London Soul

by Nana Malone

  Sucking in shaky breath, I said, “I’m still not sure what I’m supposed to do with this information.”

  “I don’t know, go be with him. However this is supposed to end in the romantic comedy. Girl gets the guy.”

  “Look, Gemma, I appreciate you coming to talk to me, but that doesn’t change anything. He still lied to me.”

  “Only to protect me. He didn’t want to betray my trust.”

  “I know you see it that way, but he still lied. He never had to betray your trust. All he had to say was ‘I have a fiancée.’ It was that simple. But he never said that. Not once. That’s why I’m still angry. Then he put me in the situation to get caught and have the paparazzi on my ass twenty-four-seven.”

  “I concede that he might have lied, but he had a good reason. I’m really sorry you got caught in the crosshairs.” Gemma turned to leave but halted, and her smile was sad. “He’s my crutch. I secretly hoped one day I could love him the way I should. As if I could grow those feelings like a fungus. I wanted to love him. I just couldn’t.”

  “Apparently controlling the heart isn’t an easy task,” I muttered.

  Abbie

  By day seven of the media frenzy, I was ready to climb the walls. I couldn’t stay hidden anymore, and I had an assignment to complete. Besides, I also had a meeting with a graphics company who wanted to use some of my photos, and I couldn’t ignore potential income just because of a broken heart… or a hoard of paparazzi on the front steps.

  As I packed my camera bags, Sophie came in with her sad-and-concerned face plastered on. “Abbie, the press is still all over the flat and probably at your school. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be running around on your own.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Look, I know. I'm fine. I'm going to wear a disguise while I'm out and about. But I’m in need of some serious alone time. You guys have been great and more gracious than I deserve, but honestly, it’s time.”

  I held up the paper boy hat, sunglasses, and orange and red scarf. “Besides working will keep my mind off of things. And I want to do some more research on Xander’s past work. I want to get a better understanding of what he's looking for from us when he gives us assignments. I don’t plan to ever fail again, so as much as I appreciate the concern, I don’t have time for another 'are you really okay’ conversation.”

  Sophie raised her eyebrows. “Fine, but I wasn’t going to ask you if you were okay.”

  I cocked my head. “So then why did you come in here with the creased brow, worried eyes, and chewing on your bottom lip?”

  Sophie laughed. “Okay, a little concerned.”

  “And like I said, I'm fine. Well not exactly fine, but I’ll get there. Working will help.” I dragged on my olive-green coat with the high collar. The paps might be out and about, but they'd have a hell of a time getting an easy shot of me.

  Sophie frowned again. “Listen. I didn’t want to say anything in front of Faith, but about Lex, I think you should know—”

  I huffed out a breath. “Know what, that he's an asshole? Check. That he's a liar? Check. That I need to stay very far away from him? I promise you that's the plan.”

  Sophie chewed her lip again, then her features smoothed out. “You're right. You’re a big girl.” She grabbed the kettle and started prepping tea. “Speaking of being a big girl, I heard Jasper come in late last night or rather early this morning. Where did he sleep?”

  My skin went hot and prickly. “Uh, he slept in his bed. Just slept.”

  Sophie grinned. “Uh-huh. You know that poor man has a serious crush on you.”

  Oh, I knew. Especially after last night, I knew. “You’re ridiculous. Nothing happened.”

  “If you say so.”

  I laughed and slung my bag over my shoulder. The familiar weight of my equipment soothed me. Maybe, just maybe, the dark gray clouds of the whole week would start to lift.

  I left Camberwell and hopped the bus to the West End. After several hours of pounding the pavement in Covent Garden and hitting up Oxford Street, somehow managing to refrain from buying anything, I hopped on the tube to school. No one seemed to recognize me. There was the occasional odd look in my direction, but given my complete stealth attire, they probably thought I was one of the East End actresses or something. Some schoolboy actually came up to me and asked if I'd been on the telly. Maybe I should opt for the undercover look more often. For all my covert movements, there wasn't a single pap in sight. Maybe they’d finally gotten bored.

