Down Where My Love Lives

by Charles Martin

  Alan's eyes got real big, and he pointed at the paper. "Dat sours bettuh. And you'da graded me lowuh lik' you dun on de utter papuhs."

  "Well, if that's the case, then who said it? I don't know, because you don't give anyone credit for saying it."

  "I say it."

  "Well, the way you just explained it and the way you wrote it here are two very different things."

  Alan was quiet, and his forehead wrinkled.

  "Okay, you hold on to that, and I'll go on to Russell."

  At this point in the year, Russell had become my favorite. I know I'm not supposed to have favorites, or at least I shouldn't admit it. But Russell was a leader. Had it written all over his body. He was soft-spoken, kind, funny, curious, he cared about my class, and until now, I think he liked me.

  "Russell, tell me about your essay." By this time, Russell knew the drill.

  "Well, it's 'bout television and its impac' on kids."

  "Great, tell me more."

  Russell thought, and then he said, "Well, my sistuh helped me do som' research."

  "That's fine. I told you to get help if you needed it. Now tell me more about your paper."

  Silence. Eugene and Marvin had had just about enough of this, and their attitudes were feeding off each other. Eugene piped in, "I wrote my paper a long time ago, but I wrote it."

  "Okay, while Russell is thinking, we'll start over. Eugene, tell me about your paper." I went through the whole thing again. And yes, I was more worried and more scared. I was losing, or at least getting nowhere, which was losing. I was also getting somewhat mad.

  Finally I put the papers down. "Guys, does anyone in this room have anything he wants to tell me? Anything at all?"

  The silence was thick. I started over.

  "Eugene. Tell me about these two poems. What kind of analysis do you perform?"

  Silence. But their nonverbal communication spoke volumes, and a consensus was beginning to develop. I could tell they had realized that if they all ganged up on me, they'd have a better chance of getting out of this than if they just covered themselves.

  Eugene sneered at me. "Professuh Styles, it's been a while, so I can't remember it right now, but I wrote my paper." He pointed his finger in my face. "I wrote my paper." He laughed uncomfortably, sat back, and slouched as if he had had the last word.

  I turned again to Marvin. "Marvin, let's talk about your paper. Where'd you get your ideas?"

  Marvin slumped, threw his head in a show of disgust, grunted again, and looked out the window.

  "Alan, can you give me a good reason why the language and organization in this paper are so different from your first two papers?"

  Silence.

  "Russell?"

  I put the papers down on my desk, and their eyes followed. I looked out the window, then at them, and I asked one more time, "Does anyone in this room have anything at all he wants to tell me?"

  They knew. I knew that they knew. And they knew that I knew that they knew.

  Stalemate.

  I looked at each one, not knowing what to say. Finally I picked up the papers and said, "Guys, you know what I call this." No one allowed his eyes to meet mine.

  "You know what the university calls this."

  Still quiet.

  "Eugene, what do you call this?"

  Eugene sat up. "Professuh Styles, I don't know, but I wro' my paper. I need this class to graduate. And I know I wro' my paper." Eugene was reaching. He wanted to deal.

  I looked at Marvin. "Marvin, what do you call this?"

  "I wro' my papuh."

  "Alan, how about you?"

  "I ... I typed my paper."

  Then I turned to Russell. "Russell, what do you call this?"

  No movement. No talking. No breathing. They had consensus, and I had nothing. They could win, and they knew it or at least thought it possible. If everyone kept quiet, they had me.

  I put the papers back down on my desk, looked back at Russell, wondered if I should play the only card I had. Very quietly I said, "Russell ... what would your dad call this?"

  Russell shook his head, closed his eyes, and said, "Aw, man, why'd you have to go there?" He wiped his big hand over his face, closed his eyes again, and looked down in his lap. His massive shoulders slumped, he took a deep breath, his chest expanded and contracted, and he looked me straight in the eye. "He'd call it cheating."

  Checkmate.

  Marvin and Eugene deflated like balloons. Alan sat quietly.

  I nodded. "Thank you. That's what I call it too."

