The Flawed Heart Series

by Wade, Ellie

  She complies with a sexy grin. “But I like my lips on you.”

  “I do, too.” I smile. “But, listen, I need to say something, and I can’t concentrate with your lips doing that, okay?”

  She nods.

  “I understand what you must have been going through last night after you saw me with Maggie. But we are going to have other misunderstandings along the way, and it doesn’t sit well with me that the first thing you wanted to do was hook up with someone else.”

  She opens her mouth to protest, but I put my finger on her lips.

  “Let me finish. I know you didn’t want to make out with someone else, but you thought about it. You know I have major trust issues. You know that this is all very new to me, but I promised you that I would try. I can’t risk giving you my heart if I know that, at the first sign of trouble, you’re going to destroy me with your actions. I can somewhat understand your reasons for wanting revenge, but I can’t stomach it. The thought of you with someone else makes me sick. It sets fire to the part of me that can’t trust others, the part that puts up walls. I don’t give power to those who might hurt me. I can never be in a real relationship with you if I build walls. You and I both know that. I can’t love you if I don’t let you in, but I’m so afraid to let you in. You have the power to destroy me, London.”

  She does. With a few words, she could leave me in ruins, like an ancient city that can never be rebuilt.

  “Oh, Loïc,” she says on a whisper. Her eyes glisten with fresh tears. She holds my face between her hands and peppers soft kisses across the skin on my face, paying extra attention to my lips. She pulls back and captures me with her brown eyes. The gold specks that weave through her irises shine brighter through her tears.

  She continues to cradle my face as she speaks, “So, we’ve established that I have another flaw, another one of many.” She laughs lightly. “I will work on my communication. I promise you that, no matter how dire the circumstance or how awful it appears on my end, I will talk with you before I jump to conclusions. I promise you this, Loïc,” she says the last sentence with so much conviction that I believe it.

  “You have to know that I would never cheat on you,” she continues. “Even when I was certain that you were screwing someone else and that I would never have you again…I couldn’t. At my lowest point, with my heart completely shattered, I couldn’t be with someone other than you. You have to believe me.”

  I nod because I do.

  “And since we’re talking about flaws, you, Loïc Berkeley, need to work on being honest with me. I know you’re not telling me something. I know something is worrying you. I didn’t believe your headache story for a minute. You promised me, no more running. You have to work on your communication, too. I realize that this is all new to you, so I’m being patient. But I can’t be an open book for you when you’re barely opening up a chapter of yourself for me. You have to trust me enough to tell me your fears and worries. Let me be there for you. I want to be there for you, too.”

  She kisses me again. Her lips caress mine, and right when I’m about to deepen the kiss, she pulls back one more time. Her face is a breath away.

  “Do you know why I was going to your house last night? I was going to tell you that I loved you, Loïc. I. Love. You. You can trust me with your heart because I’m not going anywhere.”

  Hearing those three words fall from London’s lips helps me more than years of therapy ever could.

  This time, I crash my mouth to hers. As my tongue swirls in her mouth, something that she said a minute ago confuses me, and I pull back.

  “London, why do you only where these panties when your aunt visits?”

  London starts to laugh hysterically and falls off of my legs onto the bed.

  “What?”

  “Loïc, Aunt Flo is another name for a girl’s period.” She giggles.

  “It is?” I ask in astonishment.

  “Yes! I thought you lived with a girl. You’ve never heard that before?”

  “I don’t talk to her about her period or whether or not she wears special underwear for it. How was I supposed to know that cotton panties are only for that?”

  “You’re so cute and naive.” She laughs. “Don’t worry. I don’t let my real aunt see me in my underwear.”

  “I thought that was weird.” I scrunch up my nose in disgust.

  She just laughs. “Nothing like a conversation about good ole Aunt Flo to kill the mood.”

  “I know how to get the mood back. Tell me those three words again.” I quirk up an eyebrow.

  “Which ones?”

  “You know which ones,” I growl, pulling her hips toward mine.

  She leans in. “I love you.” Her breath from the words warms my face.

  I groan as her lips find passage on the sensitive skin beneath my ear once more.

  “I love you, Loïc Berkeley,” she whispers against my skin, shooting chills through my body.

  I roll her over until she’s pinned beneath me. I’m aching with want but not with indistinct desire. No, this need is singularly focused, made for one woman only.

  London is everything I could ever want but never knew to ask for. Even if I had known, I would have never wished for her. She’s too beautiful and too perfect for me to be real. Yet here she is, and not only is she real, but she also loves me. I know I won’t be able to hold on to her forever, but here and now, I’m making that wish anyway.

  I hold her wrists against the mattress. Her hair is splayed across the pillow. She wears no makeup, and her eyes are slightly puffy from crying, but they appear to shine brighter in the morning light. She looks like an angel. I guess that is fitting since she’s definitely saved me.

  I pin her with my stare. “I love you, London Wright, more than I ever thought possible.” My heart doesn’t race with trepidation as the words leave my mouth. My palms don’t sweat, and I have no desire to run. In fact, there is nowhere else I’d rather be than right here.

