CONVICTED

by Pelton, Kristi

  The guy painted my toes as a beaming smile spread across my face as I thought about us just last night. I’d snuck all the things out to Joss’s to make snickerdoodles together. I had also brought my computer so we could watch Netflix or a movie or something. Kind of like a real date.

  Chapter 25

  Truth?

  Joss

  AFTER FIXING THE fence out in the cow pasture where the fire had scorched the grounds, I sat while Sal drove the truck back. Tired, hot and covered in soot, a cold shower and an early night sounded best. Ren would have to understand that tonight I just needed to crash.

  When I opened the door, the cool, air-conditioned air greeted me, but something else drifted through my nose. Pizza? I hadn’t smelled pizza in a long time, so I wasn’t sure. Ren stood in the kitchen looking tasty wearing a pair of sweat shorts and a tank. The tans legs that I loved wrapped around me stood near a box of pizza.

  “Please don’t be mad.” She knew I didn’t like her in here too early. My freedom rested on her good and bad decisions.

  I kicked off my boots. “Where’s your dad?”

  “He and Key ran into the city. And, I know you’re tired.”

  “I’m not that tired,” I lied. “Let me grab a shower, real quick.”

  The shower was refreshing, and as the soot washed away, I thought a lot about coming home to Ren at night after a day’s work. Her waiting for me to come home, dinner fixed and looking adorable as ever. The thoughts seemed antiquated. Women liked to work and be a part of the work force. I could never expect a woman like her to be waiting for a guy like me to come home from some blue-collar job. Reality check.

  After toweling off, throwing on some clothes and heading back out, I found her curled up on the sofa beneath my throw. It actually wasn’t even my throw. It was their throw. None of this was mine. Not even Ren. I wanted her to be. I think. She knew a different me than what I was before I came here. I never wanted her to know that me. It was difficult to know who I was anymore.

  Starved, I lifted the lid of the pizza box. The fantastic smell teased my senses.

  “You’re eating without me?” she asked with a tired smile.

  “No. Just looking. You hungry?”

  She nodded, crawling out from beneath the throw. What I loved most was how she came straight to me and snuggled beneath my arm. There was no hesitation.

  “Did you have a good day?” I asked.

  When she nodded, the loose bun on top of her head wobbled around.

  “We have four things to do tonight,” she said.

  “Do we?” I arched my brow.

  “Yes,” she giggled. “And not a lot of time to do them. Let’s eat first. Then, we are trimming this.” Her fingers scruffed up my beard. “Then we are going to watch a movie or something.” She shrugged.

  The way she was trying to pack everything in because she knew our time was limited warmed me. Just like I had done with Abby.

  “And,” she sang. “We are making snickerdoodles.”

  I grinned. Doing all these things with her would be fun as long as I could keep my hands to myself and keep us on track. I wanted to make her happy.

  After we ate the pizza, she fetched the dang clippers, hell bent on cutting my beard.

  “I can trim it.” I held my hands out for the clippers.

  “I want to do it,” she whined.

  I shook my head submitting to her. “Let’s go into the bathroom.”

  I saw her pick up her cell phone, and it wasn’t until we got in the bathroom that I realized she brought it to take a picture. Catching me off guard, she held up the phone to capture a selfie of us.

  I cocked my eyebrow; she took a picture.

  That made me laugh; she took a picture.

  I kissed her cheek; she took a picture.

  I gave her a snarl; she took a picture.

  “Ok. Let’s get it trimmed. Trimmed,” I repeated.

  The hum of the clippers fired up. I sat patiently as she cropped my beard, dancing around as the hair fell to the floor. Her upper teeth pressed into her bottom lip while her eyes intently watched what her hands did. Soon enough, she stepped back and smiled. The kind of smile that said she was proud of her work. Honestly, I didn’t give a fuck what my beard looked like as long as she was ok with it.

  I turned to look in the mirror. The whole time she stood on her tip toes trying to see over my shoulder. I finally guided her around in front of me, rubbing what was left of my beard on her neck. She squirmed but didn’t pull away. In fact, she grabbed her phone and snapped a couple more pictures of us. Memories that I wouldn’t have except in my mind. That was enough.

