He sounded so disgruntled that Lani wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind in a hug. “Geo, those pancakes were the nicest thing anyone’s done for me in forever. They were delicious and I loved them, okay? Every bite.” She gave him a squeeze. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Smirking, he turned his head and pointed to his nose with a questioning sound.
She bit back an answering smile. “Somehow I don’t think Bosch would approve.”
“Silly dog doesn’t know what he’s missing.”
Another giggle escaped her. “Well, he doesn’t get to change his mind. No nose kisses for him, he’s too scary.”
“He is pretty scary when it comes to nose kisses.” Geo paused. “I’m not scary, though, and I love nose kisses. All kisses, really.”
A little shiver went through her. “Mmm, you did give me an alternate target once.”
He shrugged. “That one’s my favorite, to be honest.” Despite the nonchalant tone, his pulse throbbed visibly in the hollow of his throat, and her own heart started to thud.
“I guess if that’s your favorite...”
The sound of his hoarse chuckle echoed in her ears even as their lips met and clung together for several breathless seconds.
“Definitely my favorite,” he whispered, the words little puffs of air against her cheek.
“Mine, too.” She kissed him again, lingeringly, her arms tightening around his shoulders at the hot slickness of his tongue, which danced briefly along hers. When it ended, Geo took her hand and eased her around into his lap.
He linked his arms loosely around her waist as she nestled against his chest with a sigh. For several long minutes they held each other without speaking, his face buried in her throat while she stroked his hair.
Finally he croaked, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” She knew he didn’t mean the kiss. “Geo, one year ago a bomb went off in your life. It’s okay to need help with that.”
At those words, a giant shudder passed through him.
“I get it. I’ve been there. I’m still there, in a lot of ways. It’s not anything I’m ever going to ‘get over.’”
His ragged breathing stilled, as if he was holding it, waiting.
“But I’m also not going to let his death define me anymore. Tyler’s life and suicide were his, not mine.” She paused, then said gently, “Just like your responsibility as a teammate and friend was to Cade—to always treat him with respect, honor and loyalty—but you were not responsible for him, okay? You weren’t responsible for his thoughts, his actions, his happiness...”
Geo gazed up at her, his eyes liquid with a pain he had no idea what to do with. “How did you—” He broke off, his throat working as he swallowed hard, and she pressed their foreheads together.
“I started talking about it. I started sharing it with other people who’d walked in my shoes, and I didn’t hold back. Realizing I’m not alone is when I took that first step toward healing—true healing.”
He nodded, his lips tight.
Lani kissed his temple, then climbed off his lap. “Easier said than done, I know.”
She watched him get to his feet and move to the sink, where he began to wash the plates, his movements sharp, purposeful, shoulders bunched.
“We were good at compartmentalizing grief before we were even adults,” she thought, “and the SEALs taught you how to become a master at it, didn’t they? But all of a sudden those boxes won’t stay closed.”
Sensing he was once again on the verge of bolting, Lani picked up a dish towel and started to dry, feverishly racking her brain for something to say that’d lighten the mood. A dollop of suds landed on the back of her hand, and without thinking, she flicked them at him. “Take that.”
He huffed. “Oh, yeah?” Scooping up a handful of bubbles, he plopped them on her head, where they immediately slid down her cheek, onto her chest and right into her cleavage.
His eyes widened in consternation, but before he could say anything, she patted herself dry with the neckline of her tank top. “I didn’t know this was a wet T-shirt contest.” With that, she dunked her hand in the sink full of water and plastered her open palm right in the middle of Geo’s chest. “Now we’re even.”
He looked down at the soggy palm print, then back up at her. Laughing, she danced backward as he stalked toward her, until her butt was up against the counter. Geo caged her in with his arms, his body close but not quite touching hers. She gazed up at him with a smirk, a lock of wet hair annoyingly stuck to her cheek. Before she could brush it away, he reached up with gentle fingertips and did it for her.
“Beautiful girl,” he murmured, his thumb lingering on her cheekbone. “I love your laugh.”
