Back To You This Christmas

by Sterling, S. L.

  "Do you know what the story or special meaning is behind it is, Mom?" I asked, folding the tissue paper that it had been wrapped in and placing it back in the box.

  "I do. You see, grandpa was never supposed to return from the war the Christmas he gave her this. He was supposed to go on another two tours before he was discharged from the Army. He was sent home on a two-day relief just before Christmas and he surprised her with this ornament. He said he always wanted to be with her, even though he was far away, and that this angel would watch over her while he was gone. He was deployed two days later as scheduled, and grandma was beside herself. She was convinced he wasn't going to be coming home to her.

  “Anyways, she prayed every night to that angel to send him back to her, and two weeks later, on Christmas Eve, grandpa showed up on the doorstep, surprising her. When she asked him what he was doing back, he explained that two days after he had been deployed, he got a strange feeling in his gut, one that wouldn't leave. Apparently, he requested to be discharged and pulled out of the deployment. Since the deployment was voluntary, they granted him that and sent him home. He got word two days after Christmas that on Christmas day, the troops he had been with had stumbled into a war zone and were caught in gunfire. Every one of the soldiers he had been with were killed."

  I wiped the tears that fell from my eyes and looked over to where Zack and Drew sat. Both had tears in their eyes as well.

  "This," my mother said, picking up the angel that sat on the chain around my neck, “is an exact replica of this one. Grandpa had it made for grandma the month before he died. It had special instructions to be passed down to the first girl born in the family, which is you, Lexi."

  I smiled and held the angel pendant tight in my hand.

  "Why don't you put the ornament on the tree, Lexi," Mom sniffled, handing it over to me.

  I took the angel from her and walked over to the tree, placing it right near the top. I stood looking at it for a minute, grasping the angel charm around my neck, thinking back to the last Christmas grandma had with us.

  * * *

  I sat in the dimly lit kitchen, everything now cleaned and put away from dinner, staring down into the cup of hot peppermint tea that sat in front of me. Mom and Dad had gone off to a banquet on the other end of town. Zach and Drew had gone to the store for some snack food. I was glad to have this time alone after what Mom and Dad had told us at dinner. It wasn't something that I was expecting, and it had completely thrown me for a loop. They announced that they were getting rid of my childhood home, the only place I knew to come for comfort when I needed it. They wanted to downsize and move somewhere warmer, sunnier, and smaller.

  I looked over to the pantry door and saw the familiar black marks on the doorframe that told us how much we had grown over the years. There were even marks there for Drew, because they always wanted to make sure that he felt a part of the family.

  I breathed in deeply, trying to figure out what I would do when I no longer had this home to come to, but nothing was coming to mind. A tear slipped down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away when I heard the front door open and close. I stayed where I was, hoping that no one saw me sitting alone in the dark. I really didn't want to be bothered with anyone or anything.

  I kept my head down, looking into that steaming cup of tea, when I felt two strong hands grip my shoulders. "What do you say, Lex, want some cake?" Drew asked, walking around the island and pulling out the coconut cream cake from the fridge.

  "Please," I whispered.

  He cut two rather large pieces, plated them, and slid one in front of me, holding out a fork for me to take. As I reached for it, he pulled it away, a gorgeous smile plastered on his face. I looked up at him but couldn’t help the tears in my eyes. The thought of this being our last Christmas in this house was almost too much to bear.

  "Lex, what's wrong?"

  "Where's Zach?" I asked, trying my best to avoid the inevitable.

  "I dropped him off at Ann Marie's." He pulled the chair out beside me and sat down. "So spill it. What’s got that pretty head of yours in such a mess?"

  I took a forkful of cake and put it in my mouth, trying to figure out how to share with him. "I guess it was the shock of the news that they want to sell the house. I always thought I would spend every Christmas here forever, you know, with my kids. I imagined all of us in that living room drinking apple cider and eating cinnamon buns while decorating the tree, forever."

  Drew was quiet and shook his head. "I get it."

  "You do?"

  "Of course, this is the only home you've known. It's natural for you to feel this way, but honestly, Lex, they are getting older. This place is huge, and I can't even begin to imagine the cost or the work of the upkeep. You aren't here to help, and Zach is in New York. I mean, it’s only them, all alone."

  "I know, it's just this place holds so many memories."

  "I know. It does for me too. You guys were all a big part of my childhood. After all, this is the only real feeling of home and family that I have."

  "It just comes as a shock, I guess. I certainly wasn't expecting them to say they were planning on selling." We both took a bite of cake at the same time, chewing in silence. "I wish there was something I could do."

  "Lexi, you have to support their decision and understand where they are coming from. I get it, it’s not easy. This place holds lots of memories for me too. It holds most of my memories, more than the actual house I grew up in. But memories, Lex, are in your heart and mind, not in some brick and mortar building. I mean, look at tonight, look at what a simple ornament can bring back to your memory."

  I felt my lips start to tremble at what Drew had said and began to cry hard now. He was right. It was still hard, but he was right. "Why are you always so sensible?"

