All We Left Behind

by Danielle R. Graham

  Mother’s eyelids dropped in a measured blink as she inhaled in an impatient way. ‘I just want what is best for you.’ She closed my door behind her when she left.

  I knew what was best for me. My mother’s opposition fuelled my determination to get dressed, go to church, and do whatever it took to change Chidori’s mind. I wasn’t going to quit.

  Eating breakfast wasn’t an option my stomach was comfortable with, which was fine since Ma rushed Rose and me out the door to Pop’s Ford Model A. It felt as if the island had grown in diameter overnight. Although it was the longest ten-minute drive I had ever experienced, when we pulled into the parking lot of St Mary Magdalene’s Church, I still wasn’t sure what to say to Chidori. The Setoguchis stood near the front steps, proper and sophisticated. The sight of Chidori in a dark navy dress and beret, looking as sorrowful as if she were attending a funeral made me choke on my own spit when I tried to swallow. Before I stepped out of the car, she disappeared inside.

  Not wanting to cause a scene in front of the entire congregation, I sat at the back of the church with Joey and my sister as the reverend spoke.

  After the service everyone filed back outside. Chidori’s family socialized near the parking lot, but she was nowhere in sight.

  ‘Hey.’ Joey stood beside me. ‘Did you read this?’ He handed me the newspaper folded open to an article on page five written by a member of Parliament. ‘This fella thinks Japanese Canadians should be stripped of their Canadian citizenship. He wants them sent back to Japan.’

  ‘That makes no sense. Does he mean the ones who are Japanese nationals?’

  ‘Nope.’ Joey shook his head and talked around the toothpick propped in the side of his mouth. ‘Everyone of Japanese race. The Canadian-born ones, too.’

  ‘What? Why?’ I scanned the strongly worded letter that incited bigotry.

  Joey sat on a bench and squinted over at all the Japanese families from Mayne Island. ‘The MP claims that even if they were born in Canada their loyalties could still be with their ancestral homeland. He alleges it’s a threat to national security because they can spy for Japan.’

  I finished the article. ‘This is ridiculous. Are they really suggesting that someone like Chidori is a threat to national security? And pardon me for saying, but if anyone with family ties to an enemy country is suspect, then they should be writing about Italian families like yours too.’

  His eyebrows angled together as he nodded pensively. ‘They have arrested a few Italians and Germans back east for being politically involved in Fascism or Nazism or for allegedly spying.’

  ‘Are they threatening to deport you to Italy?’

  ‘No. You know sentiments against Japanese-Canadian industry has been brewing since long before the war. The government revoked and restricted fishing and logging licenses to the Japanese Canadians for years, just to stifle their earning potential. And it ain’t no secret that white greenhouse growers around these parts would be happy to get rid of their Japanese-Canadian competitors.’

  ‘They can’t get rid of an entire group of people because they work hard and are successful at what they do.’

  He shrugged, not sure what else to say.

  I swore under my breath. ‘Excuse me, Joey.’ I walked over and handed the paper to Chidori’s uncle. Because of Massey’s political knowledge, business sensibility, and natural leadership qualities, he was well-respected in the Japanese-Canadian community – both on Mayne Island and in Vancouver. He’d surely have an opinion. ‘Have you seen this?’

  He nodded, but didn’t speak. Not exactly the strong opinion I had anticipated.

  ‘Chidori has never even set foot in Japan. The government can’t make her move to Japan, can they?’

  Massey made the same powerless shrug Joey had made. ‘There’s a war going on, Hayden. I imagine the government can do whatever it chooses.’

  A panicked feeling swirled around in my stomach. ‘That’s not right. She’s Canadian. This is her home.’

  ‘There isn’t anything we can do about it. The federal government invoked the War Measures Act.’

  I shook my head, not following. ‘I don’t know what that means.’

  Massey donned his fedora and coat, then explained, ‘The War Measures Act transfers the powers of Parliament to the governor in Council. It allows them to make emergency orders in the name of national security, then pass them without consulting with or informing Parliament.’

