Deepen The Kiss

by Willow Winters

  A few of the girls ooooh, and others snicker. I clear my throat and push my way closer to the bar.

  “Just a glass of white wine. Whatever you’ve got open is fine.”

  He looks at me, his green eyes puzzled. After a moment, he moves on.

  “Okay. Anyone else?” he says.

  I watch Charlie as he takes a couple more orders from our group. His puzzlement confuses me. Did he expect a warmer greeting? A kiss, maybe?

  We’re not really a couple. That would be weird. Right? Maybe I messed up. I don’t know how this works. I’m trying my best not to be pushy. My hands tingle with nerves, but I shake it off.

  “Well, I went on a horrible date last night,” Karan says to my left. “A bank manager. He was so rude to the wait staff! You know that someone is undateable when he's rude to the waiter.”

  “Totally,” I chime in, thankful for a change of topic. I notice that Diane has decided to sit on the bar now, her back facing Charlie. She says something to the girl next to her, but I can’t hear it.

  From the look on her face, I’m willing to bet it's a complaint. She's seemed pissy ever since I blew her off the other night and stayed behind to help Charlie close.

  I blush again as I imagine the two of us stripping each other, pretty damned close to where Diane is sitting. Yeah, it was worth it.

  Karan is still telling me about her date. I smile as I try to pay attention.

  “And don’t even get me started on how much he bragged about his car… it’s like, okay, we all get that you drive a Mercedes.”

  “Oh. That sounds awful,” I say as I look over at Charlie, and he glances up at me. Our eyes catch one another’s again, and one corner of his mouth crooks upward.

  Maggie comes out of the back, walking down behind the bar and grabbing my attention. When she passes, she breaks the eye contact between me and Charlie.

  “Hey,” she says to Diane. “No sitting on the bar. Get down.”

  Diane swivels her head, glaring at Maggie. “Says who?”

  Maggie looks affronted. “Me.”

  “And who are you to tell me where to sit, exactly?” Diane asks, and I’m immediately embarrassed.

  “I’m not arguing with you. Get down, or get down and get out,” Maggie says, crossing her arms.

  I start to move toward Diane. The last thing in the world that I need right now is for her to take out her pissy attitude on Maggie.

  “Diane—” I start.

  “Fuck you!” Diane says to Maggie. What the fuck? I’m taken aback by how rude Diane is.

  “Okay. Get her out,” Maggie says flatly to me and the other girls standing near Diane.

  “I’ll sit where I want!” Diane howls. She slaps at the girls who move toward her, then tries to stand up on the bar. “Don’t tell me I can’t stand here if I want to!”

  I see Charlie drift a little closer, a frown on his face. I can tell that he’s about to do something to Diane, like lift her off the bar and physically remove her from the building. I realize that Diane is my responsibility, although I didn’t come here with her today.

  “Jesus, Diane,” I say, rushing forward to grab her by the leg. I pull at her. “What is wrong with you? Stop moving and let me help you down.”

  “I don’t want your help!” she rages.

  “Well, I think you need it,” I say, gritting my teeth. I manage to drag her off the bar. Karan and another girl take over from there, managing to keep her upright.

  “Let’s get out of here, yeah?” Karan says. “I’ve got some rum at my house, and I’ve been meaning to have you over for tiki drinks.”

  “That girl behind the bar is a bitch!” Diane says drunkenly. The blood drains from my face. Why the hell did Diane have to be here? I wish I could just pretend like I don’t know her.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see someone approaching. I turn and look.

  Shit. Charlie’s family is here. They’re all wearing University of Georgia colors, his mom and dad decked out in matching jerseys. Ali is carrying a UGA flag. They’re here to watch the game. Fucking hell. It’s just getting worse.

  Ali makes eye contact with me and smiles. She heads my way, unaware of Diane’s drunken antics. Diane notices Ali, too.

  “Ali!” she shouts, pushing away from the other girls and heading toward his family. “Come here. I have something to tell you about your brother and Grace…”

  No! In my desperation, I look to Charlie. I want to put my hands over Diane’s mouth, keep the words from coming out, but that would be even worse.

