Between the Cracks She Fell

by Lisa de Nikolits

  After an eon of living on strange snacks, I had no objection.Ashley, I said, that would be fantastic.

  He immediately started running through a litany of menu items, asking me if I liked this or that.

  I have never heard of half the things you’re talking about, I told him. You had better slow down and educate the ignorant masses.

  Ashley laughed. By this time, we were upstairs in an immense kitchen; a country of stainless steel, impeccable marble, and glass-fronted white cabinets.

  Rob did all of this for me, Ashley said, waving a hand around. It was fine the way it was, but he remodelled it exactly how I wanted it. I have always wanted to be a chef, that is my big dream. But my family didn’t have enough money for me to study, so I was just learning as much as I could, by myself. My dream is to have my own restaurant somewhere, and maybe one day we will. Maybe one day, when Rob retires, we can go someplace and I can have a restaurant. Although, he added, and his face fell, Rob is very, and I do mean very, protective shall we say. He only likes me to hang out with him and not have any of my own friends. I’ve never even met any of his friends, only some business acquaintances that we have dinner parties for. I have to admit that I do get very lonely. When we met, I was working as a bartender and modelling on the side. And I was making quite a bit of money, but he soon put a stop to my working. Not that I mind, but I do miss it sometimes. I miss being around interesting people. What am I thinking? Please forgive me, I am being so rude. Do you want some wine?

  That would be wonderful.

  Red or white? Ashley rushed over to the wine racks.

  Red would be great, thank you,

  Unless you’d like a cocktail, I can mix you up anything you like. Ashley was like a kid at Christmas.

  I thought for a moment. Okay, Mr. Bartender. I’d love a White Russian.

  Vodka and Kahlua, coming right up. On the rocks?

  As rocky as they get. Carry on with your story. And tell me again, how old is Rob?

  He’s forty-eight, but he keeps himself in very good shape. He’s always going to the gym and whatnot, getting suntans and things. I tease him and tell him that he looks like one of those actors from the fifties, and he does not like that, I’ll tell you.

  So, given his level of jealousy, how is he going to react when he gets home and finds you’ve whipped up a five-star feast for me?

  Ashley’s face fell. You are so right. I don’t know what to suggest now.

  What time is he coming home? I looked at my watch, it was close to six-thirty.

  He’ll be home at nine, good point.

  In which case, Ash, let’s take a rain check on dinner then, okay? Never fear, this lovely drink is hitting the spot, and we’ll have our feast another time.

  Are you sure? I feel so rude, after having invited you and all that.

  It’s all good, don’t worry, I said. I was, however, dying to ask him if I could have a shower, just a quick shower, because to stand under deliciously hot water and soap myself a thousand times would be nirvana tripled.

  Joss, Ashley broke into my thoughts. Listen, do you want me to pop those clothes of yours into the drier, and maybe you can have a quick shower? You must be freezing. You got so wet when you met me under the tree.

  Ashley, I tried to control my voice. I feel like you are reading my mind, would you please not do that?

  He smiled and looked pleased with himself. I sometimes do have extra sensory perception to people’s needs, he said. I always have, since I was a very little kid. But to be honest, you are very easy to read. Your face is very expressive. So, how about the shower? Please don’t say no.

  I won’t say no, I assured him. When a piece of heaven comes my way, you know what I say? I say thank you and I dive right in.

  Standing under a shower head the size of a giant sunflower, with soap suds running down my body and my hair thick with fragrant, if somewhat masculine foam, I did think I had died and gone to heaven. I ran the water as hot as I could stand it and I used several body washes, combining a variety of wooded and spicy scents.

  I wrapped myself in the huge towel and dried my hair. I just hoped that my shower would not have any kind of negative repercussions for Ash. I didn’t like the sound of Rob at all; he sounded very controlling, and I wondered how far his jealousy would go.