  I do love London. It’s my reality, and regardless of what happens in the future, I’m so thankful to have her now. She’s told me many times, and now, I believe her. Love is worth the risk. These feelings of pure love and happiness coursing through me right now are worth it.

  London

  “I love you. Get it through your thick skull.”

  —London Wright

  I’m presently in heaven, and I love it. Yep, I’m a huge fan of paradise on earth. And, to me, that consists of lying in my bed with Loïc with our naked limbs wrapped around one another, both of us in a sated afterglow of bliss.

  I nuzzle my face against his firm chest. I could lie here all day.

  It’s been a week since we confessed our love for one another out loud. In truth, the L word must make Loïc extremely horny because we’ve spent the majority of the past week in this very bed in my room. Loïc leaves to go to work, of course, and we try to eat every now and then, but we’re mainly here, wonderfully content.

  Loïc wears happiness well, too. If anything, he’s extremely irresistible when he’s smiling—not that I’d want to resist him anyway.

  He gently trails his fingertips across the skin of my back. “Hey, remember the last time I freaked out, after the sunset date a couple of months back?”

  “Yeah.” Of course I do.

  “Do you remember when you gave your little speech at the end, telling me that not everything should be a battle and that I was a big, bad warrior?”

  I huff out a laugh against his skin. “Yes, I remember.”

  “Why did you call me a warrior?” he questions thoughtfully.

  “Early on, I looked up your name. It was probably because of that. Do you know your name means famed warrior?”

  “I didn’t know you’d looked it up.”

  “Mmhmm…I don’t remember when. It was at the beginning though, maybe even after the car wash. I remember thinking your name was so unique, and I wanted to know what it meant. What made you think about that night?”

  �
��I’m not sure. I meant to ask you about it before, but I forgot. I’ve always known what my name stood for. My dad used to call me his little warrior.”

  “Oh, I didn’t know that.” I sit up with my arm propped on Loïc, so I can see into his eyes.

  I love when he tells me stories about his childhood, good or bad. It makes me feel closer to him, and I get a thrill every time he opens up to me. I know it isn’t easy for him, and I love that he feels comfortable with me now. For some reason, every time he shares a detail from his past, I feel like we’re a step closer to our future. I’m not sure why, but it’s as if, when he shares with me, it is his way of mourning that part of his history, and after he lets it go, he’s able to move forward with me.

  Since we’re sharing, I’m reminded of something I’ve wanted to ask him.

  First, I bend down and kiss him, tickling my tongue with his. I’m so addicted to his taste, his kisses. I press my lips against his in one last chaste kiss before marginally leaning back.

  “So, I wanted to ask you, what did you want to tell me last week when you got back from training?”

  His body stiffens beneath me. “What?”

  I attempt to keep the atmosphere lighthearted, ignoring his obvious discomfort from my question. I smile wide. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten. You had something to tell me. You’ve kept me thoroughly entertained all week”—I give him a wink—“but I would like to know what it was.”

  “You’re right. I did—I do have something to tell you.”

  The tone in his voice fills me with a sense of dread. The worry that has been absent from him all week has returned. I hate that I’m the cause of his shift in demeanor, but I have to know—now more than ever.

  “You can tell me anything,” I try to reassure him.

  The hand that I have rested on his chest can feel his heart beating rapidly beneath his warm skin. The swift cadence now mirrors the beat of my own heart.

  “Well, I knew it was a possibility, but I didn’t know for sure if it would happen. I knew my unit was up, but I was hoping we wouldn’t be called.” He nervously searches my eyes.

  “Loïc, you’re speaking in riddles. Just tell me.”

  “We’re being deployed.”

  I wait for him to continue, but he doesn’t say any more.

  “That’s it?”

  “London, I’m being shipped to Afghanistan where I will be for a year.” He emphasizes the last word.

  Then, I get it—his fear of losing me.

  “Well, yeah, that totally sucks,” I admit. “But you know it doesn’t mean anything where we are concerned, right? I’ll wait for you, Loïc. That isn’t even a question. You know that, right? I’ll miss you like crazy, but I’ll be here when you get back, loving you just as much as I do now, if not more.”

  “A year is a long time, London. I can’t ask you to do that for me. It isn’t fair to you.”

  “Stop right there. I know you’re new to this whole I-love-you thing, but when you love someone the way I love you, time and distance aren’t issues. My love doesn’t come with conditions. I don’t love you because you’re here right now. My feelings aren’t going to expire because I’m not able to see you every day.”

  His eyes narrow. “Are you saying that you want to wait for me?”

  He’s so innocent in this moment that I can’t help but laugh.

  “Of course I will! I love you. Get it through your thick skull.”

  A slow smile crosses his face as he releases a huge breath.

  I shake my head, huffing out a laugh. “Did you really think I’d want to break up because you’re being deployed?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t know what to expect. But I was prepared for anything.”

  “Loïc”—his name comes out as a whine—“you have a lot to learn about love.” I squint down at him. “You don’t want to date other people while you’re over there, right?” I accusingly furrow my brow.

  “No, of course not. You’re the only person in this world I want, London.”

  “And you’re the only one I want. You see how this love thing works both ways?”

  “Yeah, I suppose I do.” He chuckles.

