All We Left Behind

by Danielle R. Graham

  I nodded with a smile as I reminisced back to when we had been adventurous six year olds. We’d gotten it in our heads that we wanted to row to Africa to see the Saharan animals our teacher had taught us about in school. Chidori had sensibly packed sandwiches, I’d brought water in a canteen, and we’d taken turns rowing. Just before we reached Saturna Island, a fishing boat had spotted us and reeled us in.

  ‘Whose ridiculous idea was that anyway?’ she asked with a lightness to her voice that always made me feel at ease.

  ‘Definitely yours,’ I said. ‘All of our misadventures were a product of a bee you got in your bonnet.’

  ‘Oh, really?’ She pointed at me accusingly. ‘Whose impulsive idea was it to search the forest for the Swiss Family Robinson’s tree house, which resulted in you falling into a patch of stinging nettles? And, whose idea was it to scour the rocks along the shore for pirate caves and treasures, which resulted in you breaking your arm?’

  ‘Yeah? Well, whose idea was it to give me all her books about castaways and pirates?’ I leaned over the edge of the boat and scooped a handful of water to splash at her in jest.

  She chuckled and splashed me back with the oar before she leaned into her rowing. ‘We might have made it to Africa if they hadn’t stopped us.’

  ‘Or if we hadn’t run out of food and fresh water after the first hour.’

  ‘True.’

  As the boat glided across the gently ebbing water, I closed my eyes and let the happy memories of our youthful adventures flicker through my mind like a moving picture show. We’d undeniably had an ideal childhood – swimming in the ocean with otters, playing hide-and-seek in the twisty arbutus groves, climbing the highest peaks for a panoramic view of Active Pass and all of the Southern Gulf Islands, and lying on our backs in the sun-bathed pastures as the clouds drifted past.

  Unfortunately, the threat of a broadening war reaching Canada and ruining our ideal setting was impossible to ignore. I wanted to believe we were safely hidden away and protected from the horrors of war by the isolation of our remote island paradise. I knew, though, that no place would be truly immune if the battles reached North American shores. And if I was called to duty, I’d be sent into the bowels of the fighting, regardless of whose shores the battle was on. Chidori observed the change in my mood and then gazed out at the water in a lamenting way, as if she had read my thoughts.

  Once the rowboat neared the rocks of Georgeson Island, Chidori pulled the oars in and we floated serenely through shallow pools where the fish darted around beneath us. She dipped a net into the water to scoop through a flickering school of silver-sided fish. Once the net was full, she hoisted the haul into the boat.

  ‘What are you up to?’ I asked, curious about what the fish were for.

  She winked as we skimmed along the southern coast of the uninhabited island until we reached the easternmost tip. Once we were ankle-deep near the shore, Chidori grabbed the net full of fish and gestured silently with her hand to invite me to join her. Then she pressed her finger to her lips to hush me.

  I hopped out of the boat and dragged it up on the shore so it wouldn’t float away and leave us stranded. Chidori hiked around the tip of the island and I followed. When we reached an area of tidal pools, she crouched beside a pile of boulders and dumped the fish into a collection of water that had been trapped by the receding ocean. I stepped forward on the sharp barnacles and dried seaweed to observe what she was doing.

  Chidori hugged her legs into her chest and rested her cheek on her knee to watch a seal pup with its mother. The mother was injured. The right fin had been bitten by a whale or clipped by a ship. Her breathing was laboured and she didn’t move when she caught our scent. The baby flopped into the tidal pool and attempted to catch the fish.

  Chidori was notorious for saving injured or abandoned animals – ravens, racoons, deer, and whatever else she found in a sickly way. Once, when we were eight years old, she kidnapped the lamb her father had planned to slaughter for Easter dinner. She’d carried it all the way to our barn and made me promise to protect it with my life, which I did. That lamb grew up and lived to a ripe old age before it keeled over of natural causes in the field one day.

  Knowing how much she cared about vulnerable creatures, I didn’t have the heart to tell her, that even with her help, the seal pup probably wouldn’t survive once the mother died. Maybe she already knew and felt compelled to do something even though it was ultimately futile. The pup barked happily and rolled around in the tidal pool for a good while before sliding back into the ocean.

