by Ivy Smoak
I loved cooking more than any college course I had taken. I really did. A culinary arts degree was out of the question at this point. But I could suck it up and finish a business degree like he said. Then I’d have the skills to handle everything behind the scenes, from the menus to the books. Behind the scenes at a restaurant was probably where I belonged anyway. I was great at working the slow shifts at Sweet Cravings, but I avoided the busy hours like the plague. I liked things calm and peaceful. Hopefully my restaurant would have that vibe all day long. Every time I thought about it I got more and more excited, which made J.J.’s smile even brighter too.
The fact that J.J. wanted me to follow my dreams was sweet. I just wished he’d follow his own. If I could start a restaurant, then he could certainly figure out a way to live life in this town. He could find something to do during the offseason. We could make it work. We. I smiled to myself. Neither of us had used the love word yet, but I felt it in his gaze. In his touch. And I definitely saw it in his smile.
I wasn’t falling anymore. I had already fallen. But I was still scared to say it. I was scared saying it out loud would somehow jinx it.
Especially because whenever I talked about the future, J.J. always seemed to change the subject. I knew it was hard for him to think about moving to the city at the end of summer. But I just didn’t understand why he wouldn’t even entertain the idea of doing something else. Like his bleak future was set in stone. Maybe I’d try to bring it up again tonight. He’d helped me figure out what I might want to do in the future. I owed him the same. And a suit and tie would never make him happy. We both knew that. I just needed to open his eyes to all the possibilities out there. Besides, it was a sin to hide his perfect body under so many clothes. Swim trunks suited him best.
My phone beeped. I lifted it up, expecting a text from J.J., but it was an email notification. I clicked on it and I was pretty sure my heart stopped beating. I read it twice because I didn’t even believe it. I got in. I felt tears welling in my eyes. I got accepted to the University of New Castle’s business college!
It was like I had willed the email to come today when I was thinking about committing to a business degree. If Kristen had been here I would have screamed and started jumping up and down. But it seemed weird to do alone. I jumped once anyway, because who the hell cared if I was being weird, and let the tears stream down my cheeks. I fucking did it.
I was coming back to the east coast for good. That dismal, empty life that I’d started in Cali was over. I let go of a breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding. The thought of going back there at the end of summer had been daunting. And now…not happening. Not a chance in hell. I never had to go back. I wiped the tears out of my eyes. I got in!
And now I’d be a short drive away from this beach. An hour tops. If I wanted to, I could come here all the time. Not that I wanted to be here without J.J. Oh my God, J.J.!
I was about to call him to tell him the good news, but I paused. This was an in-person conversation. I wanted to see his face when he found out I’d only be a few hours away from him. I glanced at the time. If I left now I’d have time to stop at the beach on my way to work. I couldn’t wait to see his smile. I could picture him hopping off the lifeguard stand and lifting me into his arms, twirling me around, and giving me the hottest damn congratulations kiss possible. Plus it was a perk that he’d do it in front of all those girls that tried to flirt with him every day at the beach. J.J. was mine and this acceptance email sealed the deal.
I pulled my hair into a messy bun as I slipped on my Keds. My mind was racing as I headed out the door. I couldn’t even wait to tell him. And I had so much to do. I needed to let my dad know so he could send tuition. I needed to call my mom and tell her I was coming back to Delaware. I needed to figure out where I’d live and what classes to enroll in. But telling J.J. was the only thing that mattered right now. God, he was going to be so excited.
I ran down the stairs two at a time and turned so quickly that I ran straight into someone. I started to fall but he caught me.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “I wasn’t watching where…” The smell of expensive cologne hit me like a ton of bricks. It was the opposite of how J.J.’s skin smelled. J.J. exuded warmth and natural summer scents. He smelled like the ocean breeze and sunscreen. My stomach churned. My nose was currently being affronted by the smell of sleazy ass. Which was a fairly generous description considering who was wearing it. I couldn’t look up to confirm my suspicion. This can’t be happening. I was supposed to be celebrating. Not…whatever the hell this was.
