The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen

by Rudolf Erich Raspe

  CHAPTER XXIX

  _The Baron's retinue is opposed in a heroic style by Don Quixote, who inhis turn is attacked by Gog and Magog--Lord Whittington, with the LordMayor's show, comes to the assistance of Don Quixote--Gog and Magogassail his Lordship--Lord Whittington makes a speech, and deludes Gogand Magog to his party--A general scene of uproar and battle among thecompany, until the Baron, with great presence of mind, appeases thetumult._

  "What art thou?" exclaimed Don Quixote on his potent steed. "Whoart thou? Speak! or, by the eternal vengeance of mine arm, thy wholemachinery shall perish at sound of this my trumpet!"

  Astonished at so rude a salutation, the great Sphinx stopped short,and bridling up herself, drew in her head, like a snail when it touchessomething that it does not like: the bulls set up a horrid bellowing,the crickets sounded an alarm, and Gog and Magog advanced before therest. One of these powerful brothers had in his hand a great pole, tothe extremity of which was fastened a cord of about two feet in length,and to the end of the cord was fastened a ball of iron, with spikesshooting from it like the rays of a star; with this weapon he preparedto encounter, and advancing thus he spoke:--

  "Audacious wight! that thus, in complete steel arrayed, doth dare toventure cross my way, to stop the great Munchausen. Know then, proudknight, that thou shalt instant perish 'neath my potent arm."

  When Quixote, Mancha's knight, responded firm:--

  "Gigantic monster! leader of witches, crickets, and chimeras dire! knowthou, that here before yon azure heaven the cause of truth, of valour,and of faith right pure shall ordeal counter try it!"

  Thus he spoke, and brandishing his mighty spear, would instant prodigiessublime perform, had not some wight placed 'neath the tail of darkRosinante furze all thorny base; at which, quadrupedanting, plunged thesteed, and instant on the earth the knight roared _credo_ for his life.

  At that same moment ten thousand frogs started from the morions of Gogand Magog, and furiously assailed the knight on every side. In vain heroared, and invoked fair Dulcinea del Toboso: for frogs' wild croakingseemed more loud, more sonorous than all his invocations. And thus inbattle vile the knight was overcome, and spawn all swarmed upon hisglittering helmet.

  "Detested miscreants!" roared the knight; "avaunt! Enchanters dire andgoblins could alone this arduous task perform; to rout the knight ofMancha, foul defeat, and war, even such as ne'er was known before. Thenhear, O del Toboso! hear my vows, that thus in anguish of my soul Iurge, midst frogs, Gridalbin, Hecaton, Kai, Talon, and the Rove! [forsuch the names and definitions of their qualities, their separatepowers.] For Merlin plumed their airy flight, and then in waterymoonbeam dyed his rod eccentric. At the touch ten thousand frogs,strange metamorphosed, croaked even thus: And here they come, on highbehest, to vilify the knight that erst defended famed virginity, andmatrons all bewronged, and pilgrims hoar, and courteous guise of all!But the age of chivalry is gone, and the glory of Europe is extinguishedfor ever?"

  He spake, and sudden good Lord Whittington, at head of all hisraree-show, came forth, armour antique of chivalry, and helmets old, andtroops, all streamers, flags and banners glittering gay, red, gold, andpurple; and in every hand a square of gingerbread, all gilded nice,was brandished awful. At a word, ten thousand thousand Naples biscuits,crackers, buns, and flannel-cakes, and hats of gingerbread encounteredin mid air in glorious exaltation, like some huge storm of mill-stones,or when it rains whole clouds of dogs and cats.

  The frogs, astonished, thunderstruck, forgot their notes and music, thatbefore had seemed so terrible, and drowned the cries of knightrenown, and mute in wonder heard the words of Whittington, pronouncingsolemn:--"Goblins, chimeras dire, or frogs, or whatsoe'er enchantmentthus presents in antique shape, attend and hear the words of peace; andthou, good herald, read aloud the Riot Act!"

