There's No Such Thing as Monsters

by Ren Ryder

  I mused idly as I walked, not expecting much in the way of windfalls but making the rounds at the places where people knew me nonetheless.

  New London was a big city, so big in fact that I’d heard the Father boasting one morning that its population was in the millions. It was at the forefront of technological advancement in the civilized world, what with its recent commercialization of steam-powered engines. The city’s growing network of public and private utilities like gas street lights went a long way towards keeping its citizens safe and comfortable.

  Eventually I made like the street urchins lurking in shadowed corners of the roadway and found shelter from the elements. Street gangs prowled the alleyways and lorded over the most popular begging locations. I had a few run-ins with them in the past, so by now I’d gotten something of a feel for what I could get away with and where to draw the line.

  I leaned against the wall of the alcove I was huddled under and tilted my head back to look up at the sky. “Looks like a front is moving in,” I sighed and made my grumbled complaints to whichever god was in charge of this unfortunate turn of events.

  “Don’t you know it’s Autumn, damnit? It’s not winter yet, it’s not winter yet,” I muttered the prayer under my breath like a curse, rubbing my hands together and praying that the fair weather would hold for awhile yet.

  I saw my target— a shoddily dressed street rat that had been begging for spare change on one of the street corners I frequented— filch a man’s purse with a sharp knife and a quick flick of their wrist. Their slight form disappeared into the crowd and left none the wiser.

  “Guess that means I’m up. Better hurry.” I pushed off the wall and took up residence on the vacated corner, eyeing the approaching storm front as I begged for spare change.

  Panhandling was an oft overlooked trade, usually quite literally whenever passerby were concerned. Still, a few hours later my stomach was full and I was a whole meat pie heavier. I’d even scrounged together a few more coppers in addition to the half-dozen from the morning’s work at the bakery.

  “‘Bout time I call it for the day and quit while I’m ahead,” I reasoned, letting the flow of foot traffic take ahold of me and heading back towards the chapel.

  “Should I pick up a loaf of bread from Anna’s place on my way back…? Hmm, maybe I’ll splurge and get Sammie one of those fruit cakes she likes.”

  A shadow flitted by me, followed by a gust of wind that set the cloaks of everyone in a five-foot radius aflutter. “Huh, that’s strange.”

  I scratched the back of my head and cast a glance over my shoulder, “I thought I saw some ugly dragonfly go by.”

  Another gust of wind and an accusatory finger stabbed into my left eye. “Who you calling ugly, you no good, bumbling giant?! Wait a minute… hey, mister, we got the same color eyes!”

  Grimacing, I rubbed the offended eye and looked away before my attention was captured. I stared off into space instead.

  “Rightttt,” I drew out the word with a speculative flourish, then hastily covered my mouth with my hands before dropping them and continuing to speak in a lighter tone, “Did anyone hear something just now? I could have sworn I heard a little critter buzz off somewhere, you know, anywhere but here…” I trailed off meaningfully.

  I kicked a loose pebble down the road and whistled off-key as I started off again with renewed purpose.

  Stepping down off the sidewalk, I hoofed it double-time down the roadway, caring less about appearances and the inherent danger than being caught up in something from the Other Side.

  A high-pitched voice chimed by my right ear, for all the world sounding like a set of tinkling bells. “Hey, you, I’m talking to you!”

  I pulled my hood down over my eyes and hunkered into the wind. “You know, a doctor once told me insomnia is no good for my health and development— plus he ragged on me for neglecting my sleep and spouted off about my self-induced hallucinations, but the fact is, it proves my imagination is in tip-top shape, uh-huh.” I nodded to myself and redoubled my pace to a walking trot.

  An insistent tugging at the roots of my hair made me frown and shake my head. “You can see me, you know you can see me! Stop pretending!”

  I dodged through the press of bodies and turned off the thoroughfare as an indistinct shape flitted around me. “I was always the best at playing pretend when I was younger. I was so good at it that all the kids wanted to play with me, until things took a dark turn and I started pretending the other kids still wanted to play with me after all the things I told them.”

