Turn and Burn

by Eden Connor

  Triple sets of electric candles, decked out in white bulbs, already glowed in the four front windows. The wreath on the door boasted red poinsettias and sprigs of mistletoe. The jaunty bow was made of red and white ribbon, striped like candy canes. I climbed the steps to the covered porch, smiling at the little red convertible parked between a pair of wide, green-painted rocking chairs. There was a doorbell, but I tapped with my knuckles.

  The door opened, and I knew right away, Caroline and Colt got their height from their fathers. I smiled at the plump woman. “You must be Robyn Mason. I’m—”

  “Shelby Roberts. I’d know you anywhere. The hair.” She opened the screen door and stepped back, gesturing for me to come inside.

  Grinning, I stepped into the tiny foyer. She closed the door, then led me into a cozy sitting room. Multi-colored lights blinked on the limbs of a six-foot, artificial tree. Gifts crowded the space under the branches and spilled around a loveseat.

  Robyn’s voice had the same girlish timbre as Caroline’s. She gestured to the tree and rolled her eyes.

  “We go overboard for little Shelby. Won’t you have a seat? How about a glass of iced tea? Caroline had to lie down with that child to get her to nap. She’s so excited about Santa Claus. I can wake her, though.”

  I knelt and added my gift to the pile. “Don’t wake them, I just saw something at the mall that reminded me of Caroline, so I bought it for Shelby. I’d love to have a seat, and tea sounds wonderful. It’s so nice to meet you.”

  Thick streaks of white bracketed her face, but the rest her smooth, chin-length bob was the same ash blonde as Colt’s. Her eyes were a shade brighter than Colt’s, and so vivid, I barely noticed the lines that alcohol had etched around them.

  I sat on the loveseat and peered around curiously while she fetched the drinks, but I thought about all the things I wanted to ask. Things about Dale. Why she never had anything to do with Colt, even though they lived less than three miles apart.

  She returned, extending a frosty glass. “Your mama and Dale, are they happy?”

  So I wasn’t the only curious one. “Seem to be. I’m not around much, but Mom’s e-mails are upbeat, unless she’s bitching about the things that keep him away from home.”

  Robyn took a seat on the matching sofa and sipped her tea. “She should go with him. Lord, those women that follow the racing circuit would sure make me set my butt in that motor home every time it left the drive.”

  Did Dale screw around on Mom? “I guess, but that seems out of character for him nowadays. He’s quite the family man.”

  She placed her glass on a coaster on the end table. “He used to be so damn good-looking, I wondered if he’d ever settle for just one woman, you know? He grew out of his wild streak, I guess. That’s good to hear. Since Jesse’s coming around some to see Caroline, maybe one day, he’ll let Colt see me.”

  Colt was twenty-six. He hadn’t needed Dale’s permission to see Robyn since the day he got his driver’s license, a decade earlier, but I didn’t contradict her. “Can’t figure out how you don’t trip over him every day,” I blurted.

  Her smile seemed so sad, I ached for her. “I guess I know what Dale gave up for his boys. Since I didn’t give up nothin’ but his son, I stay away. Dale knows where I live. He coulda brought Colt by anytime. Since he didn’t, I took that as a sign to avoid ‘em. He’s done a good job raisin’ those boys. After Caine’s mama killed herself, I realized some mistakes are just too hard to fix. No sense in rockin’ the boat.” She turned the glass around in her hands, fixing her eyes on the tea. Dragging a fingertip through the condensation, she asked, “So, you’re about to graduate?”

  I wanted to ask about Caine’s mother so bad, I could taste the words on my tongue. I hadn’t realized Robyn knew her. Instead, I replied, “Yes, ma’am. Please don’t ask what I plan to do. I have no idea.”

  Robyn had the kind of smile that made me want to curl up on her lap so she could stroke my hair. “Caroline worked her way into accounting at the cigarette plant. Took a few classes at UNCC and now, she’s the head guy’s right hand.” Pride rang in Robyn’s voice. “She has a head for numbers. She didn’t get that from me.”

  She should’ve been the ‘head guy’. I made a face. “Ugh. I didn’t inherit that talent, either. I’m only good at reading and drawing. Nothing useful.”

