She set out at a brisk pace, and when he finally caught up, he muttered, “You lied to me. I think you’re a secret exerciser.”
“Ha, no.” She crinkled her nose at him. “I like to walk, and my job means I’m always on my feet and moving, so—”
He nodded before jogging off into the distance. Lani crossed her fingers and prayed, her breath escaping in a muffled groan of relief when he soon circled back around and fell into step beside her.
He didn’t say anything, but he also didn’t seem ready to bolt, so she took a chance. “Tell me about escorting him home.”
After a few beats of silence, Geo let out a grunt. “What’s there to tell? Bosch and I rode all the way from Bagram with him in a C-17.” His tone was carefully noncommittal, but Lani detected a thread of something else there...
Before she could probe any more, he went on, “There was this one fucking airman, though, who couldn’t even look at me. When he brought me the transfer paperwork, he practically shoved it in my face and ran back down the ramp.”
Geo’s jaw rippled, and suddenly, as if a lid had been lifted on a violently boiling kettle, the words spewed out. “I wanted to grab that little pissant and shake him. I wanted to scream that that metal box didn’t contain just anyone, it contained a man who’d loved his country and his family. It contained a decorated SEAL who’d saved countless lives. A husband, a father, a friend, not just—”
When he broke off, she finished softly, “You wanted him to know that Cade was more than the way he died.”
“Yes.” That one word burst out of him. “He was, Lani. He was so much more than that.”
“Then tell me. Tell me about him.”
Taking his arm, she listened as Geo told her about a guy who guzzled Rip Its and red licorice like they were going out of style, who could quote the movie Tombstone from the opening credits to the very last line, and who’d once—accidentally, famously—taken a huge swig of someone else’s dip spit when reaching for what he thought was a bottle of water.
She gagged. “Ewww, gross.”
Barking out a laugh, Geo said, “Damn, that was funny as hell. We were all like, ‘Noooo! Don’t spit it back out in here!’”
“Ugh.” She shuddered. “Poor Cade.”
“Some of the guys tried calling him Spittoon.” Geo shook his head, still chuckling. “He never protested it, just refused to answer to it.”
He fell silent, and desperate to keep the momentum going, Lani threaded their fingers together and dragged him toward a nearby convenience store.
“Ooh, that gives me an idea. C’mon.”
Inside the store, she picked out a couple of energy drinks and some Twizzlers, paid for them quickly, and headed for home. Once there, Geo stood by, clearly mystified, as she dug through her Blu-Ray collection, at last emerging triumphant holding a copy of Tombstone.
“I hereby declare this the First Annual Cade Barlow Memorial Movie Night,” she announced, pointing at the couch. “Have a seat.”
He did, staring in bemusement as she popped the tab on one of the drinks and set it at the end of the coffee table. She handed Geo the other can before opening the bag of Twizzlers and dividing them up three ways.
As the opening credits of the movie rolled, she could see him glancing at the solitary can and licorice, over to her, and back to the TV screen. Her heart thudding, praying once again she was doing the right thing, she said, “Put your feet up and relax. Let’s watch his favorite movie with him.”
After a long, silent moment, Geo at last raised his can toward the other one in a toast, took a swig, then put it down carefully. Turning to Lani, he wrapped her up in his arms.
“Thank you,” he whispered into her hair. “I love this.”
“Mmm.” She nestled against his chest, her whole body going limp in relief. “Every year on my birthday, Tyler would take me to a movie and buy me some Milk Duds and a Dr. Pepper. He’d have Raisinets.” She shuddered. “Yuck. I hate Raisinets, but now on my birthday I go to a movie and buy them anyway. It makes me feel close to him again.”
Sighing, he settled back into the couch, still holding her. “This is perfect—Rip Its, Twizzlers and Tombstone. I can almost picture him slouched over there, quoting his favorite lines.”
“What about Renae? Were you close to her, too?”
