Breaking and Entering 101

by Honor Raconteur

To their credit, they recognized the name instantly. And they should, as there had been a warrant out for his arrest for a year and something of a man hunt when the case first got serialized in the newspapers.

  “Detective.” The young man with Landry on his name tag gave me an actual salute before reaching for the man. “I’ve got a holding cell I can put him into. Can you write me up a witness statement while I call this in to the main precinct?”

  “Absolutely. We have stalking to add to his list of charges.” I gratefully let them take him but then second guessed that decision. “Colette?”

  “Put a warding spell to keep him from breaking out until they can get here?” She was already moving to follow into the narrow confines of the cells beyond this front foyer room. “Way ahead of you.”

  I eyed the remaining officer and asked pointedly, “Were you the one who took the girls’ initial complaint of stalking or was that your partner?”

  He had the good grace to look embarrassed. “That was me, ma’am.”

  “We’ll have words about that later.”

  Crestfallen, his eyes fell to the floor. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “For now, get their witness statements.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Young, yes, but he apparently was trainable. Really, I couldn’t believe he’d ignore a stalking complaint and choose to sit here and play cards instead. But after tonight, I’d bet he’d not repeat that mistake.

  My pad blipped at me. I took it out and read the message from Henri with rising eyebrows. Oh, this night was just getting better and better. “Colette!”

  “Yes?” She appeared in the doorway, looking satisfied with herself, as she should be.

  I waved the pad. “Henri’s got some trouble.”

  “Oh no. Palace again?”

  “Looks like it. Can you handle things here?”

  She waved me on. “Go, go. I can manage.”

  “I feel bad. Every time we have dinner, shenanigans happen.”

  “Makes life interesting,” she informed me, not bothered.

  As I headed for the door, I threw over my shoulder, “I want life to be less interesting. Just for a day. Is that too much to ask?”

  I stared down at the very dirty young man and felt the irrational urge to kill him.

  Eddy Jameson didn’t look up at anyone. He sat hunched in on himself, arms wrapped around both knees, eyes fixated on the tile floor beneath him. Myself, Kingsman Wallace, Seaton, and one of the palace guardsmen surrounded him on all four points, glaring down at the dirty head. He looked as if he hadn’t bathed in at least a week solid, as he was covered in sooty grime from head to toe. Then again, there was good reason for that, as he’d been hiding up in the chimneys to avoid the guards.

  “How,” Seaton gritted out between clenched teeth, “did you get back in?”

  The boy hunched in a little harder, impossibly drawing himself into a tighter ball. He did not, however, answer. That was no surprise—he’d barely said a word since his discovery in the Palace Library.

  I heard the familiar stride of boots on the tile and turned with a sense of relief as my partner walked in. I met her halfway, speaking in a low voice. “Jamie. Apologies for the late hour summons.”

  She waved this off. “I was actually out with the girls. I’ll tell you the story later.”

  “There’s a story to be told?” Oh dear. Now what had they gotten into?

  “Oh yes, but it can wait. I see our favorite trespasser has gotten in again. How?”

  “That,” I grumbled, shooting the boy a glare over my shoulder, “is an excellent question. We’ve no idea. He was found roughly a half-hour earlier, mostly because of the marks he’s been leaving behind. He’s perfectly filthy. I’ve questioned him, Seaton’s questioned him, Wallace has threatened him, and the boy won’t utter a peep. We’ve no idea how he got in or how long he’s been here.”

  “And you’ve called me in because he actually talked to me last time?” Jamie nodded, as if this answered the question. “Alright. Let me take a stab at it. Hit him with a cleaning spell, will you?”

  An excellent suggestion. Really, I should have thought to do so before. I turned to follow her, pulling my wand out and hitting him with two cleaning spells in quick succession. The boy looked—and smelled—much better afterward.

  Jamie went straight to him, dropping onto her haunches, amusement rich in her voice. “Well, dude, you’ve landed yourself in a fine mess again. Came back in to read another book?”

  Jameson lifted his head and said plaintively, “I just wanted to finish it!”

