Deepen The Kiss

by Willow Winters

  Her eyes fall to the ground. I move my hand on top of hers and wait for her to look back at me. “There are more nights, Vi. We’ll come back.”

  Her soft blue eyes reach mine and I lean in, planting a small kiss on her lips. She molds her lips to mine and I pull back, cupping her face in my hand. I look down at her, and her eyes are still closed. It reminds me of the first time I ever kissed her.

  Hope blooms in my chest as I fall back into my seat and open the door.

  For the first time since I’ve come home, I feel like I’ve got a real chance with her. I feel like she’s not fighting me. But our past is still keeping us apart.

  I open her door and help her down, and she lets me, placing her small hand in mine easily.

  I reach behind the passenger seat for the big ass picnic basket with the blanket in it and our packed dinner. I let Haley help me pick what to get, but I made sure to get Vi’s favorite dessert, black raspberry crumb cake. I would’ve grabbed sunflowers too if they'd had them at the florist. No luck though.

  “I hope you’re hungry,” I say to her, closing the door and taking her hand.

  She smiles, but doesn’t answer. There’s a little tension that’s still between us. It doesn’t help that I’m not right in the head and she doesn’t know why. We make our way through the woods with her hand in mine, holding me tightly.

  “You’re cheating,” she says playfully.

  It makes me grin at her and my heartbeat picks up faster. If I wasn’t cheating, I wouldn’t be trying.

  I move a thick branch out of the way for her to duck under and kick some of the smaller sticks off the path. Damn kids around here must not know about this place, seeing as how the path’s covered with other growth. We always came here. It’s the best place there is to get away from town while still being here.

  “I know,” I answer her with a smile that makes her laugh. “I can use all the help I can get.”

  Her brows raise, and she clears her throat. I prepare myself for some snappy comment, but she keeps walking ahead and keeps her mouth shut.

  Part of me’s grateful for that. But I want my Vi back, and if that means she’s gotta let me have it, I’d rather her beat the shit out of me than hide her pain and just play along.

  She knows right where to go, leading the way rather than waiting on me and I follow her the last few steps to the clearing in silence.

  The stars are clear and bright above us. There aren’t many, but the sky is bright. There’s no need for the lanterns I packed. But I pull them out anyway. As I set the basket down I look up at her. The light gives her a youthful glow. She’s staring at the sky with a look of wonder.

  “I haven’t been here since you left,” she says in a soft voice as I lay the blanket out.

  The blanket brushes her calf before settling to the ground. She takes a deep breath and crouches to the ground before sitting on it and letting out an easy sigh.

  “I thought about this place all the time while I was away.”

  “You did?” she asks.

  “Almost every night.”

  This place was always on my mind when I was writing to her. The letters that I wrote, but never sent. I brought them tonight. My heart beats a little faster, and my palms turn sweaty. I’m not sure I want to show her. A part of me feels like a coward for even writing them. I should’ve sent them to her, or never written a damn thing.

  Before I can convince myself not to give them to her, I lay it all out. The only thing I have worth losing is her, and if there’s any chance that the letters can help me win her over, I’m going to take it.

  “I wrote to you,” I say, pulling out the sandwiches. The letters are underneath them. I lay one in front of her as she eyes me with caution.

  “I never got a letter.” I can feel her eyes on me, so I look up and see the hurt on her face. “Not a single one.”

  I’m such a fucking bastard.

  I clear my throat and add, “I didn’t send them.”

  I pull the bundle of them out and slide them over the blanket to her. There are over two hundred of them, neatly stacked and tied with twine. I only stopped writing after Chris was killed. I couldn’t anymore.

  I couldn’t get the words out right. I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t tell anyone.

  “Why?” she asks with a bite of exasperation.

  Maybe I should’ve waited.

  “'Cause I never wanted it to end with you. I fucking loved you, Vi. You were my world.” All I can hear is the blood rushing in my ears. It’s silent for a moment. The tips of her fingers run along the twine, but she doesn’t pick up the letters.