  A dull pounding sound came from somewhere to my left. The floor under my feet vibrated. A tiny, auburn-haired figure burst through the door and launched herself into Robyn’s waiting arms.

  “Who’s that, Grandma?” the wide-eyed child whispered.

  Robyn raked her fingers through the child’s long locks. “That’s your namesake, Shelby. You hear Mama talk about her all the time. That’s Shelby Roberts.”

  The little girl tipped her face to Robyn’s. “Oh! Is she why my hair’s red?”

  Brandon had red hair, but Robyn’s eyes went round. Dear God, she was gorgeous when she smiled. “I, uh, think I’ll leave the genetics lecture to your mommy.”

  “Hey.” Caroline came through the door, rubbing sleep from her eyes. She shook a finger at Shelby. “You hardly napped at all. Santa is so disappointed.” Flopping down in the floor beside me, she cocked her head. “Why aren’t you out somewhere tearin’ up asphalt?”

  “Because I had to go to the mall, so I brought a gift for Shelby. Mind if she has it now, so I can watch her open it?”

  The child bounced off Robyn’s lap. “Please, Mama, please.” She clasped her hands together. I had no idea how Caroline ever resisted those big hazel eyes.

  “Okay. Can you find it?”

  “Yes!” The child ran to the tree and grabbed the package I’d brought.

  “She’s handled every one a million times,” Caroline confided. “If we add one, she knows it.”

  The excited tot ripped off the paper in record time. Jerking open the lid, she brushed the tissue paper aside. “Boots!” she squealed.

  “Oh, Lord, Shelby. You shouldn’t have.”

  “I couldn’t resist.”

  Caroline shook her head and gestured for the child to bring them over. “I saw these a couple weeks ago. Saw the price tag, too. She’ll grow out of ‘em by spring.” She eyed the box. “But you nailed the size.”

  “Totally insane.” I nodded, grimacing at the eighty-dollar price. “But irresistible because of what they remind me of.” I found my phone and scrolled through the photos while Caroline sent Shelby to find a pair of socks, then worked the boots onto the tot’s feet. Finding the picture I wanted, I turned the screen toward the child. “See? Your mama wore her red boots to her graduation.”

  Caroline traced a circle around her own tummy on the screen. “Had you with me, too.”

  Barely glancing at the phone, Shelby danced around the room, appearing thrilled with her new shoes.

  “She’s such a girly-girl.” Caroline wrinkled her nose. “Mama’s in heaven, playing with dolls, not to mention all the bows and damn glitter.”

  “That’s a lot more fun than the toy cars Caroline wanted,” Robyn assured me.

  And she’d cry if I put her in a dress, but Shelby adores dresses, don’t you, baby?”

  “She gets that from me,” I assured Robyn. “The dolls and the glitter, too.” We all burst out laughing.

  I stayed about an hour. Caroline walked me to Mom’s car. “Why did Caine’s mother kill herself?”

  She wrapped a strand of hair around her finger. “Mama used to sit out here on the porch, rockin’ and drinkin’, just starin’ across the road, and I never knew why. One day, they called me from the church to come get her. She was in the cemetery. She told me Caine’s mama’s name was Jill, and that Jill’s daddy was so ashamed when his daughter got pregnant, he sent her away to Oklahoma to live with her aunt.”

  “After Caine was born, she wanted to come home, but he told her he never wanted to lay eyes on her or her devil’s spawn, so she killed herself. They were all pretty good friends, I reckon. The three of them used to par
ty.” Her eyes flashed. “Jill’s last name was Shalvis.”

  I could tell she believed the name meant something to me, but it didn’t.

  “Marie Nixon’s mama was a Shalvis.”

  “Oh, I see. Caine knows. He told me last night.”

  She shook her head and gestured toward the road. “Wonder how he found out?”

  “The better question is why’d it take so long? I mean, this town’s about this big.” I made a circle with my finger and thumb and brought my hand to my eye.

  Caroline didn’t laugh, the way I expected. Maybe she didn’t recall the moment she and I stood by my locker back in high school, when I’d asked for a ride home, the day Colt touched me for the very first time. She’d made the gesture and used the same words. The moment was one I treasured, because I’d felt so overwhelmed by the changes in my life and she’d offered a smile and her friendship.