  I sat on my desk, my legs dangling off, and they sat slumped in their chairs, looking at me. Long seconds ticked slowly by.

  I turned back to Russell. "You need to know before I go any farther that you just showed more honesty and more integrity than I've seen in a long time. I have no respect for what you gave me, but for what you just said, well . . . I thank you."

  I slowly turned to Alan. "Alan, what do you call this?"

  He sighed, raised his eyebrows, and said in a meek, honest, willing voice, "Cheating."

  I turned to Marvin, who had slumped farther in his chair. He could not believe that Russell had just given in. "Marvin?"

  "Cheating." His eyes never touched mine.

  "Eugene," I said as I turned.

  "Cheating." Eugene tossed his head in disbelief. But behind that, his eyes showed relief. He was ready to pay the piper, but I knew he'd still accept a deal.

  Going into this, I knew that to have any recourse at all, I had to have a confession. Full and clear. The problem with the game I had just played was that I had no idea what to do with the pieces. School policy is immediate expulsion.

  Immediate expulsion. I tossed the idea around in my head. It's not that I thought the policy wasn't fair or just, but it seemed complicated that an adjunct professor should have that much control over one person's future. On the other hand, the only reason I had such control is that the four of them had given it to me. If I did what I was supposed to do, Marvin and Russell would lose their athletic scholarships, Alan would never be the first in his family to get a college degree, and Eugene would always be one class away from graduating.

  At that moment, part of me wished I had just given them grades and turned the things back. The other part of me believed that the best I could do for them was march them down to the chair's office. But if I just washed my hands of them, what did that further? Hate? Maybe.

  So I turned to them and said, "I'm just curious. If you guys were me, what would you do?"

  The deal maker spoke first, before anyone else screwed it up. "I'd just let us rewrite it. I mean, you know." Eugene raised his hands, palms up, and his eyes got real wide.

  "Yeah," Marvin chimed in.

  "I can do that." I nodded. "Sure. But that sort of washes over the real issue here, which is respect." I waved the papers in front of them. "What you guys gave me disrespected me. You thought you could slip it by me. You also thought you could be lazy and get away with doing nothing. That's dissin' me. And I'm not willing to wash over that. So you're not gonna just `rewrite it.-

  Marvin, Marvin, seeing his chance, spoke up with his best display of attitude yet. "Well ... you always make us feel like we can't write for you. You make us feel like what we write ain't good 'nuff."

  Before "huff" had rolled off his lips, I jerked my head at him and said, "Marvin, don't bring that victim-mentality stuff into my classroom. I've stayed after class, I've helped you rewrite essays, and I've come in here every day and taught you with respect. I'd be willing to stack my class up against any other class you've got. I treat you the way I'd want to be treated, and you know that. So I don't want to hear any lip about how I've made you feel like you can't write for me. You got lazy. That's all there is to it."

  "Well, you made fun of me," Marvin said.

  "Made fun of you? When?"

  "The day I walked in wearing sweatpants, and you made fun of me."

  "What'd I say?" I had no idea.

&nbs
p; "I don't know. You said that I looked like I just got out of bed or something."

  Then I remembered. He was right. I had said it. Although he had looked like he had just gotten out of bed.

  I thought for a second. "Marvin, you're right. I did say it, and if it hurt your feelings, I'm sorry, but my insensitivity does not justify this." I held up his paper. "Marvin, I've seen you play football. You take your licks and walk like a man on that field. So start walking like a man in my classroom."

  I turned back to Eugene. "I can't just `let you rewrite it."'

  Eugene knew I was right. He had a good sense of right and wrong. All of them did.

  Marvin found his attitude again. "Then you already made up yo' min', haven't ya?"

  "No, I haven't. I have no idea what I intend to do."

  "You aw'ready decided."

  I'm no Freud, but clearly Marvin needed someone to believe in him, and he was testing me.

  "Guys, before I go any further, you all need to know what I think about you. Win, lose, or draw, you need to know what I think."

  I looked at Eugene. "Eugene, you're smart, people look up to you, they listen to you, and they respect what you have to say. I like having you in my class. You ask good questions."