  “Then why do it?” she asks. “Why break my heart if you really wanted to be with me?” she asks, and her voice takes on a hard edge. Her anger is coming through.

  “I thought it was the right thing to do. To not keep you waiting on me, knowing I might never come back.” Like Chris. Vi starts shaking her head with her lips parted, and her hands balled into fists. She’s gearing up for a fight.

  I push the letters and the basket out of the way and pull her small body close to me.

  “Vi, I was wrong. I was dead fucking wrong to let you go.” Her jaw is clenched, and she’s hardly looking at me. “I know that now, and I’m sorry. I’m an asshole for doing it. I’m a dumb fucker who doesn’t deserve you. But I want you. I want what we had back then.” Her eyes look up at me through her thick lashes, glassy with tears, but she’s silent. “Just tell me what to do.”

  I lean down, resting my forehead against hers. She’s quiet.

  “I’ll do anything, I promise.”

  She tilts her head and kisses me right then. A soft, sweet kiss. Molding her lips to mine.

  I try to deepen it, but she pulls back, breaking it, and I hate it.

  I want more. I want her.

  I keep my eyes closed and whisper.

  “Forgive me, Vi.”

  She pushes her lips against mine in a chaste kiss. “I’m trying.”

  I smile against her lips. At least she’s being honest with me. Her tense body softens in my arms, and I hold her closer to me. She feels so warm compared to the chill of the night.

  In that moment I realize how close we are with her in my lap. My hand splays along her back. I wrap my arms tighter around her, and feel her breasts against my chest.

  “I never stopped loving you,” I whisper.

  My lips gently brush against the shell of her ear. I leave a trail of open-mouthed kisses down her neck and to the small dip in her throat.

  A soft moan escapes her lips as I lay her down on the blanket. My forearm hits the basket, and I shove it away.

  “I want you, Vi,” I whisper into the crook of her neck.

  Her skin is so soft and warm. I push my body on top of hers, caging her in and getting lost in the memory of her body writhing under mine. My dick hardens with need. I need her. I need to make it right and show her that I love her. To hear her soft moans, to feel her small warm body trembling beneath me.

  “I’m sorry, Hunter.”

  I pull back slightly at Vi’s words, snapping out of the lust-filled haze clouding my head.

  “I can’t do this,” she says, pushing her hands against my chest.

  She’s shaking her head and pushing me off of her. I brace my hand on the grass and let her up. What the fuck happened?

  “Vi?” I slowly rise as she stands and looks at me like I hurt her. “Vi, you okay?”

  “No, Hunter. I’m not okay. The last time you said those words to me, you ruined me. You hurt me more than anyone ever has, and... I don’t trust you.” Her words hurt, but worse than that, it’s seeing the genuine pain on her face.

  “I don’t trust anyone,” she says and her voice cracks. “I’m afraid to let anyone in. And it’s all because of you.”

  She can barely get the words out. Her eyes are red and glassy.

  Damn, what’d I do? I raise my hands as though she’s a wounded animal. This is good. She’s getting it out. Get it all ou
t, Vi.

  I wait for her to say something else. For her to scream at me, pound her fists against my chest, whatever she wants to do, but instead she looks over her shoulder.

  “Vi, don’t leave.” As soon as I say the words, she turns to bolt. I quickly catch up to her and wrap her in my arms.

  “Get off of me, Hunter!” she says weakly, pushing against me as she heaves in a sob.

  “Just a minute. Just calm down and if you wanna leave, you can go.” I kiss her hair as she stops trying to shove me away. I don’t wanna let her go, I don’t want her to run from me anymore. “Just try to calm down, Vi. It’s alright.”

  She shakes her head against my chest and then lays her cheek flat against me. She’s not fighting me anymore, but she’s not okay either.

  “It’s not alright, Hunter. It’s not gonna be alright... I don’t want you.”