  I’d better shake my tail before I head back, don’t want any unwelcome houseguests.

  With a resigned sigh, I committed to following a circuitous, indecipherable route to the chapel, doubling back as many times as need be until I was rid of my capricious follower. There were different types of wind spirits, but most were renowned for their flights of fancy. After the novelty of my existence wore off, the little bugger would leave me alone. I hoped.

  “Hey! Don’t you ignore me!”

  I stroked my chin and pondered over my options with grave seriousness. “I wonder what kind of fruit tart would make Sammie smile the biggest.”

  A gust of wind pressed against my skin and stole the hood from my head. “Oooh! You’ve done it now! Now I’m mad! Really mad!” A high-pitched voice spouted nonsense threats about curdled milk and honey while I wore my best poker face.

  I ignored the fuming faery and entered the bakery, smirking.

  “Back so soon, Kal?” Anna’s matronly voice called to me from deeper in the kitchen.

  I grunted. “There’s a storm coming in.”

  “Ah, is the little one still afraid of thunder and lightning?” Anna wrapped a loaf of bread in a thin paper wrapping with practiced hands as she spoke.

  “I’m sure there are windows that need latching and chores that need doing,” I said.

  “Sure, sure. What’ll you be having today then, the usual?” A smile lurked on her face and there was a knowing glint in her eyes.

  Fine. I’ll say it. I’m a little overprotective, sheesh.

  I felt somewhat successful in keeping my tone from becoming petulant. “Oh, and one—” The little faery that had latched onto me and followed me here was enraptured by the array of colorful, fragrant sweets.

  Perfect. Now I’ve got her.

  “— two fruit pies.” I dug five coppers from my belt pouch with a little more force than was necessary, a bit grouchy at the lost profits.

  She bagged the goodies and handed the whole lot over the counter to me. “There’s no need to be so cross— I think it’s cute— I mean, very respectable of you. What a good older brother you are. That’ll be all then, yes? You take care now, and best of luck with those latches,” Anna scooped the coins from the counter, deposited them into the register and disappeared into the depths of the shop all in a titter.

  I didn’t go so far as to stomp my feet or make a scene, but it was a close call. While I didn’t spare the faery a glance, I figured it was salivating at my haul right about now. Faeries were suckers for sweets. I turned on my heels and exited the bakery for the second time that day. This time, however, I was trailed by my unwelcome hanger-on.

  My cloak whipped about me erratically. “Mmm, those smell awfully good! Can I have a bite? Well, can I? Come on, just one bite! Sharing is caring you know!”

  I pointed accusingly at the approaching storm. “This is all your fault. You could’ve dumped your buckets somewhere else and then I wouldn’t be dealing with all this right now.” I gestured irately around myself as I walked.

  “But no, you just had to go and ruin my day, didn’t you? I suppose I’m supposed to be grateful I’m dealing with a simple pest and not a genuine monster.”

  “Hey, who’re you calling a pest?!”

  My dark muttering captured more than a few curious looks, but had the happy side benefit of displacing the sparse crowds that remained on the side streets I was navigating through. One man crossed h
imself, took three huge steps to the side, and looked down and away as we passed one another.

  I couldn’t help it, I laughed. “Well, nothing new there.”

  I swatted around my head halfheartedly as the little wind sprite hovered around the rats nest that was my hair.

  “Wish this dung fly would stop bothering me already and land somewhere else.” I reached into one of the paper sacks and withdrew a pastry along with the crinkle of paper.

  My insult landed cleanly and I was rewarded with a huff of indignation. “Wha— what a rude thing to say! I am the furthest from dung!”

  I tore the pastry in half and placed one piece on a white-painted post at the corner of a picketed property. “I’ll just leave half this delicious fruit pie here and be on my way. I suppose whoever passes by next is in for a treat!” The offering glistened tantalizingly with sugar, spice, and everything nice.

  After walking on tiptoe half a block, I abandoned all pretenses and made haste. I took off towards the chapel at a dead sprint. I’d progressed through a dizzying array of confusing backstreets and even went to the effort of leaving a false trail through a small park. A self-satisfied smirk twisted up the corner of my lips into a toothy grin.

