Tainted

by Kallie Mathers

  “Doc, there’s nothing that can be gained from this. I need to get her out of here before ‘she’ causes Mia to have a nervous breakdown. I don’t know who that woman is anymore. Mia’s right, she ‘is’ a hateful bitch.”

  “Don’t you dare talk about my wife in such a manner!” the boy toy snaps.

  My stomach is in knots.

  “Sit down and shut the fuck up, gold digger,” DJ tells the child opposite to us.

  “Okay, Braxton, please sit down,” McAllister tells the asshole.

  “You got married? You stupid cow!” I can’t believe she could move on so fast. “Why? I need to know why you left us without warning? Give me that answer and I’ll leave,” I demand. It’s something I’ve always wanted to know.

  She sits back in her chair, and that’s when I see it, I see the baby bump she’s sporting, and I know when Chase catches it because he mumbles, “Fucking bitch.”

  “You’re pregnant? Why the fuck would you get pregnant? You couldn’t mother the children you had let alone bring another one into the world. This is so messed up.” I want to break down in tears, but I will not let her see my tears, she doesn’t deserve to see me vulnerable.

  “Right, that’s enough,” Braxton says as he once again stands.

  “Seriously? You’re having a baby with a woman who up and left her family behind without warning. Without an explanation and you think she’ll stay with you? You’re blind as hell,” Chase warns.

  “She didn’t love you any longer, and I can see why. You pair are nothing but trash, and as for your father…”

  Chase let's go of me. And within seconds, he’s up on the table and he slams his body down onto Braxton. There’s no way in hell I will stop him.

  “He’ll yeah, you beat that fucker,” DJ chants from his wheelchair.

  I then hear McAllister say, “We need security, now!” when I look up, I see that he’s on his phone.

  Amused by the situation, I take a seat beside DJ and I watch on as Chase pounds his fists into the man that insulted us.

  But not one minute later, two, large men wearing white shirts with Security badges on the cuffs of their sleeves come bolting in.

  The large, bald white male pulls Chase off the toy boy, but I can see that it’s difficult because Chase is still throwing punches.

  The large African-American guard is standing behind Braxton, and he’s holding him down in his seat.

  “I’ll get you! I’ll get you good!” the idiot yells.

  “Not before I get you, smartass. Good luck taking care of that bitch. It’s only a matter of time before she abandons you too!” Chase is livid, but he’s also right. If she could walk out on her family once, she can sure as hell do it again.

  When the men have left the room, the only once remaining in the room is myself, DJ, the doctor and Johanna.

  “So, that went better than I thought it would,” DJ snickers.

  “Mia,” the doctor says so I look up at him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you do this. I honestly didn’t think it would end up this way.”

  “I had a feeling it would come to this. I knew ‘she’ wouldn’t co-operate. Hell, I don’t know why she bothered to come at all,” I explain without shifting my focus onto the woman that initially broke my heart.

  “The woman cares for no one but herself. Hell, she even made a spectacle at my father’s funeral. But I still don’t understand ‘why’ she went. But that shit’s in the past. I need to move forward with my life without her. She will only deter my progress.”

  The doctor nods in agreement. “I understand that now. You need people to support you. You don’t need people trying to bring you down. Always remember that you have people on your side. That I will always be open for you if and when you need help.”

  “Thank you. Can I go now? I want to make sure Chase hasn’t killed that moron.” I go to stand, but Jo hops back up on her imaginary throne.

  “He’s your step-father, show some respect,” she blurts.

  Keeping my wits about me, I turn to face her. “He’s not my step-father. My mother is dead to me. Therefore, he also doesn’t exist in my life. Don’t fuck that kid up,” I say pointing to her belly. “The way you fucked us up.” And I turn on my heels and I walk away from her, and to my surprise, I feel as if a weight has been lifted from me. Maybe the doc was right, maybe this was a good idea.

  DJ follows me out of the room, and we’re met by a still frustrated Chase who is surrounded by guards. “He’ll, dude. What else did you do?” DJ calls and when he does, Chase looks up at him.