  “Anyway, Jill didn’t give Caine away to Dale. Children’s Services brought him back here after she died. I used to want to slap Dale for startin’ that lie. I thought Caine should know the truth, so he wouldn’t be waitin’ for her to show up one day, you know?”

  I nodded, taken aback by the venom in her tone. I’d seen Caroline deal with a lot, but I’d never seen her face twist in anger like it did now.

  “When I found out Brandon was runnin’ around behind my back, suckin’ dick, I understood why Dale would lie to protect Caine. I’d never let Shelby hear that her daddy was gay if I could help it, same as Dale don’t want Caine to know that his mama wasn’t strong enough to live for him, no matter what kind of shitty things people said about her, or to her. Not because I think what Brandon does with his dick is a damn sin. No more’n I think me and you sinned this mornin’. But because of all the fuckin’, mean, shitty people who think they’ve got a right to judge. Some things a kid just can’t live down. Not in a place like this.”

  You should just kill yourself.

  The taunt jumped out of the past. Tears swam in Caroline’s eyes. “Mama took Colt to Dale because she planned do what Jill did. She figured no one would find him before he starved to death. Nobody ever comes here, you know? She left him there before she met Jesse, not the other way around. And for a while, she was happy. But, when she told Jesse about Colt, he said some harsh things. And every day after he took up with Kim Taggart, she’d stare across that road and get drunk.”

  I threw my arms around her. Caroline sobbed, “I was afraid every day to come home from school, Shelby. I thought I’d find her, you know?”

  “I know.” I’d had no idea, but this was just one more thing I should’ve seen that I’d missed. “Is she as good now as she seems, or was she just fronting for my benefit?”

  She squeezed me tighter. “She’s really good now, I think. I couldn’t believe it when she asked me to bring her an application to get her GED. She only had to attend for about a month, then she passed with flying colors. Next thing I knew, she was at the tech school, getting’ enrolled for the LPN program. She and Ace McKenna started to argue because he kept bringin’ beer into the house, so she kicked his ass to the curb. I held my breath, afraid she’d slide back into the bottle, but she just seems to get stronger every day. ”

  The rear end of the Viper caught my eye. If Jesse was buying off his conscience, he’d got off too damn cheap. So many emotions swirled inside my chest, I could barely breathe.

  How the hell are we supposed to figure out how to love a man if one’s never loved us?

  Caroline pushed my hair behind my shoulder. “You got it layered. I like it. It’s so thick.”

  The faraway look in her eyes told me she wasn’t thinking about my hair. I stood still, waiting to see if she’d say what was on her mind.

  She finally shifted her eyes to mine. “I missed you.”

  I couldn’t handle the intent gaze or the pain I saw there. “Colt,” I croaked, studying the pattern on her shirt. “Something he said... I didn’t know what to do, so I let us fade away.”

  She gripped my arm. “Colt.”

  Her flat tone made me look up. Her eyes flashed and her mouth twisted. “Ever wonder why people cut him so much slack? I mean, poor Colt. Mama gave him to Dale. Then Dale tucked him in his back pocket and took him to the races. That’s always been his excuse to be a dick. I was the one who was terrified to walk through this door every damn day after school, for fear I’d find her dead.”

  I pulled her close again. “I don’t know what to say. He told me something awful, and I thought if I told you, it’d make your life worse. I didn’t want that. So, I... I knew I couldn’t not tell you if we were talking. I’m so sorry, Caroline. Sorry I let anyone come between us.”

  Her return squeeze nearly shut off my breath. “Tell me what he said.”

  I buried my face in her hair and inhaled the fruity scent of her shampoo. “I know now he lied. But someone told me he and Brandon took money from their friends to fuck us after we raced. When I confronted Colt, he said it was true. He told me Brandon used the money to buy you that Dodge Challenger.”

  She pulled away. I blinked, trying to clear my misty vision. “Shelby, I been giving it away since I was thirteen, just lookin’ for—Who’d pay to fuck me?”

  The words—the omitted words—hit me like a fist to the heart. Not much in my life made sense. I didn’t know where I was going, I hated the places I’d been, wouldn’t spit on half the people I know if they were on fire—and they felt the same about me—but Caroline had always felt just right, tucked beside my heart.