  Her words slam against me like a punch to the gut. My hold on her loosens as my heart falls in my chest. She backs away slowly, moving the hair from her face. Her cheeks are reddened and tearstained.

  “I loved you once, but I can’t anymore.” She holds my gaze as she takes a step back.

  “Let me drive you home,” I say in an even voice I don’t recognize. As if this conversation didn’t happen. Not to me. Not to us.

  Her words echo in my head. She doesn’t want me. But I want to deny it.

  “No,” she says, shaking her head. “I want to go home. Alone. I just wanna be alone.”

  With that, she turns and walks off. I want to run after her and refuse to let her leave, but this is her choice. And she doesn’t want me.

  She loved me once, but she doesn’t anymore. She said it herself. She doesn’t want me.

  I loved her back then, and I never stopped. I won’t ever stop loving her. I don’t know how.

  As I watch her walk away, following a bit behind, just to make sure she’s safe till she gets to the main road, I know one thing is true.

  I don’t wanna stop loving her. Ever. I don’t know how I can move on.

  CHAPTER 13

  VIOLET

  The next day, I’m still cursing myself. Last night I went home and cried myself to sleep, wondering how the hell I could be so stupid.

  I let Hunter kiss me. I let him woo me. I almost let him fuck me.

  Almost.

  Thank God he said those words, just like our first time together.

  I want you, Vi.

  Those words sent me straight back in time, like the last four years hadn’t happened at all. As if he’d never gone to war, never thrown me away…

  But he did. He did, damn it, and I don’t know how to forget it.

  So I left, ran in fact. My tears flowed freely, and kept right on until I fell asleep.

  Now I’m at the bakery, and there are no tears in my eyes, but I still feel like a fool. I’m supposed to be older and wiser than I was four years ago, so why am I falling for the same old tricks?

  Just because someone says they love you doesn’t make it so. No matter how desperately you want it to be true.

  I sigh and put another batch of cookies in the oven. I realize I’m feeling sorry for myself, but I can’t seem to stop.

  The door chimes. I look at the clock.

  “Mail’s here!”

  I poke my head out and see the post lady, Gladys. She’s got beautiful features and dark skin, which makes the blue of her postal uniform look awesome. She’s been our mail carrier for years.

  Still, her level of physical fitness for her age is something I aspire to.

  “Hey,” I say, greeting her as I walk to the front, carrying on with my life as if I’m not a complete wreck. “Whatcha got for me?”

  “Just for you,” she says with a wink.

  She hands me a thick pile of mail. I smile, and offer her something from the display case.

  “Anything you want,” I say. “Got to keep our postal worker energized, you know.”

  “You’re too good to me,” she says. “How about one of those croissants?”

  “You got it,” I say, wrapping the croissant in a sheet of pastry paper.

  I hand it to her and as usual, she tries to pull out her wallet.

  “As if I’m ever going to take your money,” I say with a smirk.

  “Well, let it be known that I tried to pay,” she says, her eyes sparkling. “Sometimes it’s good to go through the motions, you know?”

  She hefts her mail pouch, and I nod. That’s what I’ve been doing all day, just going through the motions.

  “I appreciate it, Gladys. See you tomorrow.”

  She shoots me a smile and heads out the door. My eyes fall to the pile of mail in my hands. I can tell without opening any of it that it’s mostly bills.

  I walk to the back, flipping through the stack. Water, electricity, credit cards, bulk orders of flour and dairy… The amount I owe is looking pretty substantial.

  I try not to cringe as I set the bills down on my purse in the back of the room. If the bank doesn’t approve my loan soon, I won’t be able to cover them. And by soon, I mean within the week. It’s been over the ten days they said it would take.

  The door chimes again, so I leave the bills behind and head out front. To my surprise it’s Slade, dressed in casual clothes. When I see him, I slow my steps. I didn’t return his last two phone calls; I’m not interested. Or I wasn’t, back when I thought I could give Hunter a chance. But I can’t.

