Zero Dwarfs Given (Dwarf Bounty Hunter Book 4)

by Martha Carr

  Jesus, Phil. Lisa stared at the camera as Cody stooped and stepped toward her, zooming in. Way to pop the seriously unexpected questions.

  “Well…” She glanced at Rex sniffing around Cody’s feet and raised her eyebrows. “That’s a little personal—”

  “Oh, it’s fine,” Phil cut in, nodding vigorously. “We love personal. So do all Johnny’s fans.”

  “Okay. I guess first I should say that my interview for this show wasn’t the first time Johnny and I met.”

  “Keep going.”

  “It was a long time ago. That first meeting.” Lisa turned toward Johnny and pulled up a fake smile she tried to make look as uncomfortable as possible. He said make it look like I hate his guts. Here we go. “Johnny changed my mind about many things. Mostly about where I was headed and the kinds of choices I was making. Now, I…want to pay him back for everything he brought into my life.”

  The dwarf snorted and looked away from her to stare at the camera.

  “Do you think you’ll accomplish that?” Phil asked.

  “Oh, I certainly do.” Lisa smirked at the camera and cocked her head. “Maybe sooner than he realizes.” That’ll pin the nail in the coffin. Stephanie Wyndom’s on a quest for revenge.

  “Johnny, you have a rough history with personal relationships.”

  The dwarf lowered his head to stare at Phil over the rims of his glasses. “What the hell are you goin’ on about?”

  “I’m merely taking a dive into your past. You’re still the same Johnny Walker, but now you have fifteen years of a whole different kind of experiences under your belt, namely retreating down south for voluntary retirement way before the end of your time.”

  Johnny shook his head. “I ain’t talkin’ about the last fifteen years. Or what happened before them.”

  “This is important.”

  “No, it ain’t.” Johnny leaned forward and pointed at Phil. “Change it to somethin’ else or we’re done.”

  The director stepped back and twirled his finger in a “keep going” gesture. “This is good stuff, Johnny. Vulnerable. Raw. Let’s stay here for a while—”

  “You can stay. I’m checkin’ out if you don’t start blabbin’ about somethin’ else.”

  “I’m trying to draw your essence out.” Phil stepped forward again. “You have something of a budding new relationship with Stephanie here. You have two coonhounds with you now, which is new since the last time fans saw you in action. Do you ever worry about what might happen to people who get close to you?”

  Johnny whipped his sunglasses off. “You piece of shit.”

  “There it is.” Phil grinned. “Let’s explore that.”

  “Naw, we’re done.”

  Luther trotted past his master and sniffed wildly at the grass. “I figured it out, Johnny.”

  Rex stared after his brother. “He’s not listening to you, dummy. What are you doing?”

  “Fixing it.”

  “Johnny, wait,” Phil shouted and gestured for the dwarf to sit again. “We’re only getting started on the juicy stuff. Tell us about your kid.”

  Rex whined and swung his head to stare at the director. “Uh-oh.”

  Luther hunkered in the grass beside the film crew. “You stepped in it now, two-legs.”

  Johnny glared at Phil. “Move on.”

  “Oh, come on. The world hears nothing from Johnny Walker for fifteen years and now he’s out and about again. Dating, raising coonhounds, getting back into the swing of things as a caregiver, right? What’s her name again?”

  Lisa glanced at Johnny and tried to hide her concern and to keep smiling for the camera. He’s about to explode. “Maybe there’s something else I can answer—”

  “Not right now, Stephanie. I want to hear what Johnny has to say about stepping into his role as the protector again. That’s what happened, right?”

  The bounty hunter sniffed and stared directly ahead at nothing.

  “We saw the bedroom at your house when we started filming a few days ago. Let’s talk about the girl—”

  Johnny lurched from his chair, grasped the back of it, and hurled it across the grass. He stormed past Cody and flipped the camera the middle finger before he strode away.

  “Johnny?” Lisa stood and frowned at Phil. “I guess that’s the end of it.”

  “Aw, come on. We were getting to the good parts—”

  “Come on, boys.” Johnny whistled and Rex barreled after him across the park.

  “You okay, Johnny?”

  “We’re done with this filmin’ shit. It was a bad idea.”

