by Ford, Mia
“No, I know. I don’t expect anything.” I glance behind me, needing to move before this becomes something else. “I just wanted to give it to you, but now I’m off. I need to get back to Benji.”
I walk away without looking back because I don’t want to see what look is in her eyes. I don’t want to see her hating me, wishing that I wasn’t here, wanting me to go… I really hope that I can change that. That I can bring her back in to my circle and things can go back to normal all over again.
I will, because me and Darcy are meant to be.
Chapter Ten
Darcy
December 25th
What the fuck was that about? I think to myself as I stagger through my front door in the early hours of the morning. I can’t wake my parents up because they will be mad at me for being so late, treating me like I am a teenager still rather than an adult and I don’t need that right now. Not when I have so much else going on inside my mind. Mostly, the package in my bag that is getting heavier by the moment… metaphorically of course. It isn’t actually heavier; it’s just weighing me down because I want to know what is in it already.
Ivy wanted me to open the gift right away. The curiosity was killing her, and she was dying to see what Seth had brought for me, but I couldn’t open it at the carnival with him there. He might have walked away from me and left me alone to process what had happened, but I could feel the weight of his eyes on me all night long. I don’t want to let him see my feelings.
So, instead I grabbed Ivy and we got shit drunk instead. I drank far more than I would have normally. Especially at the Christmas carnival. I normally like to keep my head up high and lucid. But tonight, I went too far. Being as drunk as I am, hasn’t turned down my nerves at all. I still need to open this package, to see what is inside. Now I am alone and I need to see what this is.
“Fucking hell,” I hiss to myself as I almost fall up the stairs. “What are you playing at, Darcy?”
It’s almost like I’m trying to fall hard, to get my mom out here yelling at me, so I can distract myself for a little while longer, because as soon as I rip open the paper surrounding that gift, I open a can of worms with it. I probably shouldn’t have accepted it at all because it has invited him back into my life, but I couldn’t help myself. Now, we will have to interact. I will have to say thank you and have a conversation with him. I’m not going to buy him a gift of course, because he has everything a man could ever need, but still… we need to talk.
Once I managed to reach the top of the stairs, I lean back against the wall and suck in a deep breath of air, trying to steady myself. I would much prefer for my vision to be clearer. It would also be pretty cool if I didn’t feel like I was going to puke at any given moment.
“You are an idiot, Darcy,” I curse myself. “An absolute idiot. What am I going to do with you?”
Before I can answer that question about myself, I hear a stirring inside of my mother’s room. Much as a part of me wants to get in trouble, the rational side of me doesn’t, because I know how long the lecture will last. It will ruin Christmas Day, all of it, so I dart inside of my room and click the door closed behind me.
Eventually I stumble back on the bed and my bag spills out beside me. The gift peaks out of the top, so I have to pull the package out, and as soon as I do, a stark soberness over comes me. Now is the moment of truth and I am absolutely terrified. I don’t know what to think…
“Okay.” I nod to myself and start pulling at the paper. “Let’s do this.”
My heart pounds, every beat of it all for Seth, and eventually I find myself looking at a box. A familiar box which I know comes from the jewelry store downtown that I don’t own anything from. I have wanted to, of course I have, everyone does, but I haven’t ever purchased anything, because I think of how many other things I could get with that money. Mainly, putting it back into my business or moving out of my parents house. Until now.
Okay, so I know that Seth must have a lot of money now, being a movie star and everything, but this is still too much. It reminds me that he isn’t the boy from next door who couldn’t afford to get anything even from the cheaper end of the toy store anymore. I was the one to help him out then…
I can’t resist peeling the box open, just to see what he thinks is appropriate for me, and I immediately gasp so loudly that I drop the box on my bed. This is a necklace filed with diamonds. The sort of necklace that probably costs more than I have ever made in my life.
“I can’t accept this.” I shake my head hard. “What the hell is he doing?”
I already know that I will take this back to Seth and refuse it because it’s too much for me, but I don’t package it back up right away. I stare at it for far too long trying to picture him in the store picking this out for me. What did he think? Did he imagine it on me? What did he think that it would look like? What would it look like?
Maybe it’s because I have so much booze swirling around in my system it seems like a good idea to try it on, just to see. I won’t keep it, I won’t fall in love with it or anything, but just to see. I mean, it isn’t like I will get another chance like this again, will I? So, I want to just try it on and take a picture to see.
I feel naughty as I pin it around my neck, the diamonds hanging down near my dress, giving me a much more glamorous look than I had before. I tip toe over to my mirror, to get a look and immediately I am blown away. Totally stunned, and I can’t handle it. My vision is no longer blurry, it’s crystal clear, and I don’t think that I have ever felt so sober in my life. And I look good. This necklace really gives me a look like I’m a woman who could belong on a red carpet, given half the chance.
I even cave to the fantasy a bit and parade up and down in my room as if I’m on a catwalk. I imagine people all around me clapping and cheering for me, snapping pictures and admiring us as a couple. I can’t help it; I feel more beautiful than I have ever felt before. It’s really wonderful and I wish that I could keep it.
“But it can’t,” I whisper to myself. “I can’t keep it. This isn’t my world.”