  I turned to Marvin. "Marvin, you've got a great sense of humor. You make me laugh, you're easy to be around, and I enjoy listening to you. I also enjoy watching you play football. You've got real God-given talent. You might even have what it takes. "

  "Alan, you're always on time, you ask good questions, and you contribute to my class as much as anyone. That's worth a lot. On top of that, folks around here say you can build or fix pretty much anything, and you've already built four cars from the ground up. That's a gift too."

  Then I turned to Russell. "Russell, people like you, they look up to you, they listen to you, and they will follow you because you're a born leader. I have a lot of respect for you, not for what you gave me, but what you told me. And you don't need me to tell you this, but any idiot can see that if you stay healthy, your football career will continue long after college."

  I waved my hand across all of them. "You guys need to know this. It makes me sick that you'd hand me these papers, expect to slip one past me, and then still expect me to treat you with respect." I got quiet.

  After a long moment of silence, I said, "Here's the deal. I really don't know what I'm going to do at this point, but you've got a choice. You can walk down the hall, tell my boss, Mr. Winter, that your professor has wrongly accused you of plagiarism, and bring him to class on Thursday. Or you can write an apology stating that you plagiarized, cheated, and disrespected me and that you're sorry. You've got two ways to get back into my class: bring Mr. Winter or bring a written apology. That's all."

  I got up off the desk, turned my back, and put my things together. They slithered off their seats and tiptoed out, never saying a word.

  I drove home, my head pounding, wondering what I could have done differently. Was I too easy on them? Too tough? What will they remember from today?

  At nine-thirty the phone rang. To be honest, I was expecting that. I also needed it. "Hello?"

  "Yeah ... uh ... Professuh Styles, this is Russell."

  "Hello, Russell."

  "Uh ... Professuh ... I just wanted to call an' tell you that I'm sorry for what I did. I disrespected you, and I'm real sorry." He took a deep breath. "I just wanted to tell you that. "

  I don't know why, but at that moment I thought of Charlie Bucket returning the Everlasting Gobstopper that he stole from Willy Wonka. As he laid it on the desk, Wonka's hand slipped up, covered it, and he said, "So shines a good deed in a weary world." I've always liked that.

  "Thank you, Russell." I tried to sound reserved. "I haven't made up my mind what I'm going to do yet."

  "Yessuh, well ... I just wanted you to know I was sorry."

  "I'll see you Thursday."

  "Yessuh."

  I hung up the phone. I knew that Russell lived in the athletic dorm, and that meant that Marvin couldn't live too far from him. I wondered how long it'd be before I heard from him. The phone rang two minutes later.

  "Hello?"

  "Um, uh-uh ... is dis Professuh Styles?"

  "Speaking. "

  "Professuh Styles, this is Marvin."

  "Hello, Marvin."

  "Yeah ... um, I just wanted to call and apologize fuh dizre- spekin' you and treating you the way I did." Marvin was scared. He was also sincere. I had not heard this in his voice before.

  "I appreciate it, Marvin." I left it at that. I wanted him to sweat, and I wanted him to worry. I wanted them all to worry. To feel the weight of it, right down to the last minute. Is that wrong? What's worse? Causing them to feel the full weight of it, or no weight at all?

  "I'll see you Thursday."

  "Yessuh."

  To be honest, I had hoped that those two would call. Eugene and Alan were good guys, but Marvin and Russell had heart-at least a different heart. Their calling said they knew that they had really screwed up. I needed to know that. It also said they were worried. I needed to know that too.

  Thursday came, and my foursome walked in early, more or less together. Each one placed a neatly handwritten note on my desk. I didn't read them but placed them in the cover of my roll book and waited quietly for class to begin.

  Judging from their four faces, two days of uncertainty had worked.

  Class ended uneventfully, the other students left, and I shut the door. The four of them sat uncomfortably upright in front of me-eager, attentive, and scared. Hands folded in front of them, they looked like the pocket-protector club. I picked up the notes, read each one slowly, and put them next to me when I finished.

  "Okay, here's the deal. School policy is that I take this evidence before the dean, at which time he will immediately expel you."