  I dropped my head back, staring toward the heavens and praying for patience.

  “Seriously? This must be one excellent book. Did you finish it this time?”

  He nodded gingerly, giving the unhappy men surrounding him a woeful look before admitting, “I found another good one and started it.”

  Of course he had.

  Jamie lifted a hand to cover her mouth. I was fairly certain she was disguising a smile. Of course this situation would amuse her. She wasn’t the person designated to fix it.

  “Eddy, if you had time to finish one book and start another, I have to assume you’ve been here a few days?”

  “Three,” he admitted in a tiny voice.

  So all weekend then. Seaton let out a growl.

  “I promise I won’t let them kill you or ship you off to sea,” Jamie swore, lifting a hand as if she were in a court of law. “But you need to tell me how you got in. Did you worm your way through, like last time?”

  “Sorta,” he hedged, still giving us uneasy looks. “I saw the leather passes, heard what people were saying. So, I waited until a guard was on break and jiggled the lock on the window. I reached through and snagged one. It worked fine for me. Then I walked the grounds until I found another window open and slipped inside.”

  Was this boy a natural thief or spy? He made it sound so simple, what he’d done. He made all of our hard work moot. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I felt the urge to do both.

  “Gentlemen,” Jamie addressed us all with a pointed look. “I know you’re ready to strangle him, but in truth he’s found a security weakness we need to plug. And I’d rather a curious teenager find it first.”

  “I have to agree,” Seaton grumbled. “Wallace, see to it, will you?”

  “Sir.” Wallace agreed with a nod, lectures and swear words dancing in his eyes. Whoever had left the passes unguarded would have their ears ringing before the night was out.

  “Come on, Eddy, up you go,” Jamie encouraged. She put both hands under his arms and pulled him upright. “I’ll take you home. And have a nice chat with your parents at the same time about what kind of trouble you’ll find yourself in if you do this again. You realize there’s new legislation in the works because of you? That trespassing is now going to become illegal just because of you sneaking in here?”

  Jameson came up, staring at her with wide eyes. “Does that mean I’ll be a criminal if I get caught again?”

  “Yes, and can you focus on not doing it again instead of not getting caught?” Jamie requested, far more patiently than I could have managed. “Because ‘not getting caught’ should not be your focus. You really need to find a different method of getting your kicks, kid.”

  “I just want to read the books!” he protested innocently, honestly confused why this was bringing so much trouble down on his head.

  Seaton almost had steam coming out of his nostrils. “They’re not your books. You know you don’t have permission to get in here. We’ve made that very clear.”

  Jameson’s face fell. I couldn’t read everything he was thinking, of course, but I had the feeling he still didn’t understand fully what was so wrong about wanting to read the books here. Was his morality so skewed? Or did his desires overcome his good judgment? People possessed an amazing ability to delude themselves sometimes.

  Wrapping her hands around both of his elbows, Jamie frog-marched the young trespasser out. I
watched him go, the words tumbling out of my mouth unchecked, “You know he’ll do this again.”

  “Hopefully not. Hopefully the realization he’ll be a criminal if he does it again will stay his hand. Or his parents will find a way to keep him in check.” Seaton rubbed a hand over his face, looking weary. “I give it fair odds he’ll break in again, however. We really should deport him on a ship. He’ll cause less trouble in the Navy.”

  “I’m inclined to agree with you. He’s a tad young for it, though.”

  “Unfortunately. Although I think the queen will grant an exception.”

  “I might yet,” Queen Regina announced as she strode in. “Where is the young troublemaker?”

  I gave her a bow before responding. “Your Majesty. Jamie came and fetched him just now. She’s escorting him home.”

  The queen looked as if she’d been on the verge of retiring for the night. She was in a very casual ensemble of loose pants, a cardigan sweater, and slippers. Still, her eyes were sharp on my face as she inquired, “Why Jamie?”

  “Because we’re all ready to kill him,” Seaton answered forthrightly. He had, in fact, been asleep when the alarms went off. Seaton did not wake up well. Bears coming out of hibernation were more pleasant in demeanor.