  Back in the kitchen, she had everything we needed to make cookies. This was new. Never made a batch of cookies before. Hell, I’m not sure I’d ever seen a canister of flour.

  “Break the eggs,” she instructed, patting my ass.

  I could do that. And I did. Then came the butter, vanilla, and sugar. And, I couldn’t help it, I stuck my finger in it to taste the batter or whatever it was.

  “Joss! That has raw eggs. You can’t eat that.”

  Her cute scolding didn’t stop me despite the emphasis about how bad it was for me. The next time I stuck my finger in the bowl, she dumped a measured cup of flour directly onto my hand. The flirtation in her eyes forced a deliberate smirk on my face.

  I popped my hand in her direction, showering her with the powder she’d just dumped on my hand. The honey colored orbits I loved widened as she gasped.

  “Oh. My. God. I can’t believe you just did that,” she laughed with a mile-wide grin.

  Flour stuck to her eye lashes and fell like snow with every blink. This beautiful firecracker didn’t find a lack of words often, and her mind was racing. I realized in that moment that I’d fallen in love with her. An ache swelled in my chest as I realized I could never have her. Knowing she had given herself to me meant more than anything.

  Unexpectedly, her hand darted toward the eggs, grabbed one and hurled it at me. It splatted against the wall.

  “You do not want to do this,” I loosely threatened, rubbing my beard.

  “Oooh. I’m scared,” she giggled, quickly reaching for the flour canister. I moved it beyond her reach. Her hand rested on the egg carton, and I slid it away then snaked around her waist, lifting her away from all the ingredients. Her laughter made me laugh, and I flipped her completely upside-down walking to the bathroom.

  I lifted the toilet seat.

  “Joss! Stop!” she shrieked.

  I chuckled, keeping her upturned but returning to the kitchen. I dipped my finger in the batter, and then, because she was laughing so hard, stuck my finger right in her mouth.

  “I’m going to die, now, because of you,” she wailed out in laughter.

  Thoughts of Abby wracked through my head and I lifted her upright immediately. I wanted to see the humor but…

  “Joss, I didn’t mean that. It was just a joke because of the raw egg.”

  After a quick nod, I said, “I know. It’s cool.” But it wasn’t cool. I never wanted to hurt Ren in any way.

  I back stepped away until my back hit the cold kitchen wall. I slowly slid down the wall thinking about if something happened to Ren on my watch. I’d never endure. I stared up at her wanting to put a protective mold around her. I needed her to know I’d protect her.

  “He had a gun,” I nearly whispered. “I didn’t know what was happening. He yanked me from the truck. I,” I paused. “He took off. She tried to jump but she was stuck in the seat belt.” The lump in my throat wouldn’t go down. “He drug her,” my voice broke.

  Ren was in front of me in an instant, pushing my legs down and straddling my lap.

  “It wasn’t your fault.”

  My entire face crumbled. Embarrassed, my hands covered my face trying to hide the emotion.

  “Joss. It wasn’t your fault. None of it was.” She cupped my jaw trying to lift my face.

  Ren looked at me like I was the most importan
t thing in the world. The amber colored eyes pooled. I’m not sure if she’d read my file or what but she seemed to know that part of my story.

  “I’d never let anyone hurt you. You have to believe that,” I said.

  Two perfectly rounded tear drops etched down each of her cheeks, my words lying between us. There was a formidable silence between us. A silence where questions linger in minds and confusion answers rather than words.

  I lifted my hand, tightening my grip in the back of her hair and then tugged her close until our lips melded together. Her mouth was hot and aggressive. I breathed life into her. In the darkest of times, she resuscitated me. I wanted to be her life.

  Our mouths made love in the most passionate way almost more personal than any sex we’d had. There was an underlying need in our kiss. A mutual display of affection. A common ground where we silently committed to each other in that moment in time. Neither of us knew what the future held. We both knew our roles. We were both aware of the limitations.

  When the kiss slowed, we sat nose to nose. “I love you.” The words wisped so softly over her lips.