  So I just wait for it, paralyzed.

  CHAPTER 30

  Charlie

  * * *

  I CAN SEE it all happening in slow motion. I can’t even move. My feet are frozen to the floor. My heartbeat slows, and my body goes cold.

  Diane’s drunk and pissed, and everything’s lined up just right for her to get back at me. It’s not enough that she keeps coming in here, she has to make matters worse. I watch it all happen, clenching my hands into fists as Diane stumbles in front of Ali and grips her shoulders.

  “It’s all fake. They both lied to you,” Diane slurs her words and then points behind her, toward Grace. The bar goes quiet and turns to the scene in the middle of the bar.

  Maggie brushes past me as she makes a move to get Diane out of here.

  All I can do is look between Grace, Ali and my ma.

  “She doesn’t even like him really,” Diane says the words, and I’m surprised to feel the same amount of pain I did the first time.

  “That’s not true at all,” Grace finally speaks, shaking her head and looking bewildered.

  “It’s fine now,” Diane turns to Grace and tries to walk toward her, but Maggie intervenes. She grasps Diane, holding her up and hauls her out of here. Grace doesn’t even bother with her, walking right up to Ali and shaking her head.

  “I swear to you, that’s not true. Not at all.” Her eyes are glassy with unshed tears and she looks like she can barely breathe.

  Diane yells out as she struggles in Maggie’s grip, “It was just to get you all off his back! They’re lying!”

  Ma catches my eyes, and shame flows through me. I have to look away.

  “I don’t know what to say,” Ali says slowly, her voice so low I can barely hear her. I finally move to go to my family.

  “I swear to you, that isn't true,” Grace says insistently.

  “What’s not true?” Ali asks. She stares at Grace like she doesn’t believe her.

  “I like your brother. What she’s saying isn’t true,” Grace talks fast, her head shaking wildly. “I lo-” she stops herself, looking over her shoulder at me as I walk closer to them. She hesitates, her shoulders shuddering with a breath and her hands twisting the straps of her purse.

  “I’m sorry, Ali.” As I say the words, Ma starts to say something. My eyes fly to her as she covers her mouth and shakes her head.

  “No,” Ma says, the word muffled from behind her hand.

  My mouth opens, but I don’t know what to say. “It wasn’t meant to be anything like this. It wasn’t to hurt you, or to-”

  “Are you fucking serious?” Ali stares at me with disbelief.

  Grace takes in a shuddering breath and looks at me once more, but I can’t look back as Ali yells at me, anger and embarrassment evident.

  “She was in my wedding!” Her hands clench into fists, and Grace takes off running for the door and covering her sob with her hand.

  I try to run to her, but Ali grabs my arm, her nails digging into my skin. “You fucking lied to me?” she screams with distrust as Grace leaves, the door slamming shut behind her.

  “It wasn’t about you, Ali.” My chest feels tight, and I hate that she’s keeping me from Grace.

  “Bullshit!”

  “Language,” Ma scolds Ali, but her expression is pained and her voice off.

  I swallow thickly, hating that it’s out there. Everyone knows. I take a look around the bar, everyone watching me. Watching Gra
ce leave me. Knowing we lied, and it was never real.

  I lick my dry lips and swallow the lump in my throat, my eyes on the door. All I want to do is go to her. I want her.

  “Are you serious right now?” Ali’s voice wavers. “It was a lie? What was a lie?” Ali’s enraged. And as she asks the question, I don’t know how to answer her.

  I stare into her eyes, seeing the tears form. It all felt real. It was just a game, but none of what I felt for her was a lie. None of it. Watching her run out on me only solidifies everything I’ve been trying to deny.

  “Talk to me, Charlie, please?” my sister begs me.

  I run a hand over my head and answer her, “It just wasn’t what you thought, is all.”

  “I don’t understand, Charlie.”

