CONVICTED

by Pelton, Kristi

  The security alarm beeped, and someone came in a door. I peeked at the door Joss normally came in, but it was locked. Then, Ren rounded the corner.

  “Ren.” Her name rushed out in a rough whisper.

  We met somewhere in the middle of the room.

  “I missed you so much,” she said.

  “Oh, I missed you, too. Your father is going to be so happy.”

  She leaned away from me and smiled. “Where is he?”

  I pointed to his office. She squeezed my hands before she headed down the hallway. I cast a glance out at the pool house. Joss deserved a heads up, but I couldn’t risk walking out there. Not after the warm embrace from Ren. It was as if I was forgiven and all was well in my world.

  Chapter 29

  First Christmas…

  Joss

  EVERY NIGHT FOR five months, I’d taken Juliet out. I’d walk her up the mountain. I’d ride her to the tavern. She and I would trot through fields after a long day of work, just to relax. Tonight, she and I were headed to the tavern. At times, my situation was comical to me. Riding a horse across a field to go have a drink. Riding the horse that belonged to a girl I loved. A girl I was fighting hard to forget, yet I rode her horse every night to try equally hard to remember her. A girl that bailed on me…on us.

  I’d found out Sal had ordered Preston to stay away from me altogether, and for the most part he had. Sal told me Preston’s story. He chewed the wad of tobacco to fight his alcoholism and wasn’t allowed near the tavern. He was a ‘lifer’ here. Cal had given him an opportunity a few years ago, serving out a twenty-year sentence. Sal said that Cal barely tolerated Preston. He obviously didn’t fit the profile to be Cal’s son like I did. I rolled my eyes thinking about the absurdity. These people thought I was the one that needed therapy. What a fucking joke.

  Peeling off the label of my long-neck, I sat thinking about what life here had become. About two months ago, I swore off hard liquor. I had visions of my dad when I drank hard liquor. No visions were better than any resemblance of him. I spent more nights here than I did at the pool house. Memories of Ren filled that place and it was easier not being there.

  All but Preston were kind and treated me better than I should be treated. But, for whatever reason, when I was here, they knew to leave me alone. I sat in the far back, making it clear I wanted to be alone, if there was any question about it. I’d never been a huge sports fan—mostly because we never had cable to where I could watch it. Weights were the only thing I’d ever gotten into. Jake and Brax had both started me in those fairly young.

  Hank Jr.’s Family Tradition played out over the jukebox. Some of the guys sang along, laughing, but tradition was nothing I wanted to honor in my fucked-up family. I chuckled sardonically to myself, tipping my bottle back. The long swig brought water to my eyes as it bubbled down my throat. The tavern door closed, and my eyes lifted to the entry. I blinked, trying to clear my vision. She was still there after the blinks.

  She waved at the guys, offering them a smile, and all of them smiled at her. Her very own personal paparazzi. As they exchanged glances with her, a protective bitterness bubbled up at what these men felt about her. The thoughts they may have about her. They were hot blooded males and I didn’t like it. Suddenly, she zeroed her sight on me. I wanted to get up. I wanted to walk out. I wanted to be mad. I wanted to make her hurt for leaving me without warning. I wanted to hug her. Kiss her. To fuck her. Jesus, my mind was whack. But I did none of those things. I just stared at her. My eyes never left her. In fact, they roamed over every inch of her body from toe to head. I managed to pick up my beer, take a long, steady swig and never look away. With every step she took, my senses came back to life. Color brightened around me. The barley smell of the beer, the woody smell of the bar, both floated up my nose. The words to the lyrics became clearer. The first full breath I’d taken in months filled my lungs. I didn’t know which direction my life would go, but for me, this was a fork in the road.

  Her tan shoulders peeked out of a white-off the shoulder blouse that bared her midriff. Her jean shorts not long enough for my liking when around others. Fuck she was beautiful.

  “Hi, Joss.”

  “Ren.”