  Once I got to campus, the tension rolled out of my shoulders. There, nobody would give a shit who I was. Everyone was too busy working or studying to care. I rounded the building for the photography labs and froze.

  “You know, you’re a very hard woman to get a hold of,” Alexi said as he pushed himself up from the stairs of the lab.

  I tamped down the joy that bubbled in my chest at the sight of him. Instead, I nurtured cold fury. “I don't have time to talk to you right now, Alexi.”

  “Abbie, please. Look, I know I fucked up, but please hear me out.”

  I whirled on him. “Just what exactly am I supposed to hear out? The part about how you completely lied about who you were? Or how about the part where you had a freaking fiancée? Or maybe the part about when you said you cared about me and kept lying to me?”

  A few students milled about and darted glances in our direction, so I snapped my jaw shut. Picking up my pace, I nearly ran for the printing lab.

  He followed on my heels. “Look, it wasn’t like that. I really fell for you.”

  “Oh, really? Then when the hell were you going to tell me who you were?”

  His lips flattened. “Abbie, I was going to tell you. I just liked the idea of you not knowing who I was. I liked being normal with you.”

  “Okay, then, how about this question. Just when were you planning on actually breaking up with Gemma?”

  Again silence.

  “It’s complicated, Abbie.”

  “I’m not sure what you’re here to discuss, Lex,” I said as I unlocked the door to the photo lab and the familiar smell of chemicals assailed me. I froze when I dropped my bag on the light table. It was difficult not to remember our first time in there, clawing at each other. Unable to keep our hands off one another.

  “I should have told you.” His voice was soft, pained, and a little hoarse. “I opened my mouth a dozen times to tell you. But when I met you, you didn’t seem to have any idea who I was, and I liked that. To you, I was just some bloke you met on the street. I really wanted you to like me for me.”

  I whirled on him. “I did like you. But that's because I thought I was dealing with a real person. You’re not real. You’re this shinier version of the guy I was starting to fall for.”

  He winced, but that didn’t stop me. All the anger and frustration and sadness from the last week bubbled up to the surface. “I don’t know anything about you. Though I suppose if I want to learn, I could just look it up on the Internet.”

  “Abbie, I'm so sorry. I never intended for anything like this to happen.” He shoved his hands into his pockets.

  “I'm a private person, Lex. I don’t need people poking around in my life. Do you know that the paparazzi were camped on my doorstep, waiting to ambush me? If it hadn’t been for Faith and Sophie, I'd still be a prisoner in my house.”

  “I didn’t know I had paparazzi on my tail until you pulled back from that kiss. Then I saw him in the shadows, and I saw the flash of his camera.”

  My whole body deflated, and my shoulders sagged. “That's why you got us out of there?”

  He shoved his hand through his hair. “Yes. I didn’t want all that shit following us around. From the moment I rescued you from that car, I felt completely connected to you. I couldn’t believe my luck when you walked into my party. Then you started to talk to me. You were smart, and funny, and you had no idea who I was. You just thought I was me. I didn’t want who I was to break us. I have never been happier than that weekend we spent
at your place. And the week after.”

  I straightened my back, even though I could feel my heart melting. “That still doesn’t account for the fact that I know nothing about you. But you know everything about me. You know what I'm afraid of? You know why I ran away from home, and you know what my dreams are. You won't, or can’t, tell me any of those things about yourself.”

  “I want to, Abbie. I want to. It's just complicated. I can’t tell you everything.”

  Even as my heart warmed, the tiny fissures started to tear again. He still wasn’t going to come clean. “Then we don’t have anything to talk about.”

  “Abbie, all I’m asking from you is to cut me a little slack.” He sighed and let his head hang. “Gemma is not my fiancée, obviously. At least not in the traditional sense of the word. We’ve been tossed together so often, but we’re no more than friends really.”

  I sighed. “She came to see me yesterday. She told me she’s a lesbian. Is that the truth?”