For Seth, in Hollywood, living in LA, I’m sure that a fancy diamond necklace is exactly the sort of gift that someone should give, because the receiver will have plenty of places to wear it. But here, I will look like an idiot in it. It’s fine in my bedroom, but out in the real world, it will look like costume jewelry, I’m sure. Or an invitation for someone to come and mug me. I don’t know what the crime rates are like here, it’s always seemed pretty low, but that’s because I haven’t walked around with something so expensive before.
With a deep sigh, I unclip the necklace and I box it back up. There is a sadness over coming me, I feel bad for locking this away and saying goodbye to this amazing gift that Seth has given me, but it’s too much. It’s a reminder of who he is now, and how far he is away from me. I can’t have him, and I have enough of that inside of my head without making it any worse for myself by having something physical as a reminder.
Seth might hate me for giving it back to him, it may seem rude, but he won’t be around for much longer, will he? Then I can suffer my own agony in peace. He can go hating me for being a rude person and I can get on with my life knowing that I have cut him out for good. It could be my closure at long last.
“Right.” I glance out of my bedroom window to look at his, just like I always used to do when I was younger. I haven’t done this for so long. His bedroom light is on, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything, because he always leaves it on. His father used to yell at him all the time about electric costing money that he doesn’t have, but it seems like Seth never learned his lesson… not that he needs to now. He probably has a staff member to do that for him. “Let’s go. He will either be in or he won’t, but I can leave the necklace there regardless.”
I don’t even bother to put on shoes, as I climb out of my window and I creep across the gardens to his. I know that I don’t need to. I also know how easy it is to hook my leg over and swing in through the c
rack that Seth always leaves there. For me… or at least it used to be. Now, I’m not so sure.
As I expected, Seth isn’t here. I’m pretty sure that he was still at the Christmas carnival when I left, which means all I need to do is leave the necklace on his bed. That leaves enough of a message, doesn’t it? Or perhaps it leaves the wrong message. The message that he can go and fuck himself. Perhaps I should leave a note with it, to let Seth know what I’m doing. It isn’t that I hate the necklace, just I can’t have it.
But of course, he doesn’t have a pen or paper anywhere. Why would he? He never did as a teenager, he never even seemed to have a pen at school, but he made it through okay. Well, from what I saw as a girl two years younger than him anyway. So, I can’t leave a note. Nor can I just leave without saying anything. I need to explain myself now because the message of just leaving the box behind, feels too strong for me.
“I can wait,” I whisper to myself as I fall back on to his bed. “The carnival will be done soon anyway.”
Yes, this is good. We can have an adult conversation about things, can’t we? We don’t need to be awkward around one another. We can just… talk things through. We don’t have to be friends with one another, do we? We don’t have to even think that things can go back to where we once were. But we can talk.
That will be the closure that I so desperately need, that is what will help me to move on. That will help me to recover from this stupid heart break that I have allowed to control me my whole adult life.
Yep, I think to myself with a smile as I settle in on the bed where I have slept many times, but not recently, this is good. This is what I need to do. Talk to Seth Bishop, have a conversation… what can go wrong?
Chapter Eleven
Seth
December 25th
“Shhh,” I tell myself as I fall in through the front door to my father’s house yet again. I don’t want to wake him up a second time around, that would be really shitty of me, but it isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Me and Benji might have gone a little over the top, I can’t seem to stop myself from having too much fun while I’m here. I just need to make it to bed without falling over and breaking anything and all will be fine.
All I need now is sleep. Lots of sleep. Then I will be okay for Christmas Day with my father.
Thankfully, by some miracle, I make it to my bedroom without making a noise, but as soon as I’m inside I’m struck with the idea that I must be in the wrong house because there is someone in my bed. And not just someone, but her. Darcy. Darcy freaking McNeill, the definite love of my life. She’s under my sheets, snoring lightly in my bed, looking like a damn angel. The most gorgeous woman on the planet.
Yep, I’m in love, I tell myself earnestly. Or as earnestly as I can manage, since a part of this still feels like a drunken construct in my brain. I love Darcy McNeill and I’m the idiot who let her go.
I press my hand to my chest and feel the pounding of my heart, each beat for her as I watch her sleep. This might not be the first time that Darcy has slept in my bed, we used to have movie nights where she would fall asleep and just stay here, our parents never worried that we were ever anything more than just friends, but this feels so much different. This is after I have given her the diamond necklace which means everything to me.
She must be here because she loves the necklace and she wants to be with me, right? Why else would she be here? I can’t immediately think of any other reason, which means I will settle on that one. I like it anyway, it’s a nice feeling to have Darcy wanting me and not looking at me like I have lost my damn mind.
The box with the necklace lies on the bed next to her. I have a feeling that it was clasped between her fingers at some point but as she’s drifted off and started to relax, her muscles let it go. Well, I don’t really want to see it in the box next to her. I want to see it wrapped around her neck, which is exactly what I’m going to do. I delicately, a least I think that I’m acting delicately, take it from her and slip it over her skin. Darcy stirs as I touch her, but she doesn’t wake up. I guess she got herself pretty drunk as well, so she’s passed out good.