  She leaned in for a hug. The familiar sent overwhelmed me stunning me like a stun gun. Seizing my lungs before my mind again. Part of me wanted to never let go, but another part was angry that she had left. Angry that she hadn’t come home in five months. Her back felt bony, and I fought touching every inch of her.

  When our bodies parted, her eyes roamed over my face. We silently reacquainted ourselves.

  “It’s good to see you,” she offered politeness.

  I tipped my beer her way. “Yep, you too.”

  The loudest silence I’d ever heard filled the small distance between us.

  “Wow,” I said.

  “Wow what?”

  “The first time I met you, I couldn’t get you to shut up, but now you can’t say a word.”

  “First time I met you, you were a dick, and well, same.” She grinned.

  I saw her grin and raised her a chuckle. A very brief chuckle.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say, for sure,” she said softly.

  “You didn’t need me to tell you what to say or do five months ago, don’t go lookin’ for my input now.” Damn, I shifted the tone.

  Her bottom lip took the brunt of her frustration.

  “I’m sorry for leaving.”

  The beer burned my throat as I emptied the bottle into my mouth. I glanced over at the guys at the bar, then brought my glare back to Ren, shrugging.

  “Honestly, Ren. I knew from the beginning that you’d be the one that got away. I just didn’t think it would be an overnight thing. But, it’s… whatever.”

  Sal cleared his throat, stepping up to the table. I neither heard him come in nor saw him approach. Yet, there he stood.

  “I heard you were back,” he grinned, opening his arms for a hug, and she fell into them immediately. Watching them made my insides smile. Sal loved her very much.

  She whispered something in his ear, he nodded and then offered me a slight tilt of his head—a silent hello. Sal whistled when he turned around, drawing the attention of the ranchers. With a simple gesture, every single one of them finished their drinks and headed to the door.

  I closed my eyes—mental preparation at the thought of being alone with her. When I opened mine, I saw something in hers. I wasn’t sure what it was. I wasn’t good with this sort of thing. But I knew that if this thing was a go, I’d do it totally different this time around. There would be no question in her mind about how I felt about her.

  “You said some things that hurt me,” she whispered.

  Sadly, I never could recall what I said that night. “I’m sorry.”

  “I’d like to explain it to you.”

  Scratching through my beard, I wasn’t sure I could endure the story again. But, if she had to endure telling it, I’d listen.

  Twelve minutes. That’s about how long it took her to tell me. That’s how long it took for the desire to murder someone to fully encompass me. I didn’t like to think I was capable of murder, but I was. Most of us were when it came to those we loved.

  “So, our last night together…” her words trailed off. “I found you in the shower, drunk and shivering. I should have told you about the cotillion, and I’m sorry that I didn’t. But, I couldn’t wait to get home to you. And, well, someone must have told you about Sean, but it was terribly misrepresented.”

  “It was,” I agreed. “Is that why when we ran into each other in the stable the second day, you looked scared when you opened Juliet’s stall door?”

  Her throat moved when she swallowed.

  “Yes, but you were different, Joss. I can’t explain it. He and I, we had no connection. He didn’t stay in the pool house. He was one of them to me.”

  “One of them? I’m one of them too, Ren.”

  “No. No, you’re not. You were d
ifferent from the start.”

  She spun around, walked over to the jukebox, pushed a couple of buttons then headed back.

  “Dance with me?”

  The only way I ever danced with Abby was when I’d cradle her in my arms when she wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t really know how to dance. I also didn’t want to tell Ren no. Trying to pretend I knew exactly what to do, I took her hand, leading her to the space between the tables.

  The slow music kept us close. My hand rested on her hip. After losing Abby, I was pretty sure there was no chance of Ren coming back either. I prayed morning, noon and night that I’d see Ren again. Yet, as we stood swaying to the music, the moment was surreal. I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming.

  “I needed to deal with what happened, Joss.”

  I stared down at her. “What’da you mean?”

  “I mean. Like. All of it. Reece dying. My parents’ divorce. Evan. You..”

  My brows pulled together irritably.