  “Wait, wait. Luther! Come on!”

  “Yeah, yeah. Give me a minute.” Five yards away, the smaller hound finished squatting in the grass and turned to sniff what he’d left behind. “Oh, shit. What is that?”

  “You don’t know?” Rex looked at Johnny, then sidetracked to check his brother’s unburdened treasure. “Uh…Johnny? I don’t think this is normal.”

  The dwarf stopped in his tracks, turned, and hurried to where the hounds were investigating a particularly large pile in the grass. He frowned and bent over for a closer look. “What the hell?”

  “Right?” Luther looked at his master and panted, his tail wagging furiously. “But lemme tell ya, Johnny. I feel so much better!”

  “You don’t say.” He folded his arms. “And y’all got no idea what that is?”

  “Nope.”

  “Absolutely none.”

  “Is he gonna die, Johnny?”

  “Well, not now that he passed what I reckon is two whole Styrofoam to-go boxes.”

  “Whoa, what?” Luther poked his head toward the pile again. “How’d you come up with that?”

  “Dude, you ate the boxes.” Rex snorted and shook his head. “New low, Luther. Even for you.”

  Rolling his eyes, Johnny nodded toward the street to indicate that he intended to return to their hotel.

  “Johnny?” Luther looked from the evidence to his master. “Johnny, are you mad?”

  “Not as long as we leave all the shit here at the park.” That includes shitty questions and useless director morons.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Johnny spent the rest of the day holed up in his hotel suite and refused to step out again for anything. Rex lay curled in front of the armchair, and Luther sat at his master’s feet, staring at the dwarf. “Johnny. Johnny. Hey, Johnny.”

  “Boy, what do you want?”

  “Only to tell you I feel so much better. And that I hope you’re not…mad at me?”

  With a grunt, Johnny reached out to scratch behind the hound’s ears and shook his head. “You can’t help what’s in your nature.”

  “Hey, wait a minute.” Rex whipped his head up to stare at them. “Don’t pin his stupidity on the whole canine race. I didn’t eat Styrofoam.”

  “But you ain’t gonna try to tell me y’all didn’t share the leftovers.”

  The larger hound sighed and lowered his head to his forepaws again.

  “Uh-huh. That’s what I thought.”

  “So we’re good, Johnny?”

  “As long as you don’t do it again. Or make a mess like that inside.”

  “Yeah, no problem.” Luther twisted to lick between his legs. “Feelin’ pretty empty right now, actually.”

  “I bet.”

  A knock came at the door, followed by Lisa’s voice. “Johnny?”

  “Yeah, I’m comin’.” He sighed and strode toward the door. When he opened it, she thrust a bag of store-bought popcorn toward him and slipped inside his room.

  “I thought I’d give you some space,” she said, turned to walk back down the hall, and grinned at him. “But you’ve been in here all day, you have no inclination to leave again, and I’m not gonna let you sit here all on your own and throw yourself a pity party without some company.”

  Johnny sniffed. “It ain’t a pity party, darlin’.”

  “Oh, yeah? Then why didn’t you answer any of my texts?”

  “What
texts?”

  “See? You were so caught up in being pissed off that you didn’t even notice. There were four, by the way. I began to think maybe you’d had a heart attack and I should come make sure you’re still alive.”

  “That’s dumb,” Luther said as he scratched behind his ear. “If Johnny died, the whole building would know about it.”

  “Yeah, you wouldn’t be able to shut us up, lady,” Rex added. “Except for the fact that you can’t hear us.”

  “Sorry,” Johnny grumbled as he flopped down onto the couch. “I wasn’t thinkin’ about the damn phone.”

  “I know. Which is why I brought popcorn.”

  His thick eyebrow quirked when she joined him on the couch. “I ain’t makin’ the connection.”

  “Well, we have a couple of options for killing time without stewing in misery about it.” She set her laptop on the coffee table and waited for Johnny to open the bag of popcorn. “Yep. That’s a start. We can talk about your buttons getting pushed out at Federal Hill Park if you want. I won’t force you, but I’m here for that. Or we could try to find a movie or something on that giant flatscreen over there that seems reserved for giant hotel suites. It’s much better than mine. Or we could take a look at what the film crew’s already posted for today, and I can be a hell of a lot more prepared going into this meeting tonight knowing what’s been put out there for the general public to consume faster than we can film it. Take your pick.”