  “Plus, it will be kind of romantic. We can write love letters to each other while you’re gone.”

  “I’ll have access to the Internet when I’m on base.” He grins.

  “Fine, we can use your Internet connection for Skype and Internet sex, but other than that, I want letters, like snail-mail letters. That will be so romantic.”

  “Internet sex?” he questions with a huge grin.

  “Of course. Just because you’re a million miles away doesn’t mean I’m not going to take care of my man,” I say seriously.

  “I think your mileage is a tad off.”

  I roll my eyes. “It will feel like a million miles, believe me. Anything more than a ten-minute drive away is too much.” His smile falls a bit, and I quickly clarify, “But just because I’ll miss you immensely won’t change anything. You’re stuck with me.”

  “Good.” He grasps my face and pulls me in for a quick kiss.

  “But, seriously…I can’t wait to get your letters. You can tell me all the things you miss about me, what you’d be doing if you were with me, how much better your life is because I’m in it. You can write all your fantasies revolving around our future.”

  Loïc laughs loudly. “Wow, you’ve really planned this out in the thirty seconds since you found out I was leaving.”

  “What can I say? I like to plan.”

  “Really? ’Cause you haven’t even applied for one job since I’ve met you. You seem content on coasting through life without planning a damn thing.”

  He smiles, and I know he’s just teasing.

  “That’s not true! I’ve applied. I just haven’t gotten an interview yet. I will though. Maybe my job search hasn’t been as intense as it should be. But can you blame me? I’ve been preoccupied, trying to get the love of my life to like me back. Then, once he liked me, a whole other set of distractions came.” I playfully wiggle my eyebrows.

  He shakes his head in amusement, and his lips tilt up into a cute smirk. “Love of your life?”

  “So far. So, don’t mess it up.” I poke him in the side.

  He rolls us over so that I’m pinned beneath him.

  “Wait,” I say through a laugh. “I have a question,” I get out as his lips start attacking my neck.

  “What’s that?” he breathes against my sensitive skin.

  “How long do we have?”

  “Until?” He lifts his gaze to meet mine.

  “You leave.”

  “Two months. We head out the first of December.”

  “Perfect.”

  “Why’s that?” His brows furrow, his eyes assessing.

  “You’ll be shipping out before Michigan’s real winter hits, so I won’t have to try to get out of all the outdoorsy crap I’m sure you would have planned.”

  “You’re such a brat.” He tickles my sides. “All of our time together this past week has been spent indoors. I don’t know what you’re complaining about. Plus, remember that means I will be getting back right before winter starts the next year, so I’ll make sure to plan all of our reunion dates to be outside.”

  “I vote that I’m in charge of all reunion-date planning.”

  He grins, and it’s carefree and sexy. Grasping my face in his hands, he says, “I vote that we worry about that in a year and two months. For now, you can tell me all about this Internet sex that you have planned. Or, better yet, you can show me.” His expression is lusty and primal.

  His words shoot chills through my body as I draw in a deep breath. My body is instantly needy for him.

  “I can do that.” I stare up into his amazing blue depths, immediately lost in my Loïc obsession.

  His lips find mine, and I’m so thankful that, out of all the obsessions I could have chosen, I got him. There is no one else I’d rather get lost in.

  “Yo
u know what I was thinking?” I ask, my limbs once again jelly as they entwine with Loïc’s.

  He props himself up on his elbows. “What’s that?” He smiles down to me.

  “That we leave this bed today.”

  He cocks his head to the side in a distractingly charming way. “Why would we want to do that?”

  “I know, right?” I giggle. “I was just thinking that, because it’s Saturday, it might be a good day to meet Maggie. I’ve never even met her. I mean, you’re so close with Paige that you’ve witnessed her in all her bed head and morning-breath glory, and I haven’t even been introduced to one of your best friends. If I had, we wouldn’t have had the drama of last week because I would have known it was Maggie.”

  He studies my face, like it’s a puzzle he can’t solve. “You’re right. God, I’m sorry, London. I hope you don’t think I’ve kept you from her like I didn’t want her to see you or anything like that. She knows all about you—obviously. The few times you’ve seen Cooper, she’s been at work. It wasn’t intentional.”

  “I know that.”

  He reaches for his phone on the bedside table. “Let me text Coop and tell him we want to hang out tonight.” He swipes his phone. “Oh, Cooper sent me a text a few minutes ago, telling me to come home, that he has something to show me. Cool,” he says to himself. He types something out and puts his phone down.

  “What’d you tell him?”

  “That I’d be home in an hour.”

  “Why an hour?”

  “So, we can shower first.” He raises a brow.

  I throw a pillow at him as I get up. “Hell no. I need a reprieve. I’m going to shower without you.”

  “That’s no fun,” he protests. “Fine, we shower together, and I’ll promise to keep my hands to myself.”

  “You’d better.” I accusingly point at him. “I’m serious. Shower only.”

  He gets out of bed. “You can trust me.”

  I huff out a laugh. “That’s what you said the last time.”

  “Well, last time, I was lying.” He walks past me into the bathroom in all his naked glory.

  I check out his ass some as he passes because, damn, it’s delicious.