Delphi Works of Robert E. Howard (Illustrated) (Series Four)

by Robert E. Howard

  “Now, forget you’re actors for the time being. Get into your solid skulls that you’re fighters, like you’ve always been! Make this real! Put everything you got into it for four rounds. Then, Bert, when I yell at you in the fifth round, you step back and shoot your left to the body. Steve, you drop your guard and then Bert, you crash the right to the jaw! And don’t you pull the punch! I want this to be real. Steve, you drop when the right lands—”

  I was thinking I’d be very likely to, anyway!

  “I ain’t going to have no knockout blows landing on the shoulder. The fight fans that see the shows have got so they spot ‘em. This is going to appeal to those fans! If you boys get any teeth knocked out or noses broken, you get extra money. All right, get to your corners, and when the gong sounds, come out like they was a grudge between you!”

  I could assure him of that. I’d been watching Bert from under my lids while the director was talking. He stripped well and from his manner I knowed he was at home in a ring. He was broad-shouldered and lean-hipped and his muscles rolled beautifully. He was about six feet, one inch, and would weigh, I guess, a hundred and ninety-eight pounds, which was a inch taller and eight pounds heavier than me. Altogether he looked a lot like these Greek gods people rave about, but his firm square jaw and steely gray eyes told me I had my work cut out for me.

  Well, the gong sounded and we went for each other. I wanted to give him fair warning, so I ducked his left and clinched.

  “Never mind what that director cluck said,” I snarled in his ear. “One of us is goin’ out of here on a stretcher! I got your number, you big ham!”

  “I don’t even know you,” he growled, jerking loose.

  “You will!” I grinned savagely, throwing my right at his head with everything I had. He come back with a slashing left hook to the body and then we didn’t have no more time for polite conversation.

  This boy was fast, and cleverer than me, but he liked to mix it, too. He followed that left hook with a crashing right. I blocked it and landed hard under the eye, then went into a clinch and clubbed him with my right until the referee broke us.

  We traded rights to the head and lefts to the body and he brought up a sizzling uppercut which might of tore my head off, hadst it landed. I buckled his knees with a right hook under the heart and he opened a cut under my left eye with a venomous straight right.

  He then backed away, sparring and working for my wounded eye with a sharp- shooting left. Much annoyed, I followed him about the ring and suddenly dropped him to his knees with a smashing right cross to the side of the head. He bounced up without a count and flashed a straight left to my sore eye, following it instantly with a right uppercut to the body. I missed a looping right, landed with my left, took two straight rights in the face to sink my left hook into his belly, and he went into a clinch. We worked out of it and was fighting along the ropes at the gong.

  By this time the extras was whooping in earnest and the director was dancing with joy and yelling for us to keep it up. I growled and flashed a meaningful look across at my dancing partner and from the way he bared his strong white teeth at me, I knowed that the director was going to have his wish.

  He come out at the gong like a wildcat and had rammed a straight left to my wind and two straight rights to my face before I could get collected. I came back with a wicked right hook under the heart, and missed with the same hand for the jaw. He had evidently decided his straight right was his best ace, for he kept shooting it over my guard and inside my looping left hook. Enraged, I suddenly slipped it, let it go over my left shoulder, and crossed my left hard to his jaw.

  He grunted, and I sank my right deep into his ribs before he could recover his balance. He fell into a desperate clinch and hung on, shaking his head to clear it. The referee broke us, and Bert, evidently infuriated, crashed a haymaking right swing to the side of my head which knocked me into the ropes on the opposite side of the ring. As I come out of them, still dizzy, he was on me like a enraged wildcat and lifted me clear off the floor with a slung-shot right uppercut. Now it was me that clinched and it took all the referee’s strength to tear us apart.

  Bert feinted a straight right again, then shot his left to my heart. I missed a right, got in a good left and then the gong sounded.

  As I set on my stool and my handlers and seconds went through a lot of motions which wasn’t needed, I glanced out over the crowd. My heart give a leap right up into my mouth! On the first row, ringside, sat Marjory!