  Johnny rolled his eyes and leaned slightly away from her. “What about the option where you go do any of that on your own and I can get some peace and quiet?”

  “Come on. We both know that’s not what you want.” Lisa plunged her hand into the open bag of popcorn, took a small handful, and ate it a few pieces at a time. “Watching YouTube videos it is, then.”

  “Darlin’, that ain’t the kinda thing that’s gonna lift my spirits.” He cleared his throat. “If they needed liftin’ anyhow.”

  “You can think of it as research, Johnny. I need to be prepared for this meeting, and I could use your help pulling out a few nuggets here and there to use in case I need them.” Lisa opened her laptop and pulled up the YouTube website. “Any insight into what the rest of the world is seeing of Johnny Walker and Stephanie Wyndom. Okay?”

  “Fine.” Johnny snagged a handful of popcorn and shoved it into his mouth. Small pieces toppled into his beard and stuck there as he stared at her screen. “It sounds more like torture to me, but if it helps you at this meetin’—”

  “That’s exactly what it’ll do.”

  The first short Dwarf the Bounty Hunter clip that pulled up was from their interrupted dinner the night before at Rye Street Tavern. Johnny scowled and pointed at the screen. “These guys need to stay out of other folks’ business.”

  “They’re only trying to do their job. Which I’m sure you realize you don’t exactly make very easy.”

  “Filmin’ a private dinner ain’t got nothin’ to do with bein’ a bounty hunter.”

  “Johnny, I don’t think all the people who watched your show and became die-hard fans like this were into it for the bounty-hunter aspect.”

  He frowned. “What the hell else is there?”

  “You.” Lisa shrugged, then turned the volume up.

  “Although Johnny and Stephanie crossed paths for the first time almost twenty-five years ago and under wildly different circumstances, Season Eight brings more than a new opportunity for fans and admirers to relive the excitement that was Dwarf the Bounty Hunter.”

  Phil’s voiceover filled the suite, and Johnny crammed another handful of popcorn into his mouth. “This time, it offers an opportunity for love. Two lost souls finding solace in each other, brought together by nothing more than a shared dedication to justice and taking down the criminals no one but Johnny Walker is capable of bringing in.”

  “Jesus Christ.” The dwarf scoffed and turned away from the laptop. “Last time we filmed the show, there wasn’t anything like this bullshit recorded over some sappy shot. It’s all speculation.”

  “Yep. Speculation the fans are eating up like candy. Look at all these views, Johnny. And the comments.”

  “Naw, I’m good.”

  “‘Good for him,’” she read aloud. “‘Johnny’s been on his own for way too long. He deserves a nice girl like Stephanie.’”

  “For fuck’s sake—”

  “Oh, look at this one. ‘If he doesn’t hold onto that hot piece of ass, he’s dumber than he looks.’ Huh.”

  “Folks are gettin’ way too involved in this.” He shook his head. “And if they’re spoutin’ off that kinda bullshit, I ain’t fixin’ to have that kinda fan followin’ me around in the first place.”

  “Well, this is the kind of stuff that keeps people’s attention, I guess.”

  They went through more short clips already posted—the beginning of their trip into Senator Hugh’s house, a brief glimpse of the stop at Canton Exports & Supplies to speak to Rocky and his work crew, Johnny and Stephanie throwing sticks to the hounds at the Baltimore Waterfront Promenade and laughing, Johnny shoving a pedestrian out of the way when the man tried to feed Rex a dog treat. There were a fair number of clips of him shoving someone, although most of them involved members of the film crew.

  The last one they opened was a panned-out shot of Johnny surrounded by dozens of cosplayers in brightly colored horse costumes outside the convention center. It showed his scrunched-up face as the woman in the white-sequined jumpsuit bent over to get his autograph, while Rex and Luther crouched warily among the sea of people who looked only halfway like horses. Lisa stood a few yards away, smirked at the whole thing, and looked more than a little amused by Johnny’s palpable discomfort.

