Hide

by S. J. Morgan

  I could hardly stop my teeth chattering and I reached down in the hope there might be an electric blanket control dangling from the side of the bed. My flailing arm was met only with cold air.

  ‘It’s hardly Buckingham Palace, this place, is it?’ Dad said in the dark.

  ‘It’s not too bad, just a bit chilly.’

  ‘It’s better than that place we stayed in Exmouth – do you remember?’ Dad said.

  ‘Exmouth? No, when was that?’

  ‘You were probably too young to remember. You could only have been five or six. Anyway, I’ll never forget the cooked breakfasts we used to have there – looked like the woman had been keeping them warm for a week. Eggs like rubber; black pudding as tough as bullets. It was a shocker.’

  For some reason, the idea of Dad trying to swallow a rubbery egg made me laugh and I started sniggering under the sheets. I even thought I heard a few titters from Dad before we both went quiet. After a while, he got out of bed and slid open a cupboard door. The weight of an extra blanket landed on me and I heard Dad pad back to bed.

  As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I could pick out the silhouette of his shoulder, rising and falling as he lay on his side, facing the wall.

  I heard him sigh and clear his throat. It brought me an odd kind of comfort, like when I used to hear him downstairs after I’d gone to bed sometimes. He wasn’t around much, but I never felt quite as safe in the house as when he was.

  The tick-tick of his old travel alarm clock tapped a rhythm in my head, and it struck me how much I’d’ve relished this little adventure as a nipper.

  ‘Dad?’ I said, after a bit.

  ‘Eh?’

  ‘Thanks for looking after Sindy.’

  He turned to face me. ‘That’s all right,’ he said. ‘I wasn’t hungry anyway: it was no trouble to stay here.’

  ‘No. I didn’t mean tonight. You and Mum coming up here,’ I said. ‘Sorting everything out until I got back. Putting Sindy somewhere safe. You didn’t have to.’

  Floorboards above us creaked as I waited for Dad to reply; to acknowledge what I’d said.

  ‘I’d hope someone would do the same for our kids if they ever got into trouble,’ he said.

  Kids, not kid. They not you. I wasn’t sure how, but he’d managed to sneak Gina into the picture. Not directly. Not so you’d notice. But I knew what he was saying – it had once been the pair of us and in his mind, as well as in Mum’s, it still was.

  ‘Alec! Alec!’ The whisper was gentle but the shake of the shoulders that accompanied it was anything but.

  I blinked my eyes open. ‘What?’

  Sindy’s face continued to look unlike itself, but the hair that fell, matted, over her shoulders was all too familiar.

  ‘What’s up? What time is it?’ I said. And I looked over to Dad’s bed, where the sheets were now so tightly tucked and folded; you could’ve bounced a coin off them.

  ‘They’ve gone out to get breakfast and to get some things from town,’ Sindy said, following my gaze. ‘They said you’d probably need the rest.’

  I wondered why Sindy hadn’t figured the same and left me to get some more shut-eye: the clock showed just before nine.

  She shook me again. ‘You’re not falling asleep again, are you?’

  I avoided the gape of her nightie as she leaned over me. ‘Just give me a minute,’ I said. ‘Why don’t you go back to bed – I’ll come in and see you when I’m showered and dressed.’

  ‘Promise? You’re getting dressed now, not going back to sleep?’

  ‘Yes!’

  She went over to the door. I now recognised the pink monstrosity she had on as one of Mum’s nighties. A pair of Dad’s socks finished off the ensemble.

  ‘You won’t be long, will you?’ she said, holding onto the handle. ‘Sorry, Alec. I just…’

  ‘I’ll be there in a flash,’ I told her. But she still made me leave the door ajar while I went in the shower.

  She was sitting up in bed, hugging the blankets around her knees when I went to see her. Her face seemed to visibly relax as soon as I walked in. ‘There you are!’ she said.

  ‘D’you want anything? There’s a bakery down the road. You must be hungry.’

  ‘No, I’m okay, thanks.’

  I perched on the side of her bed. ‘Mum said you haven’t been eating.’

  ‘I feel sick most of the time, that’s why.’