  “Violet,” Slade says, bringing my eyes back to his.

  I just assumed that he would’ve given up on me by now, but here he is.

  “Hey,” I say, staying behind the counter.

  “Hey,” he says. He gestures to his clothes. “I knocked off work a little early.”

  “I see that,” I say, pinching my lips together. I’m pretty irritated with him, and coming into my shop expecting… whatever… isn’t making it any better. It’s almost five, but still. I don’t like it.

  You still need the loan, I remind myself. So be nice. I bite my tongue and try to give him a smile. I don’t try too hard though, I’m just not right today and if he doesn’t like it, he can fuck off.

  “Listen, I know you’re busy with… this,” he says, waving his hands to indicate my shop. “But I bet you have time for a bite to eat.”

  “Slade…” I say, impatient but trying to hide it.

  “C’mon. Let’s just go to the diner,” he says. “I’m buying.”

  He sounds almost charming, if I was into that kind of thing.

  I purse my lips and think of all the bills in the back room. They aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, and if one little meal could mean I get the loan…

  “Okay,” I say, slipping my apron over my head. “Let me get my purse and lock up.” Just like Gladys said, I’m just going through the motions. At least that’s what I tell myself.

  Slade grins. I can tell he thinks he’s irresistible. I try not to roll my eyes as I head to the back to gather my purse.

  You can do this. It’s just a meal, like he said. Not a date, like what I had with Hunter. This is nothing like that. My heart hurts, thinking about last night and our date.

  I blow out a breath and head out front, trying to ignore all the emotions threatening to surface.

  CHAPTER 14

  HUNTER

  I send another text to Jared. I’ve been bugging the shit out of him, but I don’t care. I need to get the hell out of here and make myself useful. I’ve been home for two weeks and I haven’t done a damn thing, except watch the one woman I ever loved walk away from me.

  I look down at my phone. The text is sent, but he hasn’t answered.

  He has a life and responsibilities. I don’t have shit.

  We’re gonna meet up later to look at this garage on West Avenue. It’s a little rundown, but there’s plenty of need for a mechanic shop in this town and that location is perfect.

  Besides, I need to focus on something. I can’t get over the fact that Vi doesn’t want me. I can’t stay in this
fucking house, feeling sorry for myself.

  I paid the down payment for a house on the outskirts of town today. I was eyeing it last week, but this morning I got my ass out there and settled on it. It’s on a lake and in rough shape. That’s good though. It’ll keep me busy. I need that right now.

  I’m distracted by the sound of high heels clicking against the old wooden floor.

  Haley walks down the stairs wearing a dress that barely covers her ass. She’s going out again.

  Un-fucking-believable. Abbi’s already in bed for a nap, but still I can’t take it. I’m pissed.

  I know she’s single. I know she’s getting over Chris’ death. But she should have more respect than that. For herself, for her daughter, for the love she shared with Chris.

  “Hey Hunter, I’ve gotta--”

  She starts giving me the same shit she’s been dishing out.

  “Another date?”

  My voice is hard when I cut her off. She flinches slightly before putting that bitchy facade back into place. She puts her hands on her hips and throws daggers at me.

  I knew that she would. She has a right to be mad, and to deal with his death how she wants. But I can’t keep quiet and not say anything anymore. She can fucking hate me if she wants.

  “Yeah, I do, and I--”

  “You need to knock it off, Haley.” Jared’s been talking to me about what the women are saying at Krissy’s school. I don’t fucking like hearing my sister’s name in bad taste. Worse, I don’t like that what they’re saying is true. I know she’s in pain, but she’s only hurting herself more.

  She opens her mouth and pinches her brows with disbelief. After a moment she points her finger at me even as her eyes glass over.

  “You don’t get to tell me what to do,” she sneers.

  “You’re a grown ass woman and if you acted like it, I’d treat you like one. But you need to knock this shit off.” I gesture to her outfit. “You have a little girl upstairs. Would you want her dealing with her pain the way you are?”