The Affliction

by Wendy E. Marsh

  I lay on my bed loosely curled up, and fitted into the space between my knees and chin was curled another someone, and I knew that if that someone left I might not be able to hold onto life. A little eight-year-old girl kept me in this world.

  I had slept through two days and two and half nights, but I still could not bring myself to wake up yet. I wasn’t ready.

  * * * *

  The next time I woke I opened my eyes immediately, which stung in the bright light of midday. The bay seat windows hung open and a strong breeze sifted in through the screens that Gabriel had promised me.

  After blinking furiously against the radiance of the daylight, I realized two chocolate brown eyes stared at me from the close distance Marielle had a habit of keeping.

  Her face was neatly composed but there was something amiss about it, and I wondered about the last time she had eaten. During my three days of sleep and recovery, she had not once left my side, watching me during the day and sleeping with me during the night.

  I knew Mariah had brought her food and tried to persuade her to leave me alone, but Marielle had not cooperated on either offering. For this, I was selfishly glad. The girl was my tent stake on a windy day, and without her, I would have blown away in my internal hurricane.

  I wasn’t sure why I need her of all people, but I knew that I did for one of her healing abilities, and I was grateful that this particular ability of hers drew her to me. I wasn’t sure just how a Shaman’s abilities worked, but I equated it then to a magnet attracted to those who need their healing powers. At least that’s what it seemed like to me from my experience with Adam and Eleanor, and now Marielle.

  What I expressly didn’t understand was why it hadn’t been Isaac to stay with me. It should have been a Guardian, not a Shaman to protect me, to keep me alive. But it wasn’t…perhaps because Isaac was not the Guardian I wanted, the one who was three thousand miles away and would not return. Maybe because having the wrong Guardian’s support would have just hurt me further.

  “Do you feel better now, Miss Aubrie?” Marielle asked me, speaking through drawn lips in a gaunt face.

  “Yes Marielle, thank you,” I replied in a hoarse whisper.

  She smiled her cute little smile, front teeth too big for the rest of her features, but I could tell there was something wrong, and I soon intuited why. I told Marielle I felt better but she didn’t believe me, on account that I looked like I could have passed for an extra in a zombie movie.

  I stretched and crawled out of the bed, a little shaky but ready to move about, and walked to the bathroom to assess the damage. If I had thought Marielle looked thin, then I was emaciated. I had never seen my skin stretched so taught and looking so ashy, could never see the defined shape of my cheekbones, but I did then, and the smoky circles around my eyes accented the look horribly.

  I was glad my hair was short then because I figured if it hadn’t been I may never have been able to untangle it. As it was, my bangs were greasy and clumped together, the hair was matted in the back, and sticking out at the sides.

  I raised my skinny arms to try and peel the hair apart. Marielle was soon at my side, apparently not convinced that I was all right. Looking at my pathetic reflection, I wondered myself if I was okay.

  How had this happened in three days? I hadn’t been eating, but I hadn’t been doing anything else, either. I knew I had constant nightmares, but I didn’t realize my sleep was that taxing. There’s no way my body should deteriorate so quickly, I thought as I shuddered at my mirror image.

  “Mom!” Marielle trilled, and I spun around to see Eleanor walking into the bathroom, and a flood of relief spilled over me. The last I knew she attempted to save Adam while putting herself in the path of the Black Shadow.

  “Eleanor, you’re ok!” I shouted as I ran to give her a hug.

  “Yes all thanks to you,” she said while wrapping her arms around me. “Tobias told us how you warned him all the way from here! He told me and Adam telepathically about the ambush and blocked their Sage as best he could. We should have taken Isaac with us, it would have helped to have a proper block from a Guardian, but we made do. I was able to sneak through and slip Adam out before they knew we were onto them.”

  “That’s great Eleanor, I was so worried I didn’t do enough.”

  “The getaway was absolutely perfect, dear. All three of us escaped unscathed and unnoticed. Mission accomplished,” she added with a wink.