Geo stiffened, but he didn’t let her go. “Their door was always open, if any of us needed a couch to crash on, or someone to talk to. She never made us feel unwelcome, as if we were intruding, although a lot of times we were. Most times.” He swallowed hard, his voice roughening. “I abandoned her, Lani. I couldn’t even go to his funeral.”
Lani’s heart ached, but she didn’t say anything, just rubbed her palm in soothing circles over his chest.
“I never called her or went to see her. It’s been a whole fucking year, and I...”
When he trailed off, she sat up and looked at him. “What about now? It’s not too late.”
He blinked. “What?”
“In a lot of ways, the second year is the hardest, simply because you’re past all those ‘firsts’—first birthday, first anniversary, first holidays. There are no more milestones, and now you’ve just gotta slog through life. She’ll need friends more than ever. It’s not too late.”
“But—but what do I—”
“Just show up, maybe take care of something she hasn’t had the time or ability to. Trim the hedges, clean out the gutters, take a load of stuff to the dump.” Lani patted his chest. “You don’t have to say anything profound, or think you’re going to ‘fix’ what she’s going through, because you can’t. Just be there, Geo. Just show up. It’s not too late.”
Shaking his head, he mumbled, “You make it sound so simple...”
“Sometimes the simplest things mean the most.” She paused. “You’re worried that she’s angry at you for not going to the funeral.”
When he nodded, she said, “To be honest, she probably didn’t even notice, as focused as she was on getting herself and her kids through it. But if you really want to show up and make a difference, now is a great time. It’s not too late, I promise you.”
Geo’s arms tightened around her as he mulled that over. “Is this the kind of stuff you talk about in your group?”
Lani’s tummy flipped over, but she managed to keep her voice even. “Sometimes, sure. We talk about anything and everything. Guilt, fault, anger, all of it.”
He squeezed his eyes shut.
“Whatever you’re feeling,” she said quietly, “I guarantee someone in that group has felt that way, too. It’s a safe space. A welcoming space. And it’s freed me in a way I never thought possible.”
He didn’t reply, so—the seed having been planted—she grabbed up a Twizzler and took a huge bite. “God, I haven’t had one of these in forever.” Then she grimaced. “Bleah. Now I remember why.”
“Says the girl who likes Milk Duds.”
“What?” Lani glared at him in pretend outrage. “What’s wrong with Milk Duds?”
“Oh, I don’t know. They rip your fillings out?”
She opened her mouth to counter, then snapped it shut.
“Uh-huh,” Geo said. “I’m right, aren’t I?”
“Hmph. It was a loose tooth, okay? Not a filling.” She narrowed her eyes. “What’s your favorite candy?”
He shrugged. “All of them. Well, except for Milk Duds. Obviously.”
“Good. More for me.” After elbowing him lightly in the ribs, she leaned forward to pick up her water from the coffee table. As she did, she lifted her hair away from her neck, sighing in relief at the cool air on her sweaty skin.
God, I don’t know how you do this day in and day out, Maura. You’re a fucking rock star.
“Hey, what’s this?” Geo asked. “You have a tattoo here?” Gentle fingertips brushed over her nape. “What is i
t? I mean, I can see it’s a cardinal, but...”
His calloused thumb traced the small tattoo, over and over. The slight rasp tightened her nipples, made her shiver. Goose bumps springing up everywhere, Lani swallowed her gulp of water. “I got it, what,” she said huskily, “maybe three years ago now?”
Suddenly restless, needing to move, she pushed to her feet and headed for the kitchen. After a moment, Geo followed, propping his hips against the counter as she started to put away the neglected groceries. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” His voice was hushed. “I’m sorry.”
She snapped her head around to look at him. “Oh, Geo, don’t be sorry. It’s not a bad memory, at all. It’s just—”
“An ambush moment?”
Her chest tightened. “It used to be.” Putting down the box of pasta she was holding, Lani crossed to him and mirrored his pose. “Tyler was a huge St. Louis Cardinals fan. Like, huge. During baseball season it was all he could talk about. For a long time after his death, I couldn’t handle seeing or hearing anything about them, which sucked, because I loved them, too.”
She tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling.
“One night, some dude came into the bar. Kind of like you, he was toasting a friend who’d passed away, and I remember asking him about this really elaborate tattoo on his forearm. It was a Stormtrooper helmet, and he said he’d gotten it because his friend loved Star Wars. So that got me thinking.”
“A cardinal for Tyler.”
“Yes. Because he loved the Cardinals, and because whenever I picture him now, it’s always as a bird flying free, at peace.” She shrugged. “It seemed fitting.”
“But why here?” Geo touched the nape of his own neck. “You can’t even see it. Why...?”
“I don’t have to see it to know it’s there.” She smiled. “Kind of like Tyler being at peace. It’s not something I can see, but I need to believe it exists, for my own sake.”
Geo went still. “I’ve struggled with that, too. Is Cade at peace now? Is that how it works?”
Lani’s heart ached at the thread of anguish running through his words. “A suicide-attempt survivor came to talk to our group a few weeks ago. He told us that when he finally made his plan, it was the first time in a long time he’d felt relief, that knowing there would soon be an end to his pain was a strange sort of peace all on its own.” She swallowed hard. “So yes, I believe that’s how it works.”
Geo closed his eyes, and with a pat to his shoulder, she went back to the groceries. As she stood on tiptoe to put the box of pasta high on the shelf, she heard his footsteps behind her.
“You have no idea how much you’ve helped me tonight. Thank you.”
“I’m glad.”
“You’re amazing,” he went on softly. “Wise, compassionate, patient...” A pause. “Not to mention so beautiful it hurts.”
She let out a hoarse chuckle, a pleasurable tingle going through her. “Well, as to the first part, I have a great therapist. The second? All a matter of opinion.”
“Hmm. It’s definitely my opinion that you’re beautiful.” Geo rested his hands lightly on her hips. “And sweet. Oh, and sexy. Should I go on?”
The tingle turned into a blaze of heat that pooled low in her belly. “Umm, sexy?” she quavered. “Nah.”
“Mm-hmm.” Leaning down, he brushed his lips over her bare shoulder. “Sexy. As. Hell.”
Lani’s knees turned to jelly as he placed tiny, open-mouthed kisses along her shoulder and up into the curve of her neck. Helplessly, she tilted her head to the side, and Geo let out a low growl, biting down lightly on the tendon there, his tongue soothing the tiny sting. His breath was ragged in her ear, the hard ridge pressing into her hip unmistakable.
Her heartbeat immediately kicked into overdrive, her blood racing hot through her veins. It’d been so long since she’d made love to a man she cared about, and one who cared about her in return. The overwhelming desire to be held by him, to feel him against her—inside her—swept over her in a dizzying wave.
All she’d have to do was turn around and take him in her arms.
“Lani?” he whispered hoarsely in her ear. “Do you want me to stop?”
Did she? She’d be going into this with no illusions, no stars in her eyes. Geo wasn’t right for her, and he’d made it crystal clear that getting back to his unit was his only goal.
As for her, she could handle her burgeoning feelings. She’d have to, because life with a SEAL wasn’t in the cards for her and never would be. But he was here now, and he wanted her, and Lord knew she wanted him with every fiber of her being.
So Lani drew in a deep breath...
And turned.
Chapter Seventeen
“I don’t want you to stop.”
Geo went boneless as she ran her palms up over his chest to wrap her arms around his neck. She lifted her face and, heart thumping, body aching, he brushed their lips together lightly, once, twice.
“Mmm,” she breathed. “More.”
Her kiss this time was lusher, deeper, a melding of mouths that stole every last bit of his breath. He poured all of his longing into it, his need, and he fought to keep his hands gentle despite wanting to crush her close and never let her go.
When she pulled away, he grunted a protest, but Lani just threaded their fingers together to lead him down the hall to her bedroom, where she turned and moved languidly back into his arms.
He rested his hands on her hips as she gazed up at him, her eyes soft, her face dappled by the moonlight streaming in through the blinds on the window.