  ‘What do you think is going to happen with the war?’ Chidori asked without looking at me.

  I sighed and stared out over the water. ‘I don’t know. We’re safe here, though.’

  It was difficult to determine if she had heard the uncertainty in my tone, or if she had her own doubts, but she hugged her legs even tighter to her chest, as if bracing from the terrible possibilities of what could happen. The silence between us became heavy with the weight of the world’s problems. I wished to travel back to a time when we were oblivious to all of the hardships and dangers in the world. A blissful naiveté. Sadly, once the innocence was gone, you couldn’t get it back.

  I needed the reassurance as much myself as she did, so I repeated, ‘We’re safe here.’

  She nodded but it was obvious she wasn’t entirely convinced. After another sigh she said, ‘I was accepted to study at the University of British Columbia.’ She glanced over to check my reaction.

  After a second to let the news sink in, I said, ‘That’s fantastic. Congratulations.’

  ‘Thank you,’ she replied quietly, as if she still wasn’t quite sure how she felt about it.

  Honestly, my feelings were mixed too. I was very happy for her. But selfishly, I was also disappointed that it put a wrench in my plans for our future. It would mean her moving to Vancouver for each school year. ‘When do you start?’

  ‘I’m not going.’

  ‘Oh? Why?’

  She moved to sit on a log and smoothed her skirt over her knees. ‘There’s a possibility the university will be closed if all the young men are shipped away to fight in the war. The young women will be recruited to work in the factories or take over the service jobs for the absent men. And even if there are enough students left and the campus remains open, I don’t know what I want to study anyway.’

  ‘Anything you want. You were the strongest student in our graduating class. You’re good at literally everything.’

  ‘Not everything,’ she protested modestly. ‘But my broad interests are part of the problem. I’m intrigued by so many potential careers – medicine, teaching, music. I’m also drawn to law and astronomy and anthropology. But all of those career ideas seem lofty and trivial with a war raging.’

  ‘They haven’t shut down anything yet. Don’t let what’s happening in Europe stop you from living your life.’

  ‘I would have felt reluctance even if it weren’t for the war. I worry I will choose the wrong field of study and end up regretting it. I don’t want to waste my time or my father’s money on an education I’m not absolutely sure I want to pursue.’

  ‘You don’t have to choose a specialty right away. You could take some general courses to start. Maybe one subject will interest you more than the others and it will become clear. At least attend long enough to give it a try and see how you take to it.’

  She conceded with a shrug and then stood. ‘It’s too late now. The deadline to accept has expired.’

  I frowned and shoved my hands in my pockets as I kicked at the dirt. ‘What do your parents think of your decision?’

  ‘My mother thought I should have accepted. My father didn’t feel comfortable with me moving away to Vancouver anyway, so he’s pleased that I took too long to decide.’ Her eyes met mine. ‘I could reapply next year. If the war has ended. What do you think?’

  It was a trick question. I had learned over the years, sometimes the hard way, that when she asked
what I thought she didn’t actually want me to impose an opinion. She wanted validation that it was solely her choice to make. Fortunately, I knew her well enough to offer the correct answer. ‘You are the smartest person I know. If you decide to attend university you will excel there. If you decide not to attend university, you will be successful in whatever you do. Do whatever makes you happy.’

  She nodded with satisfaction at my reply, then walked silently back along the shore.

  When we reached the spot where the rowboat teetered on the rocks, I tugged her hand to make her turn around to face me. ‘Dance with me?’

  Something enchanting glimmered in her expression as I slid my fingers up along the sides of her face. After a hesitation she nodded to accept the invitation and her hips pressed up against mine, which made my insides warm.

  We swayed side to side in time with the rhythm of the waves and I traced my fingers along the gentle curve of her jaw.

  ‘Would you like to know what my ulterior motives are?’

  ‘It depends.’ She tucked her chin away to hide her grin. ‘How will I feel about them?’

  ‘Well, let’s find out.’ I took a deep breath and simply asked, ‘Would you care to be my date for the bonfire tonight?’

  ‘Tonight? Oh, gosh.’ She stepped back. ‘Unfortunately, I can’t tonight. Today would have been my grandfather’s seventy-fifth birthday and my grandmother has planned a special dinner to honour him. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you wanted to go to the bonfire.’