  I managed a laugh, though I still processed the outcome. It almost seemed as though I worked so hard for something so little, but I knew that all three of my new family members would have been dead had I not foreseen the attack.

  I myself had to suffer so that my chapter members would remain safe, that they would come home, and though the exertion hurt me beyond anything I had ever experienced, I did not regret the sacrifice and would willingly make it again. I was alive and would recover, and everyone else was safe.

  Eleanor told Marielle to leave with her and left me to clean up and have some time to myself. A shower had never felt so good to me and, unable to stand for long periods of time, I sat down in it for about three-quarters of an hour, letting the water beat down on me from the ceiling.

  I took my time getting dressed, not quite ready to talk to anyone just yet. I knew that Isaac would later badger me about why I had screamed out Gabriel’s name, and I didn’t know what I would say. I changed my outfit a few times and dried and styled my hair properly. After reapplying my makeup for the second time, I acknowledged that I was stalling and couldn’t put off the meeting any longer.

  “Isaac,” I called telepathically. I sat on the window seat, in the same place I had been when Gabriel and I had talked the first night I found and arrived at Headquarters. I had a habit of sitting there when I needed to think to myself, or if I wanted to think aloud to someone else. “If you’re not busy I’d like to talk to you.” It sounded as though I was anxious to speak with him, but it was quite the opposite. I knew he was dying to talk to me, to see how I faired.

  I was nervous as I thought about what my excuse would consist of for mentioning Gabriel when he hadn’t been the one in danger. When he had nothing to do with the situation at all. As I felt Isaac climbing the stairs to the hall outside my room, I knew that it wasn’t an answer that I could premeditate. I was just going to have to wing it.

  Isaac slid in so quietly that I didn’t physically notice him, and the only reason I knew he had entered my room was my intuition.

  “You wanted to see me?” Isaac asked as he sunk onto the seat opposite me.

  “Just for your benefit,” I replied, a little too huffy. He knew I was aware that he had some questions he wanted me to answer.

  “Right,” he said awkwardly, “well then, how are you feeling?”

  “Worse than when the car I was in was pummeled by a log truck.” I had forgotten that nobody, other than Gabriel, knew about my past, but was reminded by the puzzled look on Isaac’s face.

  “Oh, yeah, you don’t know.” I wasn’t going to go through all the details. I couldn’t mention Michael’s name to Isaac or I knew I would cry. And besides, Michael had no place in my new life; Gabriel had been the only person I’d told about him and that had turned into a fiasco. “A few years ago I got in an accident with an uncontrolled truck. Nothing too serious, just some broken bones and major bruising from head to foot. I feel worse now if that’s any indication.”

  “Oh, man, I’m sorry, Aubrie.” He looked truly guilty, but I wasn’t in complete agreement with why, I knew, he felt that way. “I should have protected you better.”

  “You can’t protect me from myself.”

  “It’s just lucky Shamans have healing powers. I don’t think you would have made it had Marielle not stayed with you, although admittedly, you might be in better condition now if it had been Eleanor or Adam.” Well, that answered my previous question, about why I needed a Shaman rather than a Guardian, but why Marielle?

  “Yeah, why wasn’t it one of
them? Marielle hasn’t gone through training. She can’t have very much control over her abilities yet.”

  “No, she doesn’t, but you needed healing and Eleanor and Adam weren’t home yet. Marielle started the process, and she couldn’t stop, not only for lack of control but because you would have slipped away.”

  “Yeah, I know. I could feel it. She was the only thing keeping me here.”

  He nodded. “Shamans’ abilities aren’t flashy, but they are amazing.”

  “Yes,” I agreed telepathically. I didn’t feel like talking out loud anymore, and it was becoming easier to communicate in thought every time I did it. I figured I may as well practice since Moraine was back and would want to pick up training again. From then on, the rest of our conversation played out like the first one between myself and Moraine…except that this time I was the one who talked telepathically and Isaac spoke normally.