  Ashley had shown me a large framed oil painting of Rob in the hallway, and he did have the look of a fifties movie star with salt-and-pepper hair and not a strand out of place. He also looked face-lifted and nip-and-tucked. I would bet that was neither his original nose nor jaw.

  I nosily peeked into one of the rooms as I passed; it was outfitted with a designer home gym and a sound system to boot. There was a large photograph of Rob and Ashley standing on a beach, their arms around one another, both clad in matching white linen suits with a panoramic sunset behind them.

  I stopped poking around and wandered downstairs, loving the feel of the thick soft carpet under my bare feet.

  I’m in heaven, I called out to Ashley who laughed. I made sure to tidy the bathroom, so don’t worry. It just looks like you had a good shower, which by the way, to keep up appearances, you really should do. That way you can see if I left anything out of place.

  Good idea, Ashley said. I would never think of things like that. Let me go and see if your clothes are dry.

  He returned with a sweet-smelling pile. I put extra drier sheets in, he said.

  I buried my nose in my fragrant clothes and went back to the bathroom to get dressed. I hurried as it was getting late and I was worried Rob would come home. I was also worried about how I would get back to my room.

  Ash, can we call a cab to take me back to where we met up?

  Ashley jumped to his feet. Don’t be silly. I’ll take you back with pleasure. Is there anywhere closer I can take you?

  The corner of the main intersections would be great, I said.

  I patted my bag and suddenly realized what I had left behind in my room when I set out earlier that morning.

  Ash, here’s an odd question for you but do you have a torch? I mean a flashlight that I could borrow? I thought of lying to him about why I needed it, but I didn’t want to do that and decided to say nothing instead.

  Of course we do. We have all shapes and sizes. Although why we do is beyond me, we never go camping. You’re a much hardier soul than me, I can tell you that.

  He had offered me an out with the camping story, and I grabbed it with both hands. It does get tough, I agreed.

  He led me back to the basement and handed me a flashlight, testing it.

  Morse code, he said laughing, flashing it on and off. Although I have no idea what morse code really is. Does anyone, ever?

  I shook my head, agreeing with him.

  Do we have a date? he asked on the drive back. Next time Rob’s in Montreal, I can cook you that feast?

  I assured him he could.

  But, he said, how will I get a hold of you? If I give you my cell number, how can I be sure you’ll call?

  I don’t think I should call, given your boyfriend’s ways, I pointed out and he agreed.

  Ashley bit his lip, thinking. I don’t know, he said. He sounded miserable.

  When is Rob going to Montreal again?

  I don’t know.

  I know what to do, I said. We’ll leave notes at the church or whatever you call it. What do you think?

  Ashley agreed. We’ll go there now and find a place, he said. I don’t want to lose touch with you.

  We drove back to the now-deserted Kingdom Hall, and Ashley found a brick that he placed on top of a big rock under the big tree outside.

  I will check tomorrow night, he said.

  Fine, I said. I can reach my campsite easily from here, so I’ll say goodbye. Goodnight Ashley, and don’t forget to leave notes. I won’t either.

 
Be careful, he called out after me, and I shouted back that I would.

  I was trying to move as quietly as I could, and I wished I had asked Ash to drop me on the other side of the grounds so I wouldn’t have to go past the library.

  Something alerted me to quieten down even further, and I turned my flashlight off and crept towards the library, with all my senses on high alert.

  And there, as I suspected, was Lenny.

  26. THE CONVULSION

  LENNY WAS PACING UP AND DOWN outside the library in a fury. I had never seen anyone so angry. He hit the door with his fists and swore loudly.

  I watched his freckled face turn increasingly red and his eyes seemed fit to burst. He scratched at his arms so hard he drew blood and the red smears looked like war paint.

  He grabbed a heavy mallet that he must have brought with him and pounded at the door, but Mr Fix-It had clearly done a very efficient job.

  Lenny finally stopped hitting the door, and he dropped to the ground and howled, an ungodly sound that echoed through the forest. I shrank back against the tree, hardly able to breathe.