  I was about to sigh in relief when—

  “That was delicious! Thanks for the meal! You can call me Bell~ what’s your name mister giant?”

  Biting off a harsh retort that nearly flew off the tip of my tongue, I made do with muttered complaints. I wanted to fling every insult in my repertoire at the little faery, but I knew better.

  Paying attention to a magical creature anchors it in the physical realm and helps it manifest fully. The sprite’s potential for mischief would be an order of magnitude greater if I paid heed to its constant pestering or doled out my own in kind.

  “But come on, are you freaking kidding me right now?” I yelled at nobody in particular.

  “Oh, oh! I know, I know one! What happened to the human who wandered into the woods?”

  I closed my eyes and pushed the palm of my hand against my forehead in weary consternation. I could feel a headache coming on.

  “He got eaten! Get it?! Hehehee!” Bell’s tinkling laughter was an assault on my ears.

  This might have been the only time I wished I was dealing with a more malevolent faerie or magical creature that acted on its predatory instincts. If the little bugger was driven by a reason more profound than base curiosity, I might’ve been able to bargain with the creature. As things stood, I was going to have to cross my fingers and rely on the wispy, malformed threshold of Father Gregory’s rundown excuse for a cottage.

  I had one hand on the door when a ferocious gust of wind whipped through my hair and swirled about me menacingly. The skin all over my body broke out in goosebumps as a malignant spiritual presence manifested in the air around me.

  “Ahhhh! No, wait! Don’t leave me behind!”

  Bell clung to the rippling fabric on the front of my tunic as the swirling winds produced an incomprehensible suctioning effect. “Please, I don’t want to go back! Don’t let him take me!”

  I held my silence and fixed the winged faery with a stony stare.

  “Daddy has been real dark and broody lately,” Bell opined petulantly, her cheeks puffed out.

  My surprise made me break my first rule of dealing with faeries. “Eh? Do you mean… the storm…? A great spirit… is your, uh, would that make him your father then?”

  An icy bolt of dread shot through me.

  Damnit! Don’t talk to them, don’t look at them!

  “It’s always ‘do this’ or ‘do that’ well I don’t wanna!”

  Relief flooded my limbs momentarily. Thank the gods for vapid, capricious faeries.

  Still… I couldn’t let my guard down. Treat all faeries and magical entities as dangerous, because whether they’re predatory-looking or cute and cuddly, they all, without exception, bring misfortune or are heralds of it. On that point, I’d never been proven wrong.

  Doubt I ever will be. And although this one may seem to be a harmless runaway, her overprotective father likely has a few choice words for anyone foolish enough to get any ideas about sheltering her.

  “I don’t even know why I tried to have a conversation with you. Run along now, shoo, get—” I paired my dismissal with a curt wave.

  “Waaaaa!”

  “And there go the waterworks. Great. Ugh, fine, your persistent nagging wins the day— I hope you’re happy!” I plucked the faery out of the air and stuffed it into the pocket of my tunic.

  “Hey, be gentle! That’s no way to treat a lady!”

  I snorted. “What lady? I don’t see no lady.”

  Ow!

  “You bit me!” I stared pensively at the purplish blood oozing from my right index finger before plopping it in my mouth and sucking on it.

  Meanwhile, Bell was all in a tizzy. “Nectar of the gods! Ooh boy, what’s in that stuff?! I’m feeling a little… lightheaded.”

  Is she drunk?

  “Ugh. You’re too much.”

  Not entirely sure it would ever be of benefit to me to remember that side effect, I shook my head and filed the detail away as I pushed the door open and stepped through the flimsy static barrier.

  I have a sinking feeling this is how you get possessed by a sylph. Sigh.

  Chapter Three

  I caught Sammie in her room, playing with the scary stuffed animal I made as a gift for her last birthday.

  “What is this thing?! It’s sooo cuuuute!”

  Oh, right. I almost forgot about the flying nuisance.

