by Ford, Mia
“Oh, I was here but my hair was black then, so I looked totally different. I change how I look a lot.”
“Do you do that because of movie roles or for yourself?” I ask her curiously, because I haven’t ever been asked to do that. I guess that’s something that probably affects women more than men. I know that this world is still very different according to gender in a way that isn’t really fair, so that’s very possible.
“A bit of both.” She shrugs her shoulders. “Sometimes I need to, sometimes I want to. At least for this next movie, the purple will be fine for my character, so it’s going to stay.” She flickers her hair wildly. “I love it.”
“It is nice,” I admit. “And you’re right. After reading the script I think the color is perfect as well.”
We chat for a little while longer, both equally excited about our upcoming project, and I ask her a bit about what she has been in before. I really feel like me and Winter are going to have an awesome friendship out of this. Most people that I have worked with have been my friend during the project but not afterwards, but Winter is on a similar wavelength to me. I think that me and her will be good. I like that. I need LA friends. As much as I like it here, a lot of people are sharks, willing to throw anyone under the bus to make themselves more successful. If I could have someone on my side who isn’t, that would be incredible.
As another waiter passes me and I turn to grab what I think is about to be my forth drink, I suddenly realize that I have been talking about the new movie for such a long time that I haven’t seen Darcy for ages. I have had at least two drinks since she headed off to the bathroom which is strange. I hope that she hasn’t gotten herself lost somewhere. Or got talking to someone awful. My hope is that she’s off selling her makeup line, or making a new friend somewhere, but it could be bad. She could be stuck talking to some arrogant asshole and silently begging for me to come and save her. In my conversation I might have forgotten about her a little bit. But I need to make up for it now. I need to make sure that she’s okay.”
“I will catch up with you in a bit, Winter.” I shoot her a smile. I don’t know if she’s looking disappointed or not, but I can’t be here to make sure that she is okay as well. I have too much else to worry about and obviously Darcy comes first. “Enjoy the party, alright? Hopefully I will see you before the count down.”
I wave goodbye to her and begin circling the party. On the outside, I might look cool and calm, but on the inside, I’m freaking out. Where is Darcy? This might be a big party, but it isn’t massive. I should be able to find her no matter what happens. But there isn’t any sign of her at all. It’s like she’s vanished into thin air.
No way, don’t be crazy, I scold myself. She is here somewhere. Stop being stupid.
She went to the bathroom, that’s the last thing I remember, but that was a while ago now. She can’t possibly still be in there, can she? What if she’s crying or puking or something? Needing me more than I even anticipated. Shit, now I’m really starting to panic. And curse myself, because I shouldn’t have talked to Winter for such a long time, when she is clearly going through something bad. I feel terrible.
I head in the direction of the bathroom, wondering if I should grab Winter to ask her to check inside the bathroom for Darcy because I can’t exactly go in there. But not yet. If I can solve this by myself then I will. I have a funny feeling that Darcy needs me to be alone right now. If she has something that she wants to discuss in private, then Winter isn’t going to be helpful and they’ll both be awkward.
“Seth?” a strange, almost strangled voice grabs my attention. “Seth Bishop, is that you?”
“Erm…” I can immediately tell that this woman isn’t an invited guest. She isn’t in anything designer, and she has a bit of a bedraggled look about her. Press, she has to be. Those vultures find their way to get in any event, however amazing the security is, and it seems today they are after me. “What can I help you with?”
“You are Seth Bishop?” She grabs on to my arm which is very intrusive for someone I don’t know. I snatch back and glare at her. I don’t want to cause a scene because this isn’t uncommon, but it really isn’t the time or place. “Can I talk to you for a moment? I have wanted to talk to you for such a long time…”
“Well, you will need to go through my agent then, because this is a party. This is my down time.”
“I only want a moment,” she insists. “This won’t take long. I just want to know about you. All of you. Your life, your childhood, what you are working on now, how you followed in your father’s footsteps…”
“I have already told many people that I don’t want to do an autobiography, thank you.”
“No, this isn’t that.” She shakes her head hard, but I don’t believe her. She has that untrustworthy look about her, like all the members of the press. “It isn’t for anything. I just want to talk to you that’s all.”
She seems older than the usual press people who sneak into places like this, but maybe that’s for a reason so no one suspects her. That’s how she got in. I don’t know how she managed it with the way that she looks though. It’s weird. I would have assumed that someone should have thrown her out by now.
“I’m actually looking for someone right now. So, thank you for your time…”
“Your girlfriend?” My God she is relentless. “The girl that you came here with.”
“It isn’t your business, so can you please let go of me now. Talk to someone else. There are plenty of people here that you can harass before you get kicked out, so why not do that?” I wave my hands dismissively. “I am sure that there will be someone who wants to talk to you. Someone desperate for the attention.”
“Because I’m here for you. I have only just come to speak to you, that’s all…”
“Well, I’m sorry, you will have to tell your boss that I don’t want to speak to you at a party. Contact my agent.”
