Dane and Heath

by Rafe Jadison

  “Of course I like you. You’re the one person I talk to here. I just keep it kind of professional. I’m your boss. I was actually hoping tonight to let you see another side of me.”

  “Really?” Heath asked.

  “Yeah,” Dane said with a nod. “We still have to keep it professional when we’re at work. Of course, when you’re trapped at work, that’s a different story.”

  “Of course,” Heath said, and then looked at Dane closely. “So are you okay? You’ve been through so much lately.”

  “I’m alright. I don’t think I can be mad at Amanda. She did a lot for me. She moved to Buffalo with me after college. She moved down here when I got the promotion. I realize that she was kind of letting her own career play second fiddle. I can’t be mad at her for finally getting what she wanted.”

  “But what about you?” Heath asked.

  “I think that life sometimes puts you in the right place for change. I got this promotion a few months ago. I love DC. Some things in my life are great. Here’s to new friends,” Dane said, raising his bottle in a toast.

  Heath clinked his bottle with Dane’s and took a sip.

  “So the guy in college?” Heath asked.

  “I think before I tell you that, I want to hear a little bit about you,” Dane said, moving his feet onto the couch. “Something juicy.”

  Heath took a sip and looked at Dane. “I don’t think there’s too much juice in my life.”

  “I’m sure at some time there has been,” Dane said.

  “I guess,” Heath replied.

  “Tell me about your first time,” Dane said with a smile.

  “My first time? My first time was a nightmare. I was a freshman in college and this guy I knew hit on me really hard. I thought he was straight and so I never saw it coming.”

  “He wasn’t hot?”

  “He was super hot, at least to look at. We were drunk and he was going to crash in my dorm. We were super clumsy, and it lasted a total of maybe five minutes. Even in that short time, we couldn’t get our timing right.”

  “So you…?”

  “Finished at separate times. Both of us way too fast. It was weird.”

  “So what happened to him? Did he become your boyfriend?”

  “Why do you keep thinking I have all these boyfriends?” Heath asked.

  “You’re cute,” Dane said, reaching over and tousling Heath’s hair.

  “Well, he wasn’t into me after that. The next day he told me he had a girlfriend, and the thing is, he really did. I’m still friends with him today. He has a new girlfriend.”

  “Well, I’m feeling a little better about Amanda,” Dane said with a laugh.

  “Jerk,” Heath said, punching Dane on the arm.

  “Gulp up,” Dane said. “I’ll tell you about the guy in college.”

  They both chugged what was left of their beers, and Dane grabbed them two more. He sat back on the couch cross-legged and facing Heath.

  “Okay, we’ve been chugging beers pretty hard. So tell me about him,” Heath said, a slight bit of urgency in his voice.

  “His name was Michael and he was my roommate in college,” Dane said.

  “Was he hot?” Heath asked.

  “Divine,” Dane answered.

  “You’re not sounding too straight there, buddy,” Heath said.

  “When Michael was around, no one was straight,” Dane said. “He was the guy everyone wanted to be, or maybe just to be around. He was amazing.”

  “Like what?” Heath asked.

  “Tall, thick dark hair. He played basketball, but he had more of a football player build. He made everyone around him laugh. He was probably the nicest person I’ve ever met.”

  “And what happened?”

  “We fooled around,” Dane said.

  “Can you elaborate a little?” Heath asked.

  “He liked to snuggle. When we were watching TV, he would come over to my bed and sit down. I was usually stretched out, and even though he was taller than me, taller than most people, he would lie down and kind of back into me. He started putting his head on my chest. He was always warm and smelled good.”

  “And?”

  “And one night, I felt his hand on my crotch.”

  “Were you stressed?”

  “Nope. I was hard as a rock. I would get that way sometimes when we’d snuggle. He pulled my sweats down and blew me. Neither of us said a thing. Afterward, he went back to his bed and turned the TV off on his way. We went to sleep.”

  “And it never happened again?” Heath asked.

  “Are you kidding me? Two hot college guys in a room that small? It happened almost every night.”