“I love how you make me laugh.” Biting her lip, Lani toyed with the hem of his T-shirt. “Are you going to stay with me?”
After a brief hesitation, he nodded, and she let out a long, slow breath. “Good. And just so you know, forcing you to talk isn’t part of the deal. If you want to, though, I’m here.”
“I want to.” He tucked the hair behind her ear, his mouth looking a bit less pinched. “I know I need to. It’s just—I have no idea where to start.”
The memory of that first time walking into Maura’s office washed over her, along with all of its accompanying anxiety. She forced it back, hoping it didn’t show on her face. He needed her to be empathetic, cool and capable right now, not an emotional basket case.
“I know it’s not easy,” she said again, proud of how calm she sounded. “In fact, it’ll be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done, not gonna lie.”
He studied her for a moment, his expression smoothing out, that hint of vulnerability still in his eyes. “I appreciate your honesty. It, uh—” He swallowed. “It does help to know I’m not alone.”
“You’re not alone,” she said fervently. “And we’ll get through this together, okay?”
“Okay.” Pulling her to him, Geo hugged her tight. “The sooner I can stop disrupting your life and get back to my platoon, the better, right?”
Her heart gave a painful throb. “Right.”
“I think I’m gonna go pack some stuff, check on Bosch. You need me to pick anything up while I’m out?”
With sheer force of will, she managed to sound breezy. “Nah, I’m good.” Pulling away from him, she rummaged in her junk drawer and extracted her spare key, which she pressed into his hand. “Make yourself at home. I’ll be around most of the day.” She paused. “I do have my support group tomorrow...”
“Okay.” With a noncommittal sound, he stuck the key in his pocket. “See you later.”
After he’d gone, Lani ran for the bathroom and her shower, where she stood under the spray and let the hot tears flow unchecked. “Fuck, what am I doing?”
Despite her best efforts, all of her old insecurities reared their ugly heads. They started hissing that she wasn’t strong enough, or smart enough—that not only had she failed Tyler, she’d failed Rhys, and soon it would be Geo...
“I think you’re doing a beautiful job.” The memory of Maura’s words echoed in her ears, drowning out the strident voices. “What he needs right now is an empathetic friend.”
Lani leaned back against the wet tile and scrubbed her hands over her face.
“Remember, he doesn’t need you to fix him,” she reminded herself. “What he needs is someone to listen, and to understand. You can do that.”
Feeling a bit more calm, and proud of how quickly she’d turned it around this time, she got out of the shower and dried herself off with brisk motions. She would do it. She’d use her pain to help Geo navigate his, and hopefully in the process find a way to give meaning to her own journey.
Wiping off the mirror, she stared at her foggy reflection.
“You’ll also protect your heart at all costs, you hear me?�
� she said fiercely. “You know damn good and well that the minute he can, Geo’s gonna walk out that door for good.”
He would leave. And he wouldn’t look back.
Because that’s what SEALs do. Don’t you ever forget it.
Chapter Fifteen
“Geo! Hey!”
Geo spun around, a jolt of surprise and pleasure going through him at the sight of Matt’s welcoming smile. “What? You’re here, too? Why aren’t you at Langley?”
They bumped knuckles as Matt said, grinning, “Some of the CIA instructors got re-tasked at the last minute, so Master Chief gave us the option of coming home for a few days if we wanted.” He turned to the blond man at his side. “This is the K9 guy I was telling you about, babe, the one whose dog almost took a chunk out of my ass?”
“Oh, yeah. That was funny.” The man shot Geo a devastating grin. “I’m Shane, by the way. Matt’s fiancé.”
Dazzled almost speechless by Shane’s movie-star good looks, Geo mumbled a greeting as they gripped hands in a tight shake.
Holy. Shit. No wonder Matt wanted to come home. Geo’d be on the first plane, too. Damn.
“Trust me, this dog is so badass,” Matt was saying enthusiastically. “Are you busy right now, Geo? Can we take Shane to meet him?”
“He might not be busy, but I have that brief in ten minutes,” Shane reminded him. “Some other time.”
They started walking again as Geo fell into step beside them.