  I caught the charging faery as she made a beeline for the as of yet unacquainted, blissfully ignorant little sister of mine. Supposedly, it was the responsibility of the owner to discipline and set boundaries for their pet. I sat on the bottom bunk so we’d all be closer to eye level with one another.

  So then.

  Bell struggled in my three-fingered grip. “Let. Me. Go already!” She squirmed, hands reached out, opening and closing them reflexively.

  “Sammie, this is Bell. Bell, this is Sammie.” I made sure I was smiling as I showed Bell my malicious potential, like a performing street magician.

  “You two play nice with one another, o-kay?” I tilted my head to one side and pierced Bell with a full frontal assault, face twitching.

  Sammie tottered over and raised her hands in the air victoriously. “Play!”

  Bell shook like a leaf in my grasp and her head blurred with the speed of her vehement nods.

  Point made, I stowed my bloodthirst and glanced down at my little sister’s triumphant form, a true smile forming on my face.

  I nodded and released Bell. “Hmm. Fine then, go on now.”

  The would-be playmates existed in a sort of limbo for a fraction of a minute before they both exploded into action.

  ***FIGHT!*** DING DING DING

  “So cute~” Bell’s form flickered as she danced around, capturing Samantha’s image from every possible angle. “Those forest-green— no, those sparkly emerald eyes!”

  “This long, flame-red hair!” She tugged on Sammie’s fiery locks with overflowing enthusiasm. “Could she be— a natural mage?!”

  Bell’s grasping fingers were tipped with razor-sharp nails, perfect for rending and tearing I imagined. With those same fingers, she pinched Sammie’s cheek. “This super adorable face!”

  “I just want to hug her and kiss her and eat her for dinner!”

  One of those options is clearly not the same as the other two!

  “Look at those little hands! Ohhh~”

  Bell was caught in the spider’s web alright.

  A single swipe struck the flying lunatic from the air and sent her careening into the wall before she slammed into the stuffed animal Sammie had been playing with before this cringe-worthy debacle began.

  “Ahh, what is this?! Vile beast, I shall slay you!”

  I have to say, I’m a little hurt by that reaction.

  In that instant of d
istraction, Sammie got her paws on the rambunctious sylph, trapping her in a cage of fingers. While she had her trapped like a bird in a cage, Sammie began poking and prodding Bell like a child would do with any new toy.

  I gave my little sister an approving nod and a big “V” for victory. “And so humanity triumphs over the forces of evil.”

  Now that I got a good look at Bell the sylph, she seemed pretty cute and cuddly despite some overtly predatory aspects— like her wolfish, amber-and-gold-flecked eyes— which reminded me, the world wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows.

  Bell was maybe five or six inches from the bottom of her foot to the tips of her horns, which sprouted from her forehead and doubled back over the top of her skull like a malevolent specter’s. She had pale, light green skin with dark green hair, sharp teeth and tapered ears.

  Seeing the last two characteristics, I caught myself fingering my sharp canines and tapered ears, which I usually kept hidden by a tight-lipped smile and unkempt hair, respectively. Perpetual bedhead had its uses.

  The similarities diverged there, of course. After all, I certainly didn’t wear a shimmery, white dress that left my midriff bare, the skirts of which were barely regulation length. I wouldn’t be caught dead in strappy leather sandals that wrapped up and hugged my calves, either. And although I imagined I’d look good with a pair, Bell’s graceful, semi-translucent scaled wings, reminiscent of a butterfly’s, which were as tall as her body and twice again as wide… well, let’s just say they weren’t my style.

  Sammie undid the top half of her cage and extended the tip of a pinky finger. “Friends?”

  “F-Friends forever!” After Bell had latched onto the pinky with both her hands and a sparkly smile, the two shook on it.

  Bell was so ecstatic that she practically glowed— no wait, she was glowing. I could see silvery motes of light in the air around her. Weird little creature. Her anatomy didn’t make the least bit of sense without the word magic.

  What an odd sight. Well, at least they seem enamored with one another. It doesn’t look like I’ll be needing to step in… yet.