  "Because your parents practically raised me. If I had stayed with my dad, I am sure I would have ended up where he did: in some alley behind the city mission, holding a brown paper bag." He stood up and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into him. He kissed the top of my head, squeezing the back of my neck.

  "Thanks." I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him tightly, inhaling the scent of his cologne.

  "What do you say we go for a walk? Get some fresh air? Just relax and forget what they told us tonight."

  "That sounds wonderful."

  Chapter 12

  Drew

  We walked into town and went directly to the little coffee shop in the center of the village. We had barely said a word on the way into town. I wanted her to know I was there for her, but I didn't want to push her. If she didn't want to talk about it, that was okay.

  The coffee shop was busy tonight, people who had been out Christmas shopping and skiing and were now coming in to have a warm drink and some food.

  "Did you want coffee or hot chocolate?" I asked, pulling out a chair over near the fireplace so Lexi could sit down.

  "Coffee." She smiled, pulling off her gloves and rubbing her hands together, warming them.

  I removed my hat, coat, and gloves and went over to the counter and ordered. I soon had two mugs of hot coffee piled high with whipped cream in front of me. "Miss, do you have any of those chocolate shavings you used to put on top?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder to see if Lexi was watching, but she was busy typing away on her phone.

  "I do. One second." She went over to the back counter returned carrying a jar. She sprinkled some on top of Lexi's mugs, dark chocolate and white chocolate died red. I thanked the lady and carried the mugs over to the table and set hers in front of her. Her eyes lit up as soon as she saw her mug.

  "Oh, my goodness, you remembered," she cried out, laughing.

  "Of course." I laughed. I had made the mistake of getting the whipped cream and chocolate shavings on her coffee for her birthday one year and she never had a coffee here without them, except for maybe at home.

  I took my coat off and flung it over the back of my chair and sat down, relaxing back, taking a sip of my coffee.
Lexi looked around the little shop at the Christmas decorations that were displayed, and a look of sadness came over her face.

  "What is it?"

  "Nothing. I guess I've just really missed home, and it took coming back to figure that part out." She shrugged.

  I went to say something, but she stood up and grabbed her camera and went to take pictures of the little Christmas village that the shop always displayed across the fireplace mantel. I sat and watched her get every angle just right and she began clicking away, a sense of peace falling over her face as she captured each little house.

  An hour later, as snow lightly fell, we continued our walk through the village. Flakes danced in the air, twinkling in the streetlights as they fell to the ground. I walked beside Lexi as she took more pictures of the people in the village and the beautiful lights of the ski hills. Every click of the camera produced another beautiful photo. I was in awe of how one tiny device could produce a smile like the one she wore. She was beautiful in her element, and just when I averted my eyes from her, she turned the camera toward me and began taking my photo as we walked.

  "Are you still living in that condo?" she asked, continuing to snap my photo.

  "No, I sold that before...well, before everything went down. I have a small two-bedroom home on the outskirts of the city now. It works well for me. It's not like here, though, where you have your space. My neighbors are literally in my backyard."

  "What about work? How is that going?"

  "It’s been a challenge, but it’s going well. I pretty much just buried myself in work after everything happened. It was easier that way, and it kept me busy." I heard the shutter of Lexi's camera go off again, and when I turned, she once again had it pointed at me, a soft smile on her lips as she looked at me through the lens.

  "It was pretty tough, eh?"

  "Yeah, you could say that. You know, it isn't even the fact that she didn't want to be with me that bothers me, and now I just don't care. What bothered me the most was that I couldn't figure out what the hell happened. We were like glue, totally inseparable. I dropped her off the morning of the wedding, she had her dress in hand, and she ran into the church with a smile on her face, all the girls waiting for her, all of them giggling. Sure, I won't lie, I had cold feet, but I don't think I ever really doubted anything. Well, no, maybe I did, but regardless, she was the one who never made it down the aisle. She just wasn't there."

  "I don't think it's you. Even when Zach called and told me, I didn't think it was you."

  I listened as the shutter of her camera went off again and looked in her direction. She was still taking pictures of me as we walked slowly down the street.

  "You don't?"

  "No, I don't. People grow apart, for reasons sometimes none of us understand. In the end when we finally do understand it, it turns out for the better."

  She looked up at me with those blue eyes, and I thought I caught a glimmer of something in them. I cleared my throat and continued walking.

  "So, since you asked me earlier, it's my turn. Would you ever move back here?" she asked.

  "I could see myself moving here, yes, but like you, I would have to have a reason." I looked over at her and the shutter of her camera went off. I reached over and grabbed the camera from her. "Now that you have objectified me, it's my turn," I said, pulling the camera up to my eye and clicking away as she smiled over at me.

  As we walked, I took every opportunity to snap shots of her. She sat down in front of a Christmas planter and posed for a picture, which I gladly took.

  "Stand up beside the giant bear over there in front of the pub."

  She did as I suggested and once again posed for another picture.

  We continued walking in silence until her soft voice echoed through the air. "So what would give you reason to move back here?"

  "Oh, Lex, I don't know. It probably wouldn't happen anytime soon. I'd need a job first. What about you?"