  “Joss, Evan got me through some difficult times, and breaking up with him was hard. And not just Evan. What happened with Sean. My parents are emotionally in the red with nothing to give. They lost a child. I had to figure that out on my own.”

  Ren shook her head, resting her forehead on my chest.

  “I’m sorry I added to that.”

  She tilted her head back to look at me. The honey-colored eyes I loved, soft and warm. Her hair was longer. One of her hands raised up to cup my cheek and a handful of beard. “You were everything to me, Joss. You gave me breath again. You made me want to live. You made me see there was a future and hope. There was a night you said to me, “I’m happy you exist.” Do you remember that?”

  “Yes.”

  “I was simply existing then, just like my parents. But when I met you.” She paused. “That all changed. You made me feel important. Like I matter.”

  Everything she explained was in past tense. All of it. Our feet weren’t moving any longer although the music continued to play in the background. Our eyes danced over each other’s faces, but we were caught up in our words. I moistened my lips, anticipating a kiss, but I wasn’t sure it was the best idea no matter how many times I’d thought about kissing her. As the song faded, she cast a glance at our feet.

  “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

  I swallowed, unsure what to say. I always ruined things when I spoke.

  “I’m,” I cleared my throat. “I’m not sure what to say.”

  “What do you want to say?”

  My hands fell away from her. “I’m pretty guarded, I guess. What you did was complete bullshit.” My voice was soft, but I knew those words blasted her. “You tell me you love me and then walk out on us.” I shocked myself at how calm I sounded. “You knew I had no way of contacting you. Reaching out. Going after you. Sal was worried. Your dad. Key. You were selfish, Ren.”

  Her shoulders fell, but she nodded as if she agreed. “I had to be Joss. I loved you, and in order for me to be able to give this what it deserves, I needed to work through some things. Moving was hard enough without trying to handle this too.”

  “Moving?”

  “To college. I moved away to college.”

  “Where?”

  “KU. The University of Kansas.”

  “Like the state?”

  She giggled. “Yes. Like straight north, jump over Oklahoma and you’re there.”

  “Why there?” That was a long fucking way away. Abby’s grandparents lived in Kansas.

  “That’s where my mom graduated from. Look, Joss. I’m sorry I hurt you when I left. When you said what you said to me that night; it crushed me. I was hurt too. The last five months, I’ve dealt with so much. And, I’m not sure I’m even done dealing with it all. But I do know that I love you and I want to be with you. And…”

  “And, what?”

  “And, I’m going to tell my dad about us. He needs to know. This is what I needed to process and…”

  Somewhere between her words coming out and floating through my ear canals, their meaning registered—my body began to react before my objection could be verbalized. My feet back stepped away as my head slowly shook back and forth.

  “What?” I nearly shouted.

  “Listen to me,” she said, stepping closer.

  I yanked my hands away from her grasp. “This is my life, Ren. And yes, I want you back in it, but this is a bad idea. Don’t you see that?”

  Adrenaline rushed to my limbs. If I had been back at the pool house, I’d have ground out push-ups or sit-ups or something to get my mind off of what was happening.

  “Ren. Bird, Please, don’t.”

  “Joss. I don’t want to hide us.”

  “And I don’t want to spend the rest of my sentence in the penitentiary.” My voice was firm and unwavering.

  She nodded. “I get that… Just hold me? I need to know we are ok. We will figure the rest out later. ”

  My heavy boots clunked on the wood floor when I strolled back over to her. There was nothing I wanted more than having her in my arms. She was forgiven.

  Chapter 30

  My bird…

  Ren

  JOSS KNOCKED MY knees out from beneath me, literally, so he could cradle me in his arms. There was no better feeling than having those strong arms around me. I’d never felt so safe or protected. I knew he was worried about the things I said. I didn’t want to worry him. Dad adored him; I didn’t think anything would change that. I’d make sure of it. Just an hour before, Daddy had said that he never wanted to lose me again. Joss would be a deal breaker for that. If Daddy fought it, I’d do whatever I needed to do to be with Joss.