  He got up and walked around the building, and I heard him spewing a litany of unspeakable profanities as he hit the walls with his mallet. He rounded the corner, heading in my direction, and I shrank down even farther, crouching low, not daring to move a muscle, my hand clamped against my mouth for fear of making a sound. I waited for what seemed like hours till he finally calmed down and just stood there, looking at the building, thinking.

  Then he dropped the mallet onto the ground, and stuck his hands in the low pockets of his red jeans and slouched off through the grass and down the road, away from me.

  And I, taking tiny breaths, inched my way towards my room, trying to be as quiet as possible, and watching out for his return all the way.

  At least I was hidden by foliage. The jungle-like trees and bushes that were on the schoolgrounds had exploded with half-crazed shrubs determined to take over the world before summer’s end. I had to push my way through low-hanging wild grapevines that dangled green-and-purple spawn. The place was tropical and over-grown and bird-gnawed crab apples lay scattered and rotting on the ground.

  I reached the main door of the admin building with infinite relief and rushed to my room, locked myself in and sank down onto my bed.

  I really could have done with a drink. I tugged off my shoes, my joy of the shower long gone, and my delight in having met Ashley already a distant memory, wiped clean by Lenny’s fury.

  I wondered what the problem was with Lenny and the library. Something must have happened, and I hoped it meant he would be hanging around less although I doubted that would be the case. That this broken school was his playground filled me with anger. This was my world too. I was as entitled to be here as he was, and he had no right to drive me out. I got my knife and my pepper spray out and lined them up next to my bed.

  You’ll be the one to pay, not me, I muttered, getting into my pyjamas, and I was startled by the depth of my anger. I won’t leave, you will, you rancid king. Don’t take me on, boyo, you’ll be sorry.

  Decision made, battle ground established, I felt calmer. I sat on the bed eating cold tomato soup out of a boxy container and paging through Imran’s notebook. I felt empowered by his battle cries even though they had nothing to do with my cause.

  “Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not.”

  I would not let Lenny win. And The Satantic Verses agreed:

  You are sand and I am water. Water washes sand away. Lenny to me.

  And my rebuttal: And the desert soaks up water…. Look around you.

  My decision to not be cowed by Lenny, my relief at being safe again in my room, and the spicy smell and softness of my freshly-washed hair all encouraged a sense of well-being. I felt happy again.

  I ate more soup and wondered what Imran had been up to lately. No harm in taking a trip to the library the next day.

  I finished my soup and lay down on my back with my hands on my chest. I really liked Ashley, but I did not like the sound of Rob. Ashley’s loneliness, combined with Rob’s jealousy, could mean trouble for me.

  I wondered what Ash did all day except look elegant and lovely and play chef in his big mansion. I would ask him the next time we met.

  The night was silent. There was no tapping on my wall. Not yet anyway.

  Tired out, I climbed into my sleeping bag and turned out my flashlight. Before I knew it, I was fast asleep.

  27. THE BATTLE ARRAY

  THE NEXT MORNING I WOKE with a sense of foreboding. I could not remember what was troubling me. I was safe and sound in my cubbyhole, and things were fine, and the night had passed without any noisy visitors. But then I recalled Lenny’s anger and his obsession with the library, and I knew there was trouble to come.

  I inched down further into my sleeping bag trying to recapture the feeling of power I had enjoyed before falling asleep.

  Realizing it was hopeless and that I was wide awake, I decided to get dressed and go into town. Furthermore, I was going back to Tim’s.

  I saw Lenny through the window as I approached. He was in his usual spot surrounded by his lieutenants and hangers-on. To my surprise, Kitty Cat, the wasp in my ice cream soda,was absent and the gap she left was palpable. The other girls in the group looked miserable and lost, and even the lieutenants looked edgy while Lenny just looked livid.

  I wondered if maybe Kitty had done a runner on them, taking all their drugs or money, but that would have surprised me because I thought she had a big thing for Lenny. I wouldn’t have thought she would be the one to leave.