  ‘So a handful of politicians can do whatever they please?’

  ‘Basically.’ He scoffed. ‘Also known as the Mackenzie King government’s loophole to pass discriminatory policies and sell them to the masses as military strategy. Nobody will catch a clue until it’s too late.’

  ‘We have to say something.’

  ‘If a judge can’t stop them, neither can a citizen.’

  ‘It’s not right.’

  He nodded to agree, but surprisingly wasn’t hot under the collar about it the way I was.

  ‘Are you coming, Hayden?’ Pop called from across the parking lot as Ma and Rose climbed into the Model A.

  I searched the crowd and spotted Chidori talking to Donna Mae near the garden. ‘No. I’m going to walk,’ I called back, distracted.

  Massey took the newspaper from me and wandered over to show it to a group of the other Japanese residents. I weaved through the crowd and stood where Chidori couldn’t avoid me. Her mother, who was dressed in a red suit and matching pillbox hat, bowed politely when she saw me, then gracefully walked away and slid into the front seat of their Cadillac. Her father and brothers were still talking with Massey and Mr Nagata, which gave me a moment with Chidori.

  ‘Chidori, would it be all right if I spoke with you?’

  She nodded, tears brimming in her eyes.

  ‘Excuse us, Donna Mae.’ I said before I guided Chidori by the elbow to a spot near the roses where nobody could overhear our conversation.

  She spoke first. ‘I am so incredibly sorry if I hurt you by changing my mind so abruptly. That certainly wasn’t my intention.’

  ‘Will you change it back?’

  She covered her cheeks with her palms, pained by whatever multitude of thoughts were racing through her mind simultaneously. ‘I’m so confused, Hayden. My opinion keeps tossing back and forth. I don’t know the right thing to do. I was prepared to … but then I … have you read the article in the newspaper?’

  ‘Yes, but it’s only blustering. They can’t treat you like the enemy. You’re Canadian.’

  ‘What if it happens? What if I am arrested and sent away to Japan? If you and I spend time together now and get even closer …’ She paused and glanced at me. ‘There’s no point.’

  ‘Do you honestly believe that?’

  ‘In my head, yes.’ She tapped her temple and then placed her palm on her chest. ‘In my heart, no.’

  ‘Then listen to your heart.’

  ‘But if I do that and we are torn apart by circumstances outside our control, it will be much worse.’

  ‘We don’t know that’s going to happen. All we know for certain right now is that I want to be with you. If you want to be with me, too, then there is nothing else to worry about.’

  ‘Gah.’ She pressed the heels of her hands against the sides of her head with vice pressure. ‘This is all so overwhelming. I need more time to think’

  ‘No you don’t. Listen to your heart. Either you want to be with me or you don’t.’

  ‘It’s not that simple.’ Her voice cracked and she obviously didn’t want to start crying, so she spun to walk away. ‘I need you to respect that I’m conflicted, Hayden. Please don’t make this harder than it already is.’

  I followed behind as she bee-lined towards the Cadillac. ‘I know what I want. I’m not the one who’s making it hard.’

  She yanked the handle and swung the car door open. ‘I’m sorry. I’m not trying to hurt you. I just need space to think. It’s better to have no contact while I sort everything out,’ she said in a restrain
ed voice before she slid into the back seat and shut the door.

  Her father and brothers walked up and got in the car. She glanced at me briefly through the window before they drove away. Her cheeks were streaked with tears and the sight crushed my chest.

  Chapter 11

  After Michel left the hospital, Inga seemed to feel sorry for me. She sat on Michel’s cot and handed me some old English Time and Reader’s Digest magazines.

  ‘Danke.’

  She nodded and held up a deck of cards. ‘Rummy?’

  ‘Sure. That would be swell.’

  ‘Swell,’ she imitated me and chuckled pleasantly as she dealt the cards.