“That’s okay,” said a deep voice that was all too familiar. “I wanted you back in my arms anyway.”
Fuck. I felt like I was going to be sick. I looked up at Aiden. My ex. The one that stomped on my heart, pissed all over it, and then punted it into a volcano just for fun. It was like all the good news had filled up a balloon and he’d just popped it in my face.
I pushed his arms off me and took a step back. “What the hell are you doing here?” I didn’t sound nearly as angry as I should have. It was just a casual question like you’d ask an old friend. But maybe that was for a reason. Because I felt nothing when I looked at him. Nothing at all. I wanted to pinch myself. Was it possible that I was imagining him standing there? That this was some sort of nightmare?
“It’s nice to see you too, Mila. You look…good. Tan. I didn’t realize how much you liked the beach.” His eyes trailed down my legs.
I was definitely going to be sick. I pinched myself just to be sure I wasn’t in that nightmare. Ow. “I didn’t like Santa Monica. I love Rehoboth.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Everything. It smells different for one.”
He laughed. “Okay. I’m not so sure that’s true. When are you coming back home?”
I am home. I wasn’t having this conversation with him. “I have to go to work.”
“Skip it. I came all this way to see you, babe.”
I shook my head. “You shouldn’t have.” And don’t fucking call me that.
“I told you I wanted to give us another shot.”
“And I told you to go to hell.” My hospitality had diminished rather quickly.
He smiled. “But we both know you didn’t mean that. Come on. Invite me up.” He nodded to my apartment.
I wished I could go back in time and not give him my address. Or go back in time and never date him to begin with. Definitely that one. I just stared at him. The books and clothes I’d left at his apartment had felt like a big deal at the beginning of summer. But now I didn’t want anything that had ever been associated with him. Not that it mattered. He wasn’t here to give me back my stuff. He wasn’t even holding a box. He came all the way out here for…what? I just stared at him.
“We can catch up.” He gave me the smile I once found so charming. But now I realized how fake it was.
“Uh, yeah…no. Like I said, I have to get to work. I’m sorry you came all this way, but we have nothing to talk about, Aiden.”
“I just want you to hear me out.”
I shrugged. “A few months ago, maybe I would have entertained that idea.” I started walking away from him backward. “But I have better things to do with my time than waste another second listening to you.” I turned around and picked up my pace.
“Mila!” He called from behind me.
But I was already turning onto the boardwalk, disappearing into the crowd. I glanced out at J.J.’s lifeguard stand down on the beach. Aiden had wasted the extra time I had before my shift. And I didn’t want telling J.J. the good news to be tarnished by whatever the hell that just was. I’d tell him about my acceptance after my shift when he picked me up.
I took a deep breath and made my way to work. Aiden had impeccable timing. But I was relieved. Not that he’d come here. That was fucking stupid. I was relieved that I felt nothing when I saw him. Besides sick to my stomach. But there was no love there. Only regret for staying with a dick like him for so long. All that time
I’d wasted. All the bullshit he’d fed me that I willingly believed. I wasn’t the same girl that he knew. And whatever part of me that used to love him, if I ever even had, was long gone.
This summer had been about bettering myself, and I had. I’d finally decided what I wanted to do with my life. I was exercising more than ever. And my heart had mended. Originally, I thought I could do all that myself. But J.J. and Kristen were the ones that showed me the way. They were my best friends. I loved them both so much.
I bit the inside of my cheek. Kristen knew I loved her. For some reason it was easier with friends to talk about your feelings. But J.J. was more than just a friend. He was…everything. I loved him so much. And I needed to tell him. If anything, seeing Aiden had just confirmed my feelings for J.J. Maybe I’d tell him that tonight too. Just lay it all out there and see what he had to say about it.
“Hey!” Becca said as I walked up to the ice cream shop. She leaned on the counter. “And what can I get for you today? A double scoop of Flavors of Love?”