  He drew back a lacy curtain to look through the large window, out to the gardens beyond, and I tensed. I knew he was about to bring up the topic I was not very willing to discuss. “So…when you were seeing, you mentioned Gabriel’s name.” He phrased this like a statement, but as he didn’t say anything else it was more like a question. I wasn’t going to oblige right away.

  “Yep.”

  “Okay. Umm, so he wasn’t in trouble at the time?”

  “Nope.”

  “Not even from something else? Over in London? Now or in the near future?”

  “No.”

  “So he’s perfectly fine then?”

  “I would suppose so.”

  “All right. So why did you say his name then?”

  I had my eyes closed, leaning my head back against the wall, and before this question, he hadn’t looked at me. Now I knew he did, and very expectantly. I sighed.

  “I don’t know.”

  “That’s not a real answer, and yes you do. You know everything.”

  “Not true.”

  “Okay, but close to it, and you know this. There was a reason you said his name, what was it?”

  “You aren’t going to give it up, are you?” I asked, annoyed.

  “You know I’m not going to, it’s not that hard.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “Well then just try to explain.”

  “Why do you care?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “That’s not a real answer.”

  “That’s not the point. Why?”

  “Because, Isaac, I wanted him here, okay. Are you happy now?”

  Silence.

  “Isaac?” I opened my eyes.

  “You miss him. You like him.” He sounded shocked. I don’t know what he expected me to say, but it had apparently not been that. I cringed away from his words. I didn’t want to let myself think about that, and now someone pointed it out for me. It hurt, in a much different way than almost getting crushed by a truck, or sacrificing yourself and having everything drained from you. Now it was my turn to look away.

  “Aubrie?” I didn’t say anything. “I’m sorry, I really didn’t know.”

  “Well, now you do. But it doesn’t matter anyway.”

  He sighed then slid closer to me and gave me an awkward hug. “I’m sorry.” Isaac exited my room to resume his own classes.

  I met with Adam for a couple of hours, where he thanked me profusely for saving his and the Wells’ lives, questioned me about my month at Headquarters, and then tested my abilities for the benefit of the elders. I simultaneously shocked and pleased Adam when I started talking to him telepathically. He told me just that development alone would shut the elders up for a while.

  We had always gotten along quite well, but since I joined The Mystic I had a new respect for him that was undeniable. I supposed it just came with the member-master relationship, and ours now seemed more formal than it ever had been, though I knew he didn’t wish it to end up that way.

  Adam wanted our relationship to stay like it had been when it had just been him, Cara, Michael and I hanging out like normal people, normal teenagers. Unfortunately on my part, the unknown force of the Mystic compelled me to view him as someone worthy of a higher respect and distinguished status.

  I still found it incomprehensible to fathom that he had not realized my destiny to become a member, but we discussed this for a time and he assured me that he hadn’t seen or known anything to lead to that possibility. He also admitted, sheepishly, that it might partly have been due to his utter absorption bordering on obsession with Cara, and even if there were times when I revealed that I was special, he hadn’t been paying close enough attention to notice.

  “I’m so sorry, Aubrie, I can’t believe I didn’t see it, but there’s never been a case like this. I think we’ll probably have to expect more of it with the Black Shadow constantly growing, though.”

  “Don’t worry about it; I didn’t exactly let you see it. I didn’t know what it was and I thought you might think I was crazy. And besides, Gabriel…” I paused at his name, but quickly recovered, trying not to let Adam notice the hesitation…. “found me anyway, so it’s all good.”

  “Ah, yes, thank goodness for Gabriel. I don’t know what’s wrong with him though…moving to a different chapter and all that. I thought he was pretty loyal to us, considering everything with his past, but I don’t know. Something’s not right. He’s never exactly been Mr. Sunshine but after he found you, he was so happy. Then when we were over in England at the Capital, where he requested placement, I don’t know, he seemed pretty miserable. I tried talking to him but he shrugged me off and looked preoccupied with something.