  He ceased, and dismal was the tone that softly breathed from all thefrogs in chorus, who quick had petrified with fright, unless redoubtedGog and Magog, both with poles, high topped with airy bladders by astring dependent, had not stormed against his lordship. Ever and anonthe bladders, loud resounding on his chaps, proclaimed their furyagainst all potent law, coercive mayoralty; when he, submissive, thusin cunning guile addressed the knights assailant:--"Gog, Magog, renownedand famous! what, my sons, shall you assail your father, friend, andchief confessed? Shall you, thus armed with bladders vile, attack mytitle, eminence, and pomp sublime? Subside, vile discord, and againreturn to your true 'legiance. Think, my friends, how oft your gorgeouspouch I've crammed, all calapash, green fat, and calapee. Remember howyou've feasted, stood inert for ages, until size immense you've gained.And think, how different is the service of Munchausen, where you o'erseas, cold, briny, float along the tide, eternal toiling like to slavesof Algiers and Tripoli. And ev'n on high, balloon like, through theheavens have journeyed late, upon a rainbow or some awful bridgestretched eminent, as if on earth he had not work sufficient to distressyour potent servitudes, but he should also seek in heaven dire causeof labour! Recollect, my friends, even why or wherefore should you thusassail your lawful magistrate, or why desert his livery? or for whator wherefore serve this German Lord Munchausen, who for all your labourshall alone bestow some fudge and heroic blows in war? Then cease, andthus in amity return to friendship aldermanic, bungy, brown, and sober."

  Ceased he then, right worshipful, when both the warring championsinstant stemmed their battle, and in sign of peace and unity returning,'neath their feet reclined their weapons. Sudden at a signal eitherstamped his foot sinistrine, and the loud report of bursten bladderstunned each ear surrounding, like the roar of thunder from on highconvulsing heaven and earth.

  'Twas now upon the saddle once again the knight of Mancha rose, and inhis hand far balancing his lance, full tilt against the troops of bullsopposing run. And thou, shrill Crillitrilkril, than whom no crickete'er on hob of rural cottage, or chimney black, more gladsome turned hismerry note, e'en thou didst perish, shrieking gave the ghost in emptyair, the sport of every wind; for e'en that heart so jocund and so gaywas pierced, harsh spitted by the lance of Mancha, while undaunted thoudidst sit between the horns that crowned Mowmowsky. And now Whittingtonadvanced, 'midst armour antique and the powers Magog and Gog, andwith his rod enchanting touched the head of every frog, long mute andthunderstruck, at which, in universal chorus and salute, they sungblithe jocund, and amain advanced rebellious 'gainst my troop.

  While Sphinx, though great, gigantic, seemed instinctive base andcowardly, and at the sight of storming gingerbread, and powers, Magogand Gog, and Quixote, all against her, started fierce, o'erturning boat,balloons, and all; loud roared the bulls, hideous, and the crash ofwheels, and chaos of confusion drear, resounded far from earth toheaven. And still more fierce in charge the great Lord Whittington,from poke of ermine his famed Grimalkin took. She screamed, and harshattacked my bulls confounded; lightning-like she darted, and from halfthe troop their eyes devouring tore. Nor could the riders, cricketsthroned sublime, escape from rage, from fury less averse than cannonsmurder o'er the stormy sea. The great Mowmowsky roared amain and plungedin anguish, shunning every dart of fire-eyed fierce Grimalkin. Dire therage of warfare and contending crickets, Quixote and great Magog; whenWhittington advancing--"Good, my friends and warriors, headlong on thefoe bear down impetuous." He spoke, and waving high the mighty rod,tipped wonderful each bull, at which more fierce the creatures bellowed,while enchantment drear devoured their vitals. And all had gone to wreckin more than mortal strife, unless, like Neptune orient from the stormydeep, I rose, e'en towering o'er the ruins of my fighting troops. Sereneand calm I stood, and gazed around undaunted; nor did aught opposeagainst my foes impetuous. But sudden from chariot purses plentifulof fudge poured forth, and scattered it amain o'er all the crowdcontending. As when old Catherine or the careful Joan doth scatter tothe chickens bits of bread and crumbs fragmented, while rejoiced theygobble fast the proffered scraps in general plenty and fraternal peace,and "hush," she cries, "hush! hush!"