  “Nothing. Apparently, I’m the one who needs to chill out. If these guys knew why I did what I did, they’d probably have encourage me to keep hitting the asshole.”

  “Where is he?” I question.

  “They took him to the medical centre to check him over,” he smiles.

  “Good on you. I can’t believe he even had the guts to show up,” DJ tells him.

  “Did you expect anything less?” I question.

  DJ shakes his head, but there’s a smirk on his face. “Nope, but at least it’s over and done with now. From this moment forward, we will be sober buddies that get through this bullshit together. Got it?”

  My heart warms knowing he will go cold turkey for me, something he hasn’t been ready or willing to do. I need to try, for him. I need to show him that his gesture won’t go in vein. “Got it.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Carter

  Over the next three weeks, there were endless doctors’ visits, endless pills and helping my mother through this difficult time in her life, but finally, finally, it was time for Mia to be released from the rehab facility.

  I hadn’t spoken to her since ‘that’ phone call and my nerves kicked in when I knew she was close by.

  To help her settle in, I offered to move out of the suite with Chase, so Mia could use my room, and her brother can keep an eye on her, but from a distance since the suite is massive.

  Sure, I would have loved being close to her especially after being away from her for so long, but I need her to be the one that initiates the first contact. I’m afraid that if I push her, she’ll leave me forever.

  As I sit in the hotel room, I moved into down the hall from the others, I do my best to distract myself. I have the TV going, my headphones in listing to Eminem on my iPod and I also have my Kindle in my hand, but not one of these gadgets let my mind relax. Nope, my body knows Mia will be settled in up the hallway in no time.

  By four in the afternoon, I become desperate. All I want to do is lose myself in a bottle of bourbon, but I made a promise to both Chase and DJ. I promised them I too, would give up the booze along with them. I’d do anything for Mia, and this is just the beginning.

  While I sit and I think about all the good times I shared with Mia in the past, there’s a knock at the door.

  Immediately, my nerves are set on edge.

  As I open the door, my heart sinks. “Hey, dad,” I sigh.

  Coming forward, he gives me a warm hug. “Sorry to disappoint, son. Were you hoping I was Mia?” he asks as he pulls back to look at me.

  “Sorry, dad. Yes, I was hoping you were Mia. I guess she either hasn’t arrived yet, or she’s just not ready to see me.” Holy hell, I hope she shows up soon. Even if I can just catch a glimpse of her, just once, I know I’ll feel better within myself.

  “No need to be sorry, son. I understand where you’re coming from. It’s been a long time since you two have been together and I hold high hopes that you pair will work things out, but I can’t stand here and tell you it ‘will’ happen because I can’t foresee the future but I ‘do’ know that I’m rooting for you.” He comes inside and I kick the door closed behind him.

  “Thanks dad. I’m holding out hopes that she’ll come back to me, but I know it could take some time. She needs to learn to live in the real world again without using substances to get her by the bad times. I just hope she feels she can confide in me like she has in the past.”


  Mia

  As I walk through the door of the suite, I feel like I can let my guard down and relax.

  “So, Carter moved out of the room on the left,” he points to the white double doors. “He thought you’d prefer to stay in here with me rather than staying in a suite alone.”

  My stomach is a flutter just hearing his name mentioned.

  “That was sweet of him.”

  “He only wants the best for you. He’s staying down the hall, while Nancy and Sara are next door.” He explains as he wheels my suitcase inside.

  “I’ll have to go and see Sara. I still can’t believe she has dementia. Such a sad case. That woman has had so much to deal with, as it is.” Sara has always been nothing but kind to anyone she comes across.

  “I know but she’s been keeping a positive outlook and she’s still her sweet self. I just hope they’re able to slow down the progression of the disease. I remember when Carter’s grandmother was in the last stages of it.

  It broke my heart as I sat and watched Carter go through it, and now he has to go through it all over again.” He doesn’t deserve to be put through this hell on earth, he’s living.