  The guys tensed up, and their faces blanched.

  "But I'm not going to do that."

  Each face relaxed.

  "And because I'm not going to do that, here is your option. Each of you is going to write a new essay. The question is simple: What is plagiarism, what is integrity, and can you have the second and do the first? The highest grade you can expect to receive is a C." I raised my eyebrows. "So, if you write an A paper, you get a C. Write a C paper, and you get an F. That's the deal. Take it or leave it."

  Eugene was the first to speak up. He nodded and looked to the others. "We made our bed, now we gonna have to lie in it. That's fair."

  Marvin said, "Well, I can't write no A paper, so I might as well quit now."

  I said, "Marvin, you do what you want to do. But there's one more part to the deal: all of you have to accept. If one says no, then I go to the chair."

  Everybody looked at Marvin. Especially Russell.

  He ducked his head. "I'll write the essay."

  "Alan?" I asked.

  "Sounds fair."

  "Russell?"

  "Yessuh, soun's good to me. Real good."

  Marvin spoke up. "How long you want it?"

  "Whatever it takes."

  "Ooh, dat's the worst kind." He threw up his hands. "When you want it?"

  "Well, I know you guys are playing a big game down in Florida this weekend, so I don't imagine you'll have much time between now and Monday." I looked at the calendar on my desk. "Today is Thursday. I want it in a week. If that's not enough time, then bring what you've written, and we'll work on an extension. Believe it or not, I remember what it's like to play football and study."

  Russell spoke up. "You played football, Professuh?"

  "I did."

  "What position?"

  "Tailback and"-I looked at Marvin-"corner."

  He laughed.

  "Marvin, I've seen you play. You've got speed. Good speed. Maybe even good enough speed. But I had one thing you have yet to develop."

  "Yeah, I know," he said, holding out his hands. "Thinking. I got to think bettuh."

  Russell wasn't done with me. "What happened?"


  "Injury."

  "Bad?"

  "Bad enough," I said. "If I wanted to keep walking, I had to quit playing. That was my choice."

  "That's a raw deal," Marvin chimed in.

  "That's life, Marvin. It is what it is." I collected the papers. "Guys, you've got a week. And I don't want you getting any help on this one. I want independent thinking."

  They grabbed their books and stood, not knowing what to say.

  Marvin was the first. He stuck out his hand. "Thanks, Professuh Styles." His hand said thank you twice as hard as his mouth.

  "You guys need to know something." I looked at Marvin and Russell. "You two have something I never got. You've got a full ride to do what you do well-play football. I walked on and never made it. You have. If I ever hear of you doing anything like this again, I'll pull this file, walk into the dean's office, and you're gone. And you two, Eugene and Alan, same goes for you. If I ever hear of the two of you getting in any trouble ... ever ... this'll be on the dean's desk first thing. It'll be kind of like a criminal record that only I know about, and it'll follow you until you leave this place. You game?"

  They all nodded.

  Marvin looked toward the door and then shook his head. "That means I got to clean my stuff up."

  Eugene stepped up, stuck out his hand, and said, "Thanks, Professuh Styles."

  Marvin was next. He stuck out his hand again and smiled earlobe to earlobe. He would never admit it, but he hated conflict. "Appreciate it, Professuh Styles."

  "Thursday, Marvin."

  Then Alan. "Yeah, thanks, Professuh Styles."

  "Thursday, Alan, and ... you're welcome."

  Finally Russell. He was breathing a lot easier, and his shoulders had relaxed. The thought of not having to tell his mom why he had lost his scholarship and been kicked out of school had hit him square in the chest. His eyes were watery. He looked down on me and said, "Thanks, Professuh Styles. I really appreciate it. Thanks a lot." His big paw wrapped twice around my hand; he could have crushed it if he wanted.

  "You're welcome, Russell."

  Russell turned to leave.

  "And Russell, I meant what I said."

  He nodded and left before the tear trickled out of the corner of his eye.

  From the hallway, Marvin turned around. "Yo, Professuh Styles. Can I still pass yo' class?"