaving him to deal with Chelsea alone, she headed straight toward his ex. “Why are you here?”

  Chelsea raised an eyebrow. “That’s none of your business. ”

  “Oh yes, it is. ” Mia advanced toward Chelsea in such a way that his ex-wife actually took a step back. “Mess with my brother and you’re messing with all of us. ” Mia’s gaze swept down, then back up Chelsea’s body. “You know, that color makes you look much less pale than usual. You should thank your stylist for helping you out. ” Turning back to Ian, Mia smiled and blew him a kiss. “See you Friday, big brother. ”

  Ian couldn’t fault his sister for wanting to protect him. Not when he’d spent his whole life doing the same for her. As soon as the door closed behind her, he stood up to greet his ex-wife. “I’m glad you’re here, Chelsea. ”

  “You are?”

  He nodded. “I was going to call you today. ”

  “You were?”

  “I’m assuming you read about the eAirBox deal?”

  She pulled the front page of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer out of her purse as confirmation. “Remember how my phone kept running out of space for taking pictures and I said, they need to make more space on these things? Well, that’s just what this company does, which means I can make a case that I gave you the idea. ” He was pretty sure she wasn’t joking, not even when she said, “You made a mistake by not holding on to me, Ian. I was your lucky charm. ”

  His ex was certainly creative, he had to give her that. And once upon a time, he’d found her beautiful, too. But now he saw just how false every part of her was, from her colored contact lenses to her artificially plumped-up lips and breasts to her fake tan.

  And yet, none of that changed the fact that he had hurt her.

  “You’re right,” he finally said, “I did make a mistake with you. Lots of mistakes. I screwed up in our marriage and I just kept screwing up afterward, too. ”

  This time, she wasn’t able to hide her surprise. “I can’t believe you’re saying these things. ”

  “I’ve been beating myself up for years over our marriage, over not being there enough for you. I’m truly sorry that I wasn’t, Chelsea. You didn’t deserve to be ignored. Nobody does. ”

  “Well—” For the first time, it looked as if his ex didn’t know what to say. “Thank you for the apology. Even if it’s long overdue. ”

  It was long overdue, he realized. This whole conversation was, in large part because after the divorce he’d shut himself away from everyone by moving to London. Were it not for Tatiana being brave enough to confront him—and to keep on doing it, even when he’d repeatedly tried to push her away—he wouldn’t be having any of these long-overdue conversations today.

  From the first, he’d been struck by the way Tatiana always wanted to understand why people did what they did. But even more amazing was the fact that she wasn’t afraid to go deeper than other people usually did. She wasn’t afraid to push harder, or farther, either.

  Now, it was time to channel her fearlessness to get some answers from his ex-wife.

  �
�Can I ask you a question, Chelsea?”

  His ex-wife was frowning now, at least as much as she could with a dermatologically frozen forehead. “I guess so. ”

  “Why did you marry me?”

  Her frown deepened until there were actual lines on her face. “Is this a trick question?”

  “No, I promise you it isn’t. ”

  “You weren’t like any other man I’d dated. You were more confident. More focused. More determined. It was exciting to be with you, especially since you were traveling for business so much that when I was with you, it never felt like we’d settled into a boring pattern like other couples. ”

  “But eventually didn’t you want that? Didn’t you want to settle down? Didn’t you want our life together to have more of a pattern?”

  “No, I didn’t. I just wanted you to turn your focus to me. I wanted to be more important than your company, your deals. I thought that once we got married, you’d change. ”

  And it was true, he suddenly realized. All Chelsea had really ever wanted while they were together was for him to change who he was. Whereas, again and again, Tatiana had said the exact opposite, that she loved him just the way he was.

  He hadn’t been planning to give his ex any more checks, but since he had a feeling she hadn’t been saving much of what he’d given her over the past several years, he decided it would be his last act of penance. At the same time, however, it wouldn’t be fair just to hand it to her and let her think there were more checks coming in the future.

  “I’m not giving this check to you because of my new deal. In fact, I never wrote any of these checks because I actually thought I owed you anything for any of my deals, or because I was afraid of your lawyers. I did it because I felt guilty that I didn’t treat you the way a good husband should have. But now I think it’s finally time for both of us to move on, past the mistakes we made with each other. ”

  Chelsea stared at him for a long moment, before awareness lit her gaze. “This is because of Tatiana Landon, isn’t it? I saw the way you looked at her. You’re in love with her, aren’t you? That’s why you want me out of the way. You’re hoping I’ll accept your apology so that you can go to her and tell her you’re not a big, fat jerk. ”

  He could see the calculations already going on behind her eyes, was nearly certain that she would try to dig up something about him and Tatiana so that she could leak it to the press, and he was glad for it. Happy that it helped dissolve the final remnants of his guilt.

  Misplaced guilt that he’d let drive Tatiana out of his life.

  “You’re right again,” he said as he moved to the door and held it open for their final good-bye. “I am in love with Tatiana, and I hope that one day, you’ll find what you’re looking for, too. ”

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Laughter was spilling out of Mia and Ford’s house on Friday night when Ian headed up their front walk carrying a case of Sullivan Winery’s finest sparkling wine. The house was lit up against the night sky, and though rain had been threatening all day, for the time being it was holding off.

  And he was extremely glad for it, because clear skies were essential for the plan he’d spent all last night and today putting together.

  What Mia had said to him about not ever truly wanting any woman enough to give her his all had really hit home. Speaking with Chelsea minutes later had only confirmed the truth of it.

  He wanted to give Tatiana things he’d never given another woman. His time, his attention, and most of all, his heart. Only, he’d screwed things up with her so badly, and in such a big way, that he knew he needed to get them right in just as big a way. Tonight, he was counting down the seconds until he could see her again, until he could hear her voice, see her beautiful smile. And he was praying that when the helicopter landed on the grass behind Mia and Ford’s house, she’d agree to get into it with him so that he could whisk her off for the most romantic evening of her life.