“So beautiful,” he murmured. “I wish...”
That I could freeze this moment in time.
Her voice a mere thread of sound, Lani whispered, “Kiss me.”
He did, his senses awash in the heat of her lips and tongue, the yielding softness of her body against his. Linking her arms tightly around his neck, she pressed closer, and they danced their way toward the soft, inviting bed.
Right as they reached it, though, she eased away and pushed Geo to sitting on the edge of it. He spread his knees, and she moved to stand between them, his mouth drying up completely when she reached for the buttons on her dress and teasingly flicked them open, one by one.
“You’re killing me,” he gasped, twisting his fingers in the comforter, his hungry gaze fastened to each tantalizing bit of skin as it was revealed. When the dress was open to her waist, she shrugged it off her shoulders and it fell away to pool softly around her feet, leaving her in a pink bra and bright purple panties.
“Sorry,” she said, watching his face. “My sexy matching sets don’t fit anymore.”
He almost couldn’t speak from the desire surging through him. Putting his hands on her hips, he pulled her closer and buried his face between her breasts. “Sweetheart, if you were any sexier,” he croaked, “I might spontaneously combust.”
She ran her hand down the back of his head to rest it on his nape. “How come you always know the right thing to say?”
“Not speaking anything but the truth.” He brushed his mouth against her. “Mmm. You feel so good, you smell so good. I’m so hard...”
Huffing out a laugh, Lani pushed him back on the bed and sprawled out next to him. He leaned over to kiss her softly.
“Is there anything you don’t like?” he asked. “In bed, I mean.”
Grabbing the back of his T-shirt, she wrestled it up and over his head, then pulled him on top of her. “Guys wearing too many clothes while in it.” She draped her arms around his shoulders. “Other than that, um, my feet are super ticklish.”
“So don’t suck your toes?” He took her giggle into his mouth, his own lips curving. “Noted.”
A warm, comforting silence fell as she stroked his back, her knees hugging his ribs. He breathed in the scent of her skin, wishing he could bot
tle it and take it with him, and he closed his eyes, purging his mind of everything except the need to give her pleasure.
To make love to her.
He ran his palm along one silken thigh as he kissed his way up her throat to her lips. Lani was waiting for him, her mouth welcoming his, her tongue a slick heat that curled his toes and wrenched a moan from deep in his chest.
He broke the kiss and climbed off the bed to strip off his shorts—well, tried to—his arousal making him clumsy.
At last he kicked them away and spread his arms wide. “What do you think? Should I take a second job as a stripper?”
Her eyes danced. “I think you might need to work on the presentation a bit.”
“Yeah?” Geo did a little shimmy, feeling silly, and free, amazed at the level of comfort he’d already reached with her.
“Oh, yeah, shake that booty.” Leaning back on her elbows, she braced one heel on the edge of the mattress and waved her knee idly back and forth. “More. Do your best Magic Mike impression.” She lifted an eyebrow. “Did you see that movie?”
“At least three times.” Geo shrugged. “Channing Tatum is fucking hot.” He watched her carefully to gauge her reaction to the reminder of his sexuality, but all she did was give a thoughtful nod.
“He is. Although I like Matt Bomer more.”
“Hmm.” Geo pretended to consider it. “I guess I wouldn’t kick him out of bed either.”
“Well, you’re sexier than both of them put together. Damn.” Her eyes fell to his cock, and her eyes widened. She scooted to the edge of the mattress, and when he drew close enough, wrapped her arms around his hips. Then she tilted her head back to gaze up at him. “Can I—?”
Tenderness made his hand shake as he smoothed her hair away from her flushed face. “I’m all yours,” he whispered.
She bit her lip, then leaned in to place a shy kiss on the slick, aching tip of him. Geo widened his stance, his abs tight with the effort of holding back. “Oh, yeah,” he encouraged her, then clenched his teeth as she took him deeper, her mouth a tight, moist heat that gripped him, her rhythmic tugging rapidly eroding his control.
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