  He shifted from foot to foot and looked like he wasn’t going to tell me, but then he pinched the bridge of his nose and started talking. “Gemma is a lesbian. I’m not sure if you noticed the blonde that was at my party, then at the club that night. She’s Gemma’s girlfriend, Jacinda.”

  Hope bloomed quickly, rooting in my heart and refusing to let go. “She’s seriously gay?”

  He sighed. “Yes. We’ve been pretending to be together for years. Mostly for appearances and her parents. When they find out the truth, they’ll cut her off.”

  “So you lied for her.”

  He leveled a gaze at me. “Yes.”

  A million questions swirled in my mind, forming a tornado that threatened to short out my brain. “Wait, what happens when you want to date someone?”

  “I never met anyone I wanted to be with until I met you. Until you, I’ve had a fling or two, but mostly just a series of meaningless encounters.”

  “And she just dates who she wants?”

  “It’s all a little complicated, but yeah. Her father is a conservative arse. When he’s home, she stays with me or at a hotel. Most of the women she dates aren’t out of the closet yet. Or because of their careers, they need to keep things private. Jacinda is different. She’s out and wants Gemma to be too.”

  Too tired to think, I sat down in one of the folding chairs by the printer. “She dates, and you don’t?”

  “Honestly, it wasn’t a problem until recently. I could just float along. When I met you, my relationship with her started to feel like a noose. I didn’t want to do it anymore.”

  “I wish you would have told me.”

  “At the time, it wasn’t my secret to tell. I didn’t know how much trouble I was in with you until it was too late. I thought I could keep you at arm’s length. But I couldn’t. And I still had to protect her, but I didn’t want to lose you.”

  “You were so busy protecting Gemma you forgot to protect me.”

  “Abbie, I was trying to protect you. I did everything I could do to find that photographer. You’re right. I have no idea how to love someone. I honestly didn’t think I was capable until that night on the roof. I wish I could fix this.”

  I had to steel my heart against his words. Otherwise, I’d fall back into his arms. “You can’t fix it, Alexi. I have to fix my own life. Do you know my parents refuse to pay for school now?”

  He paled, his normally tan skin going ashen. “Fuck. I'm so sorry, Abbie. Look it's my fault, I can—"

  Furious, I pointed a finger at him. “Don’t you dare offer to pay my way. I can do this on my own. I can just see the headlines now. Billionaire Sugar Daddy.”

  He strode over to me, his mouth tight and his dark eyes intense as he kneeled at my feet. “I’m not a billionaire. At least not yet. Not until I come into my trust fund. None of it matters if I don’t have you, anyway. I don’t want to lose you.”

  “I don’t know where we go from here.” Exhausted, I slumped against the printer.

  From his kneeling position, he pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around my rigid frame. “I want you in my life. I…” He inhaled deeply. “I need you in my life.”

  He smelled so good. Minty and clean and fresh. It made me think of waking up in his arms with him nuzzling my neck. Like I'd found someone to love me and see me for me. “You can’t just say the words, Lex. I need you to be open with me.”

  He pulled back slightly and met my gaze. “I promise. I'll tie everything up. I can give you what you need. Just please give me a chance to not fuck up.”

  It would be so easy to fall into him again, to just let him take care of me. But I wanted to stand on my own. I was falling for him, but after everything I’d been through, I wasn't sure if I could trust the feelings. “I… I’m not sure.”

  “Look, why don’t we go out on Friday? I'll pick you up. You can ask me anything you want then. I'll give you the complete truth.”

  I met his gaze. At the end of the day, I wanted him in a way I'd never wanted Easton. I craved him. But I would walk away if I had to. I wasn’t going to be that naive girl again.

  “Just say yes.” He kissed my hands and held them tight. “I promise, I will not fuck this up. Just believe in me.”

  And just like that, my heart broke in two. “Okay. Dinner. Then we’ll see.”