  “Agreed. Now, go and get yourself situated. You would have to be tired. Especially since you haven’t been out in the real world for so long,” he says as he wheels my suitcase over to me.

  “I am tired. I might just go and lay down for a while and catch up on the TV shows I’ve been neglecting over the last year.” I just need to be alone for a while so I can wrap my head around the fact that Carter is only a few mere metres away from me.

  ***

  I lay beaten on the ground, with a bottle of beer at my side that’s been spilled over. My stomach aches, and between my legs is drenched.

  Carefully, I do my best to sit up, but the pain isn’t

  something I can ignore. Looking down, my body fills with dread when I see that I’m bleeding out.

  As the panic takes hold of me, I scream and wail. But then I feel someone take a hold of my arm, but there’s nobody there.

  “Mia, Mia,” I hear someone call, and in the next moment, my eyes shoot open and I see that Chase is leaning over me, panic stricken.

  “Mia, you’re having bad dream,” he breathes heavily.

  My stomach churns, but I can’t stop the crying. I can’t stop the pain. I sit up, and my body rocks back and forth on his own accord, and I can’t stop it.

  “Mia, what was that all about?” Chase asks as he takes a seat beside me, he then rubs my back in a loving manner to calm me and reassure me he ‘is’ here for me, something Raine did for me back at the treatment centre.

  My chest is heaving with my sobs. “I can… I can’t tell you or you’ll hate me.”

  He leans in, his face is directly in mine, his eyes are focused on me, and me alone. “I could ‘never’ hate you. Fuck, you need to tell me what’s going on so I can help you. Please?” he begs.

  Shaking my bed, I tell him, “No, no, no. I’m not ready yet. I’m not ready to tell you.” My chest is now aching and I’m finding it hard to breathe.

  “Okay, okay. But you need to promise me you’ll come to me when you’re ready. I don’t want you harbouring so much pain when you can let it all go. I want to take some of the burden from you. I know I can’t fix everything, but I need to at least try.” Chase whispers as his eyes fill with tears.

  “Okay, okay. I’ll tell you when I’m ready,” I promise him. I know he’s right; I know I need to at least try and let go of the past, but it’s still fresh in my mind. The internal pain is still far too fresh.

  “Come on, let’s put something on the TV. Something that might help take your mind off things so you can try to go back to sleep.” His smile lights up the room, and I offer him a sad smile.

  “Thanks.”

  ***

  The next day, I mustered up the courage to have a shower, get dressed and head out to the shared living area in the suite where I find my brother sitting at the dinning table that rests beside the kitchen, with his laptop open in front of him.

  As I approach, Chase looks up and when he sees me, he smiles, and he closes the laptop. “Hey, you. Want some coffee? I just made a pot,” he offers.

  “I’d love some. I’m absolutely exhausted.” I then take a seat at the table.

  “I’m not surprised. You had a rough night.”

  As soon as he’s finished pouring some liquid gold into a mug, he comes back over to me, handing me the mug before sitting back down in his seat. “Thank you,” I say as I go to take a sip from the cup.

  “You’re welcome. So, how come you’re up and raring to go even though you’re still tired?”

  “I want to go over and see Sara. I think it would be rude of me to spend days locked up in here without going to see the woman that was always nothing but kind and supportive to me, even when I was at my worst before leaving LA.” She deserves to be put first.

  “She still loves the shit out of you. Every time I see her, she asks how you are. I don’t want to make you feel bad, but she has been so concerned for your safety.” He reached over and I do the same with my free hand, and he takes in his.

  “I’m such an awful person. I chose pills and booze over those that were important to me.”

  “It was the only way you felt you could cope with all the bullshit that was going on in your life at the time. You felt that leaving would protect our feelings. That we wouldn’t suffer watching you plummet into your depression and your addiction. You felt you were doing right by us. It hurt like hell, if I’m being honest, but a part of me knew why you left.”

  “I did think I was protecting you all. I did…” but there’s a knock at the door. Immediately, I’m on edge. I’m on edge knowing that standing on the other side of the door could be the man I’ve loved since I was young.

