Villains Rule

by M. K. Gibson

  Chaud stood and raised his arms. A portal appeared behind him and he stepped through. Before the portal closed, he paused.

  “Please, leave my home in the manner in which you found it.”

  I managed a look of mock offense. “I’m a villain, not a savage.”

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Where I Have a Heart-to-Heart with Hawker and Consider My Grandmother’s Cryptic Adage

  After we finished our meal, my companions and I laughed and drank, enjoying a brief reprieve from our normal activities. Strategies were discussed, but none seemed plausible. I needed to consider our options and our resources.

  So, after our merriment, we retired to the guest rooms Chaud had prepared within the tower. For a narrow wizard’s tower on a tiny, desolate island in the middle of the sea, the rooms were very spacious and luxurious. Obscenely so. Chaud must have been experimenting with pocket dimensions to give his tower added space.

  My own guest room was nothing short of monolithic. Of course, Lydia insisted we share.

  “What to do, what to do?” Lydia said as she circled the ornate canopy guest bed, running her hands along the dark engraved wood. “All this time on our hands before we go into battle and possible death. If only there was something we could occupy our time with.”

  Lydia flashed me a playful smile as she crawled onto the bed. She moved like a coquettish predator. She made sure that as she crawled on all fours, the cut of her shirt was low enough to give me a view of her ample cleavage.

  “Life-threatening and incredibly dehydrating sexual liaisons aside, I still must formulate a plan to infiltrate Al’ Garrad, defeat my former head of security who knows far too many of my tactics, and destroy Grimskull himself while wrestling power away from my idiot sister and reestablishing my dominance as the Shadow Master.”

  “Wanna do it in the butt?”

  “I’ve got twenty minutes.”

  ********

  Several hours later, I stood on an outside terrace overlooking the cold Nameless Sea. I smoked a cigarette and let my mind wander.

  I thought of what was before us.

  What was behind us.

  The challenges we had yet to face.

  The throbbing pain in my ass.

  Lydia’s devious trap for sexual gratification was set so perfectly, I hadn’t realized I was to be on the receiving end as well as she. But as my senile grandmother used to say, “Anything up to the second knuckle is just playful curiosity.” Sadly, Grandmother’s adage about bodily exploration neglected to dictate how many digits at once.

  As always, a small tryst turned into something more. Rubbing at my wrists, I was thankful that this time, the bondage contained fewer knives. Not to say that none were involved, just fewer of them.

  The sound of someone’s shoes on the stone brought me back to the present.

  “Jackson,” Hawker said as he approached.

  “Hawker. How are you this evening?”

  “I am well. I’m surprised you’re even standing. Madam Barrowbride can be . . . vocal.”

  I smiled. “That she can.”

  “And vulgar.”

  “Yes,” I agreed.

  “Obscenely descriptive and commanding.”

  “I get it,” I said, growing intolerant of Hawker’s jibes. “You heard us.”

  “I’m pretty certain the entire tower heard you two. As did all the local marine life and most likely the god of the sea, Nhal himself.”

  “I am growing to dislike you, Hawker.”

  “Are we going to live?” Hawker asked, his voice growing sober.

  “I believe so, yes.”

  “How can you be sure?”

  “I know the rules.”

  “You say that a lot,” Hawker said. “What does it mean?”

  “Just that I have an understanding of the universe. If I move correctly, we will all survive.”

  “You sound like Zachariah. He too spoke in riddles.”

  “You miss him?” I asked as I flicked my cigarette over the balcony and into the ocean.

  Hawker stared over the water, watching the cigarette fall. “Sometimes, yes. He found me. He trained me. He gave me a purpose. I went on that quest thinking I was on the side of righteousness. Now, thanks to you and everything we’ve done, I learned that Zachariah was not only my uncle, but the brother to my real father, Grimskull. I guess I was being groomed to remove my father to make room for my uncle the whole time. I was a pawn.”

  “Do you want to be?” I asked, lighting another cigarette. I offered one to Hawker, who took it and eyed it warily. “Relax, it won’t kill you. Well, eventually, but that’s beside the point. Consider it a gift.”

  I lit the smoke for Hawker, who held it all wrong as he tried to inhale.

  “Give me that. You’re not an adolescent European food critic,” I said, taking it from him and placing it correctly in his hands. “There, that’s better. Small puffs until you get the hang of it.”

  “No, I don’t want to be a pawn. And that means yours also, Jackson.”

  I smiled. “You’re referring to what I said to Chaud.”

  “Yes.”

  “Hawker . . . Kyle, I meant what I said. The Eastern Empire can be yours to do with as you see fit. You may rule as a kind and benevolent leader. Or as a tyrant. Both are within your blood. But that is the duality of all men. The good and the bad.”

  “So says the master villain.”

  “Yes. But I am a villain because I choose to be one. I like subverting the rules. I like making others dance to my plans. But you don’t have to choose that path if you don’t want to. Yes, your father is a villain. But more than that, he is evil. He enjoys the suffering of others, whereas I do not. Your mother, however, is a descendant of The Eld, the most technologically advanced and benevolent people this realm has ever seen. You could be the one who ushers in a new golden age of human advancement. If you choose.”