  I was about to lay an ace to meld with her run and end the round when the air-raid siren blared to indicate incoming artillery. We all glanced up at the plaster ceiling as if we could see through it to the skies above. Then, instinct took over and all of the able-bodied patients, myself included, dropped onto the floor and took cover under our cots. Two deep whoom sounds were followed by flashes of light and then deafening explosions shook the entire building, breaking glass and causing parts of the ceiling to fall. The nurses rushed to cover the immobile patients with sheets. Another bomb detonated with a shuddering blast and the nurses shielded the men with their own bodies to protect the most vulnerable as much as possible from falling dust and debris. The light fixtures swayed in the aftermath as the hum of flying machines faded into the distance.

  The nurses deserved medals for honour and bravery. I wasn’t convinced I possessed the moral fortitude and humanity required to selflessly risk harm to my own body to protect an enemy soldier who had fought against my brothers and fellow countrymen. Maybe I did have that type of compassion at one time, but if I did, I worried it had been extinguished somewhere along the way.

  After the hospital personnel set everything in the dormitory right again and checked on the well-being of all the patients, Inga eventually returned to pick up our card game where we had left off. It was nice to have her company, but it made me miss Chidori so bad it smarted worse than the damn burns.

  I couldn’t recall the last time I had felt truly happy. Maybe on the day I graduated from flight training. They had lined us up on the tarmac in front of one of the airplanes and presented us each with the pin for our chests.

  Immediately after the ceremony I had telephoned my parents to share my news.

  ‘Hayden!’ Mother shrieked when she answered the new telephone they’d just gotten installed at the house. ‘Wait, why are you calling? Are you okay? What’s the matter?’

  ‘Nothing’s wrong. I’m calling with good news. I received my wings today.’

  ‘It sounds just like him, John,’ she said away from the receiver.

  ‘Yeah, that’s how the telephone works,’ Pop said with a chuckle in the background. ‘Talk to him. The time limit is going to run out.’

  ‘That is wonderful news about you earning your wings. Congratulations. Can you still hear me?’

  ‘Yes. Thanks. How’s Rose?’

  Ma inhaled heavily. ‘Actually, she’s been hospitalized again.’

  ‘What do you mean again? This is the first I’m hearing about this.’

  ‘Oh, yes, that’s right. I forgot.’ After a hesitation she reluctantly continued, ‘We decided not to worry you with that news last month. It really isn’t anything you should concern yourself with while you are busy training.’

  I paused as I thought back to the last letter I’d received from Rose. She had seemed off somehow. Her sentences were short and the topics jumped all over the place. I assumed she wrote it in a rush. Maybe I should have sensed she was unwell. ‘What’s wrong with her?’

  ‘Nothing’s wrong with her. She just became too dependent on the nerve tonic the doctor had her taking for her grief. No need for you to concern yourself. They’re taking fine care of her at the hospital and we are going over to Vancouver at the end of the week to stay with her when she’s released. She’s going to be fine.’

  ‘Has there been any word on Earl?’

  After a pause Ma said quietly, ‘He’s presumed dead. We haven’t told Rosalyn, but she had already come to that conclusion on her own.’ There was fidgeting with the telephone and then Pop came on the line.

  I rubbed my face, trying to massage the tension away. ‘I have some leave time and I’d like to see everyone before they ship me overseas.’

  ‘If we could we would make the journey to visit you in Saskatchewan, but it’s not a good time to leave your sister. Would they let you take more than a week and come to Vancouver?’

  All the other pilots had seen their wives or parents on leave at least once since enlisting. I was the only one who hadn’t. ‘I’ll make a request. I don’t see why it wouldn’t be approved.’

  ‘Great. Then we’ll see you soon.’

  The line clicked to indicate the time was about to run out. ‘Kiss Rose for me, will ya?’

  The call dropped and the line went dead. I looked down at the wings on my chest. I was proud of my accomplishment, but I prayed they weren’t a one-way ticket overseas.