I’m sure that I can hear her saying something about not having a boss, but I don’t want to listen to her any longer. I have already been distracted enough by Winter. I’m not going to allow that to happen again. So, I continue on walking towards the bathroom to find Darcy because she is the only one who matters.
“Darcy!” I eventually find her standing in the corner of the room, by the bar with a drink clutched between her fingers. She is staring into space like she doesn’t even know where she is. “Are you sick?”
“Huh?” Her eyes finally stop looking so glazed over and she snaps back. “Oh, Seth.”
“Let’s go outside,” I insist. “Let’s get some fresh air. You look like you need it.”
I guide her towards the balcony outside where there are only a few people hanging around. It’s quiet enough for us to have a decent conversation where we can hear one another. I can tell that Darcy needs that. I don’t really know what is troubling her, but she looks sick as a dog and she hates being here.
“What’s up?” I grab her and hold her in my arms. “What’s going on, Darcy? You look all upset?”
“I… I…” She stares up at me and I honestly see a stranger looking at me. I know that she looks different tonight, we have already talked about that, but now it isn’t just her outsides. It’s her insides as well. “I don’t know. But it helps being outside. I think that I might have been a little overwhelmed.”
Shit, this is my fault, all of it. I should have guessed that would be the problem because I felt the exact same way at my first event. I should have not been so wrapped up in myself, instead I should have been more considerate of her. When I brought Darcy to LA, I promised myself that I would treat her like a princess and love her the way that she deserves to be loved. Instead, tonight, I have been a shit instead.
“I’m so sorry, Darcy, I didn’t think much about it. I shouldn’t have let you go…”
But she doesn’t reply. She doesn’t say anything. Instead she leans against my chest and she holds on to me for a moment. I feel a bit lost as she does, I don’t know what
she needs me to do, and I don’t want to get it wrong. This is my chance to redeem myself in her eyes and I am scared as all hell.
“I love you, Darcy,” I tell her a little desperately. “I really do. Whatever you need, I’m here…”
“I love you too.” I’m pretty sure that’s what she replied, but the words vibrate against me and get a little muffled. I really hope that’s what she said though, I hope this pressure hasn’t put her off me for good. That’s the last thing I want. I just got everything that I want, I don’t want New Year to ruin it. I don’t want this one stupid party to be the thing that tears us apart.
This is supposed to be a fresh start, a new beginning for the pair of us, and I need to make it right.
Chapter Twenty
Darcy
January 1st
Why can’t I get the words out? Why can’t I just tell Seth that I am well out of my comfort zone here and I don’t like it at all. I’m not the princess attending the ball, I am the pauper who is obviously in the wrong place at the wrong time. Everyone can see it, I can feel their judging eyes on me the entire time, they all know that I am not one of them and because of that, they don’t want me around. And why would they? They have made their way into an exclusive club and I wasn’t officially invited to join them. Only by Seth. The rest of them didn’t agree to this, so it makes sense that they would resent my presence.
I wanted to speak to Seth about it, to see if this is normal, but he’s been too wrapped up in his costar. The very beautiful and quirky looking Winter, who is utterly intimidating but seems pretty sweet at the same time. The sort of woman who I’m sure fit in with Hollywood right away. They have been talking for hours about this movie that they are going to star in together, sharing their passion and excitement for the project, which has left me all by myself. I hid in the bathroom for ages while I tried to get over it. Even my drink didn’t help, so I’m hoping that sucking in endless fresh air will help me.
Leaning against Seth is giving me some much needed support, but I still haven’t found the words to be honest.
“Ten… nine…” All of a sudden, the crowd around us start yelling numbers which can only mean one thing. That it’s much later than I thought it was, and we are already at the New Year count down. Of course, that immediately puts an end to any chances for me to be honest about my feelings because I don’t want to start the next year with Seth on a low. We are finally back together at long last; this needs to be a magical moment. We have to embrace the good that has come rather than the bad. “Eight… seven…”
“Oh, we are in the perfect place,” Seth tells me eagerly. “The fireworks are right over there.”
He takes my hand and we look over to where he is talking about. As the numbers continue to cry out around me, I force my brain to shut the down and to focus on what’s to come. Me and Seth do have a lot of good coming our way, don’t we? We haven’t found our way back to one another for nothing. He came back to me for a reason, and I have run off with him to make it work, and that’s what we will do.
“Four… three…” I tilt my head to look at Seth, to put us back in our little bubble where it is only me and him. I like that place, it’s where the pair of us can be more comfortable. “Two… one…”
“Happy new year,” Seth whispers to me. “I love you, Darcy McNeill.”
My eyes fall closed and he kisses me hard, sealing the new year with us together. As long as we have one another, all this other stuff doesn’t have to matter, does it? I mean, it’s just one party that I don’t like and if this side of his life isn’t for me, then I can avoid it, can’t I? It doesn’t have to matter.
“I love you too,” I whisper back as we pull apart. “So much, Seth Bishop. Enough to move here with you.”
Yep, I turned my back on my sheltered nervous life in a small town and I came here for a reason. Now, I have to find a way to make it work, however I can. I don’t have to come to these parties if I don’t want to. Me and Seth can find other ways to spend time together. Date nights, take out on the couch, watching TV, who the hell cares. I am out of the overprotective stare of my parents, which should be enough.