  “I need time to think it over.”

  “Of course. I need time to plan our next move,” I said.

  “That device of Chaud’s,” Hawker said. “The one that generates portals.”

  “What about it?”

  “Can it make one to go back to my village?”

  “Back to the Elder River Village? I suppose. But why?” I asked.

  “I think that is where I need to think. Give me a few days there and then come for me. Regardless of my decision, I will help you bring down my . . . father.”

  “Go then. We will come for you in a few days. Here. Take a few of these. You seem to like them,” I said as I passed Hawker a few of my cigarettes.

  “Thank you, Jackson. For being honest.”

  “You are welcome. See you in a few days.”

  Hawker left and I smiled. This level of self-doubt and vulnerability was like catnip to a villain. I had to consider my words carefully. If I pressed too hard, he would think I was working an angle, which I was. If he decided to take the throne he would learn, like all rulers do, that power corrupts.

  And every ruler needs an adviser.

  Of course, I did promise Zachariah the throne. But I never said for how long.

  “Jackson,” I heard Lydia call out. “If I have to come out there to get you, I’m just going to throw you over the rail. Now get back in here.”

  Well, I could think of worse things to be than the plaything of a homicidal sex fiend. I waddled back to the bedroom with as much grace and dignity as my violated anus allowed me.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Where I Put My Plan into Action and Receive a Threat

  Several days later, we all sat in Chaud’s study, by his portal table. “Is everyone clear on the plan?” I asked.

  “Nope.”

  “No, sorry.”

  “No.”

  “Which part? I really wasn’t listening,” Lydia said.

  I wiped my face and imagined murdering each of them in turn. If this was the level of competence I was expecting for this final assault, I may as well resign m
yself to being Randy’s “bro-migo” for the rest of my life.

  I envisioned myself as a club-going middle-aged man in hipster clothing. I could just see myself with multiple scarves, purple-tinted horn-rimmed glasses, a patchy beard, an ironic t-shirt, and a fedora.

  Oh lord, I was Johnny Depp.

  I shuddered at my possible future.

  Seriously, what man needs that many scarves, bracelets, and rings to go out?

  Lydia led the rest of my allies in a chorus of laughter. “Oh Jackson, you should see your face. Of course we understand the plan. We just thought it would be amusing to mess with you.”

  “I hate you all,” I said as I sat at Chaud’s portal table in his private study and lit a cigarette. “So, there are no questions? Once this starts, everyone must play their part perfectly.”

  “I have a question,” Carina said.

  “Yes?”

  “What happens when this is over?”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “What happens to you? To us? Will we ever see you again?”

  “I don’t know. Perhaps the fans will demand a sequel.”

  Once again my comrades looked at me like I just spoke Greek. I had a choice. Tell them the painful truth or lie. The truth was simple. It was the reality where I go back to my world and continue living like an obscenely rich god-king, bending every law to my will. Or I could just lie, and make them feel better.

  “The universe is a giant place. And very easy to get lost in,” I said, taking the time to look each of them in the eye. “But with how we all came together? How we all accomplished so much in such a short amount of time? Most assuredly we will all meet again, my friends.”

  Carina smiled. “I believe you.”

  Yeah, the lie was the better option.

  Oh, don’t look at me like that. People lie to each other all the time. Your parents lied to you just like you’ll lie to your kids.

  Your puppy or kitty is dead and not living upstate at a farm.

  Santa Claus is a fabrication.

  And yes, she faked her orgasm. Hopefully, your parents didn’t tell you that one.

  See? All the classics.

  Lies make people feel better. People always, always, deep down know the truth in virtually every situation. But the lie is what makes them feel accepted, normal, and functional.

  “Well, when I do see you all again, we will either be victorious or dead. My vote is victory,” I said.

  “Until then, Jackson,” Hawker said as he stepped through the portal. He was the first part of the plan.

  “This is going to be insane,” Lydia said. “I love it. See you soon, lover.”

  Lydia stepped through her portal, but not before she slapped me on my behind. As much as I wanted to be angry, I just smiled. That vivacious brigand was becoming almost too close. But if I got rid of her, Sophia would butcher me.

  “My turn,” Carina said. “I don’t like this. But I’ll do it.”

  “I know, Carina. But you stand proud and strong. Never forget who you are. You are the dwarf who punched out a giant.”

  That made Carina smile. She walked through her portal and vanished. Which left me alone with Wren.

  The Templar stood in front of his portal but did not move.

  “Jackson, there is something we need to discuss first.”

  Oh lord. Did these people not know we were on a very tight schedule? But in making sure my plan was completed, I had to ensure my moving pieces were in place. Mentally and physically.

  “And what do you feel we need to discuss?” I asked.

  “A while back, you threatened to tell Hawker my secret. You knew that I was there the night his village burned.”

  “Yes, I did threaten that. And I did know you were involved. Are you going to ask me how?”

  “No.” Wren shook his head. “It’s obvious you just know things. But there is something I know.”

  “Which is?”

  “You were behind Hawker failing his mission. You stole the Amulet of the Ember Soul. You gave it to Grimskull.”