“Shane’s been offered a billet as a BUD/S instructor until his medical board meets,” Matt said. “Second Phase.” He grunted. “Talk about a destroyer of dreams.”
Geo shuddered. It was true. So many guys survived Hell Week only to fall victim to Second Phase’s pool competency, arguably the most challenging training evolution in all of BUD/S. He’d squeaked through it himself by the skin of his teeth, the specter of Cade losing that bet hanging over his head like a sword waiting to fall...
He must’ve made some kind of noise, because Shane glanced at him curiously. Geo cleared his throat. “Right. Second Phase is not a fun memory.”
“It ranks up there as being some of the worst weeks of my life,” Matt agreed. “This clown aced it, though.”
“What can I say? I’m comfortable in the water.” Shane rubbed his hands together theatrically before saying, “In all seriousness, I’m eager to get a glimpse of BUD/S from the inside out, and now the guy I’m replacing can get back to operational status a few months sooner. It’s basically a win-win.”
Geo and Matt parted ways with Shane at the entrance to the Naval Special Warfare Center, then ambled along the sidewalk in the direction of the kennel.
“So how are you doing?”
At Matt’s soft query, Geo shrugged. “Okay, I guess. I’ve been talking to a friend who’s a suicide survivor herself.”
“Yeah? You think it’ll help?”
He thought about Lani’s quiet empathy, her understanding, even in the face of her shock at the true nature of Cade’s death. “I think it will, given some time. I’m gonna be staying with her at her place.”
“Really? That’s great.” Matt looked like he was debating with himself, then said, “I’d, uh, been planning to talk to Shane about you staying with us for a while. Didn’t want you to be alone,” he added. “Those barracks are depressing as fuck even in the best of times.”
Geo blinked, warmth sprouting in his chest, but before he could say anything, Matt went on, “Swim buddies, you know? Least we could do.”
“Thanks, Matt.” Geo elbowed him in the side. “You’re a great swim buddy.”
An embarrassed but pleased look flitted over Matt’s face, and suddenly, Geo found himself offering to bring Bosch by their team room to meet anyone else who was interested.
“It’s my opinion that every troop should have a multi-purpose K9.” He grinned. “Lemme pitch it to your lieutenant.”
“Ha. Done.” Matt dug his phone out of his pocket, thumbs flying. “Just texted the El-Tee. I’ll let you know.”
After he’d trotted off to run his errands while he waited for Shane, Geo headed for the kennel, where he leashed Bosch up and took him for a punishing run. Forty minutes later, dripping with sweat, endorphins coursing through his blood, he crouched to give him a drink. “Exercise is the only therapy I need, right, boy?” he panted. “Fuck that psychologist shit.”
Or the support group. The thought of walking into a room full of wild-eyed, tearstained strangers made him queasy. He didn’t want to hear their stories, or relive their pain, or feel like a bug under a microscope. Besides, SEALs weren’t supposed to need their hands held, weren’t supposed to be perceived as failures who couldn’t figure their shit out on their own. That went against everything he’d learned, everything he stood for, and the last thing he wanted to do was expose his weaknesses.
Tamping down a flicker of discomfort, he said to Bosch, “You know I don’t mean Lani, right? It’s different for her. She was a kid.”
Bosch didn’t have an opinion to offer, just gazed at him with his dark, impassive eyes.
“It’s fucking different, okay?”
After getting back to the kennel, Geo dug out his phone and found a text from Matt.
Meet us at the O-course!
He slipped Bosch’s muzzle on, grabbed a small duffel of equipment, then headed over to the SEAL obstacle course, a sadistic collection of apparatus that had sent many a BUD/S candidate stumbling to ring the infamous bell.
Once there, Matt introduced him to Lieutenant Bradley. “Okay, convince me,” he said, grinning. “And if you can fit in a workout for us somewhere in there, all the better.”
His blood racing with anticipation, Geo faced the semi-circle of men waiting expectantly. A few of their expressions held smirks, a few trepidation, and a couple more excitement.
At his feet, Bosch sat quietly, his ears pricked.