  She was staring at the ring, rather pale. I give her a grin to show she needn’t worry about me, but she just looked back kind of frightened. Poor kid, I reckoned she wasn’t used to such tough work and was afraid Bert would hurt me. I chuckled gayly at the thought and felt a deep feeling of satisfaction, that she should see me give the big ham the lamming he deserved.

  The gong!

  Bert come out kind of cautious. He feinted a left, swung his right at my head, missed and backed away. I followed him rather carelessly, ducking another right swing. I thought, the next time he does that I will block it with my left and step in with a right to the jaw. Well, he swung his left, then his right and mechanically I threw up my left to block it. Too late I noticed that he had changed his position in a curious manner and was a lot closer to me than he ought to be. Bam!I was on the canvas feeling like my midriff was caved in.

  As I got my legs under me, I realized he’d played the old Fitzsimmons shift on me. As he swung his right for a feint, he’d stepped forward with the right leg which brought him inside my guard and in position to drive in a terrific left-hander to the solar plexus. Well, he done so, and it’s a good thing for me he didn’t land just where he wanted to, and that he didn’t have old Fitz’s trick of shooting in bone-crushers from a few inches. If he had, I’d still been out.

  Well, I got up at nine, Bert rushing in eager-like to finish me. I snapped my right to his jaw and stopped him in his tracks, and followed with a left hook to the body which he partially blocked. Any man which had ever fought me could of told him that I, like most sluggers, was most dangerous when groggy. He seemed rather discouraged and played safe for the rest of the round, which was rather slow, as I wasn’t in no mood to push things, myself.

  On my stool I cast a jovial grin at Marjory but she didn’t seem to be enjoying the game much. Poor kid, I thought, the sight of me on the canvas was too much for her tender little heart. I bet, thought I, that girl is as good as mine, right now.

  So it was with visions of wedding rings and vine covered cottages dancing in my head that I went out for the fourth round. Almost instantly these beautiful visions was shook out of my head by a severe right hook and I settled down to the business at hand. Bert was inclined to end matters quick and we traded wallops toe to toe till the ring was swimming before my eyes and I could see from the glazed look in Bert’s eyes that he wasn’t in no better shape. We then went into a clinch and leaned on each other, shaking our heads till they was partly clear again.

  Then Bert started working his old reliable straight right until I give a roar of rage, dived under it and sank my left hook into his midriff, bringing up a right from my knees that would of ended the fight had it landed. In a wild mix-up we both slipped to the canvas, but was up in a second, Bert closing my eye tight as a drum while I battered him with terrific body blows.

  Baring his teeth at me, he shot a right to my bobbing head and suddenly bounded back from my return. We had got close to the ropes and he bounded right against them. The next thing he bounced off of them right into me. I’d never seen a heavyweight try that trick before and he caught me off my guard. His right crashed against my chest and I hit the canvas so hard my feet flew straight up and I thought I’d go on through the boards.

  But it was the force and weight of the blow that knocked me down; I didn’t fall because I was stunned or badly hurt. I was up at the count of nine and opened a cut over Bert’s eye with a wild right. I didn’t think he’d try that bouncing trick so quick again and he nearly f
ooled me there. This time he drew my left, jumped back, hit the ropes and came for me so quick I didn’t have time to think. By instinct I side-stepped and met him in mid-air with a right hook to the jaw. Crash! He hit the canvas and rolled over and over. I ran back to the fartherest corner, but it didn’t look like anybody could get up after a wallop like that. But this Bert was a tough baby. The crowd wasn’t yelling now.

  At seven he had his legs under him and at nine he come up, wobbly, rubber- legged and glass-eyed, still full of fight. I hesitated; I hated to hit him again, but then the thought come of what he’d said about me, and how he’d bullied poor little Marjory and the way he’d abused sailors. I heard the director yell as I shot across the ring, but I paid no heed.

  Bert tried to clinch as I came in, but I dropped him face down with a right hook to the jaw. The crowd began to howl and bellow as I went back to the corner, and through the noise I heard the director, who was jumping up and down and tearing his hair. He was yelling: “Bert, get up! Hey, hey! Get up, for cat’s sake! If you get knocked out, you’ll rooin the picture.”