I take a step back and admire my handiwork, loving how sweet she looks with the necklace on her. It suits her well. She’s amazing, she looks beautiful, and in this moment all I want to do is bring her with me to Hollywood so that I can show her off to the world. I just know that everyone else will love her as much as I do.
“You are everything,” I whisper, a heat swelling through me as I watch her. “I want you so bad, Darcy.”
I can’t resist climbing into bed with her to wrap my arms around her. I might have managed to not wake her up as I put the necklace around her, but I’m a bit heavy here and this disturbs her for a moment. Her eyes flicker open and she stares up at me with a glazed over pretty loved up expression in her eyes. She makes me melt.
“Hmm? Seth, is that you?” she purrs while turning to face me. “You are back. You came.”
Without me needing to say a damn word, she wraps her arms around me, and she pulls her lips down to mine for the kiss that I so desperately wanted at the Christmas carnival. But my God, this is so much better. This is us alone in my bed, and this feels a lot more real because it’s just for us. Fireworks erupt through me, every inch of my body screams out for her, it’s really hard to contain myself when I’m with her like this.
It’s magic, I realize as her hands grip on to my waist. It always has been magic with Darcy.
When we stop fighting our feelings for one another, amazing things can happen, and that’s precisely what’s going on here. Neither of us are thinking about tomorrow or yesterday, or even in one minutes time. We are just enjoying the right now, and right now I have the woman of my dreams in my arms.
“Are you real?” she murmurs while stroking my cheeks. “Or am I still dreaming?”
I can’t stop the bright smile from spreading across my cheeks. “You dream of me?” She doesn’t answer me with words, instead choosing to nod at me which gives me all that I need to know. “Well, I’m real.”
We kiss some more, the feel of her soft plump lips sending me to heaven. I usually only see the kiss as a gateway to something more, but with Darcy, this is all that I want from her. The kiss is everything to me. I just want to hold her forever and have her explore my mouth with her own until she is satisfied. Not that I will ever be fully sated with Darcy. I think that I will always want more from her. Knowing that she has so much to offer, makes it that much more thrilling for me. I want to know everything about her, every inch of her body…
“The necklace.” She suddenly realizes that she’s wearing it. “It’s too much, Seth, I came to bring it back.”
“No way,” I insist. “I got it for you. No way I am taking it back now. It’s yours.”
“But it must have cost a fortune. I don’t even want to know. You should take it back…”
“You know that I can afford it, right?” I chuckle. “Plus, I want it to be yours. I owe you six years’ worth of gifts and this is my way to make up for that. It might not be enough, but it’s a start, right?”
She brushes her fingers over it, and I can see her light up like a Christmas tree. She might not want to admit it, but she loves the way that the necklace makes her feel. I can’t help but wonder if she might like the other sides of the glitz and glamor of Hollywood as well. I have always made the assumption that she would hate it, without actually asking her. That might be where I have been going wrong.
“I have wanted you for six long years.” I tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Even before that. But especially since that kiss six years ago. Now, I know you must be wondering why I left and didn’t contact you and I don’t have a good enough explanation for that. I don’t deserve anything from you, I get that, I don’t even deserve you to listen to me when I don’t have anything good to give you… but I’m here now…”
“Yes.” She presses her finger to my lip. “You are here now.”
I wait f
or her to ask me for how long or to criticize me for my lack of explanation, but she doesn’t. Instead she pulls me back to her and we kiss more. I actually love her a little bit extra for that because Darcy knows me well enough not to push me about things that I don’t have the answer to, because it will stress me out.
If she’s willing to live in the moment, then I am too. We’re both here in the same place at the same time, and it feels utterly wonderful. This is the most content that I have ever felt in my life. I never want it to end. I can’t believe how lucky I have been, to come back here and get everything that I want and more. I have my friends back in my life, my father is looking much happier again, and now Darcy is here in my arms. All I had to do was communicate with her, it really is as simple as that. I guess we were just too young to do that before, but now I will communicate nonstop. I will do whatever it takes to make this work, because I want her to stay with me for good. I want her to be this close to me for the rest of my days.
Eventually, we stop kissing because the sleepiness has gotten to Darcy once more, which is fair enough since I did disturb her, but I don’t lose the closeness with her. She remains tightly tucked in my arms as the snoring begins all over again. I don’t fall asleep because all of the kissing has me wired and wide awake now, but all that means is, that I can sit here and enjoy the sight of this beautiful woman in my arms. Her mouth hanging open a little bit, hair messy, and her cheeks pink with the nighttime heat.
Finally, I want to clap my hands together with glee, but I can’t, because they are clinging on to Darcy. Finally, it’s beginning. At last, I have the woman that I love in my arms, and I know that everything will be okay.
Of course, without the kissing my mind is much freer to wander as well, which sends me in to thoughts of the future, plans to bring Darcy to LA with me. She might not have ambitions for stardom, unless that has changed since I last saw her, but she works in the beauty world. Hollywood is the perfect place to make those dreams come true. She can be a beautician to the stars if she wants. I can help her with that dream. I can assist her with whatever she needs me to do. Anything to ensure that we are happy together.