  “So he would just blow you and you all wouldn’t talk about it?”

  “We did some other stuff,” Dane said. “He liked me to make love to him.”

  “But he never…?” Heath asked, moving his hands around, not sure how to ask the question.

  “Yeah, he did a few times. I was curious. For us though, it was better if I made love to him.”

  “Wow,” Heath said. “So what happened?”

  “He was a year older than me. He graduated when I was a junior. He came from a strict Mormon family in Utah. He went home to them, and I thought he would settle in and marry some woman he met at church, but he connected with me on social media sites a few years ago, and it seems that he found a guy and got married.”

  “It’s incredible that you guys never talked about it. So what about you?”

  “What about me?”

  “Well, were you freaked out when he left?”

  “No. It wasn’t love, at least not for me. I don’t know how he felt. We were friends. I was happy for him. He graduated. That was our end goal, right?”

  “I guess so,” Heath said. “So you went straight afterward?”

  “I wasn’t ever really not straight.”

  “You were having sex with a guy almost every night.”

  “Yeah, and if I had been in a room with a woman offering me sex every night, I would have been with her. What I had with him didn’t really define me.”

  “So what about Amanda?”

  “I met her not long after that. She was what I was looking for,” Dane said.

  “What was that?”

  “She was pretty. You saw her—blond and sexy.”

  “People have said the same thing about me,” Heath said with a laugh.

  “And they should,” Dane said, patting Heath on the leg. “You’re pretty hot.”

  “Okay, thanks. I was joking though,” Heath said. “Go back to the story. What was it that made Amanda so wifely? What was different about her and what was his name, Michael?”

  “You know his name,” Dane said with a laugh, looking at Heath, and then suddenly getting serious again. “Amanda was what I thought I wanted. She was what I grew up thinking I needed. She was smart. I could tell that she would be nice to my parents. I tested it, and she was. She wanted kids. She was reasonable. She was into me. I know you’re gay, but wasn’t there some time when you thought that a woman would be what you wanted? Didn’t you ever have this ideal picture of a woman in your head? I mean, I know it might be different for this new generation of guys, these people who have grown up in a world where it’s okay to be gay, but it hasn’t always been like that. Wasn’t there a time when you pictured yourself with a woman? Maybe when you were young. You’re not that much younger than me.”

  “Oh, yeah. There was a time when I thought I would be with a woman. I guess the difference between us is that I knew that one day I would be with a man. I mean, I had that day where I realized that. I was actually nineteen. I came out to my best friend, a girl I had been dating. I guess you guys have a day where you realize that even though you did a guy that you’ll end up with a woman. Am I right?” Heath asked.

  Dane was silent for a moment. He looked at Heath and took a sip of his beer, then he continued to stare at Heath.

  “Did you hear me?” Heath asked. “Was there a
day, a day after Michael, that you realized that Michael had just been this guy and that Amanda was someone that you could really fall in love with?”

  Dane stayed silent.

  Heath looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “It’s not that hard of a question. I’m just asking you to tell me about when you realized you weren’t into guys, like I realized I wasn’t into girls.”

  Dane looked at him. “Maybe that’s something I shouldn’t say.”

  “What does that mean?” Heath asked. “You married Amanda. You didn’t chase after Michael and he was super hot you said. You had to have had a day like this.”

  “Maybe Amanda was just what I told myself, or what other people told me, I should want. And maybe she knew that on some level. Maybe Michael was hot, but not someone I fell in love with.”

  “What are you trying to say?” Heath asked a little dumbfounded. “I thought you loved Amanda.”

  “When I look back, I don’t think I did. That was probably part of the problem. I think it’s why I’m not angry with her. She knew. Not in the beginning, but somewhere along the way, she figured out that I wasn’t in love with her. Deep down, she knew.”

  “Wait. So you didn’t love her?” Heath asked. “Why? Because you loved Michael?”