“Okay, here’s how it’s gonna go,” Geo said. “I’ll pick him up and hand him to you. You hold him for a minute, then hand him back to me. Do not hand him off without giving him back to me first. Got it?”
A few murmured “Checks” went around the circle, and then Geo bent his knees and picked up Bosch, one arm under his chest and the other under his hindquarters. He approached the first man in line, a short, muscular Black guy.
“This is Bosch. What’s your name?”
“Aaron.” With a confident grin, Aaron took Bosch from him, held him for a minute, then passed him back to Geo.
“What’s the purpose of the name shit?” a blond white man next to Aaron asked almost belligerently. He was one of the apprehensive ones.
“Introducing yourself is only polite. Plus, this is all to indicate to Bosch that I trust you, so he should, too. Your name?”
“Mullet.”
“Okay. Nicknames work, too. This is Bosch.”
Mullet took Bosch gingerly, screwed his nose up in distaste and immediately pivoted to hand him off to Matt, who raised his hands and backed away.
“Whoa. Way to follow directions there, asshole.”
“Take him. Take him.” He thrust Bosch at Matt, who had no choice but to take him or else Bosch would fall to the ground.
A few grunts and mutters of “Weak” went around the circle. Mullet wiped his hand over his forehead and glared at them.
“I had a bad experience with a dog as a kid, okay? Fuck all y’all.”
Geo took Bosch from an apologetic Matt, shooting him an “It’s okay” look.
“The point here isn’t to force you to like dogs,” he said evenly. “The point is to establish a trust reference. Out in the field, in the confusion and heat of the moment, now Bosch won’t go after you.” He couldn’t help but add, “In theory, anyway.”
More razzing as Mullet visibly paled. “Don’t need no fuckin’ K9 in our unit,” he muttered. “Fuck th
at dog.”
Geo approached the next man in line, a tall, freckled redhead.
“Hey, Bosch,” the guy said with a smile as he reached for him. “I’m Rhys.”
This time Geo almost dropped him. This was Rhys? Lani’s Rhys?
No, not hers. Her ex.
Geo studied Rhys covertly. Gah, the dude was gorgeous, with that red hair and those striking green eyes. A wholly unaccustomed, idiotic spurt of jealousy slithered through him. Stiffly, he reached for Bosch. “Okay, you’re done.”
Rhys raised a questioning eyebrow, then shrugged, handing Bosch back without comment.
At last, the introductions over, Geo bent to dig a bite sleeve out of his duffel and slip it on his forearm. “I’ll play decoy, if you want to do the honors.” He took off Bosch’s muzzle and handed his leash to Matt. After giving him some quick instructions, Geo trotted a little ways off and took up an offensive stance. He nodded to Matt, who hissed, “Reveiren!” and unclipped his leash.
Bosch streaked toward Geo, a black-and-tan blur of motion, and then he leapt, body fully extended, to clamp hard onto Geo’s protected forearm. They fought, Geo doing his best to dislodge Bosch’s grip on him, but the pressure exerted by a canine in full bite was impossible to loosen.
Shouts from the guys echoed in Geo’s ears as he stumbled around in the sand, sixty-five pounds of fur and muscle firmly attached and not going anywhere. At last Geo raised his free hand in surrender. Immediately, Matt trotted up and gave Bosch the “release” command, then tossed him a Kong.
“Okay, pretty cool,” Mullet called begrudgingly. “But no way can that thing run the O-course with us.”
“Wanna bet?”
Instantly one-and five-dollar bills started flying. A grinning Shane took charge of the money. “I’m restricted from the course at the moment, so I’ll be the bookie.”
Geo took off the bite sleeve and slipped into a chest harness. “I’ll need a swim buddy,” he started to say, glancing at Matt, but Rhys raised his hand.
“I’m in.”
Geo couldn’t help but stiffen as Rhys strolled toward him with a loose-limbed, lazy grace that sparked the jealousy right back to life, a little stronger this time. He and Lani must’ve made a beautiful couple...
Trusting a Warrior Page 19