  Bert give no sign of obeying and the director howled: “Sound the gong and drag him to his corner! The round’s half a minute to go, but the movie fans won’t know the difference!”

  This was done, much to my disgust and the director began to yell caustic remarks at me.

  “Aw, shut up!” I growled. “You said make it real, didn’t you?” So he shut up. Well, I was kind of bothered about hitting Bert and him so near helpless, but it’s all in the game; he’d of done the same thing to me, and I remembered that he was blackmailing old man Harper and holding Marjory in the grip of his hand — or why else did she take so much off him? So I decided that I ought not to worry over a black hearted villain like Bert, but go out and knock his head off.

  They give an extra long time between rounds, to give Bert time to recover and his handlers was working like mad over him. At last I saw him shake his head, then raise it and glare across the ring at me like a hungry tiger. The director was yelling instructions.

  “All right now, remember! When I yell: ‘Now!’ Bert, you shoot the left to the body and you, Steve, drop your guard.”

  The gong! We rushed together and Bert clinched and gripped me like a gorilla.

  “I want to know if you’re going to flop this round according to schedule?” he hissed in my ear.

  “Be yourself!” I snarled. “Forget that director cluck! This here’s between me and you! I’m goin’ to lay you like a rug!”

  “But what you got it in for me for!” he snarled bewilderedly. “I never saw you before?”

  “Aragh!” I roared, jerking loose and whizzing a terrible right past his jaw. He came back with a hard left to the body and another to the jaw while I planted a wicked right under the heart. He threw a right which went over my shoulder, and falling into me, clinched and tied me up.

  “You see that little blonde in the first row?” I hissed. “I heard you abusin’ and bullyin’ her, and if you want to know, that’s why I’m goin’ to knock you into her lap!”

  He shot a quick glance in the direction I jerked my head, and a bewildered look came over his face.

  “Why, that girl—” he began, but just then the referee pulled us apart.

  “Now, Bert!” howled the director, “shoot the left! Steve, be ready to flop!”

  “Baloney!” I snarled over my shoulder, and stuck my own left into Bert’s eye. He retaliated with a terrific right to the ribs and the director, sensing that something was going on which wasn’t according to schedule, began to leap up and down and tear his hair and doin’ other foolish things like cussing and weeping and screaming. But the cameras kept on grinding and we kept on slugging.

  Following the right to the body, Bert swished a left which glanced from my head and I crashed a right under his heart. My continual body punching had begun to take the steam out of him, but he made one more rally, landing two blows to my one, but mine had much more kick behind them. Suddenly I threw everything I had into one ferocious burst of slugging. I snapped Bert’s head back with a left uppercut I brought from my knees, and crashed my right under his heart. He staggered and I shot my right twice to his head — hooked a left under his heart and crashed another right flush to the jaw. They’d been coming so fast and hard that Bert, in his weakened condition, couldn’t stop them. The last right lifted him off his feet and dropped him under the ropes, right in front of Marjory, who had leaped to her feet, with both her little hands pressed to her cheeks, and her pretty mouth wide open.

  The referee mechanically started counting, but it was unnecessary. I strode over to my corner, took my bathrobe from the limp hands of a dumfounded handler and was about to climb out of the ring, when the director, who had thrown hisself on the ground and was biting the grass, come to life.

  “Grab that idiot!” he howled. “Tie him up! Soak him! Get a cop! He’s crazy! The picture’s rooint! We’re out heavy money! Grab him! If I got a friend in court, I’ll send him up for life!”

  “Aw, stand away!” I growled at the menials who approached me uncertainly, “this was a private matter between me and Bert.”

  “But it’s going to cost us more than we can afford to pay!” wailed the director, plucking forth strands of his scanty locks and tossing them recklessly on the breeze. “Oh, why didn’t you perform according to instructions? The first four rounds were pippins! But that finish — oh, that I should live to see this day!”

  Well, I felt sorry for him and kind of wished that I’d waited and licked Bert outside, but I didn’t see what I could do. Then up rushed Tommy Marks. He began yanking at the director’s sleeve.