  “I don’t know what you are talking about,” I lied.

  “In the Crossroads Inn you said you had spies in Grimskull’s castle. And that you saw the amulet.”

  “I did.”

  “That amulet was a legend the guards used to talk about. I know, since I was one. No one had ever heard of it, let alone knew where it was. But you knew about it. You knew where it was located. You knew it was retrieved. You knew it was stolen. And you could properly identify the amulet. How? Unless you were behind it. If Grimskull was one of your Shadow Master clients, then you organized it all. And that was when you were betrayed. That was when you began this quest.”

  “Do you have a point?” I said. For my cold outward appearance, I was simultaneously excited that someone had a mind and pieced it all together, while also trying to quell the growing dread that I’d been sloppy.

  The feeling was exhilarating. Every thief will tell you that the fear of getting caught is an incredible rush. They are addicted to that as much as to stealing itself.

  “Only this: Do not hurt that boy. Fate has deemed him a hero. Me? I’m just an old bastard who’s found a better way. But I sure as damnation can spot another scoundrel. I only tell you this as a warning. If you harm him, I won’t just expose you—I’ll kill you.”

  “Templar Wren, there is nothing I can say to you that will sway you one way or the other. I just ask you look back on my deeds and see every time I saved us. Every time I held the group together.”

  “Those were the same things I told myself to justify my own actions when I was in General Anders’s service. Amazing what a man can justify when it means his soul is damned. But I will offer you a bit of advice. It is never too late to walk away from it all. And when you do, your heart feels the freedom of all the pain it has suffered under. All the pain you didn’t realize you were carrying is washed away.”

  “Just do your fucking job.”

  Wren held my gaze for a moment longer than necessary, then stepped through the portal.

  Pompous born-again hero.

  But I found myself smiling.

  Not only did I find a surprising adversary in the old warrior, but I also learned a nifty little speech I could add to my repertoire. Surely I could turn those words into something I could abuse. Perhaps convince someone to do bad things in my name?

  The next part of the plan was the most difficult for my allies, but the easiest for me.

  I had to wait in Chaud’s tower for three days. Being the brains of the operation is so hard sometimes.

  I kept myself occupied by reading through several books in the Archmage’s library and running through any potential obstacles to the plan. But in the end, there was boredom. I assumed it was the waiting. But in truth, it was my missing the simpletons who I called my allies. Over the last few weeks, bonds had been forged between us.

  And I was having difficulty, as a villain mastermind, separating my personal attachment from my professional one. If I had to end them, could I do it?

  Of course I could. But I may actually feel regret.

  For an hour or two, at least.

  But perhaps, just perhaps, I could turn things so they could continue being useful to me and my operations. I had clearly laid enough groundwork that they could see where my way of doing things was superior.

  Or would the hero in them force them to become my enemy?

  Only time would tell.

  On the morning of the fourth day, it was my turn to go through the portal. My allies’ hard work was both behind and ahead of them.

  And I? My job was the most disgusting of all.

  I had to visit my sister.

  The Twenty-First Rule of Villainy

  The enemies you make speak louder about you than your allies.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Where Families Reunite and I Learn that Snitches Get Stitches

  I was once again inside Grimskull’s castle. This time I
was not a guest, nor a prisoner. I was a fugitive. I could be caught. And that held a certain electricity. An invigorating sense of danger. Yet complete subterfuge was not my plan. In fact, being seen was what I was counting on.

  A quick glance at my phone showed I had seventeen percent power left. Not as much as I’d hoped for. I still had to maintain my anti-tracking shields. At least for a few more minutes. While Chaud was no longer actively looking for me, that didn’t mean Paige wasn’t. So she was the first stop. Hopefully, she had enough of my items on her to give me a recharge.

  Besides, when I was done with her, she wouldn’t need them.

  The portal I came through brought me just outside the guest wing of Grimskull’s castle. I knew Paige was there by simple reasoning. When I was here last, there was no guest wing. Only ready-rooms within the main keep. It appeared that Paige was already flaunting her new position. The entire wing itself, aside from being newly built, no doubt by magic, was in a state of mismatched decoration. Statues of Grimskull were in the alcoves, while knick-knacks and cheaply made tapestries hung on the walls.

  Looked like Paige and Grimskull were at odds on how to decorate.

  I moved within the wing, keeping myself almost invisible. Hugging the shadows of the keep kept me unnoticed while scullery servants moved everywhere with their heads down, quickly flitting from place to place. Given Chaud’s reports of shadow race creatures operating within the city and the keep, a semi-transparent man moving about would not seem out of the ordinary.

  From the look of the faces of the servants, they were tired and overworked. They looked like they were frustrated and nearing exhaustion. I knew that look. I had the same expression at every family gathering I’d ever attended. From the distance I heard Paige bellowing orders and moments later issuing commands that directly opposed her original orders.

  While Paige was an idiot, this was not her normal low-functioning mind. No, this was her version of a power trip. All my life she liked to do this. If the family ever went to a nice restaurant or hotel, Paige would take sadistic delight in commanding the help to do inane tasks, then berate them, claiming she never asked for said tasks.