  I poked her in the side through the duvet. ‘You’ll waste away.’

  She didn’t laugh and squirm like she was meant to. ‘I won’t.’

  ‘C’mon,’ I said. ‘I can’t believe you wouldn’t chow down a doughnut or a chocolate scone if I went and got one for you.’

  ‘I couldn’t eat anything,’ she said. ‘And I’d probably throw up if you left me alone.’

  I sat watching her while she avoided my eyes. ‘Mum said you wouldn’t see a doctor.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘They’ll just treat your symptoms if that’s all you want. Mum would go with you.’

  She shook her head. ‘I don’t think I’m allowed.’

  I looked at her and laughed. ‘What d’you mean, not allowed?’

  She glanced up at me but quickly looked away again. ‘I don’t think I’m…listed.’

  A gust of wind made the windows rattle and it seemed to highlight the quiet of the room. ‘It doesn’t matter if you’re not registered with one. We can get you in to see someone as a visitor.’

  I stood up and fingered the curtains apart. It was dismal and grey outside; people on the other side of the street were battling against the gusts coming in from the sea; grim determination set fast on their puckered features.

  ‘I’ve never seen a doctor. I don’t want to.’

  I looked over to her. ‘Never seen a doctor?’

  ‘Never, ever.’

  I went over and sat on the bed again. ‘Well, not that you remember,’ I said. ‘But I’m sure a doctor will have been there when you were born, when you had to have injections, that sort of thing. But you’re lucky you’ve been so health –’

  ‘No, there was no doctor,’ she said. ‘Dad told me. There were just a few girlfriends of Dad’s mates.’

  There wasn’t an answer to that. I could feel the cogs whirring in my head again; more connections being made. Never been to school, never seen a doctor. Did Sindy even officially exist?

  ‘I think the swelling’s going down now,’ Sindy said, pulling me back to the present. ‘So, I wouldn’t need treatment anyway.’

  I looked down, following the pattern on the bedcover with my finger. ‘Mum didn’t tell me much,’ I said. ‘What actually happened?’ I edged up the bed so we were shoulder to shoulder. I gave her a nudge with my arm, sort of playful. ‘C’mon Sindy, you can tell me. I know what Minto’s like.’

  She still didn’t move and I figured she wasn’t going to answer but after a few seconds she found her voice. It started off a bit shaky and weak. ‘Minto wanted me to go with these men at the clubhouse and I didn’t want to. I was frightened of them.’

  Now I’d been inside their den, it was all too easy to imagine the scene: I decided to stick to the whys and wherefores. ‘They were Minto’s mates?’

  ‘Yeah. I was meant to do whatever they wanted.’ She rested her head on her knees, her face turned away from me. ‘Sexy stuff.’

  ‘And you refused?’

  ‘Dad was there too. He told me I had to go with them. But I didn’t want to and so, I tried to get away. I know I shouldn’t have kicked up such a fuss but...’

  ‘You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Sinds,’ I said. I wanted to put an arm around her; offer her some kind of physical comfort but I didn’t dare touch her.

  We sat in silence staring down at the gawdy duvet cover. There was more I could have asked her; more that she maybe needed to say, but I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to know what happened when they caught her, and I certainly didn’t want to imagine how they might have dished out their revenge. />
  ‘It’s all right, Sindy. At least you’re safe now,’ was all I could think of to say.

  It didn’t seem much and, when I thought about it, I wasn’t even sure it was true.

  Chapter 34

  Mum didn’t seem able to relax until Swansea was a distant blur in our rear-view mirror and beyond the next hour I had no idea what I was going to do. I’m not sure any of us did.

  The rain didn’t let up as we drove back to Cardiff. Mum and Sindy were on the back seat – that massive suitcase with the pink splash I’d seen at Minto’s jammed in the footwell between them. Mum was doing a crossword while Sindy was reading out horoscopes; something that had become a daily ritual for her. Dad was beside me, keeping an eye on the speedo but managing to keep his opinions of my driving to himself.

  Mum was on pins again as soon as we were at the house, the answerphone flashing away. There were no messages, just a shitload of hang-ups which put us even more on edge.