  “We made a deal,” I lick my lips and look at my mother. “It was just supposed to be for the wedding.”

  Ali gasps and looks back to Michael. “I cannot believe…” she walks off, heading for the door and Michael follows her.

  “Ali,” I call out to her, but she doesn’t turn.

  “Bullshit,” my pops chimes in for the first time. “I don’t believe it.”

  I stare at him, not knowing what to say. I can’t take it back; I can only tell the truth.

  Maggie comes back in, a pissed off look still on her face and she stops when she gets to me, looking between us all.

  “You need anything?” she asks carefully, looking between the rest of my family and me.

  “Will you close up?” I ask her.

  She hesitates a moment, but nods and I immediately turn on my heels, headed for the back to grab my keys. I ignore the looks, and stare straight ahead.

  “Charlie!” Ma calls out to me, but I hear Pops tell her to calm down.

  I shove the swinging door open and grab my keys off the desk in the back, not caring about a damn thing other than getting away from here. Far away. I don’t need this shit.

  This guilt.

  When I push the back door open, the keys jingling in my hand, the fresh air hits me and I feel sick to my stomach. It’s over with Grace, I know that for a fact. My family hates me, and the entire town is going to think I’m a liar and a fool.

  All because of a fucking deal I made on a whim. When I felt weak. When I wanted something I couldn’t have.

  I practically rip the car door open, sink into the leather seat, and slam the door shut. My heart pounds in my chest as I remember that night.

  Her laugh. Her smile.

  I remember the picture I took on my phone of the two of us, how cute she looked.

  It looked real, and I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t fall for it, too.

  I fell for her. I caved to the lie.

  I shove my keys into the ignition, remembering what Diane said.

  It doesn’t matter if I fell for it. It doesn’t matter how good she felt in my arms, or how perfect everything seemed.

  I start my car and watch in my rearview as my pops comes out of the door to the bar as I put the car in drive.

  It doesn’t matter if I fell for it. It was still a lie.

  And now it’s over.

  CHAPTER 31

  Grace

  * * *

  I’M at the office early Monday morning, before anyone else gets there. I got the go-ahead from management to move my stuff to an office. The timing couldn’t be better for me, since I don’t want to see Diane’s face. Ever. Again.

  And Charlie… I don’t even know what to think about him right now. All I know is that everything hurts.

  I put my head down, and focus on the task at hand. It’s a lot easier to fill my head with to-do lists, rather than thinking about Charlie and how he makes me feel.

  Feeling numb, I spend an hour transferring my electronic files and my physical files to the tiny office I’ve been assigned. My new office is an upgrade from being amongst the cubicles. At least it has a door that closes, even if it is made of glass.

  The sun sparkles as I’m moving my last box, giving me the opportunity to enjoy my floor-to-ceiling window, but even with the bright day and great view I don’t feel a thing. I head out to the break room and heat up a cup of tea. I need the comfort from it, but also the caffeine. Last night I barely slept, feeling like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I tried to text Charlie, but I never sent a word. I did call him once, late last night, but he didn’t answer and I didn’t leave a message. What’s there to say at this point?

  He didn’t text me, and that says more about this situation than anything.

  I test out my chair, spinning it in a couple of slow circles as I sip my tea. Looking out the window, I reflect on the current situation.

  This is my office. I run the art desk. I am happy at my job.

  I say the words in my head, hoping that I’ll believe them at some point. My window overlooks a small stone bench and a huge willow tree. It’s peaceful, at least. I take a moment and make myself relax.

  I may not have my personal life together — not even a little bit — but at least things are going my way at work. After a bit of deep breathing, I’m calm enough to turn from the window.

  The effect of it is immediately ruined by seeing Diane hovering just on the other side of my door. I didn’t realize that it was so late, but I can see other people arriving and settling in at their cubicles.

  My scowl isn’t enough to keep Diane from opening the door.

  “Hey, listen…” she starts off.

  “Shut the door,” I order.

  Diane blinks, then complies. “Grace—”

  “Shut up,” I tell her.