  Regina’s mouth pursed. “I see. And she didn’t mind getting out of bed to clean up this mess?”

  I sensed censorship in that question. “She was still up, in fact. I do feel bad about interrupting her Girls’ Night. I believe one was in progress.”

  “It was either her or no one,” Wallace pitched in to explain. “The kid will only talk to her now. She’s the only one he trusts enough to speak to.”

  “Is that right. Girls’ Night?”

  Why ask about this of all things? And why was she so interested? “Yes, she arranges gatherings with some of her female colleagues and friends every two weeks or so. They get together, eat cuisine from her world, and share stories. Or so I hear. They can get quite rowdy sometimes.”

  She nodded slowly, brows still lifted in a gesture that showed this intrigued her. “Well. Gentlemen, I assume Jamie got it out of the boy how he snuck in this time?”

  “Yes,” Wallace answered forthrightly. “We’ll plug the hole in security tonight, Your Majesty.”

  “Please do.”

  With all the madness of wards, reckless teenage boys, and impossible train heists, I was at my wit’s end. I chose to ignore it all for a period of two days so I could get Colette fully established in her new lab. That was definitely a two-man task, and she could hardly do her job by constantly working in mine. It was a hazardous accomplishment, to say it lightly. Sanderson’s incompetency had left many things half-done that should never, ever be dangling about incomplete. It was stressful in a different way than everything else I’d been juggling. I was beyond relieved to have it finished.

  I tumbled into bed that night feeling both exhausted and accomplished. I slept deeply and awoke to a paw tapping at my cheek. Knowing who it was, I grumbled without opening my eyes, “I don’t have to get up, Clint. Let me sleep a little longer.”

  “Breakfast burritos,” the feline stated.

  My stomach gave an answering rumble. Those did sound a good idea. I cracked open one eye to regard the purple fluff sitting next to my shoulder. “Is that a request or a demand?”

  “Jamie make you,” he relayed.

  “Ah, it’s an offer. Tell her I’ll wash up and be upstairs presently.”

  Satisfied he had done his duties, he sauntered along the mattress and hopped off the bed, then let himself out the window. I’d left it cracked to combat the unseasonable heat, not intending it to be Clint’s egress.

  Getting up, I went about my morning ablutions, dressing in my most comfortable suit. Today would mean a great deal of sitting; we still had those passenger lists to get through. I did expect we would make headway on our suspect list. I knew Jamie was of the mind that we needed to hone in on the guards and clerks first, see if we could spot the insider. If we could interrogate the right person, it might lead us to the others.

  And frankly, we were all deathly tired of going through those lists.

  I sauntered upstairs and was barely in the stairwell when I could smell the sizzling meat and melting cheese. Ah, what a pleasant way to start the morning. Attaining her apartment, I found the door ajar and gave it a single rap of the knuckles before venturing inside. “Good morning.”

  “I’m trying to make it one,” Jamie informed me, standing in front of her stove, stirring things up in the pan. She wore a white shirt with its sleeves rolled up, wine-red vest, and black slacks. Mostly prepared to face the work day was my impression.

  Quite accustomed to her apartment now, I fetched plates and cutlery as I said, “That sounds ominous. What’s irritated you so?”

  “Meh, a mix of things. I’m still peeved with Eddy. I think his parents are about ready to kill him.” She flicked the nob off and spooned contents into flat burrito shells as she spoke. “The story I got is that Eddy’s basically been a sneak since he was out of the crib. Constantly poking his nose into places when he shouldn’t. It’s driving them insane.”

  I accepted her offering on my plate, and my vexation was severe enough that it almost put me off my food. “So the odds of them successfully corralling him?”

  “Nil, zilch, nada.” She plopped into the chair across from me, pouring herself some morning tea and making a face. “I talked to him extensively about this on the way home and when I got there. The problem is, he really doesn’t get it. He’s not stealing anything, not damaging anything, so he doesn’t understand why it’s freaking people out so bad. I think he’s an adrenaline junkie.”

  “I’m sorry, a what?”

  “A thrill seeker,” Jamie translated.