  If I’d have stuck my tongue out at her, she would have had seen the same words there, on the tip, because they were. They burned my tongue, yet I didn’t respond. A shiver rippled up her body, and I tugged her in close to warm her.

  “We better make these cookies,” she said, pushing away. I wanted to say it. I wanted to assure her that I reciprocated those feelings. But I was an asshole. I said nothing.

  _______________

  The heat was bad enough that next day that I actually felt lightheaded a couple of times. Ren had gone into the city with Key for a pedicure or some girly thing. I’d regretted not saying I love you to Ren. The second she got home after the pedi, I wanted to let her know.

  The shower helped with my body temp, but hydration was an entire other thing. I hadn’t peed most of the day. Before going in for dinner, I downed two bottles of water.

  Inside, two place settings, mine and Key’s, sat in their normal spots, but Cal and Ren’s weren’t there. Key came around the corner carrying a serving dish.

  “Where is everyone?”

  Surprise reflected off Key’s face. “Ren didn’t tell you about the cotillion?”

  “No. What’s a cotillion?”

  I didn’t want to sit down and eat with Key. I actually wasn’t even hungry.

  “It’s a dance.”

  “Key. This damn monkey suit is tight,” Cal said, breezing through the hallway to where we stood. He was decked out in a tux. “Joss. Good evening, son.”

  “Good evening. You look studly,” I laughed, suddenly at ease that Ren was going to a dance with her father.

  “Ren. We need to go,” he hollered. “Studly, huh?” he smiled.

  Ren dashed into the room in the most stunning, elegant, lacy, white gown. I swallowed hard, taking in her breathtaking beauty. The hair that was in my fist last night, was up off her neck. She didn’t look anywhere near 18, but older.

  She froze when she saw me. I fought to maintain self-control. My chin ticked to the right, but my lips twitched into a slight smile.

  “What are you two up to looking all snazzy?” I asked, fighting the urge to make love to her with my eyes.

  “Key. Explain it to him. We need to hurry,” Cal said.

  Sal walked in the front door. “The car is here.”

  I sat at the table only because I was supposed to. Going to Ren. Taking her in my arms. Expressing what I was feeling. None of those were options. I picked up the meat fork, spearing a piece of ham and laid it on my plate, still fighting a cheesy, happy smile.

  “Text Evan and tell him we’re running late,” Cal stated.

  My body in its entirety stiffened at the same time my angry eyes snapped up to hers. Key’s hand gently covered mine, and my eyes detoured from Ren’s face to shoot a glare in Key’s direction. Why was she squeezing my hand?

  I pictured Ren and Evan going someplace with Cal and jealousy simmered inside. Anger pushed me to my feet. Key gripped my hand a little tighter—I finally realized she was trying to keep me from losing my shit. I sat back down.

  Ren wouldn’t look at me, but Key’s eyes shouted to stay put and shut up. I scratched through my trimmed beard, casting a hurt but stubborn glance at Ren. Every part of me wanted her to negate what I’d heard. To tell me something. Anything. Ren’s eyes were glued to Key’s hand and mine. Key must have noticed because she pulled it away.

  “Key, will you take a quick picture of us.”

  When Key stood, I stood. Cal’s eyes studied me. When he slowly shook his head, my anger briefly subsided transitioning into fear. I wondered if he knew the reason for my reaction. Key snapped pictures of the two of them; I silently snuck out the back door. If I could have left the ranch, I would have. But I couldn’t, I was a fucking prisoner. I was stuck here. Last night, it was a blessing. Tonight, it was a curse. I was Ren’s prisoner.

  Out of fear of destroying it, I bypassed my quarters, storming toward the horse stable. Juliet was put up for the night, but forgoing the saddle, I led her out, hopped on her bareback and took off. I rode her hard, taking the anger out on her rather than Ren. If I could have, I’d have fucked Ren harder than ever before. I wanted to punish her for being with him tonight. I wanted to punish her for not telling me. You get one shot at trust. She had blown it. Second chances weren’t something I gave many people.

  After sunset, we trotted to Sal’s. I wanted to know if he was back, what he knew and what he didn’t. Juliet pretty much knew to stay where I left her, but I tied the reins around the post anyway. I didn’t knock. I went around back to where I thought I might find him.