  I travelled by train from Saskatoon to Vancouver for my leave. My family, Patch standing alongside, were waving fanatically from the station platform as we rolled in. If Chidori had been there with them the reunion would have been the most heart-warming moment of my life. Patch reached me first and bounded up into my arms, licking my face and squirming like a maniac. Rose, although she was pale and frail in appearance, ran to greet me too. Her spirits lifted as soon as she was able to hug me, and honestly, so did mine.

  ‘Welcome home, brother,’ she said quietly as we embraced.

  I nearly reminded her it was only a temporary leave but decided against it so we could enjoy the time we had together without worrying about the inevitable future. My parents joined the family hug and both seemed very pleased and relieved to see a smile on Rose’s face.

  Pop carried my kit as we walked because Rose clung to my left arm as if she would never release me, and Ma had claimed my right hand to hold as we strolled. The boarding house they had rented so they could be close to Rose was very humble accommodations, bordering on rundown – a choice my mother wouldn’t have accepted in the past; but money was tight and it was one of the few places that accepted the dog as well.

  The lavatory was shared with the entire floor of renters, so while I washed up down the hall, my family prepared tea in the flat. Patch waited outside the bathroom door for me. Gosh, I had missed his loyalty and that goofy tongue-hanging-out face. I crouched and rested my forehead on his as I patted behind his ears. ‘Sorry I had to leave you behind, pal.’

  He hopped up to rest his paws on my shoulders and tilted his head to the side as if he wanted to understand. Fortunately, the past and the future were not something that occupied too much space in his thoughts. All he cared about was that in that exact moment I was home.

  Rose poked her head out of the open flat door and smiled at Patch giving me a hug. ‘Tea’s ready.’

  I stroked Patch’s fur one more time and then we headed down the hall. It was a one-bedroom flat and an extra cot was set up by the window in the living room for Rose to use on the nights she stayed with them instead of going back to the nurse’s dormitory – which sounded as if it might have been every night since she had taken time off from her shifts. The couch was made up for me with a blanket and pillow. Pop was seated at the kitchen table and Ma was standing in front of the stove, pouring the tea. The radio played an upbeat big-band song in the background.

  ‘Did you hear word about Chidori?’ I asked as I sat across from my father at the table.

  He shook his head and slid his glasses off. ‘We haven’t been home in nearly a month. I’m sure there is a letter there by now. We’ll forward it to you as soon as we can.’ He glanced over at Rose, who was seated in a chair and staring out the window in a daze. It was obvious why they hadn’t wanted to leave her in the city alone.

  ‘Rosalyn,’ I said to catch her attention
, but she didn’t hear me. ‘Rose,’ I said louder.

  The intrusion broke her from what appeared to be a disturbing daydream. ‘Hmm? Yes?’

  ‘Come sit with me, will ya? I want to know all about what’s been going on around here since I’ve been gone.’

  She nodded and forced a smile as she used tremendous effort to stand and move to sit beside me at the kitchen table. She rested her weak hand on mine. ‘Why don’t you tell us all about your adventures at basic training and flying school instead?’

  Ma caught my gaze from across the room, pleading with me to only share stories that would cheer her up. I wouldn’t have told my family about Frank’s death anyway. I hadn’t even mentioned it to Gordie since it happened. Luckily, I had plenty of other chummy tales that made my parents laugh. Rose even broke a genuine smile here and there. When I heard myself share all the good times at once, it reminded me that the majority of my training had been a positive experience.

  Over the course of the three days I was in Vancouver, Rose and I strolled in the park, competed head-to-head at chess in the atrium of the museum, baked an apple pie together, finished a puzzle she had left half-completed for weeks, and stayed up late into the evening sipping tea and swapping stories, as Ma played a mixture of jazz, country, and opera vinyl records on the record player that the landlady had let her borrow. I made a visit to City Hall to inquire about Chidori, but all they were able to do was give me a federal government agency address that I could write to, which I did. I had to use my Mayne Island address for the return post since I didn’t actually know where I would be stationed yet. I knew the response from the government was going to be aggravatingly slow, if at all.