  “Ah. Yes, I agree. But if that’s the case, then he is, in essence, addicted. He’ll continue to break in no matter what we tell him or what punishment awaits him.” I stared glumly down at my burrito. That was a grossly morbid thought.

  Jamie shrugged and bit into hers, chewing with a thoughtful expression.

  When she didn’t say what she was contemplating, I followed her example and changed subjects. “You said you were out last night when I called for you? What happened?”

  “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but the crimes against women are escalating, especially in the past six months.”

  “I’m, in fact, quite aware. My mother and sister have bent my ear on numerous occasions about it.”

  Jamie for some reason looked intrigued. “Have they? I bet they’ll make good test subjects too.”

  “Test subjects?” I parroted blankly. I had an inkling she was up to something again. For good or ill was always in question with her.

  “Sat down with Ellie and Colette last night,” she explained, her manner lifting and becoming more cheerful. “Explained to them that there are self-defense weapons a woman with no training could use. One of them might be too far-fetched for this level of technology, but not the other. Ellie’s intrigued, and Colette’s already eager to get started on it. We’re making a pepper spray, an aerosol spray that will temporarily blind and incapacitate an attacker.”

  I found myself intrigued by the idea. “How portable is it?”

  “Handheld. It’ll fit in most purses.” She grinned at me smugly. “Good idea, right?”

  “It’ll certainly help cut down the dangers. I’m loath to think the situation has degraded down to that level, however.”

  “Yeah, I’m not happy about it either, but we can’t be everywhere. This gives people more of a fighting chance. Ellie swears up and down she’ll make it affordable, even if it cuts into the profits. We want this thing in as many hands as possible.”

  “Warner’s good about that sort of thing. So, I interrupted a planning session?”

  “Nah, we were done at that point. You interrupted my processing of Roan Doddery.”

  I nearly swallowed the wrong direction and had to cough to clear my lungs.
My head spun in a dizzy manner for a moment. Surely I’d not heard that right. “You caught Roan Doddery?!”

  “The waitresses at the restaurant told us someone was stalking them, and they’d tried reporting it, but the cops weren’t interested enough to do anything about it. Colette and I stayed after closing and followed them home.” She shrugged, as if this wasn’t anything worth bragging about. “Turns out their stalker was Roan Doddery. Don’t worry, Colette stayed, and two detectives from the precinct came and collected him personally. I was free to help you by that point.”

  I was still flabbergasted. “To think he was bold enough to enact another crime while wanted for multiple murders.”

  “Yeah. Guy’s not right in the head. Kept saying I couldn’t prove he’d done it, so I had to let him go.” She rolled her eyes expressively. “Like me catching him in the act of stalking three women somehow didn’t count. Criminals, man.”

  “I’m surprised he didn’t fight back?” I was in fact alarmed she’d taken him on with only Colette as backup. Colette was intimidating but not a trained fighter. And yes, I was quite aware my partner was formidable, but there was no sense in taking chances.

  “I kind of pulled a Clint? Landed on him and smashed him into the sidewalk.” Jamie shrugged unrepentantly, mischief lurking in the lift of her smile.

  The corners of my mouth curled up. “In other words, he was too dizzy and in pain to put up a good fight.”

  “He made a very nice thump when he hit the ground.”

  I chuckled in a low, rumbling way. Of course I could find it funny. No one dear to me had suffered, and it was quite the coup, catching Roan Doddery. The whole of Kingston had been searching for him for months. “That’s quite the accolade to add to your achievements. And Colette’s. Although, really, how do your Girls’ Nights always end in some outrageous fashion?”

  “Hey now, it’s not like we find trouble on purpose.”

  I shot her a look that conveyed I was not at all convinced of that. I was content to eat my breakfast and not argue the point.

  We finished up, washing the dishes and stacking them to air dry, before leaving for work. It was a fair morning and I decided to enjoy the sunshine while I could. Odds were we’d be stuck inside for the rest of the day. Clint chose to not ride on his master’s shoulder as was his usual wont, but instead bounded ahead, chasing various things along our path.