I laughed as I came in. Ever since she’d met J.J. she’d been teasing me every time we worked together. The names of flavors at this shop were absurd and there were probably at least 30 that had to do with love. I grabbed my apron and tied it on. “How about a double scoop of I just got into the University of New Castle and I’m so excited I can’t even contain myself!”
“What? Ah!” She hugged me. “I didn’t even know you were transferring.”
Becca wasn’t the first person that I wanted to tell. Mostly because although we got along fine at work we never really hung out outside of it. But I couldn’t keep my news locked up for a whole shift. “Mhm. I applied last month and just heard back. I’m so freaking excited.”
“Well, I’ll tell Rory and Keira that we need a new flavor name. It’s lengthy but at least it won’t make me blush whenever a guy orders it.”
I laughed. “The worst is when a little kid orders something like Wet Dream.”
“I know!”
A family stopped in front of the shop, breaking up our conversation. I was focusing more on tips than I had in the past. I needed to save every dime if my restaurant was going to become a reality.
***
When there was finally a lull in orders, I pulled out my phone. It was tempting to text Kristen, but I wanted to tell her in person too. My shift was almost over. It could wait. There was one person that I needed to tell as soon as possible though. “Can you handle everything out here for a minute?” I asked Becca. “I need to tell my Dad the good news.” I said it like he’d care. Not like it was a formality.
“Of course.” She shooed me to the back room. “Go tell everyone. I got this.”
“Thanks, Becca.”
I disappeared into the storage room and clicked on my acceptance email again. I could read it a million times and still be grinning ear to ear. It would have been fun to call my dad, if we had that type of relationship. But it was better this way. Aiden was a perfect reminder that I was done surrounding myself with dickweeds. I forwarded the email to my dad and added a note about when tuition was due. No love or xoxo sign off. Simple. Formal. I was majoring in business now after all. I pressed send.
My mom would have been genuinely excited for me. She’d definitely be happy that I’d be so close to home again. I was about to call her but stopped myself. I tried to remember when she said she was going on that couple’s cruise. It was definitely at the end of July. Even if she did get service, I didn’t want to disrupt her vacation. I shoved my phone back in my pocket. My mental balloon still felt a little deflated. I just needed to get through this shift and then I could hand J.J. the air pump and I’d be as good as new.
I walked out of the back room and froze. Fucking shit fuck. What little air had been put back into my balloon by Becca’s optimism and the thought that I’d be seeing J.J. any minute popped again. Aiden was standing there talking to Becca. I was about to turn back and hide in the storage room when he called my name.
I turned back around.
Becca looked so uncomfortable. “Hey, um…this guy says he’s your boyfriend?” She lowered both her eyebrows, jumping to some horrible conclusion about me.
I swallowed hard. I was not going to let Aiden ruin my life here like he’d ruined my life back in Cali. “Ex-boyfriend,” I said as firmly as I could. “We broke up months ago. Right, Aiden?”
“It was a misunderstanding,” he said. “We’re still very much together.”
What the hell was he doing?
Becca looked back and forth between us. “Does J.J. know about him?”
Shit. I pressed my lips together. Everyone loved J.J. I wasn’t upset that she was trying to protect him from whatever she thought was going on. But I didn’t want Aiden to know I was seeing someone else. I didn’t want him to know anything about my life. I didn’t want him here at all. And J.J. would be coming by the shop any minute to pick me up after both our shifts were over. I needed to get rid of him.
“Who’s J.J?” Aiden asked. “Are you seeing someone else?”
I cleared my throat and walked back up to the counter. I looked at Becca, trying to address her question and wishing Aiden would just disappear. “J.J. knows that Aiden and I broke up when I walked in on him cheating on me last semester. Aiden also knows this so I have no idea why he’s standing here right now.”
That seemed to get Becca on my side. She turned her head and glared at him.