  “I’ll take it.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Abbie

  At least things on the job front were looking up. I was able to get Angel's photos taken. Then Jasper asked me to take some promotional photos of him for DJing gigs. He was willing to pay me a thousand pounds.

  I was on the verge of refusing, because I didn’t want charity gigs. But then I’d found out Xander charged ten thousand pounds for such work. Shoot, hadn’t Julia Roberts been offered less in Pretty Woman?

  Angel also recommended me to some of the new models in his agency. Max had come through, asking me to take real estate photos of some of his recently rehabbed houses that were up for sale.

  But as loving as the model house was, I longed for the peace and relative quiet of Chiswick, so on Friday morning, I grabbed the rest of my things and headed back. By the time I got a ride back home and skirted the paparazzi hoard in front of the flat, I only had an hour and a half to get ready.

  Luckily, Faith was there at the ready. “Your bathwater's been drawn, and I picked out the top four date outfits with shoes and jewelry. Your perfumes have been narrowed down to two, and I made you something to eat, just in case you get preoccupied and don’t get to dinner right away.”

  I stared at her perfectly organized bed with the clothes, shoes, and jewelry spread out. “How did you have time to do all this? Why did you do all this?”

  Faith's eyes watered. “I told Liam I snogged Angel, and he dumped me.”

  “Oh, shit, wait. When did you kiss Angel?”

  “A couple of nights ago when you stayed in Jasper’s bed. We were up late and it just sort of happened. I told Liam, and he dumped me.”

  “Faith, I'm sorry.” How had I missed my friend was hurting? Because you've been a self-involved little brat. “I've been a totally shit friend. I had no idea you were going through this. I should have been there.”

  Faith shook her head. “No. I only told him today. I've been feeling rotten about it. I’m not sure why I even did it. Except that Angel was beautiful. And there. And so saucy. I just wondered what it would be like. Anyway. I'm not really ready to talk about it. Still too raw, so I kept myself busy today. I skived off work and decided to help you get ready.”

  “Faith, I can’t possibly go now. You n—”

  “If you even think about backing out, I will disown you, and you'll be forced to move into the model house. And let's face it, as pretty as they are, you know that world isn’t real. They are transient. You are going on this date. I’ve been waiting for a week for you to go on this date. Please let me live vicariously.”

  An hour and fifteen minutes later, I tried not to fidget as Faith did up the straps on the slinky san
dals.

  “There, stand up, let me look at you,” Faith said as she stood back and stared.

  I rose and went over to the mirror. “Wow.” Faith had pinned back my braids in the front, giving me a swoop bang, but had let the back go wild and free and tumble down my back. It did a great job of showcasing my eyes. My brown skin seemed to shimmer at all the highlight points: my cheekbones, forehead, chin. The dramatic cat eyes made me look like a movie star. Faith had gone for a neutral matte lipstick.

  “Now listen, Abbie, the lipstick will hold. I layered and mixed the shades together, so no matter what you eat or drink it should stay put. But if you start making out, you'll have to reapply. Those false lashes should also stay put at least three days, so when you wake up in his bed, you'll still have a good smoky eye look going on. I also packed make up remover towelettes in your bag as well as a couple of condoms for the night.”

  “Faith!” I gave her a sharp look. “I will not be sleeping with him.”

  Faith raised an eyebrow. “Let’s face it, honey. We are all capable of doing things we say we don’t want to or would never do. Just be prepared. Besides, he'll answer all your questions tonight. It'll finally be like it was meant to be, with you guys all loved up and happy.”

  I dropped my gaze. “I meant to say this earlier, but I never properly said it. Thanks for all of this. Thank you for not judging me, not berating me for lying and stuff. Just thanks for the overall support. I appreciate it. You've been more like family to me than my own, and I wouldn’t have made it here without you. Tomorrow, you and I are going to have a good and proper sit down and talk about your situation with Liam and what the hell went wrong there. Okay?”

  Faith gave me a sad smile, and her eyes shimmered, but she nodded. “Yeah, okay. Just as long as you promise that you won’t skip over any of the good parts with Lex.”