“Let’s take a picture,” I say with a smile. “Post it online. Send it to our friends. Show everyone else how good this party is. Because Ivy is already jealous and that’s just from hearing about it. Seeing it will crush her.”
Now that I’m determined to make this life work, I need everyone else to see how much fun it is, how I’m living this dream. With me and Seth posing in front of the camera, grinning, laughing, and kissing, it really does look like a fantasy life. If I saw these images posted online, I would be jealous as well. That’s perfect, just what I want. Because soon my attitude will catch up with the pictures, and I will feel that as well.
“Are you okay now?” Seth asks me with a smile. “Or do you still need fresh air? Maybe we could even go home, if that’s what you need? I don’t want you to be here if you aren’t enjoying it.”
“I’m okay.” I nod as determination floods me. “I’m ready to get back inside. Let’s party.”
He gives me a curious look but doesn’t argue it, which is good because I’m afraid that I might crack. I let him lead me in and back to all the people who gave me bolts of panic before. They aren’t too scary, I suppose, intimidating as all hell, sure, but not terrifying. They are just humans as well, aren’t they?
I suck in a deep and panicked breath but put on my fake smile, playing a role just like everyone else does. Hey, it seems I am more like these people than I thought. Maybe I will fit in here after all…
* * *
“Oh, my goodness, I am exhausted,” Seth declares as we finally get back to his apartment after a very long night. It’s four AM and I have been ready for bed for hours, but I had to wait until Seth was done mingling. It was his thing, he needs to socialize for his job, so it was fine, but I am definitely more comfortable here.
“Me too.” I tug him towards the bedroom, wanting him there straight away. And not for the usual reason. “Come on, let’s get some sleep. I don’t need to be up early or anything, but I do need to rest.”
“I do,” he murmurs as we stagger up the stairs together. “I have a read through tomorrow morning.”
“On New Year’s Day? Are you sure? I don’t remember anyone saying anything like that to you…”
“It isn’t an official one. Just before we left, Winer asked if I would meet up with her so that we can get a head start on the whole thing. This is more of an indie movie, not one of those fantastic high budget pieces which have months and months to film. Our time is limited so we need to make sure that we get every shot right.”
Why does this make me so jealous? Oh my God, it actually hurts to think about him with Winter. I don’t know if it’s just generally because she’s so stunning and charismatic or if I feel like there might be some chemistry between them, but it’s hard. Stupidly hard when Seth has said all the right things to me.
But words and actions don’t necessarily always match up. He might have meant those words back at home, but here is a different story. Here his loyalty will be put to the test… or will it? Am I just being paranoid for no reason? Of course he’s going to have to work with women, that it simply part of his job. He has no choice. And I’m sure that he is always professional, just in the same way that I would be with any clients I got for my makeup. If I start freaking out and acting like a crazy possessive bitch, I will lose him. Seth Bishop is by far the best thing to ever happen to me. I can’t wreck this over an insecurity.
You will get used to this, I tell myself as we undress sleepily and climb in to bed beside one another. This will soon become normal. Just a part of this life. It isn’t like he will run off with his co star.
I turn on my side and watch him drift in to sleep with ease, my heart pounding as he does. As tired as I am, I don’t think that I will be sleeping any time soon. I have too much going on, too many thoughts spinning through my brain. Feelings that I really
must sort out before a new morning and a fresh start comes…
* * *
“Seth,” I murmur as I stretch out across the bed. My body is aching, probably from the long night and the lack of sleep that followed, so I’m not yet ready to wake up… but I do want to speak to Seth. “Where are you?”
It’s agony but I force my eyes to push open to see what the hell is going on, because his side of the bed is ice cold like he hasn’t been there for a while now. It’s very bright, the morning light is nearly agonizing to my vision, which makes a lot of sense when I take a look at the clock and see that it’s almost mid day.
“Shit,” I mutter as I rub my eyes hard, trying to will the sleep away. “How did I sleep so long?”
I already know the answer to that one, because I was still awake at eight AM, so I haven’t had much rest after all. But that still doesn’t excuse why Seth isn’t in the bed with me. Luckily, there is a note with my name scrawled across it in careful loving letters. I grab at it eagerly, looking forward to what he has to say.
Good morning, beautiful, the words declare, making my heart immediately sing. Sorry that I have left you sleeping, but you looked far too peaceful for me to disturb. I can’t remember if I told you last night or not, but I have a script read through with Winter today. I shouldn’t be too long though. Miss you already, Seth.
Right, of course. The jealousy. That feeling that I am going to have to ignore because it isn’t healthy or helpful at all. I don’t need it and I sure as hell don’t want it. I swallow back a thick ball of emotion doing what I can to stuff it down. It’s okay, it’s going to be just fine, I don’t need to be worried at all. In fact, what I need to do is use this time alone to focus on myself and my business. I need to get my makeup line off the ground. Now that I am finally in a place where I can make that happen, it’s time to find events, network, and make connections.