  “Nope,” Dane said. “I really didn’t. He was gorgeous, and he certainly knew how to get my rocks off, but I never loved him. Amanda I loved in a different way. She was awesome, and there was romance in our relationship, but I wasn’t in love with her.”

  Heath looked at him, bewildered. “Wait, so who did you love?”

  Chapter 3

  Dane looked at Heath and shrugged his shoulders.

  “Maybe,” Dane began. “Maybe I didn’t love anyone.”

  “Oh, shit,” Heath said, the realization kicking in. “That sucks. So you’ve never been in love?”

  “That doesn’t mean I couldn’t be,” Dane said, reaching over and tousling Heath’s hair again.

  Heath smiled when Dane’s hand touched his hair, but then his face suddenly went serious.

  “Wait, so you are saying that you have never fallen in love? Never?”

  Dane shrugged. “I don’t think I have.”

  “That’s fucked up, and you’re like how old?” Heath asked.

  “I’m thirty-five, about ten years older than you. It sounds old, but believe me, it’s not. It seems like I was just your age two minutes ago.”

  “I don’t think you’re old,” Heath said. “It’s just that thirty-five is a long time to wait to fall in love. Are you sure you haven’t ever been in love?”

  “I’m pretty sure,” Dane said with a smile.

  “When Amanda left you didn’t go apeshit? Maybe you’re in denial.”

  “I’m not in denial. And, no, I didn’t go apeshit when she left. That’s kind of how I know. I thought I would be devastated. I knew that I should have been. I wasn’t. I was disappointed because I wanted a child, but deep down I was happy for her. I was also relieved. I guess I thought when I married her, and then when I got a job in this company, that I was on my way to my dreams, but I never really felt like I was living them. When I got the promotion and moved here, I thought, This is it. It’ll all kick in now, but it didn’t. A few days after she left, I woke up in the morning feeling really happy, really free. It felt like that feeling that I’d been waiting for.”

  Heath looked at him, unsure, and then he took a really big chug on his drink.

  “Wait here,” Dane said, patting Heath on the leg, and getting up from the couch.

  Dane chugged his own beer and then grabbed two more. He opened them, handed one to Heath, and then sat back on the couch.

  “So, I have a question for you,” Dane said.

  “Okay,” Heath replied, looking up at Dane. “Ask away.”

  “It’s kind of a touchy subject,” Dane said, looking down at his feet for a moment.

  “Seventeen inches, but don’t tell anyone,” Heath said with a laugh.

  Dane smiled at him. “Not that touchy, and if that were the case, I don’t think you’d have to tell anyone. I imagine it would be pretty obvious sometimes. Especially when you had to stand three feet back from a urinal.”

  “Technically only a foot and a half,” Heath said. “So now that we’ve gotten the personal stuff out, what is your question?”

  Dane looked at him, started to say something, and then closed his mouth.

  “C’mon, just spit it out,” Heath said. “We’ve had a few beers. It can’t be that bad.”

  “Okay,” Dane said. “I’m just going to ask you. Would you ever want to go out with me?”

  “You mean like grab some beers some time?” Heath asked with a smile.

  “Yeah, but not just as friends,” Dane said, his voice dropping as he spoke.

  Heath looked at him, and then shook his head. “Wait, I am so confused right now. I thought you said you weren’t gay.”

  “I don’t know what I am. I am sure that kids today have some name for it. Maybe I fit into a couple of different categories. The point is, I am attracted to you. I have been since the first day we met.”

  “Really?” Heath asked. “You kind of came across as a hardass that first day.”

  “I was new, and I was new to the position. What did you want me to do, hug you?”

  “No, but you were a little intense when you spoke to us all. That whole speech about meeting goals on time, it was a lot. Even though we always do get things out on time.”

  “So you’re scared of me?”

  “No, not anymore. The first few days though, I was worried that you were going to be an ass. Later I liked you.”

  “What changed your mind?”

  “Well, you’re hot, and you’re nice, and you started acting really silly and you brought me candy that first time we stayed late.”

  “I read that in some management magazine,” Dane said, and then a big smile appeared on his face. “So, you think I’m hot.”