  “Say, boss,” he yelped, “I got a great idea! We’ll cut that last round at the place where Bert got knocked down the last time! Then we’ll start a scene with Reggie Van Veer, see? Splice the shots together — they can fix it in the cutting room, easy!”

  “Yeah?” sniffed the director, wiping his eyes. “I should throw Reggie in with that man-eater. He’s crazy; I think he’s the maniac that tried to kill Reggie down-town yesterday.”

  “I thought he was Bert,” I said.

  “And listen,” cried Tommy, “the shot will show Reggie getting up off the canvas slowly, with Steve waiting in his corner. Then Steve rushes out, Reggie meets him with a right to the jaw and Steve flops! A sensational k.o. at the end of the greatest fight ever filmed! See? Reggie won’t even get hit at all. And nobody can tell the difference.”

  “Well, how’ll I know this cave man won’t take a notion to flatten Reggie when he gets him in the ring?”

  “Aw, he’s got nothin’ against Reggie, have you, Steve? That was a private feud between him and Bert, wasn’t it, Steve? You’ll do it, won’t you, Steve?”

  “All right,” muttered the director. “We’ll try it, but don’t rush at Reggie too ferociously or he’ll jump clean out of the ring.”

  I had listened to this talk with much impatience. I wanted to square myself with the movie people and was willing to do what I could, but just now I had other business. I signified my willingness to do what they wanted me to do, then I hurried over to the seat where Marjory sat. She was not in it, and I seen her following close behind the handlers which was taking the still groggy blonde battler to his dressing room.

  I hastened to her and laid a gentle hand on her little shoulder.

  “Marjory,” I said, “fear that big fellow no more! I have avenged us both! He will not be apt to bother you again! Tell your old man not to be afraid, no matter what this big flop has on him! Bert will not come between true lovers again, I bet you!”

  To my utter amazement and horror, she turned on me with flashing eyes.

  “What kind of gibberish are you talking?” she cried furiously. “You big brute! If you ever speak to me again, I’ll call a policeman! How dare you speak to me after what you’ve done to poor Bert? You beast! You villain!”

  And with that she swung her little hand and slapped me smack in the face, t
hen with a stamp of her little foot and a burst of tears, she run forward and gently slipped one of Bert’s arms about her slim shoulders, cooing to him gently.

  I stood gaping after them like a fool, when Tommy pulled my sleeve.

  “Hey, let’s get on that shot, Steve.”

  “Say, Tommy,” I said, a bit dazed as I followed him, “you see that little dame that belted me in the map just now? Well, what’s that bozo, to her?”

  “Him?” said Tommy, biting off a chew of tobacco. “Oh, nobody much — just only merely nobody but her big brother!”

  At that I let out a howl that could of been heard in Labrador, and right after that I have to act as nurse to Tommy, he havin’ swallowed his tobacco when he hears me yap.

  Anyhow, I learned you never can tell when women is holdin’ something out on you.

  * * *

  FIST AND FANG; OR, CANNIBAL FISTS

  First published in Fight Stories, May 1930. Also published as “Cannibal Fists”

  I’VE FOUGHT all my life; sometimes for money, sometimes for fun — once in a while for my life. But the deadliest, most vicious fight I ever fought wasn’t for none of them things; no, sir, I was fighting wild and desperate for the privilege of getting a bullet through my brain!

  Stand by and I’ll tell you why I was fighting so me and my best friend would get shot.

  I’m the heavyweight champion of the Sea Girl, merchant ship, my name being Steve Costigan. The Old Man is partial to warm waters and island trade, see? Well, we was cruising through the Solomons on our way to Brisbane, taking our time because the Old Man practically growed up in the South Sea trade and knows all the old traders and native chiefs and the like, and is always on the lookout for bargains in pearls and such like.

  Well, we hove to at a small island by the name of Roa-Toa which had a small trading post on it. This post was run by the only white man on the islands, a fellow named MacGregor, and him being an old friend of the captain’s, we run in for a visit.