  But anyway, you don’t care about this, it’s just me rambling. You should get back into training or I’ll have the elders down my throat.”

  “Right.” That’s all I could say. I was stunned. I hadn’t even asked for it and twice, in one day, the conversation had turned to Gabriel. Adam didn’t know anything that happened between Gabriel and I, didn’t know it was my fault he left. And my insides burned the entire time he told me about how unhappy Gabriel had seemed in his new placement. Part of me wanted to ask Adam to continue talking about Gabriel. Of course, I felt curious about how everything went over at the Capital, but at the same time, it hurt more than anything to hear about him knowing he was gone for good.

  * * * *

  I had training with Moraine for the rest of the day and it was rough, like exercising again after days of laziness. I didn’t realize how much I could lose until I tried to pick it up again. My telepathy skill remained strong because I had been practicing it, but all my other abilities had atrophied rapidly.

  I was absolutely exhausted that night, but I knew there was something I had to think about, one more topic to press my intuition on. Thus far I had avoided anything to do with Gabriel, but after talking with Isaac and Adam that day, my curiosity was too strong.

  I knew I was the one who ran away the night before the elders arrived, the night before he declared he no longer wanted to remain a part of our chapter, but I didn’t contemplate that in doing so he would abandon me. The picture of myself on Gabriel’s wall scared me for more than one reason. I needed space and time to heal, but I still wanted him. Maybe I needed Gabriel to leave in order to realize it. Could he have known that?

  I sat on the window seat again, picturing Gabriel as he had looked sitting so close to me that night, how he had turned invisible and kissed my hand goodnight. I reached the arms of my intuition out to him. Why had he left without letting me calm down? Did he realize I was too messed up, too broken to be worthy of his affection? Maybe he decided he didn’t like me that much after all.

  I pushed my intuition harder and got…nothing. Something blocked me. It didn’t hurt me like the Black Shadow had, but there was without a doubt some sort of barricade in my way, and although I tried all night, there wasn’t a pass code to hide, there wasn’t any way around the brick wall, Gabriel’s brick wall, which started to become so familiar to me.

  I wanted to know what was wrong with
him, why he was distracted even after he moved away, which was his idea. But I couldn’t see anything.

  It was four in the morning and the August nights were starting to get chilly, but there I sat with the windows wide open, trying to comprehend something that I wasn’t meant to understand yet.

  Chapter 24

  I started to progress significantly with my skills a couple of months after Gabriel left, adding teleportation to my Sage arsenal. Moraine told me I was ready for my first practical examination. I never asked what it would contain, but figured it would comprise of a controlled test within the borders of Headquarters. Maybe involving the training course, the shooting range, using my abilities to spar against the other members, as I had been practicing over the past several weeks.

  Moraine and I were in one of the specialized training rooms, the walls blocked so that I could not teleport outside of them. The day consisted of my typical training to improve the accuracy and efficiency of my teleportation skills, but it quickly turned extraordinary.

  Mariah burst into the room, scaring me so badly that I accidentally teleported ten feet backward, falling to the floor in my panic when I reappeared. Her black eyes flashed in contrast against her flaming hair as she announced: “we have a Davo.”

  My heartbeat instantly started racing in reaction to the news. This wasn’t the first Davo that our chapter reported since I arrived at Headquarters, but it was one of few, and I had yet to see one.

  “We’re going,” Moraine proclaimed.

  I thought my eyes would bug out of my head. “You want me to go too?” I asked skeptically.

  “I told you we needed to complete your first practical,” she said, as though it should have been obvious.

  I followed her and Mariah out into the sterile hallway and into a room I’d never seen before. The walls were covered with computers, monitors, and other signaling machines I had no idea what to call. And there was a woman sitting in a swivel chair I’d never seen before either.