  Later, Sindy sat in Gina’s room while I tried to stuff bags full of clothes and newspaper cuttings into the cupboards. Mum had offered to do it, but we both knew the dismantling of something so precious to her was probably a step too far. I was only too happy to take it all apart.

  Normally, I’d have imagined Sindy poking and prodding in all those bags, pulling out jumpers and trying them up against her, but not that day. She just sat there, like her batteries were spent and she only had the last dregs of juice left in her.

  ‘You should ask Mum about these,’ I told her, holding up one of the boutique bags. ‘Bet there’s gear in here you’d really like.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘Once I’ve found you some bedclothes, you can have a bath if you want.’

  ‘All right.’

  She jolted when the doorbell rang downstairs.

  ‘Probably the window cleaner wanting his money,’ I told her. ‘Wait here a minute – I’ll go and check.’

  She followed me as far as the door and clung to the door frame as I peered over the banister.

  As Mum reached the front door, she looked up as if she knew I’d be standing there. ‘Stay there,’ I said to her in a loud whisper. ‘I’ll answer it.’

  I came down the stairs while Dad peeped through a gap in the living room curtains. I couldn’t believe our family had been reduced to this cloak and dagger farce.

  ‘It’s Bill,’ Dad said, straightening up.

  Mum put on her smile and threw open the door. ‘I was just going to pop in and see you,’ she said. ‘Thought I’d let you know the wanderers had returned.’

  ‘I beat you to it,’ he said. ‘Happened to see your car was there. Nice trip?’

  ‘Lovely, thanks.’

  Dad returned to the living room while I hovered nearby, pretending to sort through the mail on the telephone table.

  ‘All been quiet here?’ Mum said.

  ‘Yes, yes. I called in every day to take the mail off the mat. Plus, I paid the window cleaner for you.’

  ‘Thanks, Bill,’ Mum said. She turned to me. ‘Go and get my purse would you, love? It’s on the kitchen table.’

  ‘Oh, and someone called to see you, Alexander,’ he shouted as I got halfway down the hall. ‘Yesterday afternoon it was.’

  I stopped and turned around.

  ‘Said he was a friend of yours.’

  ‘Who was it? Did he leave a message?’ I said, coming back to the door.

  Bill shook his head. ‘‘Fraid not, son.’

  ‘Was it a burly guy with leathers and tattoos?’

  ‘He was a fairly chunky sort of a fella, yes.’

  Mum and I looked at one another.

  ‘Anyway, I explained you’d gone up to Swansea,’ Bill continued. ‘To see your mum and dad.’

  I heard Mum suck in a breath. ‘Bill! What did you say that for? It was none of his business – he could have been anyone.’

  ‘C’mon, Mum,’ I said, trying to hook her stress levels down from the ceiling. ‘Bill wasn’t to know.’

  ‘Who tells complete strangers that a house is standing empty?’ Mum said. ‘Who tells potential burglars a whole family has gone away?’

  ‘I’m sorry, Annie. I didn’t think he was a stranger. He said he was a friend.’

  ‘Anyone could say that, couldn’t they? No one’s going to stand there announcing they’re a burglar!’

  I could see she was close to a meltdown. Her face was flushed, and her eyelids were blinking nineteen to the dozen.

  ‘Don’t worry about it, Bill,’ I said, opening the front door for him in the hope he’d take the hint. ‘Bit of a rough trip home so things have been fraught. Thanks for letting us know though – and for looking after things. I’ll drop the window money off later.’

  ‘All right. Hope you’re feeling better soon, Annie,’ he said, looking at Mum with a wary eye.

  ‘Sorry,’ Mum managed. But as soon as the door clicked shut, she burst into tears.

  It was like we were living a vague half-life, holding out for something extraordinary to happen yet we didn’t know what. The phone went at least three times a day – we’d let the machine pick up any messages, but the calls always ended with a hang-up. I could almost smell Minto on the end of the line.

  Sindy had barely got out of bed, let alone ventured from the house. I offered to take her out in the car, but she didn’t seem to want to do anything, indoors or out. Mum took to buying her teen-magazines most days. I wondered if it was just an alternative to Mum filling the spare room with clothes, but she said it might do Sindy good to find out what real teenagers were like. I began to see her point. Up until then, I reckon Sindy thought she was a normal teenager: I’m not sure it ever occurred to her that other girls probably worried more about teenage spots and puppy fat.