  “You know I do. You said something a minute ago when you said I knew Michael’s name.”

  “You did look a little jealous,” Dane said.

  “I was,” Heath admitted.

  “So does that mean that you would like to go out with me some time?”

  “No, it does not,” Heath said, his voice a little cool.

  “Okay, now I’m confused,” Dane said.

  “I said you were hot, and you are. It’s been forever, like I told you, so I would love to have wild, inhibition-abandoned sex with you as often as we could, but I’m no Michael. I learned a long time ago that I have no desire to be some straight guy’s little adventure. It sounds like fun, and always looks good in the pornos, but it’s not what I’m looking for. It has the potential to really break your heart, not to mention what it could do to your self-esteem.”

  “You’re pretty astute for a twenty-five-year-old,” Dane said, putting his hand on Heath’s shoulder.

  “No, I’m just not good at keeping my heart in check and knowing when someone has the potential to break it,” Heath said, looking Dane in the eye.

  “Good,” Dane said. “I want you to be full in.”

  Heath raised an eyebrow. “You think that’s a good idea after your track record? No offense, but you don’t really do love, do you?”

  “Wow, that was low,” Dane said.

  “No lower than asking me to sleep with you when you don’t plan on falling for me.”

  “First of all, who really plans to fall in love? From what I understand, and yes, as you said, I’m no expert, but from what I understand, it kind of just happens,” Dane began.

  “To people who let it happen,” Heath interrupted. “That doesn’t sound like you.”

  “Second,” Dane continued. “What I was trying to explain to you, is that just because I didn’t fall in love with Michael or Amanda doesn’t mean that I can’t fall in love with you.”

  “Wait, so now you’re saying you’re in love with me?”

  “No, I’m no
t in love with you,” Dane proclaimed.

  “See!” Heath said. “Exactly my point.”

  “Are you madly in love with me?”

  “No, but…” Heath said.

  “Exactly my point,” Dane said with a smirk.

  “Yeah, but…”

  “What, you don’t think watching another person conduct a legal review on a post-closing file is sexy? What are you trying to say, Heath, that someone might need to ask you out first before they fall in love with you?” Dane asked, standing up and walking across the office, and turning his back to Heath.

  “Okay,” Heath said, walking behind Dane and touching his arm.

  “Okay, what?” Dane asked, turning to face Dane.

  “Okay, I’ll go out with you,” Heath said. He dropped his head and his voice lowered a bit when he spoke again. “Just promise that you’ll give it a chance.”

  Dane reached over and placed his hands on Heath’s cheeks. He leaned in, while at the same time lightly pulling Heath to him. When his lips reached Heath’s, Dane kissed the other man lightly, and then pulled back and tenderly kissed him again.

  “I take you very seriously,” Dane said, looking down into Heath’s green eyes.

  Heath looked up, and he could tell that something in Dane had changed from the Dane he normally knew.

  “You’re so open,” Dane said.

  Before Heath had time to respond, Dane kissed him again.

  Heath returned the kiss hungrily, putting his hands behind Dane’s head and pulling him to him. He began to move his tongue lightly into Dane’s mouth, exploring in a way he hadn’t in a long time. He pushed his body into Dane’s and suddenly Dane was backed up to the desk.

  Dane moved his hand to grab the desk from behind and steady himself. He moaned as Heath’s hands moved over his back and pull him in even closer.

  Heath knew that he was hard as a rock, and he wanted Dane to know that too. He pushed himself into Dane’s leg, relishing the contact. He moved his hands from behind Dane to the buttons on Dane’s shirt. As he fumbled to hurriedly unbutton them, Dane calmly reached forward and assisted him. In only a few seconds Dane’s shirt was open and Heath backed up to look. There was a maturity to Dane’s body that Heath enjoyed. Dane’s chest seemed broader, and hairier than a younger man’s. His nipples were full and thick, his pecs more substantial. Heath reached his hands out, slowly placing them on Dane’s chest. Dane nodded, giving him assent.