  I saw one of the lieutenants poke Lenny and point in my direction. I paused and stared back at Lenny, and then I walked inside, as calmly as I could.

  I was standing at the counter when I smelled him before I felt him. When I did feel him, he was standing too close to me, right snug up against my back and I stiffened but did not move.

  What do you think you know, bitch? he whispered in my ear and his breath was hot. You don’t know fuck all. You want to take me on or what?

  I shook my head. I just want to be left alone. I don’t know what you think I know. I don’t know anything.

  Right, Lenny said, and he made a wanking motion with his hand that I could feel against my back.

  I turned to face him, and the counter ledge dug hard into my back.

  Let me say this in a way you can understand, I whispered. Stay the fuck away from me, Lenny.

  And if I don’t?

  Why don’t you try me? And I mean just you, not you and your little bum boys. Just you and me right?

  Something in my expression made Lenny back off slightly and I pressed my advantage.

  I won’t bug you, you don’t bug me, do we have a deal?

  I stared at him.

  Suddenly a voice broke into our space.

  Is there a problem here?

  A short slender police officer was at my side. I had seen her around town and I had always ducked down when I passed her. She was young and pretty, East Indian, and had long black hair done in a braid down her back. A diamond stud sparkled in her beaky little nose. She had large brown eyes and a sharp chin that jutted aggressively.

  I asked you if we had a problem here?

  Tell me, Lenny, I asked evenly. Do we have a problem here?

  Lenny turned a burnt red that looked painful.

  No, officer. No problem here.

  How about telling me that? I insisted. Are you going to leave me alone?

  What the fuck would I want with you? Lenny held his hands in the air, backed up, turned around and sauntered out of the coffee shop.

  I grabbed my coffee and tried to move past the police officer but
she had somehow body-blocked me into a corner by the washroom door. There was nowhere for me to go.

  You want to be careful of him, the police officer said, pointing at Lenny’s departing slouch. I’m Officer Serena Arif Kareem. You can call me Serena.

  She held her hand out to me and I shook it.

  Joss, I said, since it seemed necessary to offer a greeting in return.

  Been in town long? Serena asked casually. I’ve seen you around a couple of times. Are you here for the summer?

  I stared at my coffee. To my dismay, things seemed to be getting very complicated when all I wanted was to be left in peace. I was getting increasingly angry at how difficult that was turning out to be and as my frustrations rose in a tidal wave, I wanted nothing more than to tell Serena, as I had Lenny, to leave me the fuck alone. But I sensed that would be the kind of error that would get me run out of town.

  I haven’t been here long, I said, matching her casual tone. Nice town you have here. I’m from London, actually. London, England.

  I put on my most pukka accent in the hopes that it would distract Serena but no luck there.

  Where are you staying?

  Do you ask all the tourists that? I countered.

  Serena laughed. Just the ones I find having altercations with our friend Lenny. He’s trouble, you know.

  You don’t have to tell me, I agreed. I told him to leave me alone. He sees a girl on holiday by herself and thinks she’s fair game. Well, he’s dead wrong.

  Serena looked at me. You wouldn’t want to mess with him, she said. She thought for a moment and dug in her pocket. This is my phone number, she said. If you do get into any hot water.

  I took the card and thanked her. I pocked the card and ducked around her, thinking I would buy the rest of my breakfast elsewhere.

  Have a safe day, Serena called out after me, and I felt as if she was laughing at me in some way but I couldn’t be sure.

  When I got outside, I avoided eye contact with Lenny’s gang, and I made sure I didn’t walk away too quickly or too slowly. I remembered a boyfriend of Mum’s, a man from the wrong side of the tracks who was courting her briefly before Mr. Alright stepped in firmly. This man had been mixed up in all sorts of things — mainly the kind of things that fell off the back of a truck — and I recalled him telling me it was all in the walk, the getting away with it.