  It wasn’t easy being back home full-time. I reminded myself it was only temporary, but it was suffocating having the folks there whenever I went into the kitchen in the morning; joining them for dinner every night; having to shove up on the sofa every time I wanted to watch TV. I couldn’t see an end to it, that was the problem. Sindy wasn’t perking up in the way she normally did after difficult episodes and Mum and Dad seemed in no hurry to get the situation resolved. I reckoned they enjoyed having the pair of us there, slouching on the sofas and leaving dirty plates on the coffee table.

  We’d just finished dinner on Thursday when the phone went again. It had almost stopped being an event. Almost but not quite. Each of us still tensed as the first ring trilled in the hallway. We waited for the machine to read out the message, and for the usual click of a hang-up, but this time there was a voice.

  ‘Oh, hi. It’s Daniella here.’ She paused, as if she was trying to find her place on the cue-card. ‘I’m trying to get hold of Alec: he left me a message but –’

  I dashed into the hall and picked up the receiver. ‘Hey, it’s me.’

  ‘Oh, there you are!’ The statement was more an accusatory than relieved. ‘I tried ringing you back at your new place, but they said you’d barely been there.’

  ‘Yeah, sorry. We’ve had a bit of a…crisis,’ I said, lowering my voice. ‘Sindy’s here.’

  There was a pause. A tapping-of-the-foot, folded arms kind of pause. ‘Again,’ she said, whacking me with a rolled-up copy of her sarcasm. ‘Don’t tell me: she wants me to give her a lift back again and stop at the services for sweets and magazines!’

  I had to take the phone under the stairs so Sindy wouldn’t have to come ear-to-ear with the sad details of her own circumstances.

  ‘Jesus!’ Daniella said, once I’d given her an update. ‘Now you’re free of the flat, you should get the police involved, Alec. She shouldn’t have to keep dealing with Minto’s crap.’

  ‘C’mon, Daniella.’ I lowered my voice again. ‘You were there: you heard what he said when we left. And anyway, Sindy wouldn’t say a word against him, or against her dad. She’s been too well-trained for that.’

  ‘So, what’s the answer then?’ Daniella said. ‘If you do noth
ing, you’re all going to end up in permanent hiding.’

  I rolled my eyes, scoffed, like she was being ridiculous. But even as I stood there donning my fake bravado, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that she might be right.

  Chapter 35

  After the call from Daniella, the phone didn’t ring for a few days. I guess that’s why we got careless. The fear and suspicion started to feel unreal, unwarranted, as if we’d wildly over-reacted to the whole thing.

  I picked up the receiver with barely a pause when the phone rang after dinner.

  ‘Alec, amigo! You’re a hard chap to track down. I was starting to think you’d gone into hiding.’

  ‘No.’ My voice was surprisingly calm, given my heart was thumping the crap out of my chest.

  ‘What a good lad you are, taking care of your old folks down there in Cardiff. How are they both, Annie and Jim?’

  I could hardly bear to have him say their names. ‘Fine.’

  ‘And Bill from next door – he seemed a decent sort.’

  ‘What do you want, Minto?’

  He chuckled down the line. ‘Well now, Alec-Xander, don’t take offence but it wasn’t actually you I rang to speak to. Can you put me on to the delicious Sindy?’

  Should I deny she was there; that I’d even seen her? Should I pretend she’d gone? I stayed on the line saying nothing at all.

  ‘Cat got your tongue, Alec?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Right.’ And his tone had an edge to it now. ‘Put her on then.’

  I didn’t bother to ask how he was so certain she was with me.

  ‘She’s sleeping,’ I said. I knew it sounded like I was reading from a script – I was embarrassed to even try and make excuses.

  ‘Mate,’ he said with a sigh. ‘Just go and get her.’

  I put the receiver on the table but stayed where I was, wondering what the fuck I was going to do.

  I went into the living room where the others were oblivious to the call; glued to one of the soaps. ‘Dad? Can I have a word?’