  “I would. I’d pay double. I lost on purpose, just for that chance.” I cupped her face, wiping away the tears flowing down her cheeks with my thumbs. “I saved my girl-on-girl cherry for you, too.”

  “Liar,” she whispered, as I went on tiptoe. “You’d die before you lost on purpose. You’re just like me. We neither one ever won anything before we got behind the wheel. But today, you got your ass kicked. Twice.” She scowled. “Can’t figure out how you won that last time, to be honest.”

  Another realization hit me. She’d changed the topic because she couldn’t turn on Colt. Because she thought he was all she had left, outside of this house. Things were good now, but she was holding her breath, just like I’d been doing for so long, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  “I’m gonna get him back for it. Tonight. I swear, he’s gonna pay.”

  I didn’t give a damn who was driving by or looking through the window, I kissed her with everything I had to give.

  And she kissed me back the same way.

  When I finally let her go, I brushed her hair from her eyes. “I love you, Caroline. I’m sorry we fell out of touch, but we won’t let that happen again.”

  “Me, too. I don’t know why I’m so weepy. I should be kissing your feet for bringing Jonny out to play. Oh, my God, what a fucking stud. Where the hell did he come from?”

  “Spartanburg, actually.” I stuck out my lower lip. “But, I wouldn’t know how studly he can be. You’re the only ass I’ve had in weeks.” I grinned, because her cheeks went pink. “And that was a whole lot better for you.”

  “Try winning for a change.”

  “That was harsh. Santa is so disappointed.” I showed her my middle finger. Giggling, she skipped backwards while I got in the car. I started reversing down the drive, but glanced back in time to see her wave, then run for the house.

  I laughed all the way home.

  Chapter Sixteen

  When I got to the house, the door was up on the last garage bay to the right. Colt, Caine, and Jonny leaned over the engine compartment of the ‘Cuda, but I saw no sign of Dale. I parked Mom’s car under the carport, between Caine’s truck and Dale’s.

  In the kitchen, Mom leaned over the bar. Proofs from the portrait session filled the narrow counter. Francine perched on a stool, admiring the various poses.

  “My goodness, Macy, what a gorgeous family. The boys look so handsome. And just look at that radiant smile on Shelby’s face.”

  I
leaned over her shoulder to peer at the image. “Wow, that’s a great picture of me and Caine. Too bad Colt looks like he has a stick up his butt.”

  Mom eyed my shopping bags. “Did you finish your Christmas shopping, honey?”

  “Oh, yes. I’m ready now. Let the fat man roll.” I gave my hips a shimmy.

  Dale strode through the den, looking much happier now in jeans and a long-sleeved Ridenhour T-shirt.

  “I was thinking,” I began, determined to do more fact checking. “Can you call Chris and see if he has time to run a few heats against me?”

  Dale’s brow furrowed. “Chris who?”

  “Collins. Rowdy.”

  His expression cleared. “Consider it handled.” He tugged his phone from his back pocket, looking at the screen in his hand when he passed the bar. “Macy, what’s for lunch?”

  “Butterfly brains and toadstools,” she said sweetly. “Thought I’d soak them in cow pee and then sauté them.”

  Francine and I exchanged a look.

  “Sounds good.” Dale put the phone to his ear. “Give me a call when it’s ready, babe. I’ll be in the garage.” He kissed her on her cheek, then headed out the door. “Rowdy? I’m about to make your Christmas, dude. Guess who’s home for the holidays? Shelby wants to know if you got the balls to bring that raggedy-ass Monte Carlo out to play.”

  Laughing so hard I collapsed against the kitchen table, I waited until the door slammed behind Dale. “Butterfly brains? Cow pee?”

  “Man never listens to a damn word I say.” Mom huffed. “Two weeks ago, I told him I nailed the pool boy and he said ‘that’s great, honey.’”

  I couldn’t stop laughing. “You don’t even have a pool.”

  “I know, right?” Mom gave us an indignant look.

  “You’ve been married, what, four years? Get back to me in twenty-six more,” Francine declared. “I’d take not listening any day over hearing the same old story until I want to scream.”

  “Oh, in twenty-six years, I expect to be paroled for his murder.” Mom picked up another photo. “I’m going to have to buy more than I planned. Shelby, you do look happy in every one of these.”