  ‘I don’t really want to go per se. I actually only wanted to spend time with you so I could ask you something.’

  ‘Oh.’ Her gaze rose to meet mine. ‘We’re together right now.’

  I nodded to acknowledge that was true and danced with her some more to give myself time to rehearse the going-steady pitch that I had originally planned to deliver at the bonfire. The speech was too complicated anyway, so I just blurted out the main point. ‘Would you like to go steady?’

  ‘With whom?’ she said, with the straightest expression humanly possible.

  My heart flopped around in a confused panic like one of those silver-sided fish. ‘Me.’

  Her poker face broke and she buckled over in laughter. ‘Oh my gosh. The fright in your eyes was precious. You got all nervous. It’s sweet.’ She gasped for air and clutched her chest before another round of merriment. ‘Of course I knew that you meant you. Who else would it be? I don’t know why I’m being silly. I’m nervous too. I’m sorry.’ Her laughter simmered down to a chuckle. When her eyes met mine again she noticed the trepidation lingering in my expression, which is when she realized she still hadn’t actually answered the question. ‘Oh my goodness, Hayden. Yes, the answer is yes! Absolutely yes!’ She clasped both my hands. ‘I’ve been waiting for you to ask me that for a very long time. I’m sorry. I assumed you’d know my answer. It is yes.’

  ‘Truly?’

  ‘Truly. I would be honoured. Thank you for asking.’

  I flung my arms around her and pulled her to my chest for a hug. ‘That makes me very happy. Thank you.’

  She tilted her head back so she could look into my eyes. ‘It makes me happy too.’

  My grin could not have been bigger if I’d tried. ‘So, we’re going steady?’

  ‘Yes.’ Her eyebrows rose as she stepped away from the embrace and extended her arm towards me. ‘I think that means we get to hold hands wherever we go.’

  I laced my fingers with hers and followed her over the rocks to step into the boat. ‘I believe some people who go steady also kiss goodnight,’ I said as I sat down and pulled the oars.

  ‘Interesting.’ She sat facing me and leaned back to relax as we rowed back to shore. ‘How long had you been planning to ask me?’

  ‘Gosh, a long time. I thought it best if I waited until after we graduated, though. And I was willing to wait even longer if you did decide to attend university. I didn’t want to interfere with any ambitions you might have had. Why? How long have you been waiting on me to ask?’

  Her cheeks blushed and she rolled her eyes slightly from the embarrassment of the truth ‘A much longer time than you’d been planning, I can assure you of that.’

  I chuckled. ‘Well, in fairness, you have always been more advanced than me.’

  ‘True.’ She shoved my knee. ‘In this case, I think I might have been about six years ahead of you.’

  I shot her a jaunty wink. ‘I might be slow to come around, but I guarantee I’m worth the wait.’

  ‘Ha ha, let’s hope so, Mr Modest. I guess only time will tell if you live up to that promise.’ She stretched her legs out straight to extend them between my feet and under the bench I was seated on. ‘I’m just grateful that when you finally did take an interest in the female persuasion it was me and not someone else who interested you.’

  ‘You have always interested me, Chidori Setoguchi.’

  She leaned forward and placed her palms on my thighs. ‘And you, me, Hayden Pierce.’

  The tide had changed while we were out, and the landing spot was jagged with barnacled rocks, so I hopped out and carried her like a bride to the sand. She slipped her shoes on as I pulled the boat in and turned it upside down on the logs. Neither one of us spoke but we beamed with excitement.

  I held her hand to walk her home along the road. Over the crest of the hill a navy-coloured Ford four-door approached us. It was loaded down with four of the Bauer cousins. Rory sat in the back seat, smoking. Fitz slowed to a stop in the middle of the road and rolled down the window. ‘Do you odd little lovebirds need a ride somewhere?’

  ‘We’re fine,’ I said, and tucked Chidori close to my side.

  ‘You know, you might be wise to be less publicly affectionate. Some folks don’t think very highly of whites and Japs being amorous with each other.’

  ‘No? Why’s that, Fitzy?’ I challenged.

  Chidori’s hand gripped mine as if she was trying to contain my temper for me.