  She shrugged, looking over at me, a soft smile on her lips. I quickly raised the camera and snapped away again; only this time, when she looked into the lens, I saw the same glimmer I had seen earlier. Only this time it didn't leave, and it was as if she continued to look right through that lens, right into my eyes and into my soul. I lowered the camera slowly and looked at her. It was definitely there; the glimmer of desire filled her eyes as she looked at me.

  I swallowed hard, the look she gave me was mesmerizing, and I slowly dropped my arm that was holding the camera. I stepped toward her, expecting her to back away, but she didn't. Instead, her eyes held mine, and I stepped closer into her and felt her hand slip into my free one. I watched as she lightly licked her full lips, leaving them slightly parted.

  "I guess if I had someone here, someone special to me, I might move back," she whispered to me, her eyes still burning with desire as she studied mine.

  I knew instantly that she wasn't talking about family, but I didn't say anything. I just kept my eyes locked on her.

  "You know, someone who wanted to be with me."

  The snow started falling harder and we stood on the quiet sidewalk staring at one another.

  "Someone who maybe loved me, and I them." As the words fell from her lips, her eyes dropped away from mine. "I doubt I'll ever find that though," she whispered.

  I cupped her cheek and lifted her head so she was looking at me. The look of hurt in her eyes was apparent, and I wondered who the guy was who had hurt her. A spark of a tear flashed at me as the light hit her eyes, and soon all I wanted to do was find out who he was and what he had done.

  I let out a breath, and instead of focusing on that, I slowly leaned into her, my lips barely feathering across hers. I expected her to pull away, possibly slap me, but she didn't. Instead, she stepped into me and placed her hands on my chest, and I kissed her again, this time deeper, my tongue brushing through her mouth.

  When she pulled away, she looked up at me, a shy smile coming to her lips, a lone tear sliding down her cheek, but again I didn't focus on that. “You’ll find him one day, Lex, I promise, and he is going to be the luckiest man in the world, trust me.” I leaned down, kissing her hard, pulling her small body against mine, and instantly I wished it wasn't winter and that we weren't standing here in thick jackets. I wanted to feel her body pressed into mine.

  Lexi let out a soft moan as I kissed her deeper, harder, and I felt my cock jump as she wrapped her arms around my neck.

  Chapter 13

  Zach

  I was at the counter waiting for the two coffees I had ordered, my mind reeling from what I had learned at dinner. They were really selling the house; they had mentioned it earlier through the year, but I never figured it would happen. I let out a breath. I really needed tonight with Ann Marie. I needed the distraction because I would be lying if I said them selling the house wasn't bothering me. I knew it had bothered Lexi. I mean, the tears were practically running down her cheeks before the words had even left my parents’ lips. I'm pretty sure on some weird level it bothered Drew as well.

  I hadn't called Ann Marie to tell her I was even dropping by; I just had Drew drop me off. I had gone into the house and asked her to join me for a walk into town. After an hour, I still hadn't mentioned anything. I knew she knew something was on my mind, but she was giving me space, just like she always had, and she would listen when I was ready to talk about it.

  Two coffees were placed on the counter in front of me. "Enjoy, sir."

  I smiled at the girl who had pulled me from my inner thoughts and picked up the two mugs and carried them over to the table.

  "Your peppermint latte, my love." I placed the mug in front of Ann Marie and sat down across from her, both of us taking a sip.

  "So, I think I decided on the necklace for my mom," she said, setting her cup down and looking at me. "However, I'm still torn. I really liked the heart pendant, but then just the simple chain was nice too, that way she could wear one of her own pendants."

  "I like either idea, but perhaps if you are r
eally undecided, we could always go back and look again."

  "That might be a good idea. What about you? Did you decide on anything?"

  I let out a deep breath. The trouble was what I wanted to do for my parents and what I could do were two very different and far apart things, especially with a wedding approaching. I let out a sigh.

  "Zach what is it?" Ann Marie asked, resting her hand on mine. “You seem distracted.”

  "Mom and Dad are selling the house," I answered, glancing out the window of the cafe, shoppers rushing by carrying their purchases, smiles on their faces. "They told us tonight at dinner."

  "Oh, Zach, I'm so sorry." She placed her hand on my forearm. "Lexi must be a mess! I know how much she loves that house. I also know how hard this year has been on her. Did you ask her what she thought?" Ann Marie asked, now giving me all of her attention.

  "You would have cried if you could have seen her face when they told us tonight. She’s crushed. She has been traveling all over, and as you said, it's been a hard year for her, and she comes home to this news. The tears were practically on her cheeks as the words fell from Mom's lips. I haven't had a chance to talk to her about it though. Drew and I left the house right after dinner, and then I had him drop me off at your place. I needed my own time to digest everything."

  "That's understandable, Zach."

  "I just wish there was a way for us to keep the house for them, or perhaps help them out throughout the year. I know if they had help, they would stay."

  "Well, maybe you should talk to Lexi and see if she feels the same way, then perhaps you guys could, I don't know, help out on some level."

  "I just don't know how. I mean, she lives in Italy, for crying out loud. It's not like she can just hop in her car and come home for a weekend," I said, letting out a laugh. "Which means the lion’s share would land on me."

  "Is she going back?"