  She falls silent, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth.

  “I can’t believe you. I don’t even know where to start!” I say. “How dare you interfere in my life?”

  “I was just trying to help,” she says, sulking.

  “No, you weren’t.” I’m not putting up with her lies anymore. “And for your information, no real friend would ever do that. You embarrassed me — shamed me — in front of Charlie’s family!”

  “Are you saying that we’re not friends?” Diane scoffs, disbelieving. As if I’ve offended her.

  “Yeah, I am.” My body trembles as I raise my voice, “Now do me a favor and get out of my office.”

  I turn my attention to my desk to boot up my computer, ignoring how Diane’s standing there gaping in shock. I’m madder than all hell, but I’m not going to give her the satisfaction of seeing it.

  Well, not any more than I already have. My stomach twists in knots, and my heavy eyes burn.

  After a moment, Diane leaves, banging the door as she exits. Luckily the glass doesn’t break. Diane’s would-be tantrum fizzles out like a firecracker in a swimming pool.

  My cell phone rings as the computer screen comes to life. My eyes flicker to my coat, hanging off the edge of the desk. I dig out my phone from my coat pocket, thinking maybe it’s him. Maybe Charlie’s calling. My heart pangs when I see it’s the doctor’s office. The way things are going right now, more bad news wouldn't surprise me one bit.

  “Hello?” I say.

  “Yes, I’m looking for Ms. Grace Campbell?”

  It’s a woman’s voice, maybe a nurse or receptionist.

  “This is she,” I say, shuffling some papers on my desk.

  “Oh, wonderful. Ms. Campbell, Dr. Abrahams has gotten your test results back…”

  “Uh huh…” I say, picking up a pen with a trembling hand in case I need to write something down. I juggle the phone, picking up the abandoned mug of tea. Taking a sip, I wait for the diagnosis. It’s been a few days since I went in to have lab work done.

  At this point in my life, I wouldn’t be surprised if they tell me even IVF is no use.

  “Are you aware that you’re pregnant?”

  I do an honest-to-god spit take. “What?”

  “The lab ran all the usual blood tests, including a pregnancy test. Your test was positive.” She hesitates, then says, “Is this good news?”

&nbs
p; “I— I— Yes?” I say. My mind is awhirl. Can I really be pregnant? Holy shit!

  “Excellent. Dr. Abrahams would like you to do pregnancy tests at home weekly if you’re able to. It's just to ensure the hCG levels stay up. There’s a very good chance that you may miscarry with your condition, so please do your best to keep your health as a priority and keep your stress levels down.” Her voice drones on as I realize what she’s saying. Or rather what she said. I’m pregnant.

  I don’t hear a single word she says. My mind snaps to Charlie.

  How the hell can I tell him I’m having his baby? Do I even tell him? What are the outcomes of both options? I can barely breathe thinking about his reaction.

  I imagine telling him. Then I imagine him demanding a paternity test. We weren’t exactly exclusive, even though I was only with him.

  My mouth turns down at the corners. Would he really tell me that? I can’t hear him saying it, but then again I told him… I cover my mouth and close my eyes. I told him I couldn’t get pregnant. He’s going to think the worst. I know he will but, I won’t be able to blame him. I don’t want to tell him. I can’t stand to think of him looking at me like that. Like I lied to him.

  Then again, he has to know sometime. I’m just not sure when sometime will be.

  At some point, the lady from the doctor’s office hangs up. Dropping my cell phone on the desk, I look at my perfectly flat stomach.

  I’ve wanted this for so long. I’ve dreamt about this, obsessed over the idea of having a baby of my own. The fact that a future life is growing within my body, though…

  It’s lovely and super weird at the same time. I honestly can’t believe I actually got pregnant. I think a part of me had already given up on having a family.

  My phone chirps, startling me. I pick up my phone, seeing a text from Charlie.

  Can we talk? it says.

  There’s no way I can tell him via text. Hell, I shouldn’t even tell him over the phone. I don’t answer his text, because I don’t know what to say.