  Fitz sneered. ‘Well, on account of us being at war. The Japs are helping the enemies now, ya know? British Columbia is a prime target for the Japanese Navy. It’s just a matter of time before they try to move in and take over.’

  ‘Yeah?’ I said with a bite to my tone. ‘Where’d ya hear that?’

  ‘It’s all over the newspapers, and people talk.’

  ‘Interesting. Didn’t you also read in the newspaper or hear people talk about how we’re at war with Nazi Germany and Fascist Italy, or did you miss that part? Hitler’s invading all sorts of countries and trying to take over the world. Remind me where exactly your family is from.’ I tapped my chin, feigning deep thought. ‘Berlin – I think I remember Rory saying that once. Geez, I never paid too much attention in geography class but isn’t Berlin in Germany? You all lived there until you came here about ten years ago, isn’t that right? You all still speak German, if I’m not mistaken. Golly, Chidori.’ I turned to her and gasped exaggeratedly. ‘What if we have Nazi spies living right here under our noses on Mayne Island?’

  ‘Are you calling us traitors?’ Fitz growled.

  ‘Hayden, please stop,’ Chidori whispered under her breath.

  ‘I wouldn’t assume you were Nazis just because you’re German. The reason that I have formed a poor opinion of you has nothing to do with your nationality. It has everything to do with your personality.’

  Rory flicked his cigarette out the window. He aimed it at me, but it hit Chidori in the neck. She yelped when it burned her. I turned to sock Rory in the mouth, but they sped off before I had a chance.

  ‘Are you okay?’ I brushed Chidori’s braid to the side to examine the burn.

  She closed her eyes, and her eyebrows cinched together tensely. Her breath became irregular, almost as if she was sobbing – only she wasn’t crying. ‘We can’t date,’ she blurted out with stunning abruptness, then hurried down the road.

  I stood frozen in a speechless state for several seconds before rushing after her. ‘Wait. What? Why are you saying that? Be
cause of Rory?’

  She stormed off in a tenacious silence that she had used to win arguments with me many times over the years, but this was too important to not talk about. When we reached the driveway to her family farm, I caught her elbow.

  ‘Chi, please talk to me. You can’t have a change of heart that tersely without explaining why. Not more than twenty minutes ago you said you would be honoured to go steady with me. What happened to that?’

  ‘We got caught up in the privacy of the moment and our judgement was clouded. Maybe if we could live on a deserted island or adrift on a rowboat forever, just the two of us, everything would be fine. But the Bauers reminded me that we don’t live in isolation.’

  ‘I don’t care what they think.’

  ‘You heard Fitz. The Japanese Navy is threatening to attack us. What is the point in planning for the future if there might not be one?’

  ‘We can’t live our lives afraid. You’ve heard the radio announcements. They’re asking everyone to keep calm and carry on – courage, cheerfulness, resolution.’

  ‘Yes, but that’s to bolster morale to defeat the Japanese. They think I’m the enemy. Do you not see that?’

  ‘You’re Canadian, Chi.’

  ‘I look Japanese.’ Her voice caught in her throat and it broke with the strain of conflicted emotion. ‘What if you get called to duty and have to fight the Japanese?’

  I inhaled deeply and rubbed the tension in my neck. ‘I don’t know.’

  Her eyes cinched shut as she shook her head. ‘I shouldn’t have agreed to go steady. It was a mistake. I take it back.’ She faced me, but her arms were still crossed protectively. ‘Given the circumstances of what is going on with the war and the seriousness of our feelings for each other, I think it’s best if we don’t see each other any more.’ Her hand flew up to cover her mouth in regret before she ran across the field towards her house.

  All the air in my lungs shot out of me from the crushing weight of utter dismay.

  Chapter 9

  An elderly German soldier who was more civilian than military and had a fuzzy, baby-bird-like head stood guard outside the hospital ward. He asked Inga every day whether any of us was ready to be released to a prisoner-of-war camp. Usually she shook her head apologetically and we were each spared, but three weeks after I had arrived, Michel and two other RAF airmen were released to the German officers when they came by. Even though my feet were legitimately healing slowly because they were infected, Inga was regretfully not going to be able to tell the soldier I wasn’t well enough to be transported to an internment camp forever. Even the fellow with the broken leg was sent away with Michel before his plaster was removed.