  A couple of the other ranch hands sat around the ring of fire, passing the mason jars. A nightly ritual.

  “Hey,” one of them said as I sat. The other one handed me the jar, which I needed. I should have drunk it slow, but I didn’t. I gulped and gulped until it was gone. The alcohol set my throat and stomach ablaze. I released a long, deliberate exhale as they both stared at me. Self-harm wasn’t normally my thing.

  “You alright?”

  I nodded even though it was the complete opposite of what I was feeling. One of the guys got up to refill the jar.

  I stared at the fire for what seemed like forever before Sal came out of the hand’s quarters. His eyes met mine right away. My eyes shunned him by glancing back at the fire. Maybe it was habit to look away from someone—but I was honestly afraid of what he might see.

  “Can you guys excuse us?” Sal asked, and both men shuffled away, leaving me and Sal alone.

  Fuck me.

  “Joss…”

  My name bobbled atop the flames of the fire, waiting to be roasted. Preparing to be burned.

  “This is partially my fault,” he whispered.

  Suddenly, I wasn’t sure what he was talking about.

  “I saw it coming. Her attraction to you. The flirtation.” Sal stretched his neck back, staring up at the dark sky. “I should have stepped in. When I saw you react to Evan at the tavern—but I would have been too late?” he asked.

  I’d drank enough that I worried my words might slur, so I nodded first. “Yes.”

  Shocking me, Sal threw the mason jar at the fire, shattering the glass, the alcohol igniting the flames and skyrocketing them upward.

  “God damn it, kid,” he gritted, still sitting.

  I didn’t want to fight Sal. But, I knew if it came down to it, I’d do it for Ren.

  “What was this thing she’s doing with Evan?”

  He sat in the chair, resting his ankle on his knee.

  “Joss, Ren is,” he paused. “She’s fit to inherit,” another pause. “A lot.”

  For the first time, I thought about what he said. Never once had it crossed my mind before this. Ren was the sole heir to all of this.

  “That’s not what this is about, Sal.”

  “I understand that. But, you asked about this thing tonight. This dance. Their fam
ily is of aristocratic nature. She’s upper class. High society. This dance was her coming out ceremony. A formality.”

  “And Evan was her date?”

  “Her escort, yes. His family is higher society too. Nothing compared to the Briscoes.”

  I exhaled a frustrated breath. That asshole could give her so much that I could never give her. Would never be able to give her. With my thumb and index finger, I rubbed my eyes hard enough that stars speckled beneath my lids.

  “Did you not think about the consequences?”

  “I did.”

  “And losing your freedom was worth it to you?”

  I swallowed, hesitating only for a second. “It was.”

  Sal’s eyes left the fire to settle on me. “How do you see this ending?”

  “I love her,” I whispered.

  “I’ll tell you how this shit is gonna end,” a voice came from behind me.

  Within a short second, I shot up out of my seat rotating around.

  Preston, with his wad of tobacco and pointy cowboy boots, stood behind me with a fucking smirk.

  “The same thing that happened with the other guy she messed around with,” he chuckled.

  “Other guy?” I hated that he baited me. I hated more that I bit.

  “Yeah. Tell him Sal. Tell him about the other guy.”

  Sal rose to his feet laying his hand flush on my chest. “You’re misrepresenting that, Preston. Leave us be. That’s an order.”

  Preston laughed. “OK, Sal. Call it whatever. That little bitch is a whore and you know it.”

  Rage flashed through every cell of my body detonating something I didn’t know was possible. Sal’s “No!” echoed into the night as I lunged toward Preston, sending him crashing to the ground. My fist pounded his face, time and time again. A ridiculous onslaught of forceful blows. Uncontrollable punches. Blood. Flesh. Grunts. Until, Sal barreled into me knocking my body clean off of Preston.

  Slobber sprayed from my mouth as I fought Sal to get Preston back in my hands. He made no noise, just laid there choking on the blood. When Sal lifted me to my feet, my arms still behind me, I kicked Preston in the shoulder. Sal threw me up toward the house, ramming my cheek bone against the brick wall.