  “Even on the job and in the middle of hunting his newest bounty, Johnny Walker still has a soft spot for engaging with his fans. Not one to turn down a beautiful woman in a pony costume, this bounty hunter doesn’t care who you are, where you’re from, or what eclectic interests you hold. If you’re a fan of Johnny Walker, he’s a fan of you. Join us next week for the Season Eight premiere of Dwarf the Bounty Hunter: Back in Black. And don’t forget to subscribe to—”

  “All right, turn that shit off.” Johnny stood from the couch and crossed the living area to retrieve his half-full whiskey glass from the dining table. “They made us both look like a couple of idiots.”

  “Stopping to make someone’s day by signing their…tail doesn’t make you an idiot.” Lisa fought back a laugh when the dwarf spun and glared at her. “Come on. It’s funny.”

  “Sure. Damn hilarious.”

  “Okay, look. I know you’re still on edge about finding the Red Boar. I know we’re close. This will all work out, Johnny.”

  He downed the rest of his whiskey and opened the bottle again to pour another.

  She closed her laptop and set it on the coffee table. “You believe me, don’t you?”

  “I know you believe it.” He darted her a sidelong glance and grunted. “Dammit, fine. Yeah, I believe it too. You set up somethin’ I wouldn’t have even considered on my own, darlin’, but this ain’t my usual style.”

  “Oh, I know. Which is why this will work. Every criminal out there who’s had a run-in with you since you started knows exactly what your usual style is.” Lisa snagged the bag of popcorn and placed it on her lap. “They won’t expect this.”

  “’Cause I ain’t got the patience to sit around and wait through all this pomp and circumstance for a fuckin’ show when that ain’t why I’m here!”

  Rex and Luther both snorted at their master’s outburst. “Jeez, Johnny. You don’t have to yell.”

  “Yeah, we’re all right here in the same room.” Luther lowered his head to paw at his ear. “And we can hear you just fine when you whisper.”

  Johnny took a long drink, glanced up at Lisa’s open, patient smile, then cleared his throat. “Sorry.”

  “You don’t have anything to be sorry about. I know it’s hard to wait. Especially since you’
ve been waiting fifteen years without any idea that this was coming.”

  “Shit.” He vigorously scratched his head. “You got me all worked out, don’tcha?”

  “Hardly. But I like to think I know enough.” She jiggled the bag of popcorn at him. “We still have a few hours to kill. I’ll let you choose the movie.”

  “Ha. Helluva consolation prize, darlin’.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  When 10:00 pm rolled around, Lisa and Johnny were fully ready to stop flipping through available cable channels on the hotel TV. She glanced at her watch and nodded. “It’ll be time for me to head out soon. The Johnny Haters Anonymous meeting is in an hour.”

  “Great. I’m comin’ with you.”

  “Johnny—”

  “I know. You’re gonna tell me it’s a bad idea. I’m gonna agree. Then I’ll say I’m comin’ anyway ’cause I ain’t lettin’ you head off all on your own into a den of shitbrained thugs who wanna see me hang. You’ll try to stop me, which we’ve already proven ain’t possible any way you try to sling it.” He stood and sniffed. “So let’s cut through all the formalities and get to the part where we make ready to head out together, all right?”

  The agent stared at him and pressed her lips together to hide a smile. “How long have you been rehearsing that one in your head?”

  “Since about halfway through Die Hard. Love the film, darlin’, but I already know how it ends.”

  “Okay. Fine. I don’t have enough bandwidth right now to argue with your plan.”

  Johnny smirked. “’Cause you know I’m right.”

  She stood with a soft chuckle, shook her head, and pulled up her redheaded Stephanie illusion. That done, she took her cell phone from her pocket and placed it on the coffee table.

  “What are you doin’?”

  “Leaving my phone here if you’re coming with me—and staying hidden the whole time. Let’s be clear about that.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I’ll be a fly on the damn wall.”

  “A fly who stays outside, Johnny.”

  He grunted.

  “As long as you can do that, I don’t have any reason to keep my phone on me. And honestly, I’d rather not. That service account isn’t registered in Stephanie Wyndom’s name, and I’m very sure anyone who can send me a private message like that over the dark web won’t have any problem at all discovering that my phone belongs to someone else.”