  “It’s okay, I’ll get it. If it’s Carter, do you want me to send him away?”

  Taking a moment, I focus on my breathing. Shaking my head, I finally respond, “No, let him in. Sending him away is downright rude and I need to deal with it.”

  “Okay.”

  My heart thumps against my chest, the anticipation almost overwhelming, but then I hear the door open. “Hey, Chase. I hope you don’t mind me dropping in. I just wanted to see if Mia is okay? Carter told me she got in last night.”

  My body relaxes as I hear Sara talk to my brother.

  “She just told me she was going to finish her coffee and come right over to see you.”

  Stepping aside, Chase lets Sara inside the room, and the pair of us go into a sense of shock when we set eyes upon one another. She looks warm down.

  “Holy shit, girl! You’re so skinny!” She exclaims.

  “You’ve never been one to hold back,” I chuckle, as o stand to greet her.

  Wrapping me up in her arms, the emotions overwhelm me and I cry.

  “Oh, sweetie. Everything ‘will’ be okay. I know it will. Have faith in yourself. You’ve always been a gem. That hasn’t changed. You’ll get through this. You’ll slowly get to being back to the old you. You’ve been to hell and back, my love. But ‘always’ remember that I love you, that ‘we’ love you. And that will never change.” I hear her voice crack in the last sentence. She’s doing her best to keep a composure about her and I couldn’t appreciate it more.

  “Thank you.”

  I don’t know how long we stand there holding onto one another, when I hear the door to the suite fly open.

  “Oh, thank God,” I hear Carter say.

  Pulling away from Sara, I wipe my eyes.

  “What’s wrong, son?”

  “Nancy came running into my room telling me you’d left and I began to panic,” Carter tells her as he hunches over placing his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath.

  “My goodness you pair are worth worts. I don’t know New York, so I won’t even attempt to walk the streets with or without my meds,” she explains in a huff.

  “I’m sorry, mom. I
really am, but I’m scared,” he responds as he straightens, but when his eyes meet mine, my breath catches, but I have no words.

  “Sorry. I’ll go, I didn’t mean to barge in.” He then goes to turn to walk out the but suddenly, I blurt, “You want a cup of coffee?” Where the he’ll sos that come from?

  Quickly, he turns back to face me. “You’re sure?” He looks weary, and I can’t blame him.

  “Yeah. I’ve got some apologising to do, to make amends, if you will.” Granted, I refused to participate in the twelve step program, but the one thing I ‘do’ know is that I need to clear the air, I need to make sure that the ones I’ve hurt, know that it had nothing to do with them, and that it was all my fault.

  “There’s no need.” He tries to assure me.

  “Yes, there is. I ‘need’ to do this. Not only for you, but for me too.” I need to forgive myself for what I’ve done, too. If I don’t, then I won’t be able to combat my addictions.

  “Hey, Sara. I’m jonesing for a Starbucks Frappuccino. You want to come with me?” Chase asks her. He’s clearly trying to empty the room so I don’t have people staring at me. The man knows me too well.

  Sara looks to me, then over to her son, and I see the moment her brain clicks as to what Chase is trying to do. “I’d love one.”

  When we’ve said our goodbyes, I walk over to the kitchenette, where I pour a mug of coffee for Carter.

  “Take a seat,” I offer as I point to the sofa that rests in the centre of the room.

  Before I take a seat on the opposite side of the sofa to Carter, I pick up my own mug and hand his fresh cup to him.

  “Thanks,” he smiles but he seems guarded. I can’t blame him.

  Turning in my seat, I face him. “How are you?” I ask.

  “I’ll be fine. What about you? How is being out of rehab and sober?” He asks as he takes a sip from his mug.

  Taking a deep breath, I then let it go. “So far, it’s okay. I had a rough night, but it’s to be expected. It’s a learning curve. I just hope to hell I can beat the addiction. I need to face my past because if I don’t, I’ll end up back in the deep depression I’m trying my best to distance myself from.” I ‘can’ do this.