  I rested my cheek against his chest. Every part of me had missed every part of him. Living a Joss free life was not something I wanted to do again. Even for a second. The past five months had been miserable. Two states away. No phone for him. No social media. Just memories. Memories that haunted me. I’d lie in my bed at night in my quiet sorority room and imagine his touch. I regretted walking out the way I had that night, but all I could do was ask for forgiveness. I prayed he didn’t see me as damaged somehow. As awful as things had been when Sean attacked me, it was important to me that Joss saw me as strong.

  Joss swayed to the music as if I was light as a feather. My eyes rose to meet his warm gaze.

  “I was so scared that we’d had our last kiss,” I whispered, wiping my finger over his bottom lip. The unruly beard fought against my finger. “I remember it. Your kiss. I prayed that I’d get the chance to kiss you again.”

  His chin ticked to the side as his tongue peeked out between the scruff around his mouth. Carrying me to a high-top table, he rested me on it, nestling himself between my legs.

  “If I kiss you, there’s no going back. I don’t own much, Ren. Nothing to be exact. I have absolutely nothing to offer you but my love.”

  A slow smile spread from cheek to cheek as my heart practically burst with joy.

  “You own my heart, Joss. Isn’t that enough?”

  That’s when he did it. Exactly what I wanted. Exactly what I’d been hoping for. He wet his lips, leaned in and kissed me. At first, his lips barely touched mine. I was curious how he had established this pattern of three pecks leading into an intimate kiss, but I loved it. I craved it. His soft tongue swayed around mine as my fingers clawed at his shirt, holding on for dear life. The roughness of his beard scraped against my chin and lips. The best burn. An involuntary whimper scraped up my throat. Keeping my neck in his hand, he stopped—his eyes roamed over my face.

  “Your sounds make my entire world go ‘round.”

  I pecked his lips.

  “You can’t leave again.” His rough voice and the desperate tone vibrated my soul.

  Fisting his shirt in my hands, I tugged him closer, dropping kisses on his forehead, cheeks, eyes, nose and then landed on his lips. The tip of my tongue lightly traced over the seam of his lips.

  “I have to go back to college. I’ll be back though every chance
I get.” I pecked his lips again.

  “Bird, this asshole that…that touched you?”

  “Yes?”

  “Did my touch make you think of him… what he did to you?”

  I shook my head. “No. I was crazy about you from the start. I wanted you to touch me.”

  He cleared his throat. “And now?”

  “I crave your touch. I’ve never been touched like you touch me.”

  The jukebox changed songs, and the clicking sound was the only noise in the bar.

  “I’m gonna go down on you,” he said so matter of fact.

  My entire body quivered in the wake of his words. “Joss. I’m on a bar table.”

  “What a perfect place to taste you again.”

  I grinned, casting a glance around the bar. We were completely alone. It wasn’t until he unfastened the belt on my jean shorts that I realized how serious he was. With ease, he lifted my hips off the table as he inched my shorts down my legs, all the while his eyes devouring every inch of me.

  Releasing my shorts and panties to the floor, Joss’s hands slowly edged back up my legs in a tormenting crawl. My hips arched in his direction begging him to hurry. When he reached my wetness, my face heated, and I glanced away. His other hand caught my chin, nudging it back until our eyes met. That’s when his finger slid inside of me making my eyes close in agonizing anticipation. God, had I missed him. His life altering touch.

  When he bent forward, my body clenched with a knowing expectation, yet, still flinched when his tongue connected. Houston, we have contact.

  “Ah,” I cried out, waiting for him to finish what I had learned he knew how to do extraordinarily well. And, he did.

  Chapter 31

  I love you…

  Joss

  AS WE WALKED out of the bar, our fingers were intertwined. Naturally, out of the need to protect her…us…I glanced around, relieved to see only our two horses. I couldn’t imagine trying to protect this girl in the real world. Knowing I had pleased her gave me great pleasure. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to bury myself inside of her. I did. More than I wanted anything. Including freedom.