Aiden smiled. “Like I said…a misunderstanding.”
“Seeing you in bed with someone else wasn’t a misunderstanding,” I said.
“You never let me explain.”
I’d begged him to explain. All those calls and texts that went unanswered. Just thinking about how pathetic I’d been made me cringe. “Aiden, please just go.”
“Not until you at least tell me when you’re coming back. If you won’t talk to me here, we can set up a date when…”
“I’m not coming back.”
He laughed. “Of course you are. You can’t exactly do better than me.”
I wasn’t sure what made me madder. That he thought my comment about not coming back meant back to him, or the fact that he said that I couldn’t do better. Because I was pretty sure a slimy used car salesman in his late fifties would be a better catch than him. I shook my head. The joke was on him. I had found the most generous, sweet, caring man I’d ever met. Aiden wasn’t an ounce of the man that J.J. was.
I needed to shut this shit show down. “I’m transferring to the University of New Castle. I just got my acceptance letter. There is nothing left for me in Cali. And I think it’s about time you went back.”
He laughed. “You’re seriously running away from SMU because you’re mad at me? Throwing away your future over a misunderstanding?”
“God, if you use that word one more time…”
“Fine. Mistake. It was a mistake. And I already told you I’m sorry. So let’s get on a plane and go home.”
Becca touched my shoulder. I knew there were customers. I knew this was inappropriate. I wanted this to be over as badly as she did.
“This is my home,” I said. “I don’t have anything else to say to you. Please, just leave, Aiden.”
“I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me one-on-one.”
“Please go.”
Becca tried to get my attention again.
“Now, Aiden.”
He shook his head. “Not until I get….”
“She asked you to leave,” J.J. said as he stepped up to the counter. His normal smile wasn’t there.
Becca hadn’t been concerned about the customers we were scaring off. She’d been trying to warn me that J.J. was coming. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him look so serious. I couldn’t read him at all.
“I think you should respect the lady’s wishes,” J.J. said and then turned back to me. “Hey, Mila.”
He rarely called me by my name. Jellyfish Girl was his go-to. Or when he was being sweet he’d call me
gorgeous or beautiful. Hearing him call me by my actual name made me feel even more tense. But him just being here was a relief. “Hi.”
“You ready to go?” he asked, completely ignoring Aiden. He must have known who it was. He must have sensed how uncomfortable I was. He was trying to remove us from this situation as best he could. But nothing was that easy with Aiden-bitch-face.
“So this is the guy that you think is better than me?” Aiden asked. “Give me a break.”
I stared at the two of them. J.J.’s skin was bronzed from the sun. He towered over Aiden. And everything about him exuded strength and charm. Aiden? He was dressed in a polo shirt tucked into khaki shorts and preppy boat shoes. The look was completed with a Rolex from his old man that he’d probably never be able to afford on his own. He was a tool. He looked like the kind of guy that deserved to be slapped before you even knew him.
J.J. didn’t respond to his jab. He just stared at me, waiting calmly.
It was a few minutes before my shift ended, but we were making a scene. Customers were staying away. “I’m going to head out, okay, Becca?”
“We still have to divvy up the tips,” she said.
“Hold mine for me until later. Or just keep them.”
“You’re not even going to look at me?” Aiden asked J.J. “You steal my girl and won’t even look me in the eye like a man?” He flicked J.J.’s shoulder.
J.J. finally turned to him. “Yeah…you’re not going to want to touch me again.”
“Or what?”
Jesus. I untied my apron and tossed it on the counter.
“You don’t want to find out,” J.J. said.
Aiden laughed and shook his head. “All talk and no balls.”
I ran out the door, blinking from the bright sun.
“You can say whatever you want to me,” J.J. said. “But don’t you dare talk about her like that.”
I don’t know what Aiden had said about me in the few seconds I couldn’t hear their conversation. But I had never seen J.J. look so pissed. Not even at